Family Life
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Source: Bahá'í Library Online (bahai-library.com), curated by Jonah Winters. Used by permission of the curator. Original citation: The Báb, Family Life, bahai-library.com.
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Family Life

The Báb

Bahá'u'lláh

Abdu'l-Bahá

Shoghi Effendi

published in

Compilation of Compilations

Volume 1,  pp. 385-416

1991

I.

Extracts From The Writings Of Bahá'u'lláh

Blessed is the spot, and the house, and the place, and the
city, and the heart, and the mountain, and the refuge, and the cave, and
the valley, and the land, and the sea, and the island, and the meadow where
mention of God hath been made, and His praise glorified.

(
"Bahá'í Prayers
: A Selection of
Prayers Revealed by Bahá'u'lláh, the Báb, and `Abdu'l-Bahá",
1985 ed. (Wilmette: Bahá'í Publishing Trust, 1985))

The parents must exert every effort to rear their offspring
to be religious, for should the children not attain this greatest of adornments,
they will not obey their parents, which in a certain sense means that they
will not obey God. Indeed, such children will show no consideration to
anyone, and will do exactly as they please.

(Bahá'u'lláh, translated from the
Persian, published in "Bahá'í Education", compiled by the
Research Department of the Universal House of Justice (London: Bahá'í
Publishing Trust, 1982), p. 4 [Ed. - sel.
14
])

"Verily, We have enjoined on every son to serve his father."
Such is the decree which We have set forth in the Book.

(Bahá'u'lláh, The Kitab-i-Aqdas,
p. 820 [Ed. - sic?; see p.
138
instead)

The fruits of the tree of existence are trustworthiness,
loyalty, truthfulness and purity. After the recognition of the oneness
of the Lord, exalted be He, the most important of all duties is to have
due regard for the rights of one's parents. This matter hath been mentioned
in all the Books of God....

(Bahá'u'lláh, from a Tablet-translated
from the Persian and Arabic)

Blessed is the house that hath attained unto My tender mercy,
wherein My remembrance is celebrated, and which is ennobled by the presence
of My loved ones, who have proclaimed My praise, cleaved fast to the cord
of My grace and been honoured by chanting My verses. Verily they are the
exalted servants whom God hath extolled in the Qayyúmu'l-Asmá'
and other scriptures. Verily He is the All-Hearing, the Answerer, He Who
perceiveth all things.

(Bahá'u'lláh, from a Tablet-translated
from the Arabic)

These blessed words were uttered by the Tongue of Grandeur
in the Land of Mystery, exalted and glorified is His utterance:

One of the distinguishing characteristics of this
most great Dispensation is that the kin of such as have recognized and
embraced the truth of this Revelation and have, in the glory of His name,
the Sovereign Lord, quaffed the choice, sealed wine from the chalice of
the love of the one true God, will, upon their death, if they are outwardly
non-believers, be graciously invested with divine forgiveness and partake
of the ocean of His Mercy.

This bounty, however, will be vouchsafed only to such
souls as have inflicted no harm upon Him Who is the Sovereign Truth nor
upon His loved ones. Thus hath it been ordained by Him Who is the Lord
of the Throne on High and the Ruler of this world and of the world to come.

(Bahá'u'lláh, from a Tablet-translated
from the Persian)

We have caused thee to return to thy home as a token of Our
mercy unto thy mother, inasmuch as We have found her overwhelmed with sorrow.
We have enjoined you in the Book "to worship no one but God and to show
kindness to your parents". Thus hath the one true God spoken and the decree
hath been fulfilled by the Almighty, the All-Wise. Therefore We have caused
thee to return unto her and unto thy sister, that your mother's eyes may
thereby be cheered, and she may be of the thankful.

Say, O My people! Show honour to your parents and
pay homage to them. This will cause blessings to descend upon you from
the clouds of the bounty of your Lord, the Exalted, the Great.

When We learned of her sadness, We directed thee to return
unto her, as a token of mercy unto thee from Our presence, and as an admonishment
for others.

Beware lest ye commit that which would sadden the hearts
of your fathers and mothers. Follow ye the path of Truth which indeed is
a straight path. Should anyone give you a choice between the opportunity
to render a service to Me and a service to them, choose ye to serve them,
and let such service be a path leading you to Me. This is My exhortation
and command unto thee. Observe therefore that which thy Lord, the Mighty,
the Gracious, hath prescribed unto thee.

(Bahá'u'lláh, from a Tablet-translated
from the Arabic)

II.

Extracts From The Writings Of The Báb

It is seemly that the servant should, after each prayer,
supplicate God to bestow mercy and forgiveness upon his parents. Thereupon
God's call will be raised: "Thousand upon thousand of what thou hast asked
for thy parents shall be thy recompense!" Blessed is he who remembereth
his parents when communing with God. There is, verily, no God but Him,
the Mighty, the Well-Beloved.

("Selections from the Writings of the Báb",
[rev. ed.] (Haifa: Bahá'í World Centre, 1982), p.
94
)

O my God! Let the outpourings of Thy bounty and blessings
descend upon homes whose inmates have embraced Thy Faith, as a token of
Thy grace and as a mark of loving-kindness from Thy presence....

("Selections from the Writings of the Báb",
p.
200
)

III.

Extracts From The Writings Of `Abdu'l-Bahá

As to the terminology I used in my letter, bidding thee to
consecrate thyself to service in the Cause of God, the meaning of it is
this: limit thy thoughts to teaching the Faith. Act by day and night according
to the teachings and counsels and admonitions of Bahá'u'lláh.
This doth not preclude marriage. Thou canst take unto thyself a husband
and at the same time serve the Cause of God; the one doth not preclude
the other. Know thou the value of these days; let not this chance escape
thee. Beg thou God to make thee a lighted candle, so that thou mayest guide
a great multitude through this darksome world.

("Selections from the Writings of `Abdu'l-Bahá",
[rev. ed.] (Haifa: Bahá'í World Centre, 1982), p.
100
)

Marriage, among the mass of the people, is a physical bond,
and this union can only be temporary, since it is foredoomed to a physical
separation at the close.

Among the people of Bahá, however, marriage
must be a union of the body and of the spirit as well, for here both husband
and wife are aglow with the same wine, both are enamoured of the same matchless
Face, both live and move through the same spirit, both are illumined by
the same glory. This connection between them is a spiritual one, hence
it is a bond that will abide forever. Likewise do they enjoy strong and
lasting ties in the physical world as well, for if the marriage is based
both on the spirit and the body, that union is a true one, hence it will
endure. If, however, the bond is physical and nothing more, it is sure
to be only temporary, and must inexorably end in separation.

When, therefore, the people of Bahá undertake to
marry, the union must be a true relationship, a spiritual coming together
as well as a physical one, so that throughout every phase of life, and
in all the worlds of God, their union will endure; for this real oneness
is a gleaming out of the love of God.

("Selections from the Writings of `Abdu'l-Bahá",
p.
117
)

Bahá'í marriage is the commitment of the two
parties one to the other, and their mutual attachment of mind and heart.
Each must, however, exercise the utmost care to become thoroughly acquainted
with the character of the other, that the binding covenant between them
may be a tie that will endure forever. Their purpose must be this: to become
loving companions and comrades and at one with each other for time and
eternity....

The true marriage of Bahá'ís is this,
that husband and wife should be united both physically and spiritually,
that they may ever improve the spiritual life of each other, and may enjoy
everlasting unity throughout all the worlds of God. This is Bahá'í
marriage.

("Selections from the Writings of `Abdu'l-Bahá",
p.
118
)

And above all other unions is that between human beings,
especially when it cometh to pass in the love of God. Thus is the primal
oneness made to appear; thus is laid the foundation of love in the spirit....

("Selections from the Writings of `Abdu'l-Bahá",
p.
119
)

Thy wife is not in harmony with thee, but praise be to God,
the Blessed Beauty is pleased with thee and is conferring upon thee the
utmost bounty and blessings. But still try to be patient with thy wife,
perchance she may be transformed and her heart may be illumined....

("Selections from the Writings of `Abdu'l-Bahá",
p.
121
)

As to thy respected husband: it is incumbent upon thee to
treat him with great kindness, to consider his wishes and be conciliatory
with him at all times, till he seeth that because thou hast directed thyself
toward the Kingdom of God, thy tenderness for him and thy love for God
have but increased, as well as thy concern for his wishes under all conditions.

("Selections from the Writings of `Abdu'l-Bahá",
p.
122
)

O ye two believers in God! The Lord, peerless is He, hath
made woman and man to abide with each other in the closest companionship,
and to be even as a single soul. They are two helpmates, two intimate friends,
who should be concerned about the welfare of each other.

If they live thus, they will pass through this world
with perfect contentment, bliss, and peace of heart, and become the object
of divine grace and favour in the Kingdom of heaven. But if they do other
than this, they will live out their lives in great bitterness, longing
at every moment for death, and will be shamefaced in the heavenly realm.

Strive, then, to abide, heart and soul, with each other
as two doves in the nest, for this is to be blessed in both worlds.

("Selections from the Writings of `Abdu'l-Bahá",
p.
122
)

O ye loving mothers, know ye that in God's sight, the best
of all ways to worship Him is to educate the children and train them in
all the perfections of humankind; and no nobler deed than this can be imagined.

("Selections from the Writings of `Abdu'l-Bahá",
p.
139
)

O dear one of `Abdu'l-Bahá! Be the son of thy father
and be the fruit of that tree. Be a son that hath been born of his soul
and heart and not only of water and clay. A real son is such one as hath
branched from the spiritual part of man. I ask God that thou mayest be
at all times confirmed and strengthened.

("Selections from the Writings of `Abdu'l-Bahá",
p.
140
)

Note ye how easily, where unity existeth in a given family,
the affairs of that family are conducted; what progress the members of
that family make, how they prosper in the world. their concerns are in
order, they enjoy comfort and tranquility, they are secure, their position
is assured, they come to be envied by all. Such a family but addeth to
its stature and its lasting honour, as day succeedeth day....

("Selections from the Writings of `Abdu'l-Bahá",
p.
279
)

Comfort thy mother and endeavour to do what is conducive
to the happiness of her heart....

(`Abdu'l-Bahá, "Tablets of Abdul-Bahá Abbas",
vol. 1 (Chicago: Bahá'í Publishing Committee, 1930), p.
74
)

Deliver my longings and greetings to the consolation of thine
eye,.... Verily I love them both even as a compassionate father loveth his
dear children. As to thee, have for them an abundant love and exert thine
utmost in training them, so that their being may grow through the milk
of the love of God, forasmuch as it is the duty of parents to perfectly
and thoroughly train their children.

There are also certain sacred duties on children toward
parents, which duties are written in the Book of God, as belonging to God.
The [children's] prosperity in this world and the Kingdom depends upon
the good pleasure of parents, and without this they will be in manifest
loss.

("Tablets of Abdul-Bahá Abbas", vol. 2 (Chicago: Bahá'í
Publishing Committee, 1930), pp.
262
-
63
)

As to thy question concerning the husband and wife, the tie
between them and the children given to them by God: Know thou, verily,
the husband is one who hath sincerely turned unto God, is awakened by the
call of the Beauty of El-Bahá and chanteth the verses of Oneness
in the great assemblies; the wife is a being who wisheth to be overflowing
with and seeketh after the attributes of God and His names; and the tie
between them is none other than the Word of God. Verily, it [the Word of
God] causeth the multitudes to assemble together and the remote ones to
be united. Thus the husband and wife are brought into affinity, are united
and harmonized, even as though they were one person. Through their mutual
union, companionship and love great results are produced in the world,
both material and spiritual. The spiritual result is the appearance of
divine bounties. The material result is the children who are born in the
cradle of the love of God, who are nurtured by the breast of the knowledge
of God, who are brought up in the bosom of the gift of God, and who are
fostered in the lap of the training of God. Such children are those of
whom it was said by Christ, "Verily, they are the children of the Kingdom!"

("Tablets of Abdul-Bahá Abbas", vol. 3 (Chicago:
Bahá'í Publishing Committee, 1930), pp.
605
-
6
)

The friends of God must so live and conduct themselves, and
evince such excellence of character and conduct, as to make others astonished.
The love between husband and wife must not be purely physical, nay, rather,
it must be spiritual and heavenly. These two souls should be considered
as one soul. How difficult it would be to divide a single soul! Nay, great
would be the difficulty!

In short, the foundation of the Kingdom of God is
based upon harmony and love, oneness, relationship and union, not upon
differences, especially between husband and wife....

(`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated from
the Persian)

You have asked whether a husband would be able to prevent
his wife from embracing the divine light or a wife dissuade her husband
from gaining entry into the Kingdom of God. In truth neither of them could
prevent the other from entering into the Kingdom, unless the husband hath
an excessive attachment to the wife or the wife to the husband. Indeed
when either of the two worshippeth the other to the exclusion of God, then
each could prevent the other from seeking admittance into His Kingdom.

(`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated
from the Arabic)

I beseech God to graciously make of thy home a centre for
the diffusion of the light of divine guidance, for the dissemination of
the Words of God and for enkindling at all times the fire of love in the
hearts of His faithful servants and maidservants. Know thou of a certainty
that every house wherein the anthem of praise is raised to the Realm of
Glory in celebration of the Name of God is indeed a heavenly home, and
one of the gardens of delight in the Paradise of God.

(`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated
from the Arabic)

If thou wouldst show kindness and consideration to thy parents
so that they may feel generally pleased, this would also please Me, for
parents must be highly respected and it is essential that they should feel
contented, provided they deter thee not from gaining access to the Threshold
of the Almighty, nor keep thee back from walking in the way of the Kingdom.
Indeed it behoveth them to encourage and spur thee on in this direction.

(`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated
from the Persian)

O Lord! In this Most Great Dispensation Thou dost accept
the intercession of children in behalf of their parents. This is one of
the special infinite bestowals of this Dispensation. Therefore, O Thou
kind Lord, accept the request of this Thy servant at the threshold of Thy
singleness and submerge his father in the ocean of Thy grace, because this
son hath arisen to render Thee service and is exerting effort at all times
in the pathway of Thy love. Verily, Thou art the Giver, the Forgiver and
the Kind!

(`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated
from the Persian)

Treat all thy friends and relatives, even strangers, with
a spirit of utmost love and kindliness.

(`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated
from the Persian)

Exert yourselves, that haply ye may be enabled to acquire
such virtues as shall honour and distinguish you amongst all women. Of
a surety, there is no greater pride and glory for a woman than to be a
handmaid in God's Court of Grandeur; and the qualities that shall merit
her this station are an alert and wakeful heart; a firm conviction of the
unity of God, the Peerless; a heartfelt love for all His maidservants;
spotless purity and chastity; obedience to and consideration for her husband;
attention to the education and nurturing of her children; composure, calmness,
dignity and self-possession; diligence in praising God, and worshipping
Him both night and day; constancy and firmness in His holy Covenant; and
the utmost ardour, enthusiasm, and attachment to His Cause....

(`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated
from the Persian)

Regarding thy question about consultation of a father with
his son, or a son with his father, in matters of trade and commerce, consultation
is one of the fundamental elements of the foundation of the Law of God.
Such consultation is assuredly acceptable, whether between father and son,
or with others. There is nothing better than this. Man must consult in
all things for this will lead him to the depths of each problem and enable
him to find the right solution.

(`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated
from the Persian)

Your affectionate brother hath written and mentioned your
names, and hath highly praised and commended you. Observe how drawn he
is to you, and how he loveth you. Thus should a brother be, so affectionate
and soul-uplifting, unlike `Abdu'l-Bahá's brother, who is more bitter
than venom.

(`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated
from the Persian)

The father must always endeavour to educate his son and to
acquaint him with the heavenly teachings. He must give him advice and exhort
him at all times, teach him praiseworthy conduct and character, enable
him to receive training at school and to be instructed in such arts and
sciences as are deemed useful and necessary. In brief, let him instil into
his mind the virtues and perfections of the world of humanity. Above all
he should continually call to his mind the remembrance of God so that his
throbbing veins and arteries may pulsate with the love of God.

The son, on the other hand, must show forth the utmost
obedience towards his father, and should conduct himself as a humble and
a lowly servant. Day and night he should seek diligently to ensure the
comfort and welfare of his loving father and to secure his good pleasure.
He must forgo his own rest and enjoyment and constantly strive to bring
gladness to the hearts of his father and mother, that thereby he may attain
the good pleasure of the Almighty and be graciously aided by the hosts
of the unseen.

(`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated from
the Persian)

Hold thy husband dear and always show forth an amiable temper
towards him, no matter how ill-tempered he may be. Even if thy loving-kindness
maketh him more bitter, manifest thou more kindliness, more tenderness,
be more loving and tolerate his cruel actions and ill-treatment.

(`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated
from the Persian)

IV.

Extracts From The Utterances Of `Abdu'l-Bahá

The variety of inherited qualities comes from strength and
weakness of constitution  —  that is to say, when the two parents are weak,
the children will be weak; if they are strong, the children will be robust.
In the same way, purity of blood has a great effect; for the pure germ
is like the superior stock which exists in plants and animals. For example,
you see that children born from a weak and feeble father and mother will
naturally have a feeble constitution and weak nerves; they will be afflicted
and will have neither patience, nor endurance, nor resolution, nor perseverance,
and will be hasty; for the children inherit the weakness and debility of
their parents.

Besides this, an especial blessing is conferred on
some families and some generations. Thus it is an especial blessing that
from among the descendants of Abraham should have come all the Prophets
of the children of Israel. This is a blessing that God has granted to this
descent: to Moses from His father and mother, to Christ from His mother's
line; also to Muhammad and the Báb, and to all the Prophets and
the Holy Manifestations of Israel. The Blessed Beauty is also a lineal
descendant of Abraham, for Abraham had other sons besides Ishmael and Isaac
who in those days migrated to the lands of Persia and Afghanistan, and
the Blessed Beauty is one of their descendants.

Hence it is evident that inherited character also exists,
and to such a degree that if the characters are not in conformity with
their origin, although they belong physically to that lineage, spiritually
they are not considered members of the family, like Canaan, who is not
reckoned as being of the race of Noah.

("Some Answered Questions", rev. ed. (Wilmette: Bahá'í
Publishing Trust, 1984), p.
213
)

Also a father and mother endure the greatest troubles and
hardships for their children; and often when the children have reached
the age of maturity, the parents pass on to the other world. Rarely does
it happen that a father and mother in this world see the reward of the
care and trouble they have undergone for their children. Therefore, children,
in return for this care and trouble, must show forth charity and beneficence,
and must implore pardon and forgiveness for their parents. So you ought,
in return for the love and kindness shown you by your father, to give to
the poor for his sake, with greatest submission and humility implore pardon
and remission of sins, and ask for the supreme mercy.

("Some Answered Questions", pp.
231
-
232
)

If love and agreement are manifest in a single family, that
family will advance, become illumined and spiritual; but if enmity and
hatred exist within it, destruction and dispersion are inevitable....

("The Promulgation of Universal Peace: Talks Delivered
by `Abdu'l-Bahá during His Visit to the United States and Canada
in 1912", 2nd. ed. (Wilmette: Bahá'í Publishing Trust, 1982),
pp.
144
-
45
)

According to the teachings of Bahá'u'lláh the
family, being a human unit, must be educated according to the rules of
sanctity. All the virtues must be taught the family. The integrity of the
family bond must be constantly considered, and the rights of the individual
members must not be transgressed. The rights of the son, the father, the
mother  —  none of them must be transgressed, none of them must be arbitrary.
Just as the son has certain obligations to his father, the father, likewise,
has certain obligations to his son. The mother, the sister and other members
of the household have their certain prerogatives. All these rights and
prerogatives must be conserved, yet the unity of the family must be sustained.
The injury of one shall be considered the injury of all; the comfort of
each, the comfort of all; the honor of one, the honor of all.

("The Promulgation of Universal Peace: Talks Delivered
by `Abdu'l-Bahá during His Visit to the United States and Canada
in 1912", p.
168
)

The child must not be oppressed or censured because it is
undeveloped; it must be patiently trained....

("The Promulgation of Universal Peace: Talks Delivered
by `Abdu'l-Bahá during His Visit to the United States and Canada
in 1912" pp.
180
-
81
)

When you love a member of your family or a compatriot, let
it be with a ray of the Infinite Love! Let it be in God, and for God! Wherever
you find the attributes of God love that person, whether he be of your
family or of another....

("Paris Talks: Addresses given by `Abdu'l-Bahá
in Paris in 1911-1912" 10th ed. (London: Bahá'í Publishing
Trust, 1979), p.
38
)

This is in truth a Bahá'í house. Every time
such a house or meeting place is founded it becomes one of the greatest
aids to the general development of the town and country to which it belongs.
It encourages the growth of learning and science and is known for its intense
spirituality and for the love it spreads among the peoples.

("Paris Talks: Addresses given by `Abdu'l-Bahá
in Paris in 1911-1912" pp.
72
-
73
)

Consider the harmful effects of discord and dissension in
a family; then reflect upon the favours and blessings which descend upon
that family when unity exists among its various members. What incalculable
benefits and blessings would descend upon the great human family if unity
and brotherhood were established! In this century when the beneficent results
of unity and the ill effects of discord are so clearly apparent, the means
for the attainment and accomplishment of human fellowship have appeared
in the world. His Holiness Bahá'u'lláh has proclaimed and
provided the way by which hostility and dissension may be removed from
the human world. He has left no ground or possibility for strife and disagreement.
First He has proclaimed the oneness of mankind and specialized religious
teachings for existing human conditions.

(`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet, published
in "Star of the West" vol. 17, no. 7, (October 1926), p. 232)

My home is the home of peace. My home is the home of joy
and delight. My home is the home of laughter and exultation. Whosoever
enters through the portals of this home, must go out with gladsome heart.
This is the home of light; whosoever enters here must become illumined....

(`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet, published
in "Star of the West", vol. 9, no. 3, (28 April 1918), p. 40)

It is highly important for man to raise a family. So long
as he is young, because of youthful self-complacency, he does not realize
its significance, but this will be a source of regret when he grows old....
In this glorious Cause the life of a married couple should resemble the
life of the angels in heaven  —  a life full of joy and spiritual delight,
a life of unity and concord, a friendship both mental and physical. The
home should be orderly and well-organized. Their ideas and thoughts should
be like the rays of the sun of truth and the radiance of the brilliant
stars in the heavens. Even as two birds they should warble melodies upon
the branches of the tree of fellowship and harmony. They should always
be elated with joy and gladness and be a source of happiness to the hearts
of others. They should set an example to their fellow-men, manifest a true
and sincere love towards each other and educate their children in such
a manner as to blazon the fame and glory of their family.

(`Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet-translated
from the Persian)

V.

Extracts From Letters Written By Shoghi Effendi

I urge you to concentrate for a time upon whatever means
you think will eventually secure the good-will, tolerance and sympathy
of your husband. Show him the utmost kindness and consideration, and try,
at the opportune moment to make him realize the purpose and spirit of the
Faith. I will pray for the success of your efforts in this connection and
wish you happiness from all my heart.

(In the handwriting of Shoghi Effendi, appended
to a letter dated 20 March 1928 written on his behalf to an individual
believer)

I cannot refrain, out of my great love and sympathy for you,
from adding a few words myself in order to impress upon you the necessity
of showing continually the utmost regard, consideration and love to your
dear and respected husband. I have great hopes that upon your attitude,
and consideration for him will chiefly depend his ultimate acceptance of
the Cause which you love so dearly and serve so well. My profound sympathy
is with you in your domestic cares which I know weigh heavily on your heart.
I will continue to supplicate for you from the very depths of my heart.
I pray that you may achieve in your manifold activities your heart's fondest
desire.

(In the handwriting of Shoghi Effendi appended
to a letter dated 20 December 1928 written on his behalf to an individual
believer)

VI.

Extracts From Letters Written On Behalf Of Shoghi Effendi

When such difference of opinion and belief occurs between
husband and wife it is very unfortunate for undoubtedly it detracts from
that spiritual bond which is the stronghold of the family bond, especially
in times of difficulty. The way, however, that it could be remedied is
not by acting in such wise as to alienate the other party. One of the objects
of the Cause is actually to bring about a closer bond in the homes. In
all such cases, therefore, the Master used to advise obedience to the wishes
of the other party and prayer. Pray that your husband may gradually see
the light and at the same time so act as to draw him nearer rather than
prejudice him. Once that harmony is secured then you will be able to serve
unhampered.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
15 July 1928 to an individual believer)

Under such circumstances the Master used to ask the friends
to be lavish in their love and become exceptionally obedient to their husbands.
Such individuals have to see through acts that the Cause has not come to
break up family ties but to strengthen them; it has not come to eliminate
love but to strengthen it; it has not been created to weaken social institutions
but to strengthen them.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
14 October 1928 to an individual believer)

Surely Shoghi Effendi would like to see you and the other
friends give their whole time and energy to the Cause, for we are in great
need for competent workers, but the home is an institution that Bahá'u'lláh
has come to strengthen and not to weaken. Many unfortunate things have
happened in Bahá'í homes just for neglecting this point.
Serve the Cause but also remember your duties towards your home. It is
for you to find the balance and see that neither makes you neglect the
other. We would have many more husbands in the Cause were the wives more
thoughtful and moderate in their Bahá'í activities.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
14 May 1929 to an individual believer)

A truly Bahá'í home is a true fortress upon
which the Cause can rely while planning its campaigns. If ... and ... love
each other and would like to marry, Shoghi Effendi does not wish them to
think that by doing so they are depriving themselves of the privilege of
service; in fact such a union will enhance their ability to serve. There
is nothing more beautiful than to have young Bahá'ís marry
and found truly Bahá'í homes, the type Bahá'u'lláh
wishes them to be. Please give them both the Guardian's loving greetings.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
6 November 1932 to an individual believer)

A God that is only loving or only just is not a perfect God.
The Divinity has to possess both of these aspects as every father ought
to express both in his attitude towards his children. If we ponder a while,
we will see that our welfare can be ensured only when both of these divine
attributes are equally emphasized and practised.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
29 April 1933 to an individual believer)

There is no limit to our offerings to the Temple. The more
we give, the better it is for the Cause and for ourselves. But your case
is a special one, since your husband is not a believer. If you can succeed
in convincing him of the importance of your donations to the Cause, so
much the better. But you should never oppose him on this matter and allow
anything [to] disturb the peace and unity of your family life....

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
21 September 1933 to an individual believer)

The Guardian wishes me specially to urge you to remain patient
and confident, and above all to show your husband the utmost kindness and
love, in return for all the opposition and hatred you receive from him.
A conciliatory and friendly attitude in such cases is not only the duty
of every Bahá'í but is also the most effective way of winning
for the Cause the sympathy and admiration of its former foes and enemies.
Love is, indeed, a most potent elixir that can transform the vilest and
meanest of people into heavenly souls. May your example serve to further
confirm the truth of this beautiful teaching of our Faith.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
6 December 1935 to an individual believer)

The Guardian ... has learned with deep concern of your family
difficulties and troubles. He wishes me to assure you of his fervent prayers
on your behalf and on behalf of your dear ones at home, that you may be
guided and assisted from on High to compose your differences and to restore
complete harmony and fellowship in your midst. While he would urge you
to make any sacrifice in order to bring about unity in your family, he
wishes you not to feel discouraged if your endeavours do not yield any
immediate fruit. You should do your part with absolute faith that in doing
so you are fulfilling your duty as a Bahá'í. The rest is
assuredly in God's hand.

As regards your husband's attitude towards the Cause:
unfriendly though that may be you should always hope that, through conciliatory
and friendly means, and with wise, tactful and patient effort you can gradually
succeed in winning his sympathy for the Faith. Under no circumstances should
you try to dictate and impose upon him by force your personal religious
convictions. Neither should you allow his opposition to the Cause [to]
seriously hinder your activities.... You should act patiently, tactfully
and with confidence that your efforts are being guided and reinforced by
Bahá'u'lláh.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 23
July 1937 to an individual believer)

It made him very happy to know of the recent confirmation
of your ... friend, and of her earnest desire to serve and promote the Faith.
He will certainly pray on her behalf that she may, notwithstanding the
opposition of her parents and relatives, increasingly gain in knowledge
and in understanding of the Teachings, and become animated with such zeal
as to arise, and bring into the Cause a large number of her former co-religionists.

Under no circumstances, however, should she allow
her parents to become completely alienated from her, but it is her bounden
duty to strive, through patient, continued and loving effort, to win their
sympathy for the Faith, and even, perhaps, to bring about their confirmation....

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 6
July 1938 to an individual believer)

As regards your plans: the Guardian fully approves indeed
of your view that no matter how urgent and vital the requirements of the
teaching work may be you should under no circumstances neglect the education
of your children, as towards them you have an obligation no less sacred
than towards the Cause.

Any plan or arrangement you may arrive at which would
combine your twofold duties towards your family and the Cause, and would
permit you to resume active work in the field of pioneer teaching, and
also to take good care of your children so as to not jeopardize their future
in the Cause would meet with the whole-hearted approval of the Guardian.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 17
July 1938 to an individual believer)

The institution of marriage, as established by Bahá'u'lláh,
while giving due importance to the physical aspect of marital union, considers
it as subordinate to the moral and spiritual purposes and functions with
which it has been invested by an all-wise and loving Providence. Only when
these different values are given each their due importance, and only on
the basis of the subordination of the physical to the moral, and the carnal
to the spiritual can such excesses and laxity in marital relations as our
decadent age is so sadly witnessing be avoided, and family life be restored
to its original purity, and fulfil the true function for which it has been
instituted by God.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
8 May 1939 to an individual believer)

While the Guardian highly appreciates your desire to take
a more active part in the teaching field, he realizes also that in deference
to the wishes of your husband, towards whom you have duties no less sacred
and binding than those facing you as a believer, you should endeavour to
so arrange your plans as not to be too far away from him, particularly
as he himself is anxious that you should not break up, however temporarily,
your home life.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
5 June 1939 to an individual believer)

The Guardian is, nevertheless, thankful that he does not
object in principle to your attending Bahá'í meetings, and
gives you full freedom to participate in all local Bahá'í
activities. Even though he may insist on your obtaining his consent in
such matters, you should not feel hurt or discouraged, but rather should
continue, in a friendly and conciliatory way, to endeavour [to] win his
sympathy towards the Cause. You can have no serious reason for any real
grievance against him, unless he unduly interferes in your Bahá'í
work, and prevents you from discharging your vital spiritual and administrative
obligations towards the Faith.

The Guardian will pray in the meantime that your hopes
of seeing him well confirmed and active in the Cause may be fulfilled,
and that also you may be guided to adopt towards him such [a] true Bahá'í
attitude as will serve to further awaken his sympathies for the Faith,
and quicken the spiritual energies latent in his heart to the point of
bringing about his full confirmation in the Cause. Rest assured, and confidently
persist in your efforts.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 5
August 1939 to an individual believer)

The task of bringing up a Bahá'í child, as
emphasized time and again in Bahá'í writings, is the chief
responsibility of the mother, whose unique privilege is indeed to create
in her home such conditions as would be most conducive to both his material
and spiritual welfare and advancement. The training which a child first
receives through his mother constitutes the strongest foundation for his
future development, and it should therefore be the paramount concern of
your wife ... to endeavour from now imparting to her new-born son such spiritual
training as would enable him later on to fully assume and adequately discharge
all the responsibilities and duties of Bahá'í life.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
16 November 1939 to an individual believer)

He has noted with feelings of genuine admiration your longing
to serve in the field of pioneer teaching, but is sorry to hear that your
domestic circumstances do not permit you to carry out this dear wish of
your heart.

While he heartily appreciates your eagerness to labour
for the Faith in distant and hitherto unopened territories, he feels that,
in view of your husband's opposition, and also in consideration of the
need of your children for your close help and guidance, you should, for
the present, endeavour instead to work in virgin localities in the vicinity
of ... or of the adjoining towns.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 7
November 1940 to an individual believer)

The question of the training and education of children in
case one of the parents is a non-Bahá'í is one which solely
concerns the parents themselves, who should decide about it the way they
find best and most conducive to the maintenance of the unity of their family,
and to the future welfare of their children. Once the child comes of age,
however, he should be given full freedom to choose his religion, irrespective
of the wishes and desires of his parents.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
14 December 1940 to the National Spiritual Assembly of the Bahá'ís
of India and Burma)

...now that you both feel the sincere desire to unite in your
efforts to make your married life happy, Shoghi Effendi advises you to
do everything in your power, through love and kindness, to win your husband
to your side and to remove his prejudice against the Cause.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
27 November 1941 to an individual believer)

She should certainly not grieve if she finds that her family
are not receptive to the teachings  —  for not every soul is spiritually
enlightened. Indeed, many members of the families of the Prophets themselves
have remained unconverted even in face of the example and persuasion of
the Manifestation of God; therefore, the friends should not be distressed
by such things but rather leave the future of those they love in the hand
of God, and by their services and devotion to the Faith, win the right
to plead for their ultimate spiritual rebirth....

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
9 March 1942 to an individual believer)

Deep as are family ties, we must always remember that the
spiritual ties are far deeper; they are everlasting and survive death,
whereas physical ties, unless supported by spiritual bonds, are confined
to this life. You should do all in your power, through prayer and example,
to open the eyes of your family to the Bahá'í Faith, but
do not grieve too much over their actions. Turn to your Bahá'í
brothers and sisters who are living with you in the light of the Kingdom.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
8 May 1942 to an individual believer)

Our Faith is just as much for children as for older people,
and it rejoices his heart when he sees both working together to bring this
great Message of good to all mankind.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
30 November 1942 to two believers)

Regarding the Guardian's statement that pioneering is conditioned
upon the consent of parents and that it would be necessary for them to
concur, you have asked whether this ruling applies equally to children
who are of age and those who are not. The Guardian's reply is that the
ruling applies only to those who have not yet come of age.

(From a letter dated 18 January 1943 written on
behalf of Shoghi Effendi to the National Spiritual Assembly of Persia)

Bahá'u'lláh has urged marriage upon all people
as the natural and rightful way of life. He has also, however, placed strong
emphasis on its spiritual nature, which, while in no way precluding a normal
physical life, is the most essential aspect of marriage. That two people
should live their lives in love and harmony is of far greater importance
than that they should be consumed with passion for each other. The one
is a great rock of strength on which to lean in time of need; the other
a purely temporary thing which may at any time die out.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
20 January 1943 to an individual believer)

The Guardian, in his remarks ... about parents' and children's,
wives' and husbands' relations in America, meant that there is a tendency
in that country for children to be too independent of the wishes of their
parents and lacking in the respect due to them. Also wives, in some cases,
have a tendency to exert an unjust degree of domination over their husbands,
which, of course, is not right, any more than that the husband should unjustly
dominate his wife.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
22 July 1943 to an individual believer)

He feels you should by all means show your husband the greatest
love and sympathy; if we are ever in any doubt as to how we should conduct
ourselves as Bahá'ís we should think of `Abdu'l-Bahá
and study His life and ask ourselves what would He have done, for He is
our perfect example in every way. And you know how tender He was, and how
His affection and kindness shone like sunlight on everyone.

Your husband and your child have a right to your love,
and give you a wonderful opportunity of demonstrating your faith in the
Cause.

Also you should pray to Bahá'u'lláh to help
unite you with your husband and make your home a true and happy home.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 9
March 1946 to an individual believer)

He was very sorry to see you are having trouble in your home
because of the Bahá'í Faith. He feels that you should do
all in your power to promote love and harmony between your husband and
yourself, for your own sakes and for the sake of your children. You should,
however, point out to him that every man is free to seek God for himself,
and that, although you will never seek to influence him or even discuss
the Bahá'í Faith with him, if he does not want to, he should
leave you free to attend the meetings. The Guardian hopes that through
patience, tact and prayer, you will gradually overcome his prejudice.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
16 March 1946 to an individual believer)

A Bahá'í is never forced to stay in a particular
place; if you could not earn a living in ... and wished to be near your aged
parents, you were quite right to leave....

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
1 April 1946 to an individual believer)

Shoghi Effendi wishes me to add this note in connection with
your marriage: he does not feel that any believer, under any circumstances
whatsoever, can ever use the Cause or service to it as a reason for abandoning
their marriage; divorce, as we know, is very strongly condemned by Bahá'u'lláh,
and only grounds of extreme gravity justify it....

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
7 April 1947 to an individual believer)

He feels, in regard to your family problems, that you should
take these matters up with your Assembly, if you desire advice; one of
the duties of these Assemblies is to advise and aid the friends, and it
is your privilege to turn to your Assembly....

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
10 April 1947 to two believers)

He was very happy to hear of your desire to assist the pioneer
work....

He does not feel that your activities in this field,
however, should be a source of inharmony between you and your dear husband,
and he assures you he will pray for him in the Holy Shrines, that God may
awaken him to a realization of the meaning of our Faith and quicken him
in its service.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 30
April 1947 to an individual believer)

Bahá'u'lláh has clearly stated the consent
of all living parents is required for a Bahá'í marriage.
This applies whether the parents are Bahá'ís or non-Bahá'ís,
divorced for years or not. This great law He has laid down to strengthen
the social fabric, to knit closer the ties of the home, to place a certain
gratitude and respect in the hearts of children for those who have given
them life and sent their souls out on the eternal journey towards their
Creator. We Bahá'ís must realize that in present-day society
the exact opposite process is taking place: young people care less and
less for their parents' wishes, divorce is considered a natural right,
and obtained on the flimsiest and most unwarrantable and shabby pretexts.
People separated from each other, especially if one of them has had full
custody of the children, are only too willing to belittle the importance
of the partner in marriage also responsible as a parent for bringing those
children into this world. The Bahá'ís must, through rigid
adherence to the Bahá'í laws and teachings, combat these
corrosive forces which are so rapidly destroying home life and the beauty
of family relationships, and tearing down the moral structure of society.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
25 October 1947 to the National Spiritual Assembly of the United States
and Canada)

In regard to the questions you asked him: he feels sure that,
although in some ways you may be a financial burden to your children, it
is to them a privilege to look after you; you are their Mother and have
given them life, and through the bounty of Bahá'u'lláh they
are now attracted to His Faith. Anything they do for you is small recompense
for all you have done for them.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
20 September 1948 to an individual believer)

Your responsibility towards your son and your husband is
very great, and the Guardian hopes your work will soon reach a point where
you can return, at least for sometime, to them, and give them that love
and encouragement which is a woman's great contribution to home life.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
5 August 1949 to an individual believer)

He was particularly pleased to hear your family relationships
are so satisfactory, and feels you are doing the right thing by deferring
to your husband's wishes and remaining abroad longer.

The Guardian has long felt that the American Bahá'ís
are not, in some cases, living up to the ideal of marriage set forth by
Bahá'u'lláh. They are prone to being influenced by the current
light and selfish attitude of the people towards the marriage bond. Consequently
when he sees you are successfully living up to the Bahá'í
standard, putting your best into it and preserving this sacred tie you
have with your husband, he is very happy indeed. He hopes you will be in
a position to be an example to others. For he disapproves of the way some
Bahá'ís, in the name of serving the Cause, disencumber themselves
of their husbands, or go and get new ones!

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 2
April 1950 to an individual believer)

It is one of the essential teachings of the Faith that unity
should be maintained in the home. Of course this does not mean that any
member of the family has a right to influence the faith of any other member;
and if this is realized by all the members, then it seems certain that
unity would be feasible.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
6 July 1952 to an individual believer)

The Guardian will pray that your mother may become a Bahá'í,
and very actively serve the Cause of God. It should be borne in mind that
by your leading a consecrated Bahá'í life, your mother will
be affected perhaps as much or more than by reading and studying. When
one sees the effect of the Bahá'í Teachings on another person's
life, that very often has a very great effect.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
12 July 1952 to an individual believer)

He feels that you should by all means make every effort to
hold your marriage together, especially for the sake of your children,
who, like all children of divorced parents, cannot but suffer from conflicting
loyalties, for they are deprived of the blessing of a father and mother
in one home, to look after their interests and love them jointly.

Now that you realize that your husband is ill, you
should be able to reconcile yourself to the difficulties you have faced
with him emotionally, and not take an unforgiving attitude, however much
you may suffer.

We know that Bahá'u'lláh has very strongly
frowned upon divorce; and it is really incumbent upon the Bahá'ís
to make almost a superhuman effort not to allow a Bahá'í
marriage to be dissolved.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 6
March 1953 to an individual believer)

The Guardian fully appreciates your desire to go forth as
a pioneer at this time, and to help establish the Faith in the virgin areas,
but you should not go against the wishes of your husband, and force him
to give up everything in order that you might serve the Faith in this manner.
We must bear in mind the wishes and the rights of those who are closely
connected in our lives.

If your husband wishes you to remain where you are,
certainly there is a vast field for teaching there....

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 31
July 1953 to an individual believer)

Your sons, even though they will not be able at first to
serve with you in pioneering, are certainly helping you to do so because
of their devoted spirit and their complete co-operation. Life at best is
so full of unexpected vicissitudes that leaving your boys at home does
not, he feels, present any added risks. They are devoted to the Cause and
will no doubt be inspired by your example.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
10 August 1953 to two believers)

With regard to your question as to your going out as a pioneer
... the Guardian feels, in view of the aversion of Bahá'u'lláh
to divorce, that it is not right for a Bahá'í, even for the
purpose of pioneering, to break up a marriage. He, therefore, urges you
to endeavour with all your powers to become reconciled with your husband,
as he considers this is more important than that you should go forth to
a virgin territory to pioneer.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
27 August 1953 to an individual believer)

...he wishes me to say that he favours your pioneering. However,
if you consider that your going to one of the Pacific Islands as a pioneer,
will destroy your relationship with your father, then he would suggest
that perhaps your wife could go now, and then you can see how things work
out for your joining her later.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
27 September 1953 to an individual believer)

The Guardian, in view of the fact that your husband does
not really wish to be separated from you, but on the contrary is desirous
of keeping your marriage together, feels that you, as a Bahá'í,
have no right to destroy it because of your desire to serve the Faith.

Marriage is a very sacred institution. Bahá'u'lláh
said its purpose is to promote unity. If the friends neglect, for the sake
of the Cause, this institution, they place the Faith in a poor light before
the public. In these days the people of the world are so immoral, and treat
the marriage institution so lightly; and we, as Bahá'ís,
in contrast to the people of the world, are trying to create a high moral
standard, an reinstate the sanctity of marriage.

If your husband will allow you to do a certain amount
of teaching work, and occasionally to travel in the interests of the Faith,
all the better; but he does not think the Faith should be made the thing
which destroys your family life.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 6
June 1954 to an individual believer)

He feels, in view of your husband's circumstances and feelings,
and also considering that your two older children will naturally want to
see you, and indeed should see you at times so that you can help them in
their Bahá'í lives, that the wise thing for you to do is
to pioneer with your husband somewhere in the States, where your services
will be of the greatest value.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
29 July 1954 to an individual believer)

He appreciates very much the pioneer services you have rendered.
He hopes that from now on you and your dear husband will be able to serve
the Faith unitedly and devotedly together, as that is the highest form
of Bahá'í cooperation in marriage.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
3 March 1955 to an individual believer)

If the condition of the health of your parents is such that
your presence is really needed, then you should not leave them. If, however,
there is some other relative who could care for them, then you could help
with the work in ... and aid the friends in establishing the Faith on a solid
foundation there.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
28 October 1955 to an individual believer)

He will pray that the opposition of your husband and sister
may be changed, through your own acts of love, kindness, and the patience
and tolerance you show to them.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
20 March 1956 to an individual believer)

Wherever there is a Bahá'í family, those concerned
should by all means do all they can to preserve it, because divorce is
strongly condemned in the Teachings, whereas harmony, unity and love are
held up as the highest ideals in human relationships. This must always
apply to the Bahá'ís, whether they are serving in the pioneering
field or not.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
9 November 1956 to the National Spiritual Assembly of Central America)

He feels that, now that you have found the thing you were
searching for inwardly, and have this added joy in your life of our glorious
Faith, you should be kinder to your husband and more considerate than ever,
and do everything in your power to make him feel that this has not taken
you away from him, but only made your love for him, and your desire to
be a good wife to him, greater. Whether he will ultimately be able to become
a Bahá'í or not, is something that only time can tell; but
there is no doubt where your duty lies, and that is to make him appreciate
the fact that your new affiliation has not interfered in any way with his
home life or his marriage, but, on the contrary, has strengthened both.

It is difficult when one has found what one knows
is the truth, to sit by and see a dear and close relative completely blind
to it. The temptation is to try and "stir them up and make them see the
light", but this is often disastrous. Silence, love and forbearance will
win greater victories in such cases. However, your husband has no right
to ask you to give up being a Bahá'í. That is going too far.
Nobody should trespass on the sacred bond every human being has a right
to have with their Creator.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 20
April 1957 to an individual believer)

However, as you no doubt know, Bahá'u'lláh
has stated that the purpose of marriage is to promote unity, so you should
bear this in mind when dealing with your non-Bahá'í relatives;
they cannot be expected to feel the way we do on questions of racial amity,
and we must not force our views on them, but rather lovingly and wisely
seek to educate them.

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi,
30 August 1957 to an individual believer)

VII.

Extracts From Messages Of The Universal House Of Justice:

Regarding your other question concerning the strained relationship
between you and your mother-in-law and what you can do to alleviate the
situation, we feel you should, with the help and consultation of your husband,
persevere in your efforts to achieve unity in the family. From your description
of the unfriendly attitude your mother-in-law displays toward you it is
clear that you will not have an easy task. However, the important thing
is that you, as a Bahá'í, are aware of `Abdu'l-Bahá's
admonition to concentrate on an individual's good qualities and that this
approach to your mother-in-law can strengthen you in your resolve to achieve
unity. And furthermore, perseverance in prayer will give you the strength
to continue your efforts.

(In a letter written by the Universal House of
Justice, 6 September 1970 to an individual believer)

A Bahá'í who has a problem may wish to make
his own decision upon it after prayer and after weighing all the aspects
of it in his own mind; he may prefer to seek the counsel of individual
friends or of professional counsellors such as his doctor or lawyer so
that he can consider such advice when making his decision; or in a case
where several people are involved, such as a family situation, he may want
to gather together those who are affected so that they may arrive at a
collective decision....

(In a letter written by the Universal House of
Justice, 19 March 1973 to the National Spiritual Assembly of the Bahá'ís
of Canada)

That the first teacher of the child is the mother should
not be startling, for the primary orientation of the infant is to its mother.
This provision of nature in no way minimizes the role of the father in
the Bahá'í family. Again, equality of status does not mean
identity of function.

(In a letter written by the Universal House of
Justice, 23 June 1974 to an individual believer)

In considering the problems that you and your wife are experiencing,
the House of Justice points out that the unity of your family should take
priority over any other consideration. Bahá'u'lláh came to
bring unity to the world, and a fundamental unity is that of the family.
Therefore, we must believe that the Faith is intended to strengthen the
family, not weaken it. For example, service to the Cause should not produce
neglect of the family. It is important for you to arrange your time so
that your family life is harmonious and your household receives the attention
it requires.

Bahá'u'lláh also stressed the importance
of consultation. We should not think this worthwhile method of seeking
solutions is confined to the administrative institutions of the Cause.
Family consultation employing full and frank discussion, and animated by
awareness of the need for moderation and balance, can be the panacea for
domestic conflict....

(In a letter written by the Universal House of Justice,
1 August 1978 to an individual believer)

Although Bahá'í services should be undertaken
with a spirit of sacrifice, one cannot lose sight of the importance given
in our Holy Writings to the responsibilities placed on parents in relationship
to their children, as well as to the duties of children towards their parents.

(In a letter written by the Universal House of
Justice, 19 November 1978 to an individual believer)

The House of Justice suggests that all statements in the
Holy Writings concerning specific areas of the relationship between men
and women should be considered in the light of the general principle of
equality between the sexes that has been authoritatively and repeatedly
enunciated in the Sacred Texts. In one of His Tablets `Abdu'l-Bahá
asserts: "In this divine age the bounties of God have encompassed the world
of women. Equality of men and women, except in some negligible instances,
has been fully and categorically announced. Distinctions have been utterly
removed." That men and women differ from one another in certain characteristics
and functions is an inescapable fact of nature; the important thing is
that `Abdu'l-Bahá regards such inequalities as remain between the
sexes as being "negligible".

The relationship between husband and wife must be viewed
in the context of the Bahá'í ideal of family life. Bahá'u'lláh
came to bring unity to the world, and a fundamental unity is that of the
family. Therefore, one must believe that the Faith is intended to strengthen
the family, not weaken it, and one of the keys to the strengthening of
unity is loving consultation. The atmosphere within a Bahá'í
family as within the community as a whole should express "the keynote of
the Cause of God" which, the beloved Guardian has stated, "is not dictatorial
authority, but humble fellowship, not arbitrary power, but the spirit of
frank and loving consultation."

A family, however, is a very special kind of "community".
The Research Department has not come across any statements which specifically
name the father as responsible for the "security, progress and unity of
the family" as is stated in Bahíyyih Na
kh
javání's
book, but it can be inferred from a number of the responsibilities placed
upon him, that the father can be regarded as the "head" of the family.
The members of a family all have duties and responsibilities towards one
another and to the family as a whole, and these duties and responsibilities
vary from member to member because of their natural relationships. The
parents have the inescapable duty to educate their children  —  but not vice
versa; the children have the duty to obey their parents  —  the parents do
not obey the children; the mother  —  not the father  —  bears the children,
nurses them in babyhood, and is thus their first educator; hence daughters
have a prior right to education over sons and, as the Guardian's secretary
has written on his behalf, "The task of bringing up a Bahá'í
child, as emphasized time and again in Bahá'í Writings, is
the chief responsibility of the mother, whose unique privilege is indeed
to create in her home such conditions as would be most conducive to both
his material and spiritual welfare and advancement. The training which
a child first receives through his mother constitutes the strongest foundation
for his future development...."A corollary of this responsibility of the
mother is her right to be supported by her husband  —  a husband has no explicit
right to be supported by his wife. This principle of the husband's responsibility
to provide for and protect the family can be seen applied also in the law
of intestacy which provides that the family's dwelling place passes, on
the father's death, not to his widow, but to his eldest son; the son at
the same time has the responsibility to care for his mother.

It is in this context of mutual and complementary duties,
and responsibilities that one should read the Tablet in which `Abdu'l-Bahá
gives the following exhortation:

O Handmaids of the All-Sufficing God!

Exert yourselves, that haply ye may be enabled to acquire
such virtues as shall honour and distinguish you amongst all women. Of
a surety, there is no greater pride and glory for a woman than to be a
handmaid in God's Court of Grandeur; and the qualities that shall merit
her this station are an alert and wakeful heart; a firm conviction of the
unity of God, the Peerless; a heartfelt love for all His maidservants;
spotless purity and chastity; obedience to and consideration for her husband;
attention to the education and nurturing of her children; composure, calmness,
dignity and self-possession; diligence in praising God, and worshipping
Him both night and day; constancy and firmness in His holy Covenant; and
the utmost ardour, enthusiasm, and attachment to His Cause....

This exhortation to the utmost degree of spirituality and
self-abnegation should not be read as a legal definition giving the husband
absolute authority over his wife, for, in a letter written to an individual
believer on 22 July 1943, the beloved Guardian's secretary wrote on his
behalf:

The Guardian, in his remarks ... about parents' and children's,
wives' and husbands' relations in America, meant that there is a tendency
in that country for children to be too independent of the wishes of their
parents and lacking in the respect due to them. Also wives, in some cases,
have a tendency to exert an unjust degree of domination over their husbands,
which, of course, is not right, any more than that the husband should unjustly
dominate his wife.

In any group, however loving the consultation, there are
nevertheless points on which, from time to time, agreement cannot be reached.
In a Spiritual Assembly this dilemma is resolved by a majority vote. There
can, however, be no majority where only two parties are involved, as in
the case of a husband and wife. There are, therefore, times when a wife
should defer to her husband, and times when a husband should defer to his
wife, but neither should ever unjustly dominate the other. In short, the
relationship between husband and wife should be as held forth in the prayer
revealed by `Abdu'l-Bahá which is often read at Bahá'í
weddings: "Verily, they are married in obedience to Thy command. Cause
them to become the signs of harmony and unity until the end of time."

These are all relationships within the family, but there
is a much wider sphere of relationships between men and women than in the
home, and this too we should consider in the context of Bahá'í
society, not in that of past or present social norms. For example, although
the mother is the first educator of the child, and the most important formative
influence in his development, the father also has the responsibility of
educating his children, and this responsibility is so weighty that Bahá'u'lláh
has stated that a father who fails to exercise it forfeits his rights of
fatherhood.

Similarly, although the primary responsibility for supporting
the family financially is placed upon the husband, this does not by any
means imply that the place of woman is confined to the home. On the contrary,
`Abdu'l-Bahá has stated:

In the Dispensation of Bahá'u'lláh, women
are advancing side by side with men. There is no area or instance where
they will lag behind: they have equal rights with men, and will enter,
in the future, into all branches of the administration of society. Such
will be their elevation that, in every area of endeavour, they will occupy
the highest levels in the human world....

and again:

So it will come to pass that when women participate
fully and equally in the affairs of the world, when they enter confidently
and capably the great arena of laws and politics, war will cease;....

("The Promulgation of Universal Peace" p.
135
)

In the Tablet of the World, Bahá'u'lláh Himself
has envisaged that women as well as men would be breadwinners in stating:

Everyone, whether man or woman, should hand over to
a trusted person a portion of what he or she earneth through trade, agriculture
or other occupation, for the training and education of children, to be
spent for this purpose with the knowledge of the Trustees of the House
of Justice.

("Tablets of Bahá'u'lláh Revealed after
the Kitáb-i-Aqdas", p.
90
)

A very important element in the attainment of such equality
is Bahá'u'lláh's provision that boys and girls must follow
essentially the same curriculum in schools.

(In a letter written by the Universal House of Justice,
28 December 1980 to the National Spiritual Assembly of the Bahá'ís
of New Zealand

Endnotes

i       A newer translation of this passage
has been substituted for the translation originally included.

ii      Adrianople

iii     Qur'an 46:15.

iv      "Consolation of thine eye" -- idiomatic
Persian expression meaning "son".

v       Bahá'u'lláh.

vi      Cf. Gen. 9:25.

vii     The quotation in the original letter has
been replaced by this revised translation.

viii    The quotation in the original letter which was
taken from "Paris Talks", p.
182
, has been replaced by this revised translation.

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