# Family Life

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> Source: Bahá'í Library Online (bahai-library.com), curated by Jonah Winters. Used by permission of the curator. Original citation: The Báb, Family Life, bahai-library.com.
> ──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
> 
> Family Life
> 
> The Báb
> 
> Bahá'u'lláh
> 
> Abdu'l-Bahá
> 
> Shoghi Effendi
> 
> published in
> 
> Compilation of Compilations
> 
> Volume 1,  pp. 385-416
> 
> 1991
> 
> I.
> 
> Extracts From The Writings Of Bahá'u'lláh
> 
> Blessed is the spot, and the house, and the place, and the
> city, and the heart, and the mountain, and the refuge, and the cave, and
> the valley, and the land, and the sea, and the island, and the meadow where
> mention of God hath been made, and His praise glorified.
> 
> (
> "Bahá'í Prayers
> : A Selection of
> Prayers Revealed by Bahá'u'lláh, the Báb, and `Abdu'l-Bahá",
> 1985 ed. (Wilmette: Bahá'í Publishing Trust, 1985))
> 
> The parents must exert every effort to rear their offspring
> to be religious, for should the children not attain this greatest of adornments,
> they will not obey their parents, which in a certain sense means that they
> will not obey God. Indeed, such children will show no consideration to
> anyone, and will do exactly as they please.
> 
> (Bahá'u'lláh, translated from the
> Persian, published in "Bahá'í Education", compiled by the
> Research Department of the Universal House of Justice (London: Bahá'í
> Publishing Trust, 1982), p. 4 [Ed. - sel.
> 14
> ])
> 
> "Verily, We have enjoined on every son to serve his father."
> Such is the decree which We have set forth in the Book.
> 
> (Bahá'u'lláh, The Kitab-i-Aqdas,
> p. 820 [Ed. - sic?; see p.
> 138
> instead)
> 
> The fruits of the tree of existence are trustworthiness,
> loyalty, truthfulness and purity. After the recognition of the oneness
> of the Lord, exalted be He, the most important of all duties is to have
> due regard for the rights of one's parents. This matter hath been mentioned
> in all the Books of God....
> 
> (Bahá'u'lláh, from a Tablet-translated
> from the Persian and Arabic)
> 
> Blessed is the house that hath attained unto My tender mercy,
> wherein My remembrance is celebrated, and which is ennobled by the presence
> of My loved ones, who have proclaimed My praise, cleaved fast to the cord
> of My grace and been honoured by chanting My verses. Verily they are the
> exalted servants whom God hath extolled in the Qayyúmu'l-Asmá'
> and other scriptures. Verily He is the All-Hearing, the Answerer, He Who
> perceiveth all things.
> 
> (Bahá'u'lláh, from a Tablet-translated
> from the Arabic)
> 
> These blessed words were uttered by the Tongue of Grandeur
> in the Land of Mystery, exalted and glorified is His utterance:
> 
> One of the distinguishing characteristics of this
> most great Dispensation is that the kin of such as have recognized and
> embraced the truth of this Revelation and have, in the glory of His name,
> the Sovereign Lord, quaffed the choice, sealed wine from the chalice of
> the love of the one true God, will, upon their death, if they are outwardly
> non-believers, be graciously invested with divine forgiveness and partake
> of the ocean of His Mercy.
> 
> This bounty, however, will be vouchsafed only to such
> souls as have inflicted no harm upon Him Who is the Sovereign Truth nor
> upon His loved ones. Thus hath it been ordained by Him Who is the Lord
> of the Throne on High and the Ruler of this world and of the world to come.
> 
> (Bahá'u'lláh, from a Tablet-translated
> from the Persian)
> 
> We have caused thee to return to thy home as a token of Our
> mercy unto thy mother, inasmuch as We have found her overwhelmed with sorrow.
> We have enjoined you in the Book "to worship no one but God and to show
> kindness to your parents". Thus hath the one true God spoken and the decree
> hath been fulfilled by the Almighty, the All-Wise. Therefore We have caused
> thee to return unto her and unto thy sister, that your mother's eyes may
> thereby be cheered, and she may be of the thankful.
> 
> Say, O My people! Show honour to your parents and
> pay homage to them. This will cause blessings to descend upon you from
> the clouds of the bounty of your Lord, the Exalted, the Great.
> 
> When We learned of her sadness, We directed thee to return
> unto her, as a token of mercy unto thee from Our presence, and as an admonishment
> for others.
> 
> Beware lest ye commit that which would sadden the hearts
> of your fathers and mothers. Follow ye the path of Truth which indeed is
> a straight path. Should anyone give you a choice between the opportunity
> to render a service to Me and a service to them, choose ye to serve them,
> and let such service be a path leading you to Me. This is My exhortation
> and command unto thee. Observe therefore that which thy Lord, the Mighty,
> the Gracious, hath prescribed unto thee.
> 
> (Bahá'u'lláh, from a Tablet-translated
> from the Arabic)
> 
> II.
> 
> Extracts From The Writings Of The Báb
> 
> It is seemly that the servant should, after each prayer,
> supplicate God to bestow mercy and forgiveness upon his parents. Thereupon
> God's call will be raised: "Thousand upon thousand of what thou hast asked
> for thy parents shall be thy recompense!" Blessed is he who remembereth
> his parents when communing with God. There is, verily, no God but Him,
> the Mighty, the Well-Beloved.
> 
> ("Selections from the Writings of the Báb",
> [rev. ed.] (Haifa: Bahá'í World Centre, 1982), p.
> 94
> )
> 
> O my God! Let the outpourings of Thy bounty and blessings
> descend upon homes whose inmates have embraced Thy Faith, as a token of
> Thy grace and as a mark of loving-kindness from Thy presence....
> 
> ("Selections from the Writings of the Báb",
> p.
> 200
> )
> 
> III.
> 
> Extracts From The Writings Of `Abdu'l-Bahá
> 
> As to the terminology I used in my letter, bidding thee to
> consecrate thyself to service in the Cause of God, the meaning of it is
> this: limit thy thoughts to teaching the Faith. Act by day and night according
> to the teachings and counsels and admonitions of Bahá'u'lláh.
> This doth not preclude marriage. Thou canst take unto thyself a husband
> and at the same time serve the Cause of God; the one doth not preclude
> the other. Know thou the value of these days; let not this chance escape
> thee. Beg thou God to make thee a lighted candle, so that thou mayest guide
> a great multitude through this darksome world.
> 
> ("Selections from the Writings of `Abdu'l-Bahá",
> [rev. ed.] (Haifa: Bahá'í World Centre, 1982), p.
> 100
> )
> 
> Marriage, among the mass of the people, is a physical bond,
> and this union can only be temporary, since it is foredoomed to a physical
> separation at the close.
> 
> Among the people of Bahá, however, marriage
> must be a union of the body and of the spirit as well, for here both husband
> and wife are aglow with the same wine, both are enamoured of the same matchless
> Face, both live and move through the same spirit, both are illumined by
> the same glory. This connection between them is a spiritual one, hence
> it is a bond that will abide forever. Likewise do they enjoy strong and
> lasting ties in the physical world as well, for if the marriage is based
> both on the spirit and the body, that union is a true one, hence it will
> endure. If, however, the bond is physical and nothing more, it is sure
> to be only temporary, and must inexorably end in separation.
> 
> When, therefore, the people of Bahá undertake to
> marry, the union must be a true relationship, a spiritual coming together
> as well as a physical one, so that throughout every phase of life, and
> in all the worlds of God, their union will endure; for this real oneness
> is a gleaming out of the love of God.
> 
> ("Selections from the Writings of `Abdu'l-Bahá",
> p.
> 117
> )
> 
> Bahá'í marriage is the commitment of the two
> parties one to the other, and their mutual attachment of mind and heart.
> Each must, however, exercise the utmost care to become thoroughly acquainted
> with the character of the other, that the binding covenant between them
> may be a tie that will endure forever. Their purpose must be this: to become
> loving companions and comrades and at one with each other for time and
> eternity....
> 
> The true marriage of Bahá'ís is this,
> that husband and wife should be united both physically and spiritually,
> that they may ever improve the spiritual life of each other, and may enjoy
> everlasting unity throughout all the worlds of God. This is Bahá'í
> marriage.
> 
> ("Selections from the Writings of `Abdu'l-Bahá",
> p.
> 118
> )
> 
> And above all other unions is that between human beings,
> especially when it cometh to pass in the love of God. Thus is the primal
> oneness made to appear; thus is laid the foundation of love in the spirit....
> 
> ("Selections from the Writings of `Abdu'l-Bahá",
> p.
> 119
> )
> 
> Thy wife is not in harmony with thee, but praise be to God,
> the Blessed Beauty is pleased with thee and is conferring upon thee the
> utmost bounty and blessings. But still try to be patient with thy wife,
> perchance she may be transformed and her heart may be illumined....
> 
> ("Selections from the Writings of `Abdu'l-Bahá",
> p.
> 121
> )
> 
> As to thy respected husband: it is incumbent upon thee to
> treat him with great kindness, to consider his wishes and be conciliatory
> with him at all times, till he seeth that because thou hast directed thyself
> toward the Kingdom of God, thy tenderness for him and thy love for God
> have but increased, as well as thy concern for his wishes under all conditions.
> 
> ("Selections from the Writings of `Abdu'l-Bahá",
> p.
> 122
> )
> 
> O ye two believers in God! The Lord, peerless is He, hath
> made woman and man to abide with each other in the closest companionship,
> and to be even as a single soul. They are two helpmates, two intimate friends,
> who should be concerned about the welfare of each other.
> 
> If they live thus, they will pass through this world
> with perfect contentment, bliss, and peace of heart, and become the object
> of divine grace and favour in the Kingdom of heaven. But if they do other
> than this, they will live out their lives in great bitterness, longing
> at every moment for death, and will be shamefaced in the heavenly realm.
> 
> Strive, then, to abide, heart and soul, with each other
> as two doves in the nest, for this is to be blessed in both worlds.
> 
> ("Selections from the Writings of `Abdu'l-Bahá",
> p.
> 122
> )
> 
> O ye loving mothers, know ye that in God's sight, the best
> of all ways to worship Him is to educate the children and train them in
> all the perfections of humankind; and no nobler deed than this can be imagined.
> 
> ("Selections from the Writings of `Abdu'l-Bahá",
> p.
> 139
> )
> 
> O dear one of `Abdu'l-Bahá! Be the son of thy father
> and be the fruit of that tree. Be a son that hath been born of his soul
> and heart and not only of water and clay. A real son is such one as hath
> branched from the spiritual part of man. I ask God that thou mayest be
> at all times confirmed and strengthened.
> 
> ("Selections from the Writings of `Abdu'l-Bahá",
> p.
> 140
> )
> 
> Note ye how easily, where unity existeth in a given family,
> the affairs of that family are conducted; what progress the members of
> that family make, how they prosper in the world. their concerns are in
> order, they enjoy comfort and tranquility, they are secure, their position
> is assured, they come to be envied by all. Such a family but addeth to
> its stature and its lasting honour, as day succeedeth day....
> 
> ("Selections from the Writings of `Abdu'l-Bahá",
> p.
> 279
> )
> 
> Comfort thy mother and endeavour to do what is conducive
> to the happiness of her heart....
> 
> (`Abdu'l-Bahá, "Tablets of Abdul-Bahá Abbas",
> vol. 1 (Chicago: Bahá'í Publishing Committee, 1930), p.
> 74
> )
> 
> Deliver my longings and greetings to the consolation of thine
> eye,.... Verily I love them both even as a compassionate father loveth his
> dear children. As to thee, have for them an abundant love and exert thine
> utmost in training them, so that their being may grow through the milk
> of the love of God, forasmuch as it is the duty of parents to perfectly
> and thoroughly train their children.
> 
> There are also certain sacred duties on children toward
> parents, which duties are written in the Book of God, as belonging to God.
> The [children's] prosperity in this world and the Kingdom depends upon
> the good pleasure of parents, and without this they will be in manifest
> loss.
> 
> ("Tablets of Abdul-Bahá Abbas", vol. 2 (Chicago: Bahá'í
> Publishing Committee, 1930), pp.
> 262
> -
> 63
> )
> 
> As to thy question concerning the husband and wife, the tie
> between them and the children given to them by God: Know thou, verily,
> the husband is one who hath sincerely turned unto God, is awakened by the
> call of the Beauty of El-Bahá and chanteth the verses of Oneness
> in the great assemblies; the wife is a being who wisheth to be overflowing
> with and seeketh after the attributes of God and His names; and the tie
> between them is none other than the Word of God. Verily, it [the Word of
> God] causeth the multitudes to assemble together and the remote ones to
> be united. Thus the husband and wife are brought into affinity, are united
> and harmonized, even as though they were one person. Through their mutual
> union, companionship and love great results are produced in the world,
> both material and spiritual. The spiritual result is the appearance of
> divine bounties. The material result is the children who are born in the
> cradle of the love of God, who are nurtured by the breast of the knowledge
> of God, who are brought up in the bosom of the gift of God, and who are
> fostered in the lap of the training of God. Such children are those of
> whom it was said by Christ, "Verily, they are the children of the Kingdom!"
> 
> ("Tablets of Abdul-Bahá Abbas", vol. 3 (Chicago:
> Bahá'í Publishing Committee, 1930), pp.
> 605
> -
> 6
> )
> 
> The friends of God must so live and conduct themselves, and
> evince such excellence of character and conduct, as to make others astonished.
> The love between husband and wife must not be purely physical, nay, rather,
> it must be spiritual and heavenly. These two souls should be considered
> as one soul. How difficult it would be to divide a single soul! Nay, great
> would be the difficulty!
> 
> In short, the foundation of the Kingdom of God is
> based upon harmony and love, oneness, relationship and union, not upon
> differences, especially between husband and wife....
> 
> (`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated from
> the Persian)
> 
> You have asked whether a husband would be able to prevent
> his wife from embracing the divine light or a wife dissuade her husband
> from gaining entry into the Kingdom of God. In truth neither of them could
> prevent the other from entering into the Kingdom, unless the husband hath
> an excessive attachment to the wife or the wife to the husband. Indeed
> when either of the two worshippeth the other to the exclusion of God, then
> each could prevent the other from seeking admittance into His Kingdom.
> 
> (`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated
> from the Arabic)
> 
> I beseech God to graciously make of thy home a centre for
> the diffusion of the light of divine guidance, for the dissemination of
> the Words of God and for enkindling at all times the fire of love in the
> hearts of His faithful servants and maidservants. Know thou of a certainty
> that every house wherein the anthem of praise is raised to the Realm of
> Glory in celebration of the Name of God is indeed a heavenly home, and
> one of the gardens of delight in the Paradise of God.
> 
> (`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated
> from the Arabic)
> 
> If thou wouldst show kindness and consideration to thy parents
> so that they may feel generally pleased, this would also please Me, for
> parents must be highly respected and it is essential that they should feel
> contented, provided they deter thee not from gaining access to the Threshold
> of the Almighty, nor keep thee back from walking in the way of the Kingdom.
> Indeed it behoveth them to encourage and spur thee on in this direction.
> 
> (`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated
> from the Persian)
> 
> O Lord! In this Most Great Dispensation Thou dost accept
> the intercession of children in behalf of their parents. This is one of
> the special infinite bestowals of this Dispensation. Therefore, O Thou
> kind Lord, accept the request of this Thy servant at the threshold of Thy
> singleness and submerge his father in the ocean of Thy grace, because this
> son hath arisen to render Thee service and is exerting effort at all times
> in the pathway of Thy love. Verily, Thou art the Giver, the Forgiver and
> the Kind!
> 
> (`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated
> from the Persian)
> 
> Treat all thy friends and relatives, even strangers, with
> a spirit of utmost love and kindliness.
> 
> (`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated
> from the Persian)
> 
> Exert yourselves, that haply ye may be enabled to acquire
> such virtues as shall honour and distinguish you amongst all women. Of
> a surety, there is no greater pride and glory for a woman than to be a
> handmaid in God's Court of Grandeur; and the qualities that shall merit
> her this station are an alert and wakeful heart; a firm conviction of the
> unity of God, the Peerless; a heartfelt love for all His maidservants;
> spotless purity and chastity; obedience to and consideration for her husband;
> attention to the education and nurturing of her children; composure, calmness,
> dignity and self-possession; diligence in praising God, and worshipping
> Him both night and day; constancy and firmness in His holy Covenant; and
> the utmost ardour, enthusiasm, and attachment to His Cause....
> 
> (`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated
> from the Persian)
> 
> Regarding thy question about consultation of a father with
> his son, or a son with his father, in matters of trade and commerce, consultation
> is one of the fundamental elements of the foundation of the Law of God.
> Such consultation is assuredly acceptable, whether between father and son,
> or with others. There is nothing better than this. Man must consult in
> all things for this will lead him to the depths of each problem and enable
> him to find the right solution.
> 
> (`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated
> from the Persian)
> 
> Your affectionate brother hath written and mentioned your
> names, and hath highly praised and commended you. Observe how drawn he
> is to you, and how he loveth you. Thus should a brother be, so affectionate
> and soul-uplifting, unlike `Abdu'l-Bahá's brother, who is more bitter
> than venom.
> 
> (`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated
> from the Persian)
> 
> The father must always endeavour to educate his son and to
> acquaint him with the heavenly teachings. He must give him advice and exhort
> him at all times, teach him praiseworthy conduct and character, enable
> him to receive training at school and to be instructed in such arts and
> sciences as are deemed useful and necessary. In brief, let him instil into
> his mind the virtues and perfections of the world of humanity. Above all
> he should continually call to his mind the remembrance of God so that his
> throbbing veins and arteries may pulsate with the love of God.
> 
> The son, on the other hand, must show forth the utmost
> obedience towards his father, and should conduct himself as a humble and
> a lowly servant. Day and night he should seek diligently to ensure the
> comfort and welfare of his loving father and to secure his good pleasure.
> He must forgo his own rest and enjoyment and constantly strive to bring
> gladness to the hearts of his father and mother, that thereby he may attain
> the good pleasure of the Almighty and be graciously aided by the hosts
> of the unseen.
> 
> (`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated from
> the Persian)
> 
> Hold thy husband dear and always show forth an amiable temper
> towards him, no matter how ill-tempered he may be. Even if thy loving-kindness
> maketh him more bitter, manifest thou more kindliness, more tenderness,
> be more loving and tolerate his cruel actions and ill-treatment.
> 
> (`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated
> from the Persian)
> 
> IV.
> 
> Extracts From The Utterances Of `Abdu'l-Bahá
> 
> The variety of inherited qualities comes from strength and
> weakness of constitution  —  that is to say, when the two parents are weak,
> the children will be weak; if they are strong, the children will be robust.
> In the same way, purity of blood has a great effect; for the pure germ
> is like the superior stock which exists in plants and animals. For example,
> you see that children born from a weak and feeble father and mother will
> naturally have a feeble constitution and weak nerves; they will be afflicted
> and will have neither patience, nor endurance, nor resolution, nor perseverance,
> and will be hasty; for the children inherit the weakness and debility of
> their parents.
> 
> Besides this, an especial blessing is conferred on
> some families and some generations. Thus it is an especial blessing that
> from among the descendants of Abraham should have come all the Prophets
> of the children of Israel. This is a blessing that God has granted to this
> descent: to Moses from His father and mother, to Christ from His mother's
> line; also to Muhammad and the Báb, and to all the Prophets and
> the Holy Manifestations of Israel. The Blessed Beauty is also a lineal
> descendant of Abraham, for Abraham had other sons besides Ishmael and Isaac
> who in those days migrated to the lands of Persia and Afghanistan, and
> the Blessed Beauty is one of their descendants.
> 
> Hence it is evident that inherited character also exists,
> and to such a degree that if the characters are not in conformity with
> their origin, although they belong physically to that lineage, spiritually
> they are not considered members of the family, like Canaan, who is not
> reckoned as being of the race of Noah.
> 
> ("Some Answered Questions", rev. ed. (Wilmette: Bahá'í
> Publishing Trust, 1984), p.
> 213
> )
> 
> Also a father and mother endure the greatest troubles and
> hardships for their children; and often when the children have reached
> the age of maturity, the parents pass on to the other world. Rarely does
> it happen that a father and mother in this world see the reward of the
> care and trouble they have undergone for their children. Therefore, children,
> in return for this care and trouble, must show forth charity and beneficence,
> and must implore pardon and forgiveness for their parents. So you ought,
> in return for the love and kindness shown you by your father, to give to
> the poor for his sake, with greatest submission and humility implore pardon
> and remission of sins, and ask for the supreme mercy.
> 
> ("Some Answered Questions", pp.
> 231
> -
> 232
> )
> 
> If love and agreement are manifest in a single family, that
> family will advance, become illumined and spiritual; but if enmity and
> hatred exist within it, destruction and dispersion are inevitable....
> 
> ("The Promulgation of Universal Peace: Talks Delivered
> by `Abdu'l-Bahá during His Visit to the United States and Canada
> in 1912", 2nd. ed. (Wilmette: Bahá'í Publishing Trust, 1982),
> pp.
> 144
> -
> 45
> )
> 
> According to the teachings of Bahá'u'lláh the
> family, being a human unit, must be educated according to the rules of
> sanctity. All the virtues must be taught the family. The integrity of the
> family bond must be constantly considered, and the rights of the individual
> members must not be transgressed. The rights of the son, the father, the
> mother  —  none of them must be transgressed, none of them must be arbitrary.
> Just as the son has certain obligations to his father, the father, likewise,
> has certain obligations to his son. The mother, the sister and other members
> of the household have their certain prerogatives. All these rights and
> prerogatives must be conserved, yet the unity of the family must be sustained.
> The injury of one shall be considered the injury of all; the comfort of
> each, the comfort of all; the honor of one, the honor of all.
> 
> ("The Promulgation of Universal Peace: Talks Delivered
> by `Abdu'l-Bahá during His Visit to the United States and Canada
> in 1912", p.
> 168
> )
> 
> The child must not be oppressed or censured because it is
> undeveloped; it must be patiently trained....
> 
> ("The Promulgation of Universal Peace: Talks Delivered
> by `Abdu'l-Bahá during His Visit to the United States and Canada
> in 1912" pp.
> 180
> -
> 81
> )
> 
> When you love a member of your family or a compatriot, let
> it be with a ray of the Infinite Love! Let it be in God, and for God! Wherever
> you find the attributes of God love that person, whether he be of your
> family or of another....
> 
> ("Paris Talks: Addresses given by `Abdu'l-Bahá
> in Paris in 1911-1912" 10th ed. (London: Bahá'í Publishing
> Trust, 1979), p.
> 38
> )
> 
> This is in truth a Bahá'í house. Every time
> such a house or meeting place is founded it becomes one of the greatest
> aids to the general development of the town and country to which it belongs.
> It encourages the growth of learning and science and is known for its intense
> spirituality and for the love it spreads among the peoples.
> 
> ("Paris Talks: Addresses given by `Abdu'l-Bahá
> in Paris in 1911-1912" pp.
> 72
> -
> 73
> )
> 
> Consider the harmful effects of discord and dissension in
> a family; then reflect upon the favours and blessings which descend upon
> that family when unity exists among its various members. What incalculable
> benefits and blessings would descend upon the great human family if unity
> and brotherhood were established! In this century when the beneficent results
> of unity and the ill effects of discord are so clearly apparent, the means
> for the attainment and accomplishment of human fellowship have appeared
> in the world. His Holiness Bahá'u'lláh has proclaimed and
> provided the way by which hostility and dissension may be removed from
> the human world. He has left no ground or possibility for strife and disagreement.
> First He has proclaimed the oneness of mankind and specialized religious
> teachings for existing human conditions.
> 
> (`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet, published
> in "Star of the West" vol. 17, no. 7, (October 1926), p. 232)
> 
> My home is the home of peace. My home is the home of joy
> and delight. My home is the home of laughter and exultation. Whosoever
> enters through the portals of this home, must go out with gladsome heart.
> This is the home of light; whosoever enters here must become illumined....
> 
> (`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet, published
> in "Star of the West", vol. 9, no. 3, (28 April 1918), p. 40)
> 
> It is highly important for man to raise a family. So long
> as he is young, because of youthful self-complacency, he does not realize
> its significance, but this will be a source of regret when he grows old....
> In this glorious Cause the life of a married couple should resemble the
> life of the angels in heaven  —  a life full of joy and spiritual delight,
> a life of unity and concord, a friendship both mental and physical. The
> home should be orderly and well-organized. Their ideas and thoughts should
> be like the rays of the sun of truth and the radiance of the brilliant
> stars in the heavens. Even as two birds they should warble melodies upon
> the branches of the tree of fellowship and harmony. They should always
> be elated with joy and gladness and be a source of happiness to the hearts
> of others. They should set an example to their fellow-men, manifest a true
> and sincere love towards each other and educate their children in such
> a manner as to blazon the fame and glory of their family.
> 
> (`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated
> from the Persian)
> 
> V.
> 
> Extracts From Letters Written By Shoghi Effendi
> 
> I urge you to concentrate for a time upon whatever means
> you think will eventually secure the good-will, tolerance and sympathy
> of your husband. Show him the utmost kindness and consideration, and try,
> at the opportune moment to make him realize the purpose and spirit of the
> Faith. I will pray for the success of your efforts in this connection and
> wish you happiness from all my heart.
> 
> (In the handwriting of Shoghi Effendi, appended
> to a letter dated 20 March 1928 written on his behalf to an individual
> believer)
> 
> I cannot refrain, out of my great love and sympathy for you,
> from adding a few words myself in order to impress upon you the necessity
> of showing continually the utmost regard, consideration and love to your
> dear and respected husband. I have great hopes that upon your attitude,
> and consideration for him will chiefly depend his ultimate acceptance of
> the Cause which you love so dearly and serve so well. My profound sympathy
> is with you in your domestic cares which I know weigh heavily on your heart.
> I will continue to supplicate for you from the very depths of my heart.
> I pray that you may achieve in your manifold activities your heart's fondest
> desire.
> 
> (In the handwriting of Shoghi Effendi appended
> to a letter dated 20 December 1928 written on his behalf to an individual
> believer)
> 
> VI.
> 
> Extracts From Letters Written On Behalf Of Shoghi Effendi
> 
> When such difference of opinion and belief occurs between
> husband and wife it is very unfortunate for undoubtedly it detracts from
> that spiritual bond which is the stronghold of the family bond, especially
> in times of difficulty. The way, however, that it could be remedied is
> not by acting in such wise as to alienate the other party. One of the objects
> of the Cause is actually to bring about a closer bond in the homes. In
> all such cases, therefore, the Master used to advise obedience to the wishes
> of the other party and prayer. Pray that your husband may gradually see
> the light and at the same time so act as to draw him nearer rather than
> prejudice him. Once that harmony is secured then you will be able to serve
> unhampered.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 15 July 1928 to an individual believer)
> 
> Under such circumstances the Master used to ask the friends
> to be lavish in their love and become exceptionally obedient to their husbands.
> Such individuals have to see through acts that the Cause has not come to
> break up family ties but to strengthen them; it has not come to eliminate
> love but to strengthen it; it has not been created to weaken social institutions
> but to strengthen them.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 14 October 1928 to an individual believer)
> 
> Surely Shoghi Effendi would like to see you and the other
> friends give their whole time and energy to the Cause, for we are in great
> need for competent workers, but the home is an institution that Bahá'u'lláh
> has come to strengthen and not to weaken. Many unfortunate things have
> happened in Bahá'í homes just for neglecting this point.
> Serve the Cause but also remember your duties towards your home. It is
> for you to find the balance and see that neither makes you neglect the
> other. We would have many more husbands in the Cause were the wives more
> thoughtful and moderate in their Bahá'í activities.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 14 May 1929 to an individual believer)
> 
> A truly Bahá'í home is a true fortress upon
> which the Cause can rely while planning its campaigns. If ... and ... love
> each other and would like to marry, Shoghi Effendi does not wish them to
> think that by doing so they are depriving themselves of the privilege of
> service; in fact such a union will enhance their ability to serve. There
> is nothing more beautiful than to have young Bahá'ís marry
> and found truly Bahá'í homes, the type Bahá'u'lláh
> wishes them to be. Please give them both the Guardian's loving greetings.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 6 November 1932 to an individual believer)
> 
> A God that is only loving or only just is not a perfect God.
> The Divinity has to possess both of these aspects as every father ought
> to express both in his attitude towards his children. If we ponder a while,
> we will see that our welfare can be ensured only when both of these divine
> attributes are equally emphasized and practised.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 29 April 1933 to an individual believer)
> 
> There is no limit to our offerings to the Temple. The more
> we give, the better it is for the Cause and for ourselves. But your case
> is a special one, since your husband is not a believer. If you can succeed
> in convincing him of the importance of your donations to the Cause, so
> much the better. But you should never oppose him on this matter and allow
> anything [to] disturb the peace and unity of your family life....
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 21 September 1933 to an individual believer)
> 
> The Guardian wishes me specially to urge you to remain patient
> and confident, and above all to show your husband the utmost kindness and
> love, in return for all the opposition and hatred you receive from him.
> A conciliatory and friendly attitude in such cases is not only the duty
> of every Bahá'í but is also the most effective way of winning
> for the Cause the sympathy and admiration of its former foes and enemies.
> Love is, indeed, a most potent elixir that can transform the vilest and
> meanest of people into heavenly souls. May your example serve to further
> confirm the truth of this beautiful teaching of our Faith.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 6 December 1935 to an individual believer)
> 
> The Guardian ... has learned with deep concern of your family
> difficulties and troubles. He wishes me to assure you of his fervent prayers
> on your behalf and on behalf of your dear ones at home, that you may be
> guided and assisted from on High to compose your differences and to restore
> complete harmony and fellowship in your midst. While he would urge you
> to make any sacrifice in order to bring about unity in your family, he
> wishes you not to feel discouraged if your endeavours do not yield any
> immediate fruit. You should do your part with absolute faith that in doing
> so you are fulfilling your duty as a Bahá'í. The rest is
> assuredly in God's hand.
> 
> As regards your husband's attitude towards the Cause:
> unfriendly though that may be you should always hope that, through conciliatory
> and friendly means, and with wise, tactful and patient effort you can gradually
> succeed in winning his sympathy for the Faith. Under no circumstances should
> you try to dictate and impose upon him by force your personal religious
> convictions. Neither should you allow his opposition to the Cause [to]
> seriously hinder your activities.... You should act patiently, tactfully
> and with confidence that your efforts are being guided and reinforced by
> Bahá'u'lláh.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 23
> July 1937 to an individual believer)
> 
> It made him very happy to know of the recent confirmation
> of your ... friend, and of her earnest desire to serve and promote the Faith.
> He will certainly pray on her behalf that she may, notwithstanding the
> opposition of her parents and relatives, increasingly gain in knowledge
> and in understanding of the Teachings, and become animated with such zeal
> as to arise, and bring into the Cause a large number of her former co-religionists.
> 
> Under no circumstances, however, should she allow
> her parents to become completely alienated from her, but it is her bounden
> duty to strive, through patient, continued and loving effort, to win their
> sympathy for the Faith, and even, perhaps, to bring about their confirmation....
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 6
> July 1938 to an individual believer)
> 
> As regards your plans: the Guardian fully approves indeed
> of your view that no matter how urgent and vital the requirements of the
> teaching work may be you should under no circumstances neglect the education
> of your children, as towards them you have an obligation no less sacred
> than towards the Cause.
> 
> Any plan or arrangement you may arrive at which would
> combine your twofold duties towards your family and the Cause, and would
> permit you to resume active work in the field of pioneer teaching, and
> also to take good care of your children so as to not jeopardize their future
> in the Cause would meet with the whole-hearted approval of the Guardian.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 17
> July 1938 to an individual believer)
> 
> The institution of marriage, as established by Bahá'u'lláh,
> while giving due importance to the physical aspect of marital union, considers
> it as subordinate to the moral and spiritual purposes and functions with
> which it has been invested by an all-wise and loving Providence. Only when
> these different values are given each their due importance, and only on
> the basis of the subordination of the physical to the moral, and the carnal
> to the spiritual can such excesses and laxity in marital relations as our
> decadent age is so sadly witnessing be avoided, and family life be restored
> to its original purity, and fulfil the true function for which it has been
> instituted by God.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 8 May 1939 to an individual believer)
> 
> While the Guardian highly appreciates your desire to take
> a more active part in the teaching field, he realizes also that in deference
> to the wishes of your husband, towards whom you have duties no less sacred
> and binding than those facing you as a believer, you should endeavour to
> so arrange your plans as not to be too far away from him, particularly
> as he himself is anxious that you should not break up, however temporarily,
> your home life.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 5 June 1939 to an individual believer)
> 
> The Guardian is, nevertheless, thankful that he does not
> object in principle to your attending Bahá'í meetings, and
> gives you full freedom to participate in all local Bahá'í
> activities. Even though he may insist on your obtaining his consent in
> such matters, you should not feel hurt or discouraged, but rather should
> continue, in a friendly and conciliatory way, to endeavour [to] win his
> sympathy towards the Cause. You can have no serious reason for any real
> grievance against him, unless he unduly interferes in your Bahá'í
> work, and prevents you from discharging your vital spiritual and administrative
> obligations towards the Faith.
> 
> The Guardian will pray in the meantime that your hopes
> of seeing him well confirmed and active in the Cause may be fulfilled,
> and that also you may be guided to adopt towards him such [a] true Bahá'í
> attitude as will serve to further awaken his sympathies for the Faith,
> and quicken the spiritual energies latent in his heart to the point of
> bringing about his full confirmation in the Cause. Rest assured, and confidently
> persist in your efforts.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 5
> August 1939 to an individual believer)
> 
> The task of bringing up a Bahá'í child, as
> emphasized time and again in Bahá'í writings, is the chief
> responsibility of the mother, whose unique privilege is indeed to create
> in her home such conditions as would be most conducive to both his material
> and spiritual welfare and advancement. The training which a child first
> receives through his mother constitutes the strongest foundation for his
> future development, and it should therefore be the paramount concern of
> your wife ... to endeavour from now imparting to her new-born son such spiritual
> training as would enable him later on to fully assume and adequately discharge
> all the responsibilities and duties of Bahá'í life.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 16 November 1939 to an individual believer)
> 
> He has noted with feelings of genuine admiration your longing
> to serve in the field of pioneer teaching, but is sorry to hear that your
> domestic circumstances do not permit you to carry out this dear wish of
> your heart.
> 
> While he heartily appreciates your eagerness to labour
> for the Faith in distant and hitherto unopened territories, he feels that,
> in view of your husband's opposition, and also in consideration of the
> need of your children for your close help and guidance, you should, for
> the present, endeavour instead to work in virgin localities in the vicinity
> of ... or of the adjoining towns.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 7
> November 1940 to an individual believer)
> 
> The question of the training and education of children in
> case one of the parents is a non-Bahá'í is one which solely
> concerns the parents themselves, who should decide about it the way they
> find best and most conducive to the maintenance of the unity of their family,
> and to the future welfare of their children. Once the child comes of age,
> however, he should be given full freedom to choose his religion, irrespective
> of the wishes and desires of his parents.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 14 December 1940 to the National Spiritual Assembly of the Bahá'ís
> of India and Burma)
> 
> ...now that you both feel the sincere desire to unite in your
> efforts to make your married life happy, Shoghi Effendi advises you to
> do everything in your power, through love and kindness, to win your husband
> to your side and to remove his prejudice against the Cause.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 27 November 1941 to an individual believer)
> 
> She should certainly not grieve if she finds that her family
> are not receptive to the teachings  —  for not every soul is spiritually
> enlightened. Indeed, many members of the families of the Prophets themselves
> have remained unconverted even in face of the example and persuasion of
> the Manifestation of God; therefore, the friends should not be distressed
> by such things but rather leave the future of those they love in the hand
> of God, and by their services and devotion to the Faith, win the right
> to plead for their ultimate spiritual rebirth....
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 9 March 1942 to an individual believer)
> 
> Deep as are family ties, we must always remember that the
> spiritual ties are far deeper; they are everlasting and survive death,
> whereas physical ties, unless supported by spiritual bonds, are confined
> to this life. You should do all in your power, through prayer and example,
> to open the eyes of your family to the Bahá'í Faith, but
> do not grieve too much over their actions. Turn to your Bahá'í
> brothers and sisters who are living with you in the light of the Kingdom.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 8 May 1942 to an individual believer)
> 
> Our Faith is just as much for children as for older people,
> and it rejoices his heart when he sees both working together to bring this
> great Message of good to all mankind.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 30 November 1942 to two believers)
> 
> Regarding the Guardian's statement that pioneering is conditioned
> upon the consent of parents and that it would be necessary for them to
> concur, you have asked whether this ruling applies equally to children
> who are of age and those who are not. The Guardian's reply is that the
> ruling applies only to those who have not yet come of age.
> 
> (From a letter dated 18 January 1943 written on
> behalf of Shoghi Effendi to the National Spiritual Assembly of Persia)
> 
> Bahá'u'lláh has urged marriage upon all people
> as the natural and rightful way of life. He has also, however, placed strong
> emphasis on its spiritual nature, which, while in no way precluding a normal
> physical life, is the most essential aspect of marriage. That two people
> should live their lives in love and harmony is of far greater importance
> than that they should be consumed with passion for each other. The one
> is a great rock of strength on which to lean in time of need; the other
> a purely temporary thing which may at any time die out.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 20 January 1943 to an individual believer)
> 
> The Guardian, in his remarks ... about parents' and children's,
> wives' and husbands' relations in America, meant that there is a tendency
> in that country for children to be too independent of the wishes of their
> parents and lacking in the respect due to them. Also wives, in some cases,
> have a tendency to exert an unjust degree of domination over their husbands,
> which, of course, is not right, any more than that the husband should unjustly
> dominate his wife.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 22 July 1943 to an individual believer)
> 
> He feels you should by all means show your husband the greatest
> love and sympathy; if we are ever in any doubt as to how we should conduct
> ourselves as Bahá'ís we should think of `Abdu'l-Bahá
> and study His life and ask ourselves what would He have done, for He is
> our perfect example in every way. And you know how tender He was, and how
> His affection and kindness shone like sunlight on everyone.
> 
> Your husband and your child have a right to your love,
> and give you a wonderful opportunity of demonstrating your faith in the
> Cause.
> 
> Also you should pray to Bahá'u'lláh to help
> unite you with your husband and make your home a true and happy home.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 9
> March 1946 to an individual believer)
> 
> He was very sorry to see you are having trouble in your home
> because of the Bahá'í Faith. He feels that you should do
> all in your power to promote love and harmony between your husband and
> yourself, for your own sakes and for the sake of your children. You should,
> however, point out to him that every man is free to seek God for himself,
> and that, although you will never seek to influence him or even discuss
> the Bahá'í Faith with him, if he does not want to, he should
> leave you free to attend the meetings. The Guardian hopes that through
> patience, tact and prayer, you will gradually overcome his prejudice.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 16 March 1946 to an individual believer)
> 
> A Bahá'í is never forced to stay in a particular
> place; if you could not earn a living in ... and wished to be near your aged
> parents, you were quite right to leave....
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 1 April 1946 to an individual believer)
> 
> Shoghi Effendi wishes me to add this note in connection with
> your marriage: he does not feel that any believer, under any circumstances
> whatsoever, can ever use the Cause or service to it as a reason for abandoning
> their marriage; divorce, as we know, is very strongly condemned by Bahá'u'lláh,
> and only grounds of extreme gravity justify it....
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 7 April 1947 to an individual believer)
> 
> He feels, in regard to your family problems, that you should
> take these matters up with your Assembly, if you desire advice; one of
> the duties of these Assemblies is to advise and aid the friends, and it
> is your privilege to turn to your Assembly....
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 10 April 1947 to two believers)
> 
> He was very happy to hear of your desire to assist the pioneer
> work....
> 
> He does not feel that your activities in this field,
> however, should be a source of inharmony between you and your dear husband,
> and he assures you he will pray for him in the Holy Shrines, that God may
> awaken him to a realization of the meaning of our Faith and quicken him
> in its service.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 30
> April 1947 to an individual believer)
> 
> Bahá'u'lláh has clearly stated the consent
> of all living parents is required for a Bahá'í marriage.
> This applies whether the parents are Bahá'ís or non-Bahá'ís,
> divorced for years or not. This great law He has laid down to strengthen
> the social fabric, to knit closer the ties of the home, to place a certain
> gratitude and respect in the hearts of children for those who have given
> them life and sent their souls out on the eternal journey towards their
> Creator. We Bahá'ís must realize that in present-day society
> the exact opposite process is taking place: young people care less and
> less for their parents' wishes, divorce is considered a natural right,
> and obtained on the flimsiest and most unwarrantable and shabby pretexts.
> People separated from each other, especially if one of them has had full
> custody of the children, are only too willing to belittle the importance
> of the partner in marriage also responsible as a parent for bringing those
> children into this world. The Bahá'ís must, through rigid
> adherence to the Bahá'í laws and teachings, combat these
> corrosive forces which are so rapidly destroying home life and the beauty
> of family relationships, and tearing down the moral structure of society.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 25 October 1947 to the National Spiritual Assembly of the United States
> and Canada)
> 
> In regard to the questions you asked him: he feels sure that,
> although in some ways you may be a financial burden to your children, it
> is to them a privilege to look after you; you are their Mother and have
> given them life, and through the bounty of Bahá'u'lláh they
> are now attracted to His Faith. Anything they do for you is small recompense
> for all you have done for them.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 20 September 1948 to an individual believer)
> 
> Your responsibility towards your son and your husband is
> very great, and the Guardian hopes your work will soon reach a point where
> you can return, at least for sometime, to them, and give them that love
> and encouragement which is a woman's great contribution to home life.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 5 August 1949 to an individual believer)
> 
> He was particularly pleased to hear your family relationships
> are so satisfactory, and feels you are doing the right thing by deferring
> to your husband's wishes and remaining abroad longer.
> 
> The Guardian has long felt that the American Bahá'ís
> are not, in some cases, living up to the ideal of marriage set forth by
> Bahá'u'lláh. They are prone to being influenced by the current
> light and selfish attitude of the people towards the marriage bond. Consequently
> when he sees you are successfully living up to the Bahá'í
> standard, putting your best into it and preserving this sacred tie you
> have with your husband, he is very happy indeed. He hopes you will be in
> a position to be an example to others. For he disapproves of the way some
> Bahá'ís, in the name of serving the Cause, disencumber themselves
> of their husbands, or go and get new ones!
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 2
> April 1950 to an individual believer)
> 
> It is one of the essential teachings of the Faith that unity
> should be maintained in the home. Of course this does not mean that any
> member of the family has a right to influence the faith of any other member;
> and if this is realized by all the members, then it seems certain that
> unity would be feasible.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 6 July 1952 to an individual believer)
> 
> The Guardian will pray that your mother may become a Bahá'í,
> and very actively serve the Cause of God. It should be borne in mind that
> by your leading a consecrated Bahá'í life, your mother will
> be affected perhaps as much or more than by reading and studying. When
> one sees the effect of the Bahá'í Teachings on another person's
> life, that very often has a very great effect.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 12 July 1952 to an individual believer)
> 
> He feels that you should by all means make every effort to
> hold your marriage together, especially for the sake of your children,
> who, like all children of divorced parents, cannot but suffer from conflicting
> loyalties, for they are deprived of the blessing of a father and mother
> in one home, to look after their interests and love them jointly.
> 
> Now that you realize that your husband is ill, you
> should be able to reconcile yourself to the difficulties you have faced
> with him emotionally, and not take an unforgiving attitude, however much
> you may suffer.
> 
> We know that Bahá'u'lláh has very strongly
> frowned upon divorce; and it is really incumbent upon the Bahá'ís
> to make almost a superhuman effort not to allow a Bahá'í
> marriage to be dissolved.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 6
> March 1953 to an individual believer)
> 
> The Guardian fully appreciates your desire to go forth as
> a pioneer at this time, and to help establish the Faith in the virgin areas,
> but you should not go against the wishes of your husband, and force him
> to give up everything in order that you might serve the Faith in this manner.
> We must bear in mind the wishes and the rights of those who are closely
> connected in our lives.
> 
> If your husband wishes you to remain where you are,
> certainly there is a vast field for teaching there....
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 31
> July 1953 to an individual believer)
> 
> Your sons, even though they will not be able at first to
> serve with you in pioneering, are certainly helping you to do so because
> of their devoted spirit and their complete co-operation. Life at best is
> so full of unexpected vicissitudes that leaving your boys at home does
> not, he feels, present any added risks. They are devoted to the Cause and
> will no doubt be inspired by your example.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 10 August 1953 to two believers)
> 
> With regard to your question as to your going out as a pioneer
> ... the Guardian feels, in view of the aversion of Bahá'u'lláh
> to divorce, that it is not right for a Bahá'í, even for the
> purpose of pioneering, to break up a marriage. He, therefore, urges you
> to endeavour with all your powers to become reconciled with your husband,
> as he considers this is more important than that you should go forth to
> a virgin territory to pioneer.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 27 August 1953 to an individual believer)
> 
> ...he wishes me to say that he favours your pioneering. However,
> if you consider that your going to one of the Pacific Islands as a pioneer,
> will destroy your relationship with your father, then he would suggest
> that perhaps your wife could go now, and then you can see how things work
> out for your joining her later.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 27 September 1953 to an individual believer)
> 
> The Guardian, in view of the fact that your husband does
> not really wish to be separated from you, but on the contrary is desirous
> of keeping your marriage together, feels that you, as a Bahá'í,
> have no right to destroy it because of your desire to serve the Faith.
> 
> Marriage is a very sacred institution. Bahá'u'lláh
> said its purpose is to promote unity. If the friends neglect, for the sake
> of the Cause, this institution, they place the Faith in a poor light before
> the public. In these days the people of the world are so immoral, and treat
> the marriage institution so lightly; and we, as Bahá'ís,
> in contrast to the people of the world, are trying to create a high moral
> standard, an reinstate the sanctity of marriage.
> 
> If your husband will allow you to do a certain amount
> of teaching work, and occasionally to travel in the interests of the Faith,
> all the better; but he does not think the Faith should be made the thing
> which destroys your family life.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 6
> June 1954 to an individual believer)
> 
> He feels, in view of your husband's circumstances and feelings,
> and also considering that your two older children will naturally want to
> see you, and indeed should see you at times so that you can help them in
> their Bahá'í lives, that the wise thing for you to do is
> to pioneer with your husband somewhere in the States, where your services
> will be of the greatest value.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 29 July 1954 to an individual believer)
> 
> He appreciates very much the pioneer services you have rendered.
> He hopes that from now on you and your dear husband will be able to serve
> the Faith unitedly and devotedly together, as that is the highest form
> of Bahá'í cooperation in marriage.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 3 March 1955 to an individual believer)
> 
> If the condition of the health of your parents is such that
> your presence is really needed, then you should not leave them. If, however,
> there is some other relative who could care for them, then you could help
> with the work in ... and aid the friends in establishing the Faith on a solid
> foundation there.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 28 October 1955 to an individual believer)
> 
> He will pray that the opposition of your husband and sister
> may be changed, through your own acts of love, kindness, and the patience
> and tolerance you show to them.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 20 March 1956 to an individual believer)
> 
> Wherever there is a Bahá'í family, those concerned
> should by all means do all they can to preserve it, because divorce is
> strongly condemned in the Teachings, whereas harmony, unity and love are
> held up as the highest ideals in human relationships. This must always
> apply to the Bahá'ís, whether they are serving in the pioneering
> field or not.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 9 November 1956 to the National Spiritual Assembly of Central America)
> 
> He feels that, now that you have found the thing you were
> searching for inwardly, and have this added joy in your life of our glorious
> Faith, you should be kinder to your husband and more considerate than ever,
> and do everything in your power to make him feel that this has not taken
> you away from him, but only made your love for him, and your desire to
> be a good wife to him, greater. Whether he will ultimately be able to become
> a Bahá'í or not, is something that only time can tell; but
> there is no doubt where your duty lies, and that is to make him appreciate
> the fact that your new affiliation has not interfered in any way with his
> home life or his marriage, but, on the contrary, has strengthened both.
> 
> It is difficult when one has found what one knows
> is the truth, to sit by and see a dear and close relative completely blind
> to it. The temptation is to try and "stir them up and make them see the
> light", but this is often disastrous. Silence, love and forbearance will
> win greater victories in such cases. However, your husband has no right
> to ask you to give up being a Bahá'í. That is going too far.
> Nobody should trespass on the sacred bond every human being has a right
> to have with their Creator.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 20
> April 1957 to an individual believer)
> 
> However, as you no doubt know, Bahá'u'lláh
> has stated that the purpose of marriage is to promote unity, so you should
> bear this in mind when dealing with your non-Bahá'í relatives;
> they cannot be expected to feel the way we do on questions of racial amity,
> and we must not force our views on them, but rather lovingly and wisely
> seek to educate them.
> 
> (In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
> 30 August 1957 to an individual believer)
> 
> VII.
> 
> Extracts From Messages Of The Universal House Of Justice:
> 
> Regarding your other question concerning the strained relationship
> between you and your mother-in-law and what you can do to alleviate the
> situation, we feel you should, with the help and consultation of your husband,
> persevere in your efforts to achieve unity in the family. From your description
> of the unfriendly attitude your mother-in-law displays toward you it is
> clear that you will not have an easy task. However, the important thing
> is that you, as a Bahá'í, are aware of `Abdu'l-Bahá's
> admonition to concentrate on an individual's good qualities and that this
> approach to your mother-in-law can strengthen you in your resolve to achieve
> unity. And furthermore, perseverance in prayer will give you the strength
> to continue your efforts.
> 
> (In a letter written by the Universal House of
> Justice, 6 September 1970 to an individual believer)
> 
> A Bahá'í who has a problem may wish to make
> his own decision upon it after prayer and after weighing all the aspects
> of it in his own mind; he may prefer to seek the counsel of individual
> friends or of professional counsellors such as his doctor or lawyer so
> that he can consider such advice when making his decision; or in a case
> where several people are involved, such as a family situation, he may want
> to gather together those who are affected so that they may arrive at a
> collective decision....
> 
> (In a letter written by the Universal House of
> Justice, 19 March 1973 to the National Spiritual Assembly of the Bahá'ís
> of Canada)
> 
> That the first teacher of the child is the mother should
> not be startling, for the primary orientation of the infant is to its mother.
> This provision of nature in no way minimizes the role of the father in
> the Bahá'í family. Again, equality of status does not mean
> identity of function.
> 
> (In a letter written by the Universal House of
> Justice, 23 June 1974 to an individual believer)
> 
> In considering the problems that you and your wife are experiencing,
> the House of Justice points out that the unity of your family should take
> priority over any other consideration. Bahá'u'lláh came to
> bring unity to the world, and a fundamental unity is that of the family.
> Therefore, we must believe that the Faith is intended to strengthen the
> family, not weaken it. For example, service to the Cause should not produce
> neglect of the family. It is important for you to arrange your time so
> that your family life is harmonious and your household receives the attention
> it requires.
> 
> Bahá'u'lláh also stressed the importance
> of consultation. We should not think this worthwhile method of seeking
> solutions is confined to the administrative institutions of the Cause.
> Family consultation employing full and frank discussion, and animated by
> awareness of the need for moderation and balance, can be the panacea for
> domestic conflict....
> 
> (In a letter written by the Universal House of Justice,
> 1 August 1978 to an individual believer)
> 
> Although Bahá'í services should be undertaken
> with a spirit of sacrifice, one cannot lose sight of the importance given
> in our Holy Writings to the responsibilities placed on parents in relationship
> to their children, as well as to the duties of children towards their parents.
> 
> (In a letter written by the Universal House of
> Justice, 19 November 1978 to an individual believer)
> 
> The House of Justice suggests that all statements in the
> Holy Writings concerning specific areas of the relationship between men
> and women should be considered in the light of the general principle of
> equality between the sexes that has been authoritatively and repeatedly
> enunciated in the Sacred Texts. In one of His Tablets `Abdu'l-Bahá
> asserts: "In this divine age the bounties of God have encompassed the world
> of women. Equality of men and women, except in some negligible instances,
> has been fully and categorically announced. Distinctions have been utterly
> removed." That men and women differ from one another in certain characteristics
> and functions is an inescapable fact of nature; the important thing is
> that `Abdu'l-Bahá regards such inequalities as remain between the
> sexes as being "negligible".
> 
> The relationship between husband and wife must be viewed
> in the context of the Bahá'í ideal of family life. Bahá'u'lláh
> came to bring unity to the world, and a fundamental unity is that of the
> family. Therefore, one must believe that the Faith is intended to strengthen
> the family, not weaken it, and one of the keys to the strengthening of
> unity is loving consultation. The atmosphere within a Bahá'í
> family as within the community as a whole should express "the keynote of
> the Cause of God" which, the beloved Guardian has stated, "is not dictatorial
> authority, but humble fellowship, not arbitrary power, but the spirit of
> frank and loving consultation."
> 
> A family, however, is a very special kind of "community".
> The Research Department has not come across any statements which specifically
> name the father as responsible for the "security, progress and unity of
> the family" as is stated in Bahíyyih Na
> kh
> javání's
> book, but it can be inferred from a number of the responsibilities placed
> upon him, that the father can be regarded as the "head" of the family.
> The members of a family all have duties and responsibilities towards one
> another and to the family as a whole, and these duties and responsibilities
> vary from member to member because of their natural relationships. The
> parents have the inescapable duty to educate their children  —  but not vice
> versa; the children have the duty to obey their parents  —  the parents do
> not obey the children; the mother  —  not the father  —  bears the children,
> nurses them in babyhood, and is thus their first educator; hence daughters
> have a prior right to education over sons and, as the Guardian's secretary
> has written on his behalf, "The task of bringing up a Bahá'í
> child, as emphasized time and again in Bahá'í Writings, is
> the chief responsibility of the mother, whose unique privilege is indeed
> to create in her home such conditions as would be most conducive to both
> his material and spiritual welfare and advancement. The training which
> a child first receives through his mother constitutes the strongest foundation
> for his future development...."A corollary of this responsibility of the
> mother is her right to be supported by her husband  —  a husband has no explicit
> right to be supported by his wife. This principle of the husband's responsibility
> to provide for and protect the family can be seen applied also in the law
> of intestacy which provides that the family's dwelling place passes, on
> the father's death, not to his widow, but to his eldest son; the son at
> the same time has the responsibility to care for his mother.
> 
> It is in this context of mutual and complementary duties,
> and responsibilities that one should read the Tablet in which `Abdu'l-Bahá
> gives the following exhortation:
> 
> O Handmaids of the All-Sufficing God!
> 
> Exert yourselves, that haply ye may be enabled to acquire
> such virtues as shall honour and distinguish you amongst all women. Of
> a surety, there is no greater pride and glory for a woman than to be a
> handmaid in God's Court of Grandeur; and the qualities that shall merit
> her this station are an alert and wakeful heart; a firm conviction of the
> unity of God, the Peerless; a heartfelt love for all His maidservants;
> spotless purity and chastity; obedience to and consideration for her husband;
> attention to the education and nurturing of her children; composure, calmness,
> dignity and self-possession; diligence in praising God, and worshipping
> Him both night and day; constancy and firmness in His holy Covenant; and
> the utmost ardour, enthusiasm, and attachment to His Cause....
> 
> This exhortation to the utmost degree of spirituality and
> self-abnegation should not be read as a legal definition giving the husband
> absolute authority over his wife, for, in a letter written to an individual
> believer on 22 July 1943, the beloved Guardian's secretary wrote on his
> behalf:
> 
> The Guardian, in his remarks ... about parents' and children's,
> wives' and husbands' relations in America, meant that there is a tendency
> in that country for children to be too independent of the wishes of their
> parents and lacking in the respect due to them. Also wives, in some cases,
> have a tendency to exert an unjust degree of domination over their husbands,
> which, of course, is not right, any more than that the husband should unjustly
> dominate his wife.
> 
> In any group, however loving the consultation, there are
> nevertheless points on which, from time to time, agreement cannot be reached.
> In a Spiritual Assembly this dilemma is resolved by a majority vote. There
> can, however, be no majority where only two parties are involved, as in
> the case of a husband and wife. There are, therefore, times when a wife
> should defer to her husband, and times when a husband should defer to his
> wife, but neither should ever unjustly dominate the other. In short, the
> relationship between husband and wife should be as held forth in the prayer
> revealed by `Abdu'l-Bahá which is often read at Bahá'í
> weddings: "Verily, they are married in obedience to Thy command. Cause
> them to become the signs of harmony and unity until the end of time."
> 
> These are all relationships within the family, but there
> is a much wider sphere of relationships between men and women than in the
> home, and this too we should consider in the context of Bahá'í
> society, not in that of past or present social norms. For example, although
> the mother is the first educator of the child, and the most important formative
> influence in his development, the father also has the responsibility of
> educating his children, and this responsibility is so weighty that Bahá'u'lláh
> has stated that a father who fails to exercise it forfeits his rights of
> fatherhood.
> 
> Similarly, although the primary responsibility for supporting
> the family financially is placed upon the husband, this does not by any
> means imply that the place of woman is confined to the home. On the contrary,
> `Abdu'l-Bahá has stated:
> 
> In the Dispensation of Bahá'u'lláh, women
> are advancing side by side with men. There is no area or instance where
> they will lag behind: they have equal rights with men, and will enter,
> in the future, into all branches of the administration of society. Such
> will be their elevation that, in every area of endeavour, they will occupy
> the highest levels in the human world....
> 
> and again:
> 
> So it will come to pass that when women participate
> fully and equally in the affairs of the world, when they enter confidently
> and capably the great arena of laws and politics, war will cease;....
> 
> ("The Promulgation of Universal Peace" p.
> 135
> )
> 
> In the Tablet of the World, Bahá'u'lláh Himself
> has envisaged that women as well as men would be breadwinners in stating:
> 
> Everyone, whether man or woman, should hand over to
> a trusted person a portion of what he or she earneth through trade, agriculture
> or other occupation, for the training and education of children, to be
> spent for this purpose with the knowledge of the Trustees of the House
> of Justice.
> 
> ("Tablets of Bahá'u'lláh Revealed after
> the Kitáb-i-Aqdas", p.
> 90
> )
> 
> A very important element in the attainment of such equality
> is Bahá'u'lláh's provision that boys and girls must follow
> essentially the same curriculum in schools.
> 
> (In a letter written by the Universal House of Justice,
> 28 December 1980 to the National Spiritual Assembly of the Bahá'ís
> of New Zealand
> 
> Endnotes
> 
> i       A newer translation of this passage
> has been substituted for the translation originally included.
> 
> ii      Adrianople
> 
> iii     Qur'an 46:15.
> 
> iv      "Consolation of thine eye" -- idiomatic
> Persian expression meaning "son".
> 
> v       Bahá'u'lláh.
> 
> vi      Cf. Gen. 9:25.
> 
> vii     The quotation in the original letter has
> been replaced by this revised translation.
> 
> viii    The quotation in the original letter which was
> taken from "Paris Talks", p.
> 182
> , has been replaced by this revised translation.
> 
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> — *Family Life (Used by permission of the curator)*