# Baha'i Marriage and Family Life

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> Source: Bahá'í Library Online (bahai-library.com), curated by Jonah Winters. Used by permission of the curator. Original citation: (unknown), Baha'i Marriage and Family Life, bahai-library.com.
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> 
> B aháí
> M arriage
> and
> Family Life
> 
> Selections
> from the Writinss
> of the
> Bahà’i Faith
> 
> Bahà’i Publishing Trust
> Wilmette, Illinois 60091
> Originally published by the National Spiritual Assembly
> of the Bahd’is o f Canada, 1983
> 
> Copyright © 1983
> by the National Spiritual Assembly o f the Bahd’is o f Canada
> All rights reserved.
> 
> Reprinted by permission in 1997 by the
> U.S. Baha’i Publishing Trust,
> Wilmette, IL 60091-2844
> 
> Printed in the United States o f America
> 
> 00 99 98 97          4 3 2 1
> 
> Library o f Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
> 
> Baha’i marriage and family life : selections from the writings o f the
> Baha’i Faith.
> p. cm.
> Originally published: Thornhill, Ont., Canada : National Spiritual
> Assembly of the Bahd’is o f Canada, 1983.
> Includes bibliographical references.
> ISBN 0-87743-258-9
> 1.             Marriage— Religious aspects— Bahai Faith. 2. Bahai Faith—
> Doctrines. 3. Family— Religious aspects— Bahai faith.
> BP388.M37B34           1997
> 297.9’3 4 4 l— dc21
> 97-60
> CIP
> Table o f Contents
> 
> Introduction.... ............................................................................................... vii
> 
> I. The Institution o f Marriage
> A.       Law of Marriage.................................................................................. 3
> B.       Commitments and Responsibilities................................................... 4
> C.       The Marriage Ceremony.................................................................... 6
> D.       Marriage as the Basis of Unity............................................................ 8
> E.       Attitude Towards Divorce...................                                                         10
> E        Sex in Marriage.................... *.............................................................. 15
> 
> II. Preparation for Marriage
> A.       Self-Knowledge..... ............... .............................................................. 17
> B.       Choosing a Marriage Partner.............................................................. 18
> C.       Chastity ........................                                                                    22
> D.       Parental C onsent................................................................................... 24
> E.       Engagement.............                                                                              28
> 
> III. Family Life
> A.        Love and U nity..................................................................................... 31
> B.        Communication.................................................................................... 36
> C.        Tests and Difficulties.............................................................................39
> D.        Equality of Men and W om en..............................................................46
> E.        Education of Children......................................................................... 48
> F.        Relationships within the Family...........................................................54
> G.        D eath..................................................................................................... 63
> H.        Work and Finances................................................................................65
> I.        Hospitality.............................................................................................68
> J.        Relationship with Bahà’i Institutions and Community...................... 70
> K.        Family Life and Bahà’i Service..............................................................75
> L.        Prayers.................................................................................................... 79
> Introduction
> All óf the institutions of the Bahà’i Faith were established so that love
> and unity would have means of expression in the life of human society.
> This is especially true of the institution of marriage, which BaháVlláh
> called a “fortress for well-being,” and which is the foundation of family
> life.
> Nothing is more delightful than to visualize ourselves as entering
> into a relationship which ‘Abdu 1-Bahá describes as “mutual attraction
> of mind and heart,” “a tie that will endure forever,” enabling us to be­
> come “loving companions and comrades,” and “at one with each other
> for time and eternity.” The question is not: “Is this what I want?” The
> question is: “Have we developed the qualities of character which will
> make it possible to build such a relationship?”
> This compilation is designed to help us prepare for marriage, to
> assist those of us already married, and to improve our family life. It is
> also intended to assist Bahà’i Spiritual Assemblies in their educational
> and counseling responsibilities.
> Two compilations from the Bahà’i teachings on “Discouraging
> Divorce” and “Family Life,” sent to National Spiritual Assemblies by
> the Universal House of Justice, have been incorporated into this collec­
> tion. Additional passages have been selected for their capacity to shed
> further light on the terms and concepts referred to in the guidance spe­
> cifically related to Bahai marriage and family life.
> What greater joy is there than to love and to be loved, and to raise
> a family distinguished for its unity and harmony? What effort is too
> great, what discipline too strenuous for the reward of such a joy?
> 
> Warmest Bahà’i love,
> NATIONAL SPIRITUAL ASSEMBLY
> OF THE BAHÁ1S OF CANADA
> 
> vii
> B a h á í Marriage
> an d Family Life
> I. THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE
> 
> A , Law o f Marriage________________________________
> 
> 1. “And when He desired to manifest grace and beneficence to
> men, and to set the world in order. He revealed observances and created
> laws; among them He established the law of marriage, made it as a
> fortress for well-being and salvation, and enjoined it upon us in that
> which was sent down out of the heaven of sanctity in His Most Holy
> Book. He saith, great is His glory; ‘Enter into wedlock, O people, that
> ye may bring forth one who will make mention of Me and My servants.
> This is My bidding unto you; hold fast to it as an assistance to yourselves.’”
> (Bahà’u’ilàh,            U.S. 1982, p. 187)
> 
> 2. “The pious deeds of the monks and priests among the followers
> of the Spirit— upon Him be the peace of God— are remembered in His
> presence. In this Day, however, let them give up the life of seclusion and
> direct their steps towards the open world and busy themselves with that
> 
> 4    BAHÁ’1 MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE
> 
> which will profit themselves and others. We have granted them leave to
> enter into wedlock that they may bring forth one who will make men­
> tion of God, the Lord of the seen and the unseen, the Lord of the Ex­
> alted Throne.”
> (BaháVlláh, Tablets o f Bahâ’u'llâh, p. 24)
> 
> 3. “Regarding the question of matrimony: Know thou that the
> command of marriage is eternal. It will never be changed nor altered.
> This is divine creation and there is not the slightest possibility that change
> or alteration affect this divine creation (marriage).”
> (‘Abdu 1-Bahá, Tablets o f Abdul-Baha Abbas, Vol. II, p. 474)
> 
> 4. “O f course, under normal circumstances, every person should
> consider it his moral duty to marry. And this is what Bahďulláh has
> encouraged the believers to do. But marriage is by no means an obliga­
> tion. In the last resort it is for the individual to decide whether he wishes
> to lead a family life or live in a state of celibacy.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated May 3, 1936, to an individual believer)
> 
> 5. “It should, moreover, be borne in mind that although to be
> married is highly desirable, and BaháVlláh has strongly recommended
> it, it is not the central purpose of life. If a person has to wait a consider­
> able period before finding a spouse, or if ultimately, he or she must
> remain single, it does not mean that he or she is thereby unable to fulfill
> his or her life’s purpose.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, Messages from the Universal
> House o f Justice, 1963-1986, 126.9)
> 
> B, Commitments and Responsibilities______________
> 
> 6.        “Bahà’i marriage is the commitment of the two parties one to
> the other, and their mutual attachment of mind and heart. Each must,
> however, exercise the utmost care to become thoroughly acquainted with
> the character of the other, that the binding covenant between them may
> be a tie that will endure forever. Their purpose must be this: to become
> THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE                      5
> 
> loving companions and comrades and at one with each other for time
> and eternity...
> “The true marriage of Bahà’is is this, that husband and wife should
> be united both physically and spiritually, that they may ever improve
> the spiritual life of each other, and may enjoy everlasting unity through­
> out all the worlds of God. This is Bahd’i marriage.”
> (‘A bdul- Bahá, Selectionsfrom the Writings o f A
> ‘ bdul-Bahá, 86.1-2)
> 
> 7. “O ye two believers in God! The Lord, peerless is He, hath
> made woman and man to abide with each other in the closest compan­
> ionship, and to be even as a single soul. They are two helpmates, two
> intimate friends, who should be concerned about the welfare of each
> other.
> “If they live thus, they will pass through this world with perfect
> contentment, bliss, and peace of heart, and become the object of divine
> grace and favor in the Kingdom of heaven. But if they do other than
> this they will live out their lives in great bitterness, longing at every
> moment for death, and will be shamefaced in the heavenly realm.
> “Strive, then, to abide, heart and soul with each other as two doves
> in the nest, for this is to be blessed in both worlds.”
> (Abdul-Bahá, Selectionsfrom the Writings o f A
> ‘ bdul-Bahá, 92.1-3)
> 
> 8 . “O ye my two beloved children! The news of your union, as
> soon as it reached me, imparted infinite joy and gratitude. Praise be to
> God, those two faithful birds have sought shelter in one nest. I beseech
> God that He may enable them to raise an honored family, for the impor­
> tance of marriage lieth in the bringing up of a richly blessed family, so
> that with entire gladness they may, even as candles, illuminate the world.
> For the enlightenment of the world dependeth upon the existence of
> man. If man did not exist in this world, it would have been like a tree
> without fruit. My hope is that you both may become even as one tree,
> and may, through the outpourings of the cloud of loving-kindness, ac­
> quire freshness and charm, and may blossom and yield fruit, so that
> your line may eternally endure.
> “Upon ye be the Glory of the Most Glorious.”
> (Abdu 1-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f A
> ‘ bdul-Bahá, 88.1-2)
> 6    BAHAI MAH HI A(. I ANIH AMU Y I II I
> 
> 9.    . . it is cnjoinrd upon ili» I . h I k i .nul mother, as a duty, to
> strive with all effort to train the duughiri and the son, to nurse them
> from the breast oi knowledge and i<> teat them in the bosom o f sciences
> and arts. Should they neglect this matter, they shall be held responsible
> and worthy o f reproach in the present e of the stern Lord.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f Abdul-Bahd, 98.2)
> 
> 10.        “There is nothing in the Sacred Writings specifically on the
> subjects o f birth control, abortion or sterilization, but BaháVlláh did
> state that the primary purpose o f marriage was the procreation o f chil­
> dren, and it is to this primary purpose that the beloved Guardian alludes
> in many o f the letters which are quoted in the compilation. This does
> not imply that a couple are obliged to have as many children as they
> can; the Guardians secretary clearly stated on his behalf, in answer to an
> enquiry, that it was for the husband and wife to decide how many chil­
> dren they would have. A decision to have no children at all would vitiate
> the primary purpose o f marriage unless, o f course, there were some
> medical reason why such a decision would be required.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated January 28, 1977,
> to an individual believer)
> 
> C. The Marriage Cerem ony
> 
> 11. “It is incumbent upon both parties to recite a specifically re­
> vealed verse indicating their being content with the will o f God.”
> {Synopsis and Codification o f the Laws and Ordinances o f the Kitáb-i-Aqdas, p. 40)
> 
> 12. “The specifically revealed verse is, ‘We will all, verily, abide by
> the Will o f God.’”
> (Synopsis and Codification o f the Laws and Ordinances o f the Kitáb-i-Aqdas, p. 59)
> 
> 13. “. . . Bahà’i marriages should be referred to Assemblies to
> officiate.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated June 23, 1950,
> written on his behalf to the National Spiritual Assembly o f Canada)
> THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE                      7
> 
> 14. “The ceremony itself must be very simple.”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, quoted in Principles o f Bahá7 Administration, p. 13)
> 
> 15.        “Bahd’i marriage should at present not be pressed into any
> kind o f a uniform mold. What is absolutely essential is what BaháVlláh
> stipulated in the Aqdas: the friends can add to these selected writings if
> they please— but the so-called ‘Marriage Tablet* (revealed by ‘Abdu’l-
> Bahá) is not a necessary part o f every Bahà’i marriage.”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, quoted in Principles o f Bahá / Administration, p. 14)
> 
> 16. “In cases where there is more than one ceremony, the Bahá*í
> service and the other civil or religious ceremony must be performed on
> the same day.”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, From a letter dated June 20, 1940,
> to the National Spiritual Assembly oř Australia and New Zealand)
> 
> 17. “As to the holding o f the Bahá*í and civil ceremonies on the
> same day, as consummation o f the marriage should not take place until
> both ceremonies have been held, a night should not intervene between
> the two ceremonies.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated April 23, 1971,
> to the National Spiritual Assembly o f the United States)
> 
> 18. “. . . The bride and groom, before two witnesses, must state:
> ‘We will all, verily, abide by the Will o f God.* These two witnesses may
> be chosen by the couple or by the Spiritual Assembly, but must in any
> case be acceptable to the Assembly.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated August 8, 1969,
> to the National Spiritual Assembly o f the United States)
> 
> 19. “The consummation o f marriage by a couple is, as you aptly
> state, an intimate and private matter outside the scrutiny o f others. While
> consummation normally implies a sexual relationship, the Bahá*í law
> requiring consummation to take place within twenty-four hours o f the
> 8    BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE
> 
> ceremony can be considered as fulfilled if the couple has commenced
> cohabitation with the intention o f setting up the family relationship.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated July 28, 1978,
> to an individual believer)
> 
> 2 0 . . . persons wishing to marry after they become Bahà’is must
> have a Bahd’i ceremony and are indeed not regarded as married unless
> they have met the requirements o f Bahd’i law.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated May 22, 1967,
> to the National Spiritual Assembly o f the United States)
> 
> 21. “. . . as the Guardian says, ‘Bahai marriage is something you
> perform when you are going to be united for the first time, not long after
> the union takes place.’ If, however, such a couple would like to have a
> meeting o f their friends at which Bahà’i prayers and readings are said on
> behalf o f their marriage now that they are Bahà’is, there is no objection
> to their doing so, although it must be understood that this does not
> constitute a Bahà’i marriage ceremony.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated June 23, 1969,
> to the National Spiritual Assembly o f Peru)
> 
> D. Marriage as the Basis o f Unity___________________
> 
> 22. “The Great Being saith: O ye children o f men! The funda­
> mental purpose animating the Faith o f God and His Religion is to safe­
> guard the interests and promote the unity o f the human race, and to
> foster the spirit o f love and fellowship amongst men.”
> (Baha ulláh, Gleanings from the Writings o f Bahâ'ullâk, p. 213)
> 
> 23. “. . . Verily they are married in obedience to Thy command.
> Cause them to become the signs o f harmony and unity until the end o f
> time. Verily Thou art the Omnipotent, the Omnipresent and the Al­
> mighty!”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Bahcl'l I*rayers, U.S. 1982, p. 107)
> THE INSTITUTIO N OF MARRIAGE                    9
> 
> 24. “From separation doth every kind o f hurt and harm proceed,
> but the union o f created things doth ever yield most laudable results.
> From the pairing o f even the smallest particles in the world o f being are
> the grace and bounty o f God made manifest; and the higher the degree,
> the more momentous is the union. ‘Glory be to Him W ho hath created
> all the pairs, o f such things as earth produceth, and out o f men them­
> selves, and o f things beyond their ken.5 And above all other unions is
> that between human beings, especially when it cometh to pass in the
> love o f God. Thus is the primal oneness made to appear; thus is laid the
> foundation o f love in the spirit.”
> (‘Abdul-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá, 87.2)
> 
> 25. “Marriage, among the mass o f the people, is a physical bond,
> and this union can only be temporary, since it is foredoomed to a physi­
> cal separation at the close.
> “Among the people o f Bahá, however, marriage must be a union
> o f the body and o f the spirit as well, for here both husband and wife are
> aglow with the same wine, both are enamored o f the same matchless
> Face, both live and move through the same spirit, both are illumined by
> the same glory. This connection between them is a spiritual one, hence
> it is a bond that will abide forever. Likewise do they enjoy strong and
> lasting ties in the physical world as well, for if the marriage is based both
> on the spirit and the body, that union is a true one, hence it will endure.
> If, however, the bond is physical and nothing more, it is sure to be only
> temporary, and must inexorably end in separation.
> “When, therefore, the people o f Bahá undertake to marry, the
> union must be a true relationship, a spiritual coming together as well as
> a physical one, so that throughout every phase o f life, and in all the
> worlds o f God, their union will endure; for this real oneness is a gleam­
> ing out o f the love o f God.
> “In the same way, when any souls grow to be true believers, they
> will attain a spiritual relationship with one another, and show forth a
> tenderness which is not o f this world. They will, all o f them, become
> elated from a draught o f divine love, and that union o f theirs, that con­
> nection, will also abide forever. Souls, that is, who will consign their
> own selves to oblivion, strip from themselves the defects o f humankind,
> 10    BAHÁ1 MARRIAGE AN D FAMILY LIFE
> 
> and unchain themselves from human bondage, will beyond any doubt
> be illumined with the heavenly splendors o f oneness, and will all attain
> unto real union in the world that dieth not.”
> (Abdul-Bahá, Selectionsfrom the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá, 84.2-5)
> 
> 26.        “As to thy question concerning the husband and wife, the tie
> between them and the children given to them by God: Know thou,
> verily, the husband is one who hath sincerely turned unto God, is awak­
> ened by the call o f the Beauty o f the All-Glorious and chanteth the
> verses o f Oneness in the great assemblies; the wife is a being who wisheth
> to be overflowing with and seeketh after the attributes o f God and His
> names; and the tie between them is none other than the Word o f God.
> Verily, it causeth the multitudes to assemble together and the remote
> ones to be united. Thus the husband and wife are brought into affinity,
> are united and harmonized, even as though they were one person.
> Through their mutual union, companionship and love great results are
> produced in the world, both material and spiritual. The spiritual result
> is the appearance o f divine bounties. The material result is the children
> who are born in the cradle o f the love o f God, who are nurtured by the
> breast o f the knowledge o f God, who are brought up in the bosom o f
> the gift o f God, and who are fostered in the lap o f the training o f God.
> Such children are those o f whom it was said by Christ, ‘Verily, they are
> the children o f the Kingdom!’”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Tablets o f Abdul-Baha Abbas, Vol. Ill, pp. 60 5 -6 0 6 )
> 
> E. A ttitu d e Towards Divorce
> 
> 27.       “God doth verily love union and concord, and abhorreth sepa­
> ration and divorce.”
> (Bahá’ulláh, quoted in a compilation dated January 18, 1980,
> sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)
> 
> 28.        “Now the friends in America must live and conduct them­
> selves in this way. They must strictly refrain from divorce unless some­
> thing ariseth which compelled! them to separate because o f their aver-
> THE INSTITUTIO N OF MARRIAGE                   11
> 
> sion for each other, in that case with the knowledge o f the Spiritual
> Assembly they may decide to separate. They must then be patient and
> wait one complete year. If during this year harmony is not re-established
> between them, then divorce may be realized. It should not happen that
> upon the occurrence o f a slight friction or displeasure between husband
> and wife, the husband would think o f union with some other woman,
> or God forbid, the wife also think o f another husband. This is contrary
> to the standard o f heavenly value and true chastity. The friends o f God
> must so live and conduct themselves, and evince such excellence o f char­
> acter and conduct, as to make others astonished. The love between hus­
> band and wife should not be purely physical, nay rather it must be spiri­
> tual and heavenly. These two souls should be considered as one soul.
> How difficult it would be to divide a single soul! Nay, greater would be
> the difficulty.
> “In short, the foundation o f the Kingdom o f God is based upon
> harmony and love, oneness, relationship and union, not upon differences,
> especially between husband and wife. If one o f these two become the
> cause o f divorce, that one will unquestionably fall into great difficulties,
> will become the victim o f formidable calamities and experience deep
> remorse.”
> CAbdu 1-Bahá, quoted in a compilation dated January 18, 1980,
> sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)
> 
> 29.        “The situation facing you is admittedly difficult and delicate,
> but no less grave and indeed vital are the responsibilities which it entails
> and which, as a faithful and loyal believer, you should conscientiously
> and thoroughly assume. The Guardian, therefore, while fully alive to
> the special circumstances o f your case, and however profound his sym­
> pathy may be for you in this challenging issue with which you are so
> sadly faced, cannot, in view o f the emphatic injunctions contained in
> the Teachings, either sanction your demand to contract a second mar­
> riage while your first wife is still alive and is united with you in the
> sacred bonds o f matrimony, or even suggest or approve that you divorce
> her just in order to be permitted to marry a new one.
> “For the Bahà’i Teachings do not only preclude the possibility o f
> bigamy, but also, while permitting divorce, consider it a reprehensible
> 12    BAHÂ’f m a r r i a g e a n d f a m il y l if e
> 
> act, which should be resorted to only in exceptional circumstances, and
> when grave issues are involved, transcending such . . . considerations as
> physical attraction or sexual compatibility and harmony. The institu­
> tion o f marriage, as established by BaháVlláh, while giving due impor­
> tance to the physical aspect o f marital union considers it as subordinate
> to the moral and spiritual purposes and functions with which it has
> been invested by an all-wise and loving Providence. Only when these
> different values are given each their due importance, and only on the
> basis o f the subordination o f the physical to the moral, and the carnal to
> the spiritual can such excesses and laxity in marital relations as our deca­
> dent age is so sadly witnessing be avoided, and family life be restored to
> its original purity, and fulfill the true function for which it has been
> instituted by God.
> “The Guardian will most fervently pray that, inspired and guided
> by such divine standard, and strengthened by Bahďu lláhs unfailing as­
> sistance and confirmations, you may be able to satisfactorily adjust your
> relations with the persons concerned, and thus reach the one right solu­
> tion for this assuredly challenging problem o f your life.”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated May 8, 1939, written on his behalf
> to a believer who, having married his first wife out of compassion, now wished
> to be permitted to marry a woman with whom he had fallen in love,
> saying that his wife was agreeable to his taking this second wife.)
> 
> 3 0 . “Regarding divorce, the Guardian stated that it is discouraged,
> deprecated and against the good pleasure o f God. The Assembly must
> circulate among the friends whatever has been revealed from the Pen o f
> ‘A bdu 1-Bahá in this connection so that all may be fully reminded. D i­
> vorce is conditional upon the approval and permission o f the Spiritual
> Assembly. The members o f the Assembly must in such matters indepen­
> dently and carefully study and investigate each case. If there should be
> valid grounds for divorce and it is found that reconciliation is utterly
> impossible, that antipathy is intense and its removal is not possible,
> then the Assembly may approve the divorce.”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated July 7, 1938,
> to the National Spiritual Assembly o f Iran)
> 
> 31. “Shoghi EfFendi wishes me to add this note in connection with
> your marriage; he does not feel that any believer, under any circum-
> THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE                    13
> 
> stances whatsoever, can ever use the Cause or service to it as a reason for
> abandoning their marriage; divorce, as we know it, is very strongly con­
> demned by BaháVlláh, and only grounds o f extreme gravity justify it.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated April 7, 1947,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 32. “Wherever there is a Bahà’i family, those concerned should by
> all means do all they can to preserve it, because divorce is strongly con­
> demned in the Teachings, whereas harmony, unity and love are held up
> as the highest ideals in human relationships. This must always apply to
> the Bahà’is, whether they are serving in the pioneering field or not.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated November 9, 1956,
> written on his behalf to the National Spiritual Assembly o f Central America)
> 
> 33. “He wishes me to tell you that he regrets extremely the sorrow
> that has come into your life, and that he agrees with all you have stated
> in general on the subject o f divorce.
> “There is no doubt about it that the believers in America, prob­
> ably unconsciously influenced by the extremely lax morals prevalent and
> the flippant attitude towards divorce which seems to be increasingly pre­
> vailing, do not take divorce seriously enough and do not seem to grasp
> the fact that although BaháVlláh has permitted it, He has only permit­
> ted it as a last resort and strongly condemns it.
> “The presence o f children, as a factor in divorce, cannot be ig­
> nored, for surely it places an even greater weight o f moral responsibility
> on the man and wife in considering such a step. Divorce under such
> circumstances no longer just concerns them and their desires and feel­
> ings but also concerns the childrens entire future and their own attitude
> towards marriage.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated December 19, 1947,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 3 4 . “Divorce should be avoided most strictly by the believers, and
> only under rare and urgent circumstances be resorted to. Modern soci­
> ety is criminally lax as to the sacred nature o f marriage, and the believers
> must combat this trend assiduously.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated January 5, 1948,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 14    BAHÁ1 MARRIAGE A ND FAMILY LIFE
> 
> 35.        “He was very sorry to hear that you are contemplating separa­
> tion from your husband. As you no doubt know, Bahďu lláh considers
> the marriage bond very sacred; and only under very exceptional and
> unbearable circumstances is divorce advisable for Bahd’is.
> “The Guardian does not tell you that you must not divorce your
> husband; but he does urge you to consider prayerfully, not only because
> you are a believer and anxious to obey the laws o f God, but also for the
> sake o f the happiness o f your children, whether it is not possible for you
> to rise above the limitations you have felt in your marriage hitherto, and
> make a go o f it together.
> “We often feel that our happiness lies in a certain direction; and
> yet, if we have to pay too heavy a price for it in the end we may discover
> that we have not really purchased either freedom or happiness, but just
> some new situation o f frustration and disillusion.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated April 5, 1951,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 36.         “He was very sorry to hear that you and your husband are still
> so unhappy together. It is always a source o f sorrow in life when married
> people cannot get on well together, but the Guardian feels that you and
> your husband, in contemplating divorce, should think o f the future o f
> your children and how this major step on your part will influence their
> lives and happiness.
> “If you feel the need o f advice and consultation he suggests you
> consult your local Assembly; your fellow Bahd’is will surely do all they
> can to counsel and help you, protect your interests and those o f the
> Cause.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated November 16, 1945,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 37.         “Marriage is, in the Aqdas, set forth as a most sacred and bind­
> ing tie, and the Bahd’is should realize that divorce is viewed as a last
> resort, to be avoided at all costs if possible and not to be lightly granted.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated October 17,1944,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> TH E INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE                    15
> 
> F. Sex in Marriage
> 
> 3 8 . .. Enter ye into wedlock, that after you another may arise in
> your stead. We, verily, have forbidden you lechery, and not that which is
> conducive to fidelity. .
> (BaháVlláh, Epistle to the Son o f the Wolf p. 49)
> 
> 39. “‘Enter into wedlock, O people, that ye may bring forth one
> who will make mention o f Me amid My servants. This is my bidding
> unto you; hold fast to it as an assistance to yourselves/”
> (BaháVlláh, Bahá VPrayers, U.S. 1982, p. 105)
> 
> 4 0 . “Wherefore, wed Thou in the heaven o f Thy mercy these two
> birds o f the nest o f Thy love, and make them the means o f attracting
> perpetual grace: that from the union o f these two seas o f love a wave o f
> tenderness may surge and cast the pearls o f pure and goodly issue on the
> shore o f life.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Bahai Prayers, U.S. 1982, p. 188)
> 
> 41. “BaháVlláh has urged marriage upon all people as the natural
> and rightful way o f life. He has also, however, placed strong emphasis
> on its spiritual nature, which, while in no way precluding a normal physi­
> cal way o f life, is the most essential aspect o f marriage. That two people
> should live their lives in love and harmony is o f far greater importance
> than that they should be consumed with passion for each other. The one
> is a great rock o f strength on which to lean in time o f need; the other is
> a purely temporary thing which may at any time die out.”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated January 20, 1943,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 4 2 . “The Bahà’i Faith recognizes the value o f the sex impulse, but
> condemns its illegitimate and improper expressions such as free love,
> companionate marriage and others, all o f which it considers positively
> harmful to man and to the society in which he lives. The proper use o f
> the sex instinct is the natural right o f every individual, and it is precisely
> for this very purpose that the institution o f marriage has been estab-
> 16    BAHÁ1 MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE
> 
> lished. The Bahà’is do not believe in the suppression o f the sex impulse
> but in its regulation and control.”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated September 5, 1938,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 43.         “The question you raise as to the place in ones life that a deep
> bond o f love with someone we meet other than our husband or wife can
> have is easily defined in view o f the teachings. Chastity implies both
> before and after marriage an unsullied, chaste sex life. Before marriage
> absolutely chaste, after marriage absolutely faithful to ones chosen com­
> panion. Faithful in all sexual acts, faithful in word and in deed.
> “The world today is submerged, amongst other things, in an over­
> exaggeration o f the importance o f physical love, and a dearth o f spiri­
> tual values. In as far as possible the believers should try to realize this
> and rise above the level o f their fellow-men who are, typical o f all deca­
> dent periods in history, placing so much over-emphasis on the purely
> physical side o f mating. Outside o f their normal, legitimate married life
> they should seek to establish bonds o f comradeship and love which are
> eternal and founded on the spiritual life o f man, not on his physical life.
> This is one o f the many fields in which it is incumbent on the Bahd’is to
> set the example and lead the way to a true human standard o f life, when
> the soul o f man is exalted and his body but the tool for his enlightened
> spirit. Needless to say this does not preclude the living o f a perfectly
> normal sex life in its legitimate channel o f marriage.”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, From a letter dated September 28, 1941,
> written on his behalF to an individual believer)
> IL PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE
> 
> A . Self-Knowledge_______________________________
> 
> 4 4 . “O My servants! Could ye apprehend with what wonders o f
> My munificence and bounty I have willed to entrust your souls, ye would,
> o f a truth, rid yourselves o f attachment to all created things, and would
> gain a true knowledge o f your own selves— a knowledge which is the
> same as the comprehension o f Mine own Being. Ye would find your­
> selves independent o f all else but Me, and would perceive, with your
> inner and outer eye, and as manifest as the revelation o f My effulgent
> Name, the seas o f My loving-kindness and bounty moving within you.”
> (BaháVlláh, Gleanings from the Writings o f BaháVlláh, pp. 326-327)
> 
> 4 5 . “Far, far from Thy glory be what mortal man can affirm o f
> Thee, or attribute unto Thee, or the praise with which he can glorify
> Thee! Whatever duty Thou hast prescribed unto Thy servants o f extol­
> ling to the utmost Thy majesty and glory is but a token o f Thy grace
> 
> 18    BAHÀ’f MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE
> 
> unto them, that they may be enabled to ascend unto the station con­
> ferred upon their own inmost being, the station o f the knowledge o f
> their own selves.”
> (BaháVlláh, Gleanings from the Writings o f BaháVlláh, pp. 4 -5 )
> 
> 4 6 . . . man should know his own self, and recognize that which
> leadeth unto loftiness or lowliness, glory or abasement, wealth or pov­
> erty.”
> (BaháVlláh, Tablets o f BaháVlláh, p. 35)
> 
> B. Choosing a Marriage Partner____________________
> 
> 4 7 . “O SO N OF SPIRIT!
> WI created thee rich, why dost thou bring thyself down to poverty?
> Noble I made thee, wherewith dost thou abase thyself? O ut o f the es­
> sence o f knowledge I gave thee being, why seekest thou enlightenment
> from anyone beside Me? Out o f the clay o f love I molded thee, how
> dost thou busy thyself with another? Turn thy sight unto thyself, that
> thou mayest find Me standing within thee, mighty, powerful and selfsubsisting.”
> (BaháVlláh, The Hidden Words, pp. 6 -7 )
> 
> 4 8 . “Disencumber yourselves o f all attachment to this world and
> the vanities thereof. Beware that ye approach them not, inasmuch as
> they prompt you to walk after your own lusts and covetous desires, and
> hinder you from entering the straight and glorious Path.”
> (BaháVlláh, Gleanings from the Writings o f Bahďulláh, p. 276)
> 
> 4 9 . “O SO N OF BEING!
> “Bring thyself to account each day ere thou art summoned to a
> reckoning; for death, unheralded, shall come upon thee and thou shalt
> be called to give account for thy deeds.”
> (BaháVlláh,                      p. 11)
> PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE                    19
> 
> 50. “O MY SON!”
> “The company o f the ungodly increaseth sorrow, whilst fellow­
> ship with the righteous cleanseth the rust from off the heart. He that
> seeketh to commune with God, let him betake himself to the compan­
> ionship o f His loved ones; and he that desireth to hearken to the word
> o f God, let him give ear to the words o f His chosen ones.”
> (BaháVlláh, The Hidden Words, p. 42)
> 
> 51. “Consultation bestoweth greater awareness and transmuteth
> conjecture into certitude. It is a shining light which, in a dark world,
> leadeth the way and guideth. For everything there is and will continue
> to be a station o f perfection and maturity. The maturity o f the gift o f
> understanding is made manifest through consultation.”
> (BaháVlláh, quoted in Consultation: A Compilation, no. 3)
> 
> 52. “Now speak forth with fairness. Do not misrepresent the mat­
> ter, neither to thyself nor to the people.”
> (lAbdu’l-Bahá, Tablets o f Abdul-Baha Abbas, Vol. I, p. 43)
> 
> 53. “As for the question regarding marriage under the Law o f God:
> first thou must choose one who is pleasing to thee, and then the matter
> is subject to the consent o f father and mother. Before thou makest thy
> choice, they have no right to interfere.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Selectionsfrom the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá, 83.1)
> 
> 5 4 . “The love which exists between the hearts o f believers is
> prompted by the ideal o f the unity o f spirits. This love is attained through
> the knowledge o f God, so that men see the Divine Love reflected in the
> heart. Each sees in the other the Beauty o f God reflected in the soul,
> and finding this point o f similarity, they are attracted to one another in
> love. This love will make all men the waves o f one sea, this love will
> make them all the stars o f one heaven and the fruits o f one tree. This
> love will bring the realization o f true accord, the foundation o f real
> unity.
> “But the love which sometimes exists between friends is not (true)
> love, because it is subject to transmutation; this is merely fascination. As
> 20    BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE
> 
> the breeze blows, the slender trees yield. If the wind is in the East the
> tree leans to the West, and if the wind turns to the West the tree leans to
> the East. This kind o f love is originated by the accidental conditions o f
> life. This is not love, it is merely acquaintanceship; it is subject to change.
> “Today you will see two souls apparently in close friendship; to­
> morrow all this may be changed. Yesterday they were ready to die for
> one another, today they shun one another’s society! This is not love; it is
> the yielding o f the hearts to the accidents o f life. When that which has
> caused this ‘love’ to exist passes, the love passes also; this is not in reality
> love.”
> (‘Abdu 1-Bahá, Paris Talks, 59.7-9)
> 
> 55. “O thou son o f the Kingdom! If one possesses the love o f
> God, everything that he undertakes is useful, but if the undertaking is
> without the love o f God, then it is hurtful and the cause o f veiling one’s
> self from the Lord o f the Kingdom. But with the love o f God every
> bitterness is changed into sweetness and every gift becometh precious.
> For instance, a musical and melodious voice imparteth life to an at­
> tracted heart but lureth toward lust those souls who are engulfed in
> passion and desire.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, quoted in Bahá VWorld Faith, p. 366)
> 
> 56. “It is extremely difficult to teach the individual and refine his
> character once puberty is passed. By then, as experience hath shown,
> even if every effort be exerted to modify some tendency o f his, it all
> availeth nothing. He may, perhaps, improve somewhat today; but let a
> few days pass and he forgetteth, and turneth backward to his habitual
> condition and accustomed ways.”
> (‘Abdu 1-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f 'Abdiil-Bahâ, 111.7)
> 
> 57. “But thou must submit to and rely upon God under all condi­
> tions and He will bestow upon thee that which is conducive to thy well­
> being. Verily He is the merciful and compassionate! For how many an
> affair was involved in difficulty and then was straightened, and how
> many a problem was solved by the permission o f God.”
> (‘Abdu 1-Bahá, Tablets o f Abdul-Baha Abbas, Vol. I, p. 10)
> PRÉPARATION FOR MARRIAGE                   21
> 
> 58. “If it be possible, gather together these two races, black and
> white, into one Assembly, and put such love into their hearts that they
> shall not only unite but even intermarry. Be sure that the result o f this
> will abolish differences and disputes between black and white.”
> (‘Abdu 1-Bahá, quoted in Bahá *i World Faith, p. 359)
> 
> 59. .. we must reach a spiritual plane where God comes first and
> great human passions are unable to turn us away from Him. All the time
> we see people who either through the force o f hate or the passionate
> attachment they have to another person, sacrifice principle or bar them­
> selves from the Path o f God . . .
> “We must love God, and in this state, a general love for all men
> becomes possible. We cannot love each human being for himself, but
> our feeling towards humanity should be motivated by our love for the
> Father who created all men.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated October 4, 1950,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 6 0. “. . . your statement to the effect that the principle o f the
> oneness o f mankind prevents any true Bahà’i from regarding race itself
> as a bar to union is in complete accord with the Teachings o f the Faith
> on this point. For both Bahd’u lldh and Abdu 1-Bahá never disapproved
> the idea o f inter-racial marriage, nor discouraged it. The Bahd’i Teach­
> ings, indeed, by their very nature transcend all limitations imposed by
> race, and as such can and should never be identified with any particular
> school o f racial philosophy.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated January 27, 1935,
> written on his behalf to the National Spiritual Assembly o f the United States
> and Canada— BaháH News, no. 90, March 1935, p. 1)
> 
> 61. “There is a difference between character and faith; it is often
> very hard to accept this fact and put up with it, but the fact remains that
> a person may believe in and love the Cause— even to being ready to die
> for it— and yet not have a good personal character, or possess traits at
> variance with the teachings. We should try to change, to let the Power
> o f God help recreate us and make us true Bahá’is in deed as well as in
> 22    BAHA’I MARRIAGE AN D FAMILY LIFE
> 
> belief. But sometimes the process is slow, sometimes it never happens
> because the individual does not try hard enough. But these things cause
> us suffering and are a test to us . . . ”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated October 17, 1944,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 62.       “A couple should study each others character and spend time
> getting to know each other before they decide to marry, and when they
> do marry it should be with the intention o f establishing an eternal bond.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated
> November 2, 1982, to an individual believer)
> 
> C. Chastity
> 
> 6 3 . “We, verily, have decreed in Our Book a goodly and bountiful
> reward to whosoever will turn away from wickedness and lead a chaste
> and godly life. He, in truth, is the Great Giver, the All-Bountiful.”
> (BaháVlláh, Gleanings from the Writings o f BaháVlláh, p. 117)
> 
> 6 4 . “I implore Thee, O Thou Fashioner o f the nations and the
> King o f eternity, to guard Thy handmaidens within the tabernacle o f
> Thy chastity, and to cancel such o f their deeds as are unworthy o f Thy
> days.”
> (BaháVlláh, Prayers and Meditations, p. 231)
> 
> 6 5 . “Purity and chastity have been, and still are, the most great
> ornaments for the handmaidens o f God. God is My Witness! The bright­
> ness o f the light o f chastity sheddeth its illumination upon the worlds
> o f the spirit, and its fragrance is wafted even unto the Most Exalted
> Paradise. God hath verily made chastity to be a crown for the heads o f
> His handmaidens. Great is the blessedness o f that handmaiden that hath
> attained unto this great station.”
> (BaháVlláh, quoted in The Advent o f Divine Justice, p. 27)
> PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE                    23
> 
> 6 6 . “Say: He is not to be numbered with the people o f Bahá who
> followeth his mundane desires, or fixeth his heart on things o f the earth
> . . . if he met the fairest and most comely o f women, he would not feel
> his heart seduced by the least shadow o f desire for her beauty. Such an
> one, indeed, is the creation o f spotless chastity. Thus instructeth you
> the Pen o f the Ancient o f Days, as bidden by your Lord, the Almighty,
> the All-Bountiful.”
> (BaháVlláh, Gleanings from the Writings o f BaháVlláh, p. 118)
> 
> 67. “As this physical frame is the throne o f the inner temple, what­
> ever occurs to the former is felt by the latter. In reality that which takes
> delight in joy or is saddened by pain is the inner temple o f the body, not
> the body itself. Since this physical body is the throne whereon the inner
> temple is established, God hath ordained that the body be preserved to
> the extent possible, so that nothing that causeth repugnance may be
> experienced.”
> (The Báb, Selectionsfrom the Writings o f the Báb, p. 95)
> 
> 68.        “Such a chaste and holy life, with its implications o f modesty,
> purity, temperance, decency, and clean-mindedness, involves no less
> than the exercise o f moderation in all that pertains to dress, language,
> amusements, and all artistic and literary avocations. It demands daily
> vigilance in the control o f ones carnal desires and corrupt inclinations.
> It calls for the abandonment o f a frivolous conduct, with its excessive
> attachment to trivial and often misdirected pleasures. It requires total
> abstinence from all alcoholic drinks, from opium, and from similar habit­
> forming drugs. It condemns the prostitution o f art and literature, the
> practices o f nudism and o f companionate marriage, infidelity in marital
> relationships, and all manner o f promiscuity, o f easy familiarity, and o f
> sexual vices. It can tolerate no compromise with the theories, the stan­
> dards, the habits, and the excesses o f a decadent age. Nay rather it seeks
> to demonstrate, through the dynamic force o f its example, the perni­
> cious character o f such theories, the falsity o f such standards, the hol­
> lowness o f such claims, the perversity o f such habits, and the sacrile­
> gious character o f such excesses.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, The Advent o f Divine Justice, p. 25)
> 24    BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE
> 
> 6 9.        “Concerning your question whether there are any legitimate
> forms o f expression o f the sex instinct outside o f marriage; according to
> the Bahà’i Teachings no sexual act can be considered lawful unless per­
> formed between lawfully married persons. Outside o f marital life there
> can be no lawful or healthy use o f the sex impulse. The Bahd’i youth
> should, on the one hand, be taught the lesson o f self-control which,
> when exercised, undoubtedly has a salutary effect on the development
> o f character and o f personality in general, and on the other should be
> advised, nay even encouraged, to contract marriage while still young
> and in full possession o f their physical vigor. Economic factors, no doubt,
> are often a serious hindrance to early marriage but in most cases are only
> an excuse, and as such should not be over stressed.”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated December 13, 1940,
> to an individual believer)
> 
> D. Parental Consent
> 
> 70. “Verily in the Book o f Bayan (the Bábs Revelation) the matter
> is restricted to the consent o f both (bride and bridegroom). As we de­
> sired to bring about love and friendship and the unity o f the people,
> therefore We made it conditional upon the consent o f the parents also,
> that enmity and ill-feeling might be avoided.”
> (Bahà’u’ilàh, quoted in Bahaulldh and the New Era, p. 182)
> 
> 71. “Marriage is conditioned on the consent o f both parties and
> their parents, whether the woman be a maiden or not.”
> (Synopsis and Codification o f the Laws and Ordinances
> o f the Kitab-i-Aqdas, p. 39)
> 
> 7 2 . “Bahďulláh has clearly stated the consent o f all living parents
> is required for Bahà’i marriage. This applies whether the parents are
> Bahà’is or non-Bahá’ís, divorced for years or not. This great law He has
> laid down to strengthen the social fabric, to knit closer the ties o f the
> home, to place a certain gratitude and respect in the hearts o f children
> for those who have given them life and sent their souls out on the eternal
> PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE                    25
> 
> journey towards their Creator. We Baha is must realize that in presentday society the exact opposite process is taking place: young people care
> less and less for their parents’ wishes, divorce is considered a natural
> right, and obtained on the flimsiest and most unwarrantable and shabby
> pretexts. People separated from each other, especially if one o f them has
> had full custody o f the children, are only too willing to belittle the im­
> portance o f the partner in marriage also responsible as a parent for bring­
> ing those children into this world. The Bahd’is must, through rigid ad­
> herence to the Bahd’i laws and teachings, combat these corrosive forces
> which are so rapidly destroying home life and the beauty o f family rela­
> tionships, and tearing down the moral structure o f society.”
> (Shoglii EfFendi, from a letter dated October 25, 1947, written on his behalf
> to the National Spiritual Assembly o f the United States)
> 
> 7 3 . “The validity o f a Bahd’i marriage is dependent upon the free
> and full consent o f all four parents. The freedom o f the parents in the
> exercise o f this right is unrestricted and unconditioned. They may refuse
> their consent on any ground, and they are responsible for their decision
> to God alone.”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated March 19, 1938,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 74. “It is surely a very unfortunate case when the parents and chil­
> dren differ on some grave issues o f life such as marriage, but the best
> way is not to flout each other’s opinion nor to discuss it in a charged
> atmosphere but rather try to settle it in an amicable way.”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated May 29, 1929,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 75. “I notice that I have neglected to answer your question con­
> cerning . . . consent to her daughter’s marriage: this must be given in
> order to be a Bahd’i Marriage. Baha u’lldh requires this and makes no
> provision about a parent changing his or her mind. So they are free to do
> so. Once the written consent is given and the marriage takes place, the
> parents have no right to interfere any more.”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, Messages to Canada, p. 47)
> 26    BAHÂ’Î MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE
> 
> 76.       “We gain the impression from Mr. . . . s letter that he looks
> upon the law requiring consent o f parents before marriage as a mere
> administrative regulation, and does not realize that this is a law o f great
> importance affecting the very foundations o f human society. Moreover,
> he seems not to appreciate that in the Bahà’i Faith the spiritual and ad­
> ministrative aspects are complementary and that the social laws o f the
> Faith are as binding as the purely spiritual ones.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated December 4, 1964,
> to the National Spiritual Assembly o f North East Asia)
> 
> 77.           “It is perfectly true that Bahà’u’ilàh’s statement that the con­
> sent o f all living parents is required for marriage places a grave responsi­
> bility on each parent. When the parents are Bahà’is they should, o f
> course act objectively in withholding or granting their approval. They
> cannot evade this responsibility by merely acquiescing in their child’s
> wish, nor should they be swayed by prejudice; but, whether they be
> Bahà’i or non-Bahá’í, the parents’ decision is binding, whatever the rea­
> son that may have motivated it. Children must recognize and under­
> stand that this act o f consenting is the duty o f a parent. They must have
> respect in their hearts for those who have given them life, and whose
> good pleasure they must at all times strive to win.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated February 1, 1968,
> to the National Spiritual Assembly o f the United States)
> 
> 78.       “. . . consent o f parents must be obtained in all cases before
> marriage can take place. Obedience to the laws o f Bahà’u’ilàh will nec­
> essarily impose hardships in individual cases. N o one should expect,
> upon becoming a Bahd’i, that his faith will not be tested, and to our
> finite understanding o f such matters these tests may occasionally seem
> unbearable. But we are aware o f the assurance which Bahà’u’ilàh Him ­
> self has given the believers that they will never be called upon to meet a
> test greater than their capacity to endure.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated January 29, 1970,
> to the National Spiritual Assembly o f the Hawaiian Islands)
> PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE                    27
> 
> 7 9 . .. Foster parents or relatives who may act in loco parentis are
> not required by Bahà’i law to give their consent to the marriage o f the
> children they raise although there is no objection to the children obtain­
> ing such consent, should they wish to do so.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated April 9, 1970,
> to the National Spiritual Assembly o f Italy)
> 
> 80.        “Bahà’is who cannot marry because o f lack o f consent o f one
> or more parents could consult with their Local Spiritual Assembly, to
> see whether it may suggest a way to change the attitude o f any o f the
> parents involved. The believers, when faced with such problems, should
> put their trust in BaháVlláh, devote more time to the service, the teach­
> ing and the promotion o f His Faith, be absolutely faithful to His in­
> junctions on the observance o f an unsullied, chaste life, and rely upon
> Him to open the way and remove the obstacle, or make known His
> w ill”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated
> September 9, 1969, to an individual believer)
> 
> 81.         “In considering the effect o f obedience to the laws on indi­
> vidual lives, one must remember that the purpose o f this life is to pre­
> pare the soul for the next. Here one must learn to control and direct
> one’s animal impulses, not to be a slave to them. Life in this world is a
> succession o f tests and achievements, o f falling short and o f making
> new spiritual advances. Sometimes the course may seem very hard, but
> one can witness, again and again, that the soul who steadfastly obeys the
> law o f Bahà’u’ilàh, however hard it may seem, grows spiritually, while
> the one who compromises with the law for the sake o f his own apparent
> happiness is seen to have been following a chimera: he does not attain
> the happiness he sought, he retards his spiritual advance and often brings
> new problems upon himself.
> “To give one very obvious example: The Bahà’i law requiring con­
> sent o f parents to marriage. All too often nowadays such consent is with­
> held by non-Bahá’í parents for reasons o f bigotry or racial prejudice; yet
> 28    BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE
> 
> we have seen again and again the profound effect on those very parents
> o f the firmness o f the children in the Bahà’i law, to the extent that not
> only is the consent ultimately given in many cases, but the character o f
> the parents can be affected and their relationship with their child greatly
> strengthened.
> “Thus, by upholding Bahà’i law in the face o f all difficulties we
> not only strengthen our own characters but influence those around us.”
> (Universal House of Justice, Messages from the
> Universal House o f Justice, 1963—1986, 126.4-6)
> 
> E. Engagement__________________________________
> 
> 8 2. “Concerning the question o f marriage and the stipulated pe­
> riod between the time o f the engagement and the marriage, this is the
> decisive text o f the Book o f God and may not be interpreted. In the
> past, serious difficulties and problems arose when a long period o f time
> elapsed between the engagement and the marriage. Now according to
> the Text o f the Book, when marriage between the parties is arranged,
> i.e. when the parties become engaged, and it is certain that they will be
> married, not more than ninety-five days should elapse before the mar­
> riage takes place . .
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, quoted in a letter dated April 11, 1982, from the Universal House
> o f Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly o f the United States)
> 
> 83. “The beginning o f the ninety-five days before the marriage is
> the day on which the consents have been obtained.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated April 3, 1943,
> to an individual believer)
> 
> 8 4 . “The law requiring Baha is to be married within the ninetyfive day period following the engagement is not yet applicable in the
> West. However, Iranians residing in the West obey such laws as a matter
> o f conscience.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated July 14, 1965,
> to a National Spiritual Assembly)
> PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE                    29
> 
> 85.        “Concerning the observance o f details o f Bahd’i law pertain­
> ing to marriage such as the duration o f the engagement period . . . by
> the Iranian believers now residing in the West, these laws are binding if
> the two parties are Iranians. However, if one party is Iranian and the
> other is a western believer, the Iranian believer, although it is a praise­
> worthy act to inform his/her spouse o f these laws, should not bring
> pressure to bear for their observance.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated
> July 7, 1968, to an individual believer)
> IIL FAMILY LIFE
> 
> A , Love and Unity________________________________
> 
> 8 6. “At all times hath union and association been well-pleasing in
> the sight o f God, and separation and dissension abhorred. Hold fast
> unto that which God loveth and is His command unto you. He, verily,
> is the All-Knowing and the All-Seeing, and He is the All-Wise Ordainer.”
> (BaháVlláh, quoted in a compilation dated January 18, 1980, sent by the
> Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)
> 
> 87. “After mans recognition o f God, and becoming steadfast in
> His Cause the station o f affection, o f harmony, o f concord and o f unity
> is superior to that o f most other goodly deeds. This is what He W ho is
> the Desire o f the world hath testified at every morn and eve. God grant
> that ye may follow that which hath been revealed in the Kitáb-i-Aqdas.”
> (BaháVlláh, quoted in a compilation dated January 18, 1980, sent by the
> Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)
> 
> 32    BAHÂ’Î MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE
> 
> 88. “Deal ye one with another with the utmost love and harmony,
> with friendliness and fellowship. He Who is the Day Star o f Truth beareth
> Me witness! So powerful is the light o f unity that it can illuminate the
> whole earth. The one true God, He W ho knoweth all things, H imself
> testifieth to the truth o f these words.”
> (Bahďulláh, Gleanings from the Writings o f BaháVlláh, p. 288)
> 
> 89. “The advent o f the prophets and the revelation o f the Holy
> Books is intended to create love between souls and friendship between
> the inhabitants o f the earth. Real love is impossible unless one turn his
> face towards God and be attracted to His Beauty.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, quoted in Bahá / World Faith, p. 364)
> 
> 9 0 . “The great and fundamental teachings o f BaháVlláh are the
> oneness o f God and unity o f mankind. This is the bond o f union among
> Bahà’is all over the world. They become united themselves, then unite
> others. It is impossible to unite unless united.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, The Promulgation o f Universal Peace, p. 156)
> *
> 
> 91. “When you love a member o f your family or a compatriot, let
> it be with a ray o f the Infinite Love! Let it be in God, and for God!
> Wherever you find the attributes o f God love that person, whether he be
> o f your family or o f another. Shed the light o f a boundless love on every
> human being whom you m eet. . . ”
> (‘Abdul-Bahá, Paris Talks, 9.21)
> 
> 92. “Compare the nations o f the world to the members o f a fam­
> ily. A family is a nation in miniature. Simply enlarge the circle o f the
> household and you have the nation. Enlarge the circle o f nations and
> you have all humanity. The conditions surrounding the family surround
> the nation. The happenings in the family are the happenings in the life
> o f the nation. Would it add to the progress and advancement o f a fam­
> ily if dissensions should arise among its members, fighting, pillaging
> each other, jealous and revengeful o f injury, seeking selfish advantage?
> Nay, this would be the cause o f the effacement o f progress and advance-
> FAMILY LIFE            33
> 
> ment. So it is in the great family o f nations, for nations are but an aggre­
> gate o f families.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, The Promulgation o f Universal Peace, p. 137)
> 
> 93.        “It is highly important for man to raise a family. So long as he
> is young, because o f youthful self-complacency, he does not realize its
> significance, but this will be a source o f regret when he grows old___ In
> this glorious Cause the life o f a married couple should resemble the life
> o f the angels in heaven— a life full o f joy and spiritual delight, a life o f
> unity and concord, a friendship both mental and physical. The home
> should be orderly and well-organized. Their ideas and thoughts should
> be like the rays o f the sun o f truth and the radiance o f the brilliant stars
> in the heavens. Even as two birds they should warble melodies upon the
> branches o f the tree o f fellowship and harmony. They should always be
> elated with joy and gladness and be a source o f happiness to the hearts
> o f others. They should set an example to their fellow-men, manifest
> true and sincere love towards each other and educate their children in
> such a manner as to blazon the fame and glory o f their family.”
> (‘Abdul-Bahá, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982
> sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)
> 
> 94.       “Consider the harmful effect o f discord and dissension in a
> family; then reflect upon the favors and blessings which descend upon
> that family when unity exists among its various members. What incal­
> culable benefits and blessings would descend upon the great human
> family if unity and brotherhood were established! In this century when
> the beneficent results o f unity and the ill effects o f discord are so clearly
> apparent, the means for the attainment and accomplishment o f human
> fellowship have appeared in the world. His Holiness BaháVlláh has pro­
> claimed and provided the way by which hostility and dissension may be
> removed from the human world. He has left no ground or possibility for
> strife and disagreement. First he has proclaimed the oneness o f man­
> kind and specialized religious teachings for existing human conditions.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, quoted in Star o f the West, Vol. XVII, No. 7, p. 232)
> 34    BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE
> 
> 9 5 . “Note ye how easily, where unity existeth in a given family, the
> affairs o f that family are conducted; what progress the members o f that
> family make, how they prosper in the world. Their concerns are in or­
> der, they enjoy comfort and tranquillity, they are secure, their position
> is assured, they come to be envied by all. Such a family but addeth to its
> stature and its lasting honor, as day succeedeth day.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Selectionsfrom the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá, 221.9)
> 
> 96. “If love and agreement are manifest in a single family, that
> family will advance, become illumined and spiritual; but if enmity and
> hatred exist within it, destruction and dispersion are inevitable.”
> (Abdul-Bahá, The Promulgation o f Universal Peace, pp. 144-145)
> 
> 9 7. “I charge you all that each one o f you concentrate all the
> thoughts o f your heart on love and unity . . .
> “Thoughts o f love are constructive o f brotherhood, peace, friend­
> ship, and happiness.”
> (Abdul-Bahá, Paris Talks, 6.7, 8)
> 
> 9 8. “Know thou o f a certainty that Love is the secret o f G ods holy
> Dispensation, the manifestation o f the All-Merciful, the fountain o f
> spiritual outpourings. Love is heavens kindly light, the Holy Spirits
> eternal breath that vivifies the human soul. Love is the cause o f G ods
> revelation unto man, the vital bond inherent, according to Divine cre­
> ation, in the realities o f things. Love is the one means that insures true
> felicity both in this world and the next. Love is the light that guideth in
> darkness, the living link that united God with man, that assureth the
> progress o f every illumined soul.”
> (Abdul-Bahá, quoted in TheBahá'1 World, Vol. II, p. 50)
> 
> 9 9. “. . . human evolution . . . had its earliest beginnings in the
> birth o f family life, its subsequent development in the achievement o f
> tribal solidarity, leading in turn to the constitution o f the city-state, and
> expanding later into the institution o f independent and sovereign na­
> tions.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, The World Order o f Baha'ulhih, p. 43)
> FAMILY LIFE            35
> 
> 100. . . the Cause has not come to break up family ties but to
> strengthen them; it has not come to eliminate love but to strengthen it;
> it has not been created to weaken social institutions but to strengthen
> them.”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated October 14, 1928,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 101.        “If we Bahà’is cannot attain to cordial unity among ourselves,
> then we fail to realize the main purpose for which the Báb, BaháVlláh,
> and the Beloved Master lived and suffered.
> “In order to achieve this cordial unity, one o f the first essentials
> insisted on by BaháV lláh and ‘A bdul-Bahá is that we resist the natural
> tendency to let our attention dwell on the faults and failings o f others
> rather than on our own. Each o f us is responsible for one life only, and
> that is our own. Each o f us is immeasurably far from being perfect as
> our heavenly Father is perfect’ and the task o f perfecting our own life
> and character is one that requires all our attention, our will-power and
> energy. If we allow our attention and energy to be taken up in efforts to
> keep others right and remedy their faults, we are wasting precious time.
> We are like ploughmen each o f whom has his team to manage and his
> plough to direct, and in order to keep his furrow straight he must keep
> his eye on his goal and concentrate on his own task. If he looks to this
> side and that to see how Tom and Harry are getting on and to criticize
> their ploughing, then his own furrow will assuredly become crooked.
> “O n no subject are the Bahà’i teachings more emphatic than on
> the necessity to abstain from fault-finding and backbiting while being
> ever eager to discover and root out our own faults and overcome our
> own failings.
> “If we profess loyalty to BaháVlláh, to our Beloved Master and
> our dear Guardian, then we must show our love by obedience to these
> explicit teachings. Deeds not words are what they demand, and no
> amount o f fervor in the use o f expressions o f loyalty and adulation will
> compensate for failure to live in the spirit o f the teachings.”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated May 12, 1925,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 36    BAHÂ’Î MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE
> 
> B. Communication
> 
> 102. “If ye be aware o f a certain truth, if ye possess a jewel, o f
> which others are deprived, share it with them in a language o f utmost
> kindliness and good-will. If it be accepted, if it fulfill its purpose, your
> object is attained. If any one should refuse it, leave him unto himself,
> and beseech God to guide him. Beware lest ye deal unkindly with him.
> A kindly tongue is the lodestone o f the hearts o f men. It is the bread o f
> the spirit, it clotheth the words with meaning, it is the fountain o f the
> light o f wisdom and understanding. .
> (BaháVlláh, Gleanings from the Writings o f Bahaulldh, p. 289)
> 
> 103. “The Great Being saith: The heaven o f divine wisdom is illu­
> mined with the two luminaries o f consultation and compassion. Take
> ye counsel together in all matters, inasmuch as consultation is the lamp
> o f guidance which leadeth the way, and is the bestower o f understand-
> • »
> mg.
> (Baha ulláh, quoted in Consultation: A Compilation, no. 1)
> 
> 104. “Say: no man can attain his true station except through his
> justice. N o power can exist except through unity. N o welfare and no
> well-being can be attained except through consultation.”
> (BaháVlláh, quoted in Consultation: A Compilation, no. 2)
> 
> 105. “Consultation bestoweth greater awareness and transmuteth
> conjecture into certitude. It is a shining light which, in a dark world,
> leadeth the way and guideth. For everything there is and will continue
> to be a station o f perfection and maturity. The maturity o f the gift o f
> understanding is made manifest through consultation.”
> (BaháVlláh, quoted in Consultation: A Compilation, no. 3)
> 
> 106. “In all things it is necessary to consult. This matter should be
> forcibly stressed by thee, so that consultation may be observed by all.
> The intent o f what hath been revealed from the Pen o f the Most High is
> that consultation may be fully carried out among the friends, inasmuch
> FAMILY LIFE               37
> 
> as it is and will always be a cause o f awareness and o f awakening and a
> source o f good and well-being.”
> (Baha u llá h , q u oted in Consultation: A Compilation, no. 5)
> 
> 107. “Trust in God and be unmoved by either praise or false accu­
> sations . . . depend entirely on God.”
> (‘A b d u l-B ahá, Tablets o f Abdul-Baha Abbas, Vol. I, p. 138)
> 
> 108. “Settle all things, both great and small, by consultation. W ith­
> out prior consultation, take no important step in your own personal
> affairs. Concern yourselves with one another. Help along one another’s
> projects and plans. Grieve over one another. Let none in the whole country
> go in need. Befriend one another until ye become as a single body, one
> and a l l . . . ”
> (‘A b d u l-B ah á, q u oted in Consultation: A Compilation, no. 19)
> 
> 109. “The prime requisites for them that take counsel together are
> purity o f motive, radiance o f spirit, detachment from all else save God,
> attraction to His Divine Fragrances, humility and lowliness amongst
> His loved ones, patience and long-suffering in difficulties and servitude
> to His exalted Threshold. Should they be graciously aided to acquire
> these attributes, victory from the unseen Kingdom o f Bahá shall be vouch­
> safed to them.”
> (‘A b d u l-B ah á, Selections from the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá, 4 3.1)
> 
> 110. “The members thereof must take counsel together in such
> wise that no occasion for ill-feeling or discord may arise. This can be
> attained when every member expresseth with absolute freedom his own
> opinion and setteth forth his argument. Should anyone oppose, he must
> on no account feel hurt for not until matters are fully discussed can the
> right way be revealed. The shining spark o f truth cometh forth only
> after the clash o f differing opinions . . . ”
> (‘A b d u l-B ah á, Selections from the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá, 4 4 .1 )
> 
> 111. “If they agree upon a subject, even though it be wrong, it is
> better than to disagree and be in the right, for this difference will pro-
> 38    BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE
> 
> duce the demolition o f the divine foundation. Though one o f the par­
> ties may be in the right and they disagree that will be the cause o f a
> thousand wrongs, but if they agree and both parties are in the wrong, as
> it is in unity the truth will be revealed and the wrong made right.”
> (‘A b d u l- Bahá, q u oted in Baha'i World Faith, p. 411)
> 
> 112,        “According to the direct command o f God we are forbidden
> to utter slander. Remember above all the teaching o f BaháVlláh con­
> cerning gossip and unseemly talk about others. Stories repeated about
> others are seldom good. A silent tongue is safest. Even good may be
> harmful if spoken at the wrong time or to the wrong person.”
> (‘A b d u l-Bahá, Abdul-Bahá in London, p. 131)
> 
> 113.       “To be silent concerning the faults o f others, to pray for them,
> and to help them, through kindness, to correct their faults.
> “To look always at the good and not at the bad. If a man has ten
> good qualities and one bad one, to look at the ten and forget the one;
> and if a man has ten bad qualities and one good one, to look at the one
> and forget the ten.
> “Never to allow ourselves to speak one unkind word about an­
> other, even though that other be our enemy.”
> (‘A b d u l-Bahá, q u oted in Bahaulláh and the New Era, p. 94)
> 
> 114.        “Man must consult on all matters, whether major or minor,
> so that he may become cognizant o f what is good. Consultation giveth
> him insight into things and enableth him to delve into questions which
> are unknown. The light o f truth shineth from the faces o f those who
> engage in consultation. Such consultation causeth the living waters to
> flow in the meadows o f mans reality, the rays o f ancient glory to shine
> upon him, and the tree o f his being to be adorned with wondrous fruit.
> The members who are consulting, however, should behave in the ut­
> most love, harmony and sincerity towards each other. The principle o f
> consultation is one o f the most fundamental elements o f the divine
> edifice. Even in their ordinary affairs the individual members o f society
> should consult.”
> (‘A b d u l-B ahá, q u oted in Consultation: A Compilation, no. 14)
> FAMILY LIFE            39
> 
> 115.       “BaháVlláh also stressed the importance o f consultation. We
> should not think this worthwhile method o f seeking solutions is con­
> fined to the administrative institutions o f the Cause. Family consulta­
> tion employing full and frank discussion, and animated by awareness o f
> the need for moderation and balance, can be the panacea for domestic
> conflict.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated
> August 1, 1978, to an individual believer)
> 
> C. Tests and Difficulties
> 
> 116. “O SO N OF MAN!
> “My calamity is My providence, outwardly it is fire and vengeance,
> but inwardly it is light and mercy. Hasten thereunto that thou mayest
> become an eternal light and an immortal spirit. This is My command
> unto thee, do thou observe it.”
> (BaháVlláh, The Hidden Words, p. 15)
> 
> 117. “O BEFRIENDED STRANGER!
> “The candle o f thine heart is lighted by the hand o f My power,
> quench it not with the contrary winds o f self and passion. The healer o f
> all thine ills is remembrance o f me, forget it not. Make My love thy
> treasure and cherish it even as thy very sight and life.”
> (BaháVlláh, The Hidden Words, p. 33)
> 
> 118. “Verily the most necessary thing is contentment under all
> circumstances; by this one is preserved from morbid conditions and
> from lassitude. Yield not to grief and sorrow; they cause the greatest
> misery. Jealousy consumeth the body and anger doth burn the liver;
> avoid these two as you would a lion.”
> (BaháVlláh, quoted in BaháVlláh and the New Era, p. 117)
> 
> 119. “If any differences arise amongst you, behold Me standing
> before your face, and overlook the faults o f one another for My names
> 40    BAHÂ’Î m a r r i a g e a n d f a m il y l if e
> 
> sake and as a token o f your love for My manifest and resplendent Cause.
> We love to see you at all times consorting in amity and concord within
> the paradise o f My good-pleasure, and to inhale from your acts the fra­
> grance o f friendliness and unity, o f loving-kindness and fellowship.”
> (Bahà’u’ilàh, Gleanings from the Writings o f Bahaulláh, p. 315)
> 
> 120. “O thou who art firm in the Covenant! The letter thou hadst
> written on 2 May 1919 was received. Praise thou God that in tests thou
> art firm and steadfast and art holding fast to the Abhá Kingdom. Thou
> art not shaken by any affliction or disturbed by any calamity. N ot until
> man is tried doth the pure gold distinctly separate from the dross. Tor­
> ment is the fire o f test wherein the pure gold shineth resplendently and
> the impurity is burned and blackened. At present thou art, praise be to
> God, firm and steadfast in tests and trials and art not shaken by them.”
> (‘Abdul-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f Abdul-Baháy 89.1)
> 
> 121. “Rely upon God. Trust in Him. Praise Him, and call Him
> continually to mind. He verily turneth trouble into ease, and sorrow
> into solace, and toil into utter peace. He verily hath dominion over all
> things.”
> (‘Abdul-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f Abdul-Baháy 150.3)
> 
> 122. “If thy daily living become difficult, soon (God) thy Lord
> will bestow upon thee that which will satisfy thee. Be patient in the time
> o f affliction and trial, endure every difficulty and hardship with a di­
> lated heart, attracted spirit and eloquent tongue in remembrance o f the
> Merciful. Verily this is the life o f satisfaction, the spiritual existence,
> heavenly repose, divine benediction and the celestial table! Soon thy
> Lord will extenuate thy straitened circumstances even in this world.”
> (‘Abdul-Bahá, Tablets o f Abdtd-Baha Abbasy Vol. I, p. 98)
> 
> 123. “As to thy respected husband: it is incumbent upon thee to
> treat him with great kindness, to consider his wishes and be conciliatory
> with him at all times, till he seeth that because thou hast directed thyself
> toward the Kingdom o f God, thy tenderness for him and thy love for
> FAMILY LIFE            41
> 
> God have but increased, as well as thy concern for his wishes under all
> conditions.”
> (‘Abdul-Bahá, Selectionsfrom the Writings o f 'Abdul-Bahá, 91.2)
> 
> 124. “Thy wife is not in harmony with thee, but praise be to God,
> the Blessed Beauty is pleased with thee and is conferring upon thee the
> utmost bounty and blessings. But still try to be patient with thy wife,
> perchance she may be transformed and her heart may be illumined.”
> (‘Abdul-Bahá, Selectionsfrom the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá, 89.2)
> 
> 125. “We should not, however, forget that an essential character­
> istic o f this world is hardship and tribulation and that it is by overcom­
> ing them that we achieve our moral and spiritual development. As the
> Master says, sorrow is like furrows, the deeper they go, the more plenti­
> ful is the fruit we obtain.”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated November 5, 1931,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 126. “We must always look ahead and seek to accomplish in the
> future what we may have failed to do in the past. Failures, tests, and
> trials, if we use them correctly, can become the means o f purifying our
> spirits, strengthening our characters, and enable us to rise to greater
> heights o f service.”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated December 14, 1941,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 127. “We must not only be patient with others, infinitely patient!,
> but also with our own poor selves, remembering that even the Prophets
> o f God sometimes got tired and cried out in despair!”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated April 5, 1956,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 128. “He feels that you should by all means make every effort to
> hold your marriage together, especially for the sake o f your children,
> who, like all children o f divorced parents, cannot but suffer from i on
> 42    BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE
> 
> flicting loyalties, for they are deprived o f the blessings o f a father and
> mother in one home, to look after their interests and love them jointly.
> “Now that you realize that your husband is ill, you should be able
> to reconcile yourself to the difficulties you have faced with him emo­
> tionally, and not take an unforgiving attitude, however much you may
> suffer.
> “We know that Bahďulláh has very strongly frowned on divorce;
> and it is really incumbent upon the Bahd’is to make almost a superhu­
> man effort not to allow a marriage to be dissolved.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated March 6, 1953,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 129. “When such differences o f opinion and belief occurs between
> husband and wife it is very unfortunate for undoubtedly it detracts from
> that spiritual bond which is the stronghold o f the family bond, espe­
> cially in times o f difficulty. The way, however, that it could be remedied
> is not by acting in such wise as to alienate the other party. One o f the
> objects o f the Cause is actually to bring about a closer bond in the homes.
> In all such cases, therefore, the Master used to advise obedience to the
> wishes o f the other party and prayer. Pray that your husband may gradu­
> ally see the light and at the same time so act as to draw him nearer rather
> than prejudice him. Once that harmony is secured then you will be able
> to serve unhampered.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated July 15, 1928,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 130. “He feels that, now that you have found the thing you were
> searching for inwardly, and have this added joy in your life o f our glori­
> ous Faith, you should be kinder to your husband and more considerate
> than ever, and do everything in your power to make him feel that this
> has not taken you away from him, but only made your love for him, and
> your desire to be a good wife to him, greater. Whether he will ultimately
> be able to become a Bahà’i or not, is something that only time can tell;
> but there is no doubt where your duty lies, and that is to make him
> appreciate the fact that your new affiliation has not interfered in any
> way with his home life or his marriage, but, on the contrary, has strength­
> ened both.
> FAMILY LIFE           43
> 
> “It is very difficult when one has found what one knows is the
> truth, to sit by and see a dear and close relative completely blind to it.
> The temptation is to try and ‘stir them up and make them see the light,’
> but this is often disastrous. Silence, love and forbearance will win greater
> victories in such cases. However, your husband has no right to ask you
> to give up being a Bahà’i. That is going too far. Nobody should trespass
> on the sacred bond every human being has a right to have with their
> Creator.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated April 20, 1957,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 131. “The Guardian . . . has learned with deep concern o f your
> family difficulties and troubles. He wishes me to assure you o f his fer­
> vent prayers on your behalf and your dear ones at home, that you may
> be guided and assisted from on high to compose your differences and to
> restore complete harmony and fellowship in your midst. W hile he would
> urge you to make any sacrifice in order to bring about unity in your
> family, he wishes you not to feel discouraged if your endeavors do not
> yield any immediate fruit. You should do your part with absolute faith
> that in doing so you are fulfilling your duty as a Bahà’i. The rest is
> assuredly in G ods hand.
> “As regards your husbands attitude towards the Cause; unfriendly
> though that may be you should always hope that, through conciliatory
> and friendly means, and with wise, tactful and patient effort you can
> gradually succeed in winning his sympathy for the Faith. Under no cir­
> cumstances should you try to dictate and impose upon him by force
> your personal religious convictions. Neither should you allow his oppo­
> sition to the Cause to seriously hinder your activities. . . You should act
> patiently, tactfully and with confidence that your efforts are being guided
> and reinforced by BaháVlláh.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated July 23, 1937,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 132. “He was very sorry to see you are having trouble in your
> home because o f the Bahà’i Faith. He feels that you should do all in
> your power to promote love and harmony between your husband and
> yourself, for your own sakes and for the sake o f your children. You should,
> 44    BAHÁ1 MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE
> 
> however, point out to him that every man is free to seek God for him­
> self, and that, although you will never seek to influence him or even
> discuss the Bahà’i Faith with him, if he does not want to, he should
> leave you free to attend the meetings. The Guardian hopes that through
> patience, tact and prayer, you will gradually overcome his prejudice.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated March 16, 1946,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 133. “The Guardian wishes me specially to urge you to remain
> patient and confident, and above all to show your husband the utmost
> kindness and love, in return for all the opposition and hatred you re­
> ceive from him. A conciliatory and friendly attitude in such cases is not
> only the duty o f every Bahd’i but is also the most effective way o f win­
> ning for the Cause the sympathy and admiration o f its former foes and
> enemies. Love is, indeed, a most potent elixir that can transform the
> vilest and meanest o f people into heavenly souls. May your example
> serve to further confirm the truth o f this beautiful teaching o f our Faith.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated December 6, 1935,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 134. “However, as you no doubt know, Bahà’u lláh has stated that
> the purpose o f marriage is to promote unity, so you should bear this in
> mind when dealing with your non-Baha i relatives; they cannot be ex­
> pected to feel the way we do on questions o f racial amity, and we must
> not force our views on them, but rather lovingly and wisely seek to edu­
> cate them.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated August 30, 1957,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 135. “There is no limit to our offerings to the Temple. The more
> we give, the better it is for the Cause and for ourselves. But your case is
> a special one, since your husband is not a believer. If you can succeed in
> convincing him o f the importance o f your donations to the Cause, so
> much the better. But you should never oppose him on this matter and
> allow anything to disturb the peace and unity o f your family life.”
> (Shoghi Effendi from a letter dated September 21, 1933,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> FAMILY LIFE            45
> 
> 136. “Regarding your other question concerning the strained rela­
> tionship between you and your mother-in-law and what you can do to
> alleviate the situation, we feel you should, with the help and consulta­
> tion o f your husband, persevere in your efforts to achieve unity in the
> family. From your description o f the unfriendly attitude your motherin-law displays toward you it is clear that you will not have an easy task.
> However, the important thing is that you, as a Baha i, are aware o f Abdu 1-
> Bahás admonition to concentrate on an individuals good qualities and
> that this approach to your mother-in-law can strengthen you in your
> resolve to achieve unity. And furthermore, perseverance in prayer will
> give you the strength to continue your efforts.”
> (Universal House of Justice, from a letter dated
> September 6, 1980, to an individual believer)
> 
> 137. “The House o f Justice points out that learning not to con­
> cern oneself with the faults o f others seems to be one o f the most diffi­
> cult lessons for people to master, and that failing in this is a fertile cause
> o f disputes among Bahà’is as it is among men and women in general. In
> ‘Star o f the West,’ Volume 8, No. 10, on page 138, there is a record o f a
> reply given by Abdul-Bahá in a private interview in Paris in 1913. He
> was asked ‘How shall I overcome seeing the faults o f others— recogniz­
> ing the wrong in others?’ and He replied: ‘I will tell you. Whenever you
> recognize the fault o f another, think o f yourself: What are my imperfec­
> tions?— and try to remove them. Do this whenever you are tried through
> the words or deeds o f others. Thus you will grow, become more perfect.
> You will overcome self, you will not even have time to think o f the faults
> o f others . .
> (Universal House of Justice, from a letter dated
> April 5, 1981, written on its behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 138. “In considering the problems that you and your wife are ex­
> periencing, the House o f Justice points out that the unity o f your family
> should take priority over any other consideration . . . For example, ser­
> vice to the Cause should not produce neglect o f the family. It is impor­
> tant for you to arrange your time so that your family life is harmonious
> and your household receives the attention it requires.”
> (Universal House of Justice, from a letter dated
> August 1, 1978, to an individual believer)
> 46    BAHÁ1 MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE
> 
> D, Equality o f Men and Women____________________
> 
> 139- “O CHILDREN OF MEN!
> “Know ye not why We created you all from the same dust? That
> no one should exalt himself over the other. Ponder at all times in your
> hearts how ye were created. Since We have created you all from one
> substance it is incumbent on you to be even as one soul, to walk with
> the same feet, eat with the same mouth and dwell in the same land, that
> from your inmost being, by your deeds and actions, the signs o f oneness
> and the essence o f detachment may be made manifest. Such is My counsel
> to you, O concourse o f light! Heed ye this counsel that ye may obtain
> the fruit o f holiness from the tree o f wondrous glory.”
> (BaháVUáh, The Hidden Words, p. 20)
> 
> 140. “Humanity is like a bird with its two wings— the one is male,
> the other female. Unless both wings are strong and impelled by some
> common force, the bird cannot fly heavenwards. According to the spirit
> o f this age, women must advance and fulfill their mission in all depart­
> ments o f life, becoming equal to men. They must be on the same level
> as men and enjoy equal rights. This is my earnest prayer and it is one o f
> the fundamental principles o f BaháVlláh.”
> (‘Abdul-Bahá, quoted in Bahaullúh and the New Era, p. 154)
> 
> 141. “Divine justice demands that the rights o f both sexes should
> be equally respected since neither is superior to the other in the eyes o f
> Heaven. Dignity before God depends not on sex, but on purity and
> luminosity o f heart. Human virtues belong equally to all!”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Paris Talks, 50.10)
> 
> 142. “Women have equal rights with men upon earth; in religion
> and society they are a very important element. As long as women are
> prevented from attaining their highest possibilities, so long will men be
> unable to achieve the greatness which might be theirs.”
> (Abdu 1-Bahá, Paris Talks, 40.33)
> 
> 143. “In the world o f humanity we find a great difference; the
> female sex is treated as though inferior, and is not allowed equal rights
> FAMILY LIFE             47
> 
> and privileges. This condition is due not to nature, but to education. In
> the Divine Creation there is no such distinction. Neither sex is superior
> to the other in the sight o f God. Why then should one sex assert the
> inferiority o f the other, withholding just rights and privileges as though
> God had given His authority for such a course o f action? If women
> received the same educational advantages as those o f men, the result
> would demonstrate the equality o f capacity o f both for scholarship.”
> (Abdu 1-Bahá, Paris Talks, 50.5)
> 
> 144. MHis Holiness Bahà’u lláh has greatly strengthened the cause
> o f women, and the rights and privileges o f women is one o f the greatest
> principles o f Abdu 1-Bahá. Rest ye assured! Ere long the days shall come
> when the men addressing the women shall say: ‘Blessed are ye! Blessed
> are ye! Verily ye are worthy o f every gift. Verily ye deserve to adorn your
> heads with the crown o f everlasting glory, because in sciences and arts,
> in virtues and perfections ye shall become equal to man, and as regards
> tenderness o f heart and the abundance o f mercy and sympathy ye are
> superior.’”
> (‘Abdu 1-Bahá, Paris Talks, 59.8)
> 
> 145. “In this Revelation o f BaháVlláh, the women go neck and
> neck with the men. In no movement will they be left behind. Their
> rights with men are equal in degree. They will enter all the administra­
> tive branches o f politics. They will attain in all such a degree as will be
> considered the very highest station o f the world o f humanity and will
> take part in all affairs. Rest ye assured. Do ye not look upon the present
> conditions; in the not far distant future the world o f women will become all-refulgent and all-glorious FOR HIS HOLINESS BAHÀ’U ’-
> LLÁH HATH WILLED IT SO! At the time o f elections the right to
> vote is the inalienable right o f women, and the entrance o f women into
> all human departments is an irrefutable and incontrovertible question.
> N o soul can retard or prevent it.”
> CAbdu 1-Bahá, Paris Talks, 59.5)
> 
> 146. “Woman must endeavor then to attain greater perfection, to
> be mans equal in every respect, to make progress in all in which she has
> 48    BAHÁ1 MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE
> 
> been backward, so that man will be compelled to acknowledge her equal­
> ity o f capacity and attainment.”
> (‘A b d u l-Bahá, Paris Talks, 50.11)
> 
> 147.        “Womans lack o f progress and proficiency has been due to
> her need o f equal education and opportunity. Had she been allowed
> this equality there is no doubt she would be the counterpart o f man in
> ability and capacity. The happiness o f mankind will be realized when
> women and men coordinate and advance equally, for each is the comple­
> ment and helpmeet o f the other.”
> (‘A b d u l-B ah á, The Promulgation o f Universal Peace, p. 182)
> 
> E. Education o f Children
> 
> 148. “It is the bounden duty o f parents to rear their children to be
> staunch in faith, the reason being that a child who removeth himself
> from the religion o f God will not act in such a way as to win the good
> pleasure o f his parents and his Lord. For every praiseworthy deed is born
> out o f the light o f religion, and lacking this supreme bestowal the child
> will not turn away from any evil, nor will he draw nigh unto any good.”
> (Balia ulláh, quoted in BaháHEducation: A Compilation, no. 12)
> 
> 149. “The fear o f God hath ever been the prime factor in the edu­
> cation o f His creatures. Well is it with them that have attained there­
> unto!”
> (Baha ulláh, Epistle to the Son o f the Wolf, p. 27)
> 
> 150. “Unto every father hath been enjoined the instruction o f his
> son and daughter in the art o f reading and writing and in all that hath
> been laid down in the Holy Tablet. He that putteth away that which is
> commanded unto him, the Trustees are then to take from him that which
> is required for their instruction, if he be wealthy, and if not the matter
> devolveth upon the House o f Justice. Verily, have We made it a shelter
> for the poor and needy. He that bringeth up his son or the son o f an­
> other, it is as though he hath brought up a son o f Mine, upon him rest
> FAMILY LIFE            49
> 
> My Glory, My loving kindness, My Mercy, that have compassed the
> world.”
> (BaháVIláh, quoted in Synopsis and Codification
> o f the Laws and Ordinances o f the Kitáb-i-Aqdas, pp. 15-16)
> 
> 151. “It is incumbent upon the children to exert themselves to the
> utmost in acquiring the art o f reading and writing. Writing skills that
> will provide for urgent needs will be enough for some; and then it is
> better and more fitting that they should spend their time in studying
> those branches o f knowledge which are o f use.
> “As for what the Supreme Pen hath previously set down, the reason
> is that in every art and skill, God loveth the highest perfection.”
> (BaháVIláh, quoted in Bahá VEducation: A Compilation, no. 20)
> 
> 152. “The mother is the first teacher o f the child. For children, at
> the beginning o f life, are fresh and tender as a young twig, and can be
> trained in any fashion you desire. If you rear the child to be straight, he
> will grow straight, in perfect symmetry. It is clear that the mother is the
> first teacher and that it is she who establisheth the character and con­
> duct o f the child.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, quoted in Bahá/ Education: A Compilation, no. 96)
> 
> 153. “O ye loving mothers, know ye that in G ods sight, the best
> o f all ways to worship Him is to educate the children and train them in
> all the perfections o f humankind; and no nobler deed than this can be
> imagined.”
> (‘Abdul-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá» 114.1)
> 
> 154. “The father must always endeavor to educate his son and to
> acquaint him with the heavenly teachings. He must give him advice and
> exhort him at all times, teach him praiseworthy conduct and character,
> enable him to receive training at school and to be instructed in such arts
> and sciences as are deemed useful and necessary. In brief, let him instill
> into his mind the virtues and perfections o f the world o f humanity.
> Above all he should continually call to his mind the remembrance o f
> 50    BAHÁ1 MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE
> 
> God so that his throbbing veins and arteries may pulsate with the love
> o f God.
> “The son, on the other hand, must show forth the utmost obedi­
> ence towards his father, and should conduct himself as a humble and a
> lowly servant. Day and night he should seek diligently to ensure the
> comfort and welfare o f his loving father and to secure his good-pleasure.
> He must forgo his own rest and enjoyment, and constantly strive to
> bring gladness to the hearts o f his father and mother, that thereby he
> may attain the good-pleasure o f the Almighty and be graciously aided
> by the hosts o f the unseen.”
> (Abdu 1-Bahá, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982
> sent by the Universal House of Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)
> 
> 155.         “O handmaids o f the Lord! The spiritual assemblage that ye
> established in that illumined city is most propitious. Ye have made great
> strides; ye have surpassed the others, have arisen to serve the Holy Thresh­
> old, and have won heavenly bestowals. Now with all spiritual zeal must
> ye gather in that enlightened assemblage and recite the Holy Writings
> and engage in remembering the Lord. Set ye forth His arguments and
> proofs. Work ye for the guidance o f the women in that land, teach the
> young girls and the children, so that the mothers may educate their little
> ones from their earliest days, thoroughly train them, rear them to have a
> goodly character and good morals, guide them to all the virtues o f hu­
> mankind, prevent the development o f any behavior that would be wor­
> thy o f blame, and foster them in the embrace of Bahd’i education. Thus
> shall these tender infants be nurtured at the breast o f the knowledge o f
> God and His love. Thus shall they grow and flourish, and be taught
> righteousness and the dignity o f humankind, resolution and the will to
> strive and to endure. Thus shall they learn perseverance in all things, the
> will to advance, high mindedness and high resolve, chastity and purity
> o f life. Thus shall they be enabled to carry to a successful conclusion
> whatsoever they undertake.
> “Let the mothers consider that whatever concerneth the education
> o f children is o f the first importance. Let them put forth every effort in
> this regard, for when the bough is green and tender it will grow in what­
> ever way ye train it. Therefore is it incumbent upon the mothers to rear
> their little ones even as a gardener tendeth his young plants. Let them
> FAMILY LIFE            51
> 
> strive by day and by night to establish within their children faith and
> certitude, the fear o f God, the love o f the Beloved o f the worlds, and all
> good qualities and traits. Whensoever a mother seeth that her child hath
> done well, let her praise and applaud him and cheer his heart; and if the
> slightest undesirable trait should manifest itself, let her counsel the child
> and punish him, and use means based on reason, even a slight verbal
> chastisement should this be necessary. It is not, however, permissible to
> strike a child, or vilify him, for the child’s character will be totally per­
> verted if he be subjected to blows or verbal abuse.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Selectionsfrom the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá, 95.1-2)
> 
> 156.        “O handmaids o f the beauty o f Abhá! Your letter hath come,
> and its perusal brought great joy. Praised be God, the women believers
> have organized meetings where they will learn how to teach the Faith,
> will spread the sweet savors o f the Teachings and make plans for training
> the children.
> “This gathering must be completely spiritual. That is, the discus­
> sions must be confined to marshaling clear and conclusive proofs that
> the Sun o f Truth hath indeed arisen. And further, those present should
> concern themselves with every means o f training the girl children; with
> teaching the various branches o f knowledge, good behavior, a proper
> way o f life, the cultivation o f a good character, chastity and constancy,
> perseverance, strength, determination, firmness o f purpose; with house­
> hold management, the education o f children, and whatever especially
> applieth to the needs o f girls— to the end that these girls, reared in the
> stronghold o f all perfections, and with the protection o f a goodly char­
> acter, will, when they themselves become mothers, bring up their chil­
> dren from earliest infancy to have a good character and conduct them­
> selves well.
> “Let them also study whatever will nurture the health o f the body
> and its physical soundness, and how to guard their children from dis­
> ease.
> “W hen matters are thus well arranged, every child will become a
> peerless plant in the gardens o f the Abhá Paradise.”
> (‘Abdul-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá, 94.1-4)
> 52    BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE
> 
> 157. “Ye should consider the question of goodly character as of
> the first importance. It is incumbent upon every father and mother to
> counsel their children over a long period, and guide them unto those
> things which lead to everlasting honor.
> “Encourage ye the school children, from their earliest years, to
> deliver speeches of high quality, so that in their leisure time they will
> engage in giving cogent and effective talks, expressing themselves with
> clarity and eloquence.”
> (‘A b d u l-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá, 108.1-2)
> 
> 158. “Train your children from their earliest days to be infinitely
> tender and loving to animals. If an animal be sick, let the children try to
> heal it, if it be hungry, let them feed it, if thirsty, let them quench its
> thirst, if weary, let them see that it rests.
> “Most human beings are sinners, but the beasts are innocent. Surely
> those without sin should receive the most kindness and love— all except
> animals which are harmful, such as bloodthirsty wolves, such as poison­
> ous snakes and similar pernicious creatures, the reason being that kind­
> ness to these is an injustice to human beings and to other animals as
> well.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá,, 13 8 .4 -5 )
> 
> 159. “The art of music is divine and effective. It is the food of the
> soul and spirit. Through the power and charm of music the spirit of
> man is uplifted. It has wonderful sway and effect in the hearts of chil­
> dren, for their hearts are pure and melodies have great influence in them.
> The latent talents with which the hearts of these children are endowed
> will find expression through the medium of music. Therefore you must
> exert yourselves to make them proficient; teach them to sing with excel­
> lence and effect. It is incumbent upon each child to know something of
> music, for without knowledge of this art, the melodies of instrument
> and voice cannot be rightly enjoyed.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, The Promulgation o f Universal Peace,      52)
> 
> 160. “I give you my advice and it is this: Train these children with
> divine exhortations. From their childhood instill in their hearts the love
> FAMILY LIFE              53
> 
> of God so they may manifest in their lives the fear of God and have
> confidence in the bestowals of God. Teach them to free themselves from
> human imperfections and to acquire the divine perfections latent in the
> heart of man. The life of man is useful if he attains the perfections of
> man. If he becomes the center of the imperfections of the world of
> humanity, death is better than life, and nonexistence better than exis­
> tence. Therefore make ye an effort in order that these children may be
> rightly trained and educated and that each one of them may attain per­
> fection in the world of humanity. Know ye the value of these children
> for they are all my children.”
> (‘A b du l-Bahá, The Promulgation o f Universal Peace, pp. 5 3 -5 4 )
> 
> 161. “The child must not be oppressed or censured because it is
> undeveloped; it must be patiently trained.”
> (‘A b du l-Bahá, The Promulgation o f Universal Peace, pp. 180-181)
> 
> 162. “With regard to the statement attributed to ‘Abdul-Bahá and
> which you have quoted in your letter regarding a problem child’; these
> statements of the Master, however true in their substance, should never
> be given a literal interpretation. ‘Abdul-Bahá could have never meant
> that a child should be left to himself, entirely free. In fact Bahà’i educa­
> tion, just like any other system of education is based on the assumption
> that there are certain natural deficiencies in every child, no matter how
> gifted, which his educators, whether his parents, schoolmasters, or his
> spiritual guides and preceptors should endeavor to remedy. Discipline
> of some sort, whether physical, moral or intellectual, is indeed indis­
> pensable, and no training can be said to be complete and fruitful if it
> disregards this element. The child when born is far from being perfect.
> It is not only helpless, but actually is imperfect, and even is naturally
> inclined towards evil. He should be trained, his natural inclinations har­
> monized, adjusted and controlled, and if necessary suppressed or regu­
> lated, so as to ensure his healthy physical and moral development. Bahá’í parents cannot simply adopt an attitude of nonresistance towards
> their children . . . ”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated July 9, 1939,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 54    BAHÁ1 MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE
> 
> 163. “As regards your plans, the Guardian fully approves indeed of
> your view that no matter how urgent and vital the requirements of the
> teaching work may be you should under no circumstance neglect the
> education of your children, as towards them you have an obligation no
> less sacred than towards the Cause.
> “Any plan or arrangement you may arrive at which would com­
> bine your two-fold duties toward your family and the Cause, and would
> permit you to resume active work in the field of pioneer teaching, and
> also to take good care of your children so as to not jeopardize their
> future in the Cause would meet with the whole-hearted approval of the
> Guardian.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated November 16, 1939,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 164. “The question of the training and education of children in
> case one of the parents is a non-Bahá’í is one which solely concerns the
> parents themselves, who should decide about it the way they find best
> and most conducive to the maintenance of the unity of their family,
> and to the future welfare of their children. Once the child comes of age,
> however, he should be given full freedom to choose his religion, irre­
> spective of the wishes and desires of his parents.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated December 14, 1940, written on his behalf
> to the National Spiritual Assembly o f India and Burma)
> 
> 165. “That the first teacher of the child is the mother should not
> be startling, for the primary orientation of the infant is to its mother.
> This provision of nature in no way minimizes the role of the father in
> the Bahà’i family. Again, equality of status does not mean identity of
> function.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated
> June 23, 1974, to an individual believer)
> 
> F. Relationships within the Family
> 
> 166.         “The parents must exert every effort to rear their offspring to
> be religious, for should the children not attain this greatest of adorn-
> FAMILY LIFE            55
> 
> merits, they will not obey their parents, which in a certain sense means
> that they will not obey God. Indeed, such children will show no consid­
> eration to anyone, and will do exactly as they please.”
> (Bahà’u’ilàh, quoted in BaháHEducation: A Compilation, no. 14)
> 
> 167.         “We have caused thee to return to thy home as a token of
> Our mercy unto thy mother, inasmuch as We have found her over­
> whelmed with sorrow. We have enjoined you in the Book ‘to worship no
> one but God and to show kindness to your parents.’ Thus hath the one
> true God spoken and the decree hath been fulfilled by the Almighty, the
> All-wise. Therefore We have caused Thee to return unto her and unto
> thy sister, that your mother s eyes may thereby be cheered, and she may
> be of the thankful.
> “Say, O My people! Show honor to your parents and pay homage
> to them. This will cause blessings to descend upon you from the clouds
> of the bounty of your Lord, the Exalted, the Great.
> “When We learned of her sadness, We directed thee to return unto
> her, as a token of mercy unto thee from Our presence, and as an ad­
> monishment for others.
> “Beware lest ye commit that which would sadden the hearts of
> your fathers.and mothers. Follow ye the path of Truth which indeed is a
> straight path. Should anyone give you a choice between the opportunity
> to render a service to me and a service to them, choose ye to serve them,
> and let such service be a path leading you to Me. This is My exhortation
> and command unto thee. Observe therefore that which thy Lord, the
> Mighty, the Gracious, hath prescribed unto thee.”
> (Bahďulláh, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982
> sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)
> 
> 168.        “The fruits of the tree of existence are trustworthiness, loy­
> alty, truthfulness and purity. After the recognition of the oneness of the
> Lord, exalted be He, the most important of all duties is to have due
> regard for the rights of ones parents. This matter hath been mentioned
> in all the Books of God.”
> (Bahďulláh, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982
> sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)
> 56    BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE
> 
> 169. “These blessed words were uttered by the Tongue of gran­
> deur in the Land of Mystery (Adrianople), exalted and glorified is His
> utterance:
> “One of the distinguishing characteristics of this most great Dis­
> pensation is that the kin of such as have recognized and embraced the
> truth of this Revelation and have, in the glory of His name, the Sover­
> eign Lord, quaffed the choice, sealed wine from the chalice of the love
> of the one True God, will, upon their death, if they are outwardly non­
> believers, be graciously invested with divine forgiveness and partake of
> the ocean of His Mercy.
> “This bounty, however, will be vouchsafed only to such souls as
> have inflicted no harm upon Him Who is the Sovereign Truth nor upon
> His loved ones.
> “Thus hath it been ordained by Him Who is the Lord of the Throne
> on high and the Ruler of this world and of the world to come.”
> (Bahà’u lláh, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982
> sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)
> 
> 170. “We have enjoined upon every son to serve his father. Thus
> have we decreed this command in the Book.”
> (Balià’u lláh, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982
> sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)
> 
> 171. “If thou wouldst show kindness and consideration to thy par­
> ents so that they may feel generally pleased, this would also please Me,
> for parents must be highly respected and it is essential that they should
> feel contented, provided they deter thee not from gaining access to the
> Threshold of the Almighty, nor keep thee back from walking in the way
> of the Kingdom. Indeed it behooveth them to encourage and spur thee
> on in this direction.”
> OAbdul-Bahá, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January, 1982,
> sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)
> 
> 172. “According to the teachings of Bahà’u lláh, the family being a
> human unit must be educated according to the rules of sanctity. All the
> virtues must be taught the family. The integrity of the family bond must
> FAMILY LIFE              57
> 
> be constantly considered and the rights of the individual members must
> not be transgressed. The rights of the son, the father, the mother, none
> of them must be transgressed, none of them must be arbitrary. Just as
> the son has certain obligations to his father, the father likewise has cer­
> tain obligations to his son. The mother, the sister and other members of
> the household have their certain prerogatives. All these rights and pre­
> rogatives must be conserved, yet the unity of the family must be sus­
> tained. The injury of one shall be considered the injury of all; the com­
> fort of each the comfort of all; the honor of one the honor of all.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, The Promulgation o f Universal Peace, p. 168)
> 
> 173. “The youth must grow and develop and take the place of
> their fathers, that this abundant grace, in the posterity of each one of
> the loved ones of God who bore great agonies, may day by day increase,
> until in the end, it shall yield its fruit on earth and in Heaven.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, quoted in Baha I Education: A Compilation, no. 103)
> 
> 174. “There are also certain sacred duties of children toward par­
> ents, which duties are written in the Book of God, as belonging to God.
> The (children s) prosperity in this world and the Kingdom depends upon
> the good pleasure of parents, and without this they will be in manifest
> loss.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Tablets o f Abdul-Baha Abbas, Vol. II, pp. 2 6 2 -2 6 3 )
> 
> 175. “O ye dear children!
> “Your father is very compassionate, clement and merciful unto
> you and desireth for you success, prosperity and eternal life in the King­
> dom of God. Therefore, it is incumbent upon you, dear children, to
> seek his good pleasure, to be guided by his guidance, to be drawn by the
> magnet of the love of God and be brought up in the lap of the love of
> God; that ye may become beautiful branches in the Garden of El-Abha,
> verdant and watered by the abundance of the gift of God.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Tablets o f Abdid-Baha Abbas, Vol. Ill, p. 622)
> 
> 176. “O dear one of Abdu 1-Bahá! Be the son of thy father and be
> the fruit of that tree. Be a son that hath been born of his soul and heart
> 58    BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE
> 
> and not only of the water and clay. A real son is such an one as hath
> branched from the spiritual part of a man. I ask God that thou mayest
> be at all times confirmed and strengthened.”
> (Abdul-Bahá, Tablets o f Abdul-Baha Abbas, Vol. II, p. 342)
> 
> 177. “Comfort thy mother and endeavor to do what is conducive
> to the happiness of her heart.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Tablets o f Abdul-Baha Abbas, Vol. I, p. 74)
> 
> 178. “You have asked whether a husband would be able to prevent
> his wife from embracing the divine light or a wife dissuade her husband
> from gaining entry into the Kingdom of God. In truth neither of them
> could prevent the other from entering into the Kingdom, unless the
> husband hath an excessive attachment to the wife or the wife to the
> husband. Indeed when either of the two worshippeth the other to the
> exclusion of God, then each could prevent the other from seeking ad­
> mittance into His Kingdom.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982
> sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)
> 
> 179. “Regarding thy question about consultation of a father with
> his son, or a son with his father, in matters of trade and commerce,
> consultation is one of the fundamental elements of the foundation of
> the Law of God. Such consultation is assuredly acceptable, whether be­
> tween father and son, or with others. There is nothing better than this.
> Man must consult in all things for this will lead him to the depths of
> each problem and enable him to find the right solution.”
> (‘Abdul-Bahá, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982
> sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)
> 
> 180. “It is one of the essential teachings of the Faith that unity
> should be maintained in the home. O f course this does not mean that
> any member of the family has a right to influence the faith of any other
> member; and if this is realized by all the members then it seems certain
> that unity would be feasible.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated July 6, 1952,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> FAMILY LIFE            59
> 
> 181.       “In regard to the question you asked him: he feels sure that,
> although in some ways you may be a financial burden to your children,
> it is to them a privilege to look after you; you are their mother and have
> given them life, and through the bounty of Baha ulláh they are now
> attracted to His Faith. Anything they do for you is small recompense for
> all you have done for them.”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated September 20, 1948,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 182.         “It made him very happy to know of the recent confirmation
> of your . . . friend, and of her earnest desire to serve and promote the
> Faith. He will certainly pray on her behalf that she may, notwithstand­
> ing the opposition of her parents and relatives, increasingly gain in knowl­
> edge and in understanding of the Teachings, and become animated with
> such zeal as to arise, and bring into the Cause a large number of her
> former co-religionists.
> “Under no circumstances, however, should she allow her parents
> to become completely alienated from her, but it is her bounden duty to
> strive, through patient, continued and loving effort, to win their sympa­
> thy for the Faith, and even perhaps, to bring about their confirmation
> »
> (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated July 6, 1938,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 183.        “The House of Justice suggests that all statements in the Holy
> Writings concerning specific areas of the relationship between men and
> women should be considered in the light of the general principle of
> equality between the sexes that has been authoritatively and repeatedly
> enunciated in the Sacred Texts. In one of His Tablets ‘A bdul-Bahá as­
> serts: ‘In this divine age the bounties of God have encompassed the
> world of women. Equality of men and women, except in some negli­
> gible instances, has been fully and categorically announced. Distinc­
> tions have been utterly removed.’ That men and women differ from one
> another in certain characteristics and functions is an inescapable fact of
> nature; the important thing is that ‘A bdul-Bahá regards such inequali­
> ties as remain between the sexes as being ‘negligible/
> 60    BAHA’I m a r r ia g e a n d fam ily life
> 
> “The relationship between husband and wife must be viewed in
> the context of the Bahd’i ideal of family life. Bahďu lláh came to bring
> unity to the world, and a fundamental unity is that of the family. There­
> fore, one must believe that the Faith is intended to strengthen the fam­
> ily, not weaken it, and one of the keys to the strengthening of unity is
> loving consultation. The atmosphere within a Bahd’i family as within
> the community as a whole should express the keynote of the Cause of
> Goď which, the beloved Guardian has stated, ‘is not dictatorial author­
> ity but humble fellowship, not arbitrary power, but the spirit of frank
> and loving consultation.’
> “A family, however, is a very special kind of community.’ The
> Research Department has not come across any statements which specifi­
> cally name the father as responsible for the ‘security, progress and unity
> of the family’ . . . but it can be inferred from a number of the responsi­
> bilities placed upon him, that the father can be regarded as the ‘head’ of
> the family. The members of a family all have duties and responsibilities
> towards one another and to the family as a whole, and these duties and
> responsibilities vary from member to member because of their natural
> relationships. The parents have the inescapable duty to educate their
> children— but not vice versa; the children have the duty to obey their
> parents— the parents do not obey the children; the mother— not the
> father— bears the children, nurses them in babyhood, and is thus their
> first educator, hence daughters have a prior right to education over sons
> and, as the Guardian’s secretary has written on his behalf, ‘The task of
> bringing up a Bahà’i child, as emphasized time and again in Bahd’i Writ­
> ings, is the chief responsibility of the mother, whose unique privilege is
> indeed to create in her home such conditions as ‘would be most condu­
> cive to both his material and spiritual welfare and advancement. The
> training which the child first receives through his mother constitutes the
> strongest foundation for his future development.’ A corollary of this
> responsibility of the mother is her right to be supported by her hus­
> band— a husband has no explicit right to be supported by his wife. This
> principle of the husband’s responsibility to provide for and protect the
> family can be seen applied also in the law in intestacy which provides
> that the family’s dwelling place passes, on the father’s death, not to his
> widow, but to his eldest son; the son at the same time has the responsi­
> bility to care for his mother.
> FAMILY LIFE         61
> 
> “It is in this context of mutual and complementary duties and
> responsibilities that one should read the Tablet in which Abdu 1-Bahá
> gives the following exhortation:
> ‘O Handmaids of the Self-Sustaining Lord! Exert your efforts so
> that you may obtain the honor and privilege ordained for women.
> Undoubtedly the greatest glory of women is servitude at His thresh­
> old and submissiveness at His door; it is the possession of a vigi­
> lant heart, and praise of the incomparable God; it is heartfelt love
> towards other handmaids and spotless chastity; it is obedience to
> and consideration for their husbands and the education and care
> of their children; and it is tranquillity, and dignity, and persever­
> ance in the remembrance of the Lord, and the utmost enkindlement
> and attraction.’
> “This exhortation to the utmost degree of spirituality and selfabnegation should not be read as a legal definition giving the husband
> absolute authority over his wife, for, in a letter written to an individual
> believer on 22 July 1943, the beloved Guardians secretary wrote on his
> behalf:
> ‘The Guardian, in his remarks . . . about parents and children,
> wives’ and husbands’ relations in America, meant that there is a
> tendency in that country for children to be too independent of the
> wishes of their parents and lacking in the respect due to them.
> Also wives, in some cases, have a tendency to exert an unjust de­
> gree of domination over their husbands which, of course, is not
> right, any more than that the husband should unjustly dominate
> his wife.’
> “In any group, however loving the consultation, there are never­
> theless points on which, from time to time, agreement cannot be reached.
> In a Spiritual Assembly this dilemma is resolved by a majority vote.
> There can, however, be no majority where only two parties are involved,
> as in the case of a husband and wife. There are, therefore, times when a
> wife should defer to her husband, and times when a husband should
> defer to his wife, but neither should ever unjustly dominate the other. In
> short, the relationship between husband and wife should be as held forth
> in the prayer revealed by Abdul-Bahá which is often read at Bahà’i wed­
> dings: ‘Verily they are married in obedience to Thy command. Cause
> them to become the signs of harmony and unity till the end of time.’
> 62    BAHAI MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE
> 
> “These are all relationships within the family, but there is a much
> wider sphere of relationship between men and women than in the home,
> and this too we should consider in the context of Bahà’i society, not in
> that of past or present social norms. For example, although the mother
> is the first educator of the child, and the most formative influence in his
> development, the father also has the responsibility of educating his chil­
> dren, and this responsibility is so weighty that Bahà’u’ilàh has stated
> that a father who fails to exercise it forfeits his rights of fatherhood.
> Similarly, although the primary responsibility for supporting the family
> financially is placed upon the husband, this does not by any means im­
> ply that the place of women is confined to the home. On the contrary,
> ‘Abdu 1-Bahá has stated:
> 
> ‘In this Revelation of Bahà’u’ilàh, the women go neck and neck
> with men. In no movement will they be left behind. Their rights
> with men are equal in degree. They will enter all the administra­
> tive branches of politics. They will attain in all such a degree as
> will be considered the very highest station of the world of human­
> ity and will take part in all affairs.’
> {Paris Talks, [59.5])
> 
> and again:
> 
> ‘So it will come to pass that when women participate fully and
> equally in the affairs of the world, enter confidently and capably
> the great arena of laws and politics, war will cease;. . . ’
> {T he Promulgation o f Universal Peace, p. 135)
> 
> “In the Tablet of the World, Bahà’u’ilàh Himself has envisaged
> that women as well as men would be breadwinners in stating:
> 
> ‘Everyone, whether man or woman, should hand over to a trusted
> person a portion of what he or she earneth through trade, agricul­
> ture or other occupation, for the training and education of chil­
> dren, to be spent for this purpose with the knowledge of the Trust­
> ees of the House of Justice.’
> {Tablets o f Bahď ulláh, p. 90)
> FAMILY LIFE             63
> 
> “A very important element in the attainment of such equality is
> BaháVlláhs provision that boys and girls must follow essentially the
> same curriculum in schools.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated December 28, 1980,
> to the National Spiritual Assembly o f N ew Zealand)
> 
> G* Death
> 
> 184. “O SON OF THE SUPREME!
> “I have made death a messenger of joy to thee. Wherefore dost
> thou grieve? I made the light to shed on thee its splendor. Why dost
> thou veil thyself therefrom?”
> (B ahaulláh, The H idden Words, p. 11)
> 
> 185.          “O thou assured soul, thou maidservant of God . . . ! Be not
> grieved at the death of thy respected husband. He hath, verily, attained
> the meeting of His Lord at the seat of Truth in the presence of the
> potent King. Do not suppose that thou hast lost him. The veil shall be
> lifted and thou shalt behold his face illumined in the Supreme Con­
> course. Just as God, the Exalted, hath said, ‘Him will we surely quicken
> to a happy life/ Supreme importance should be attached, therefore, not
> to this first creation but rather to the future life.”
> CAbdul-Bahá, Selections from the W ritings o f ‘A bdul-B ahá, 165.4)
> 
> 186.        “O thou beloved maid-servant of God, although the loss of a
> son is indeed heart-breaking and beyond the limits of human endur­
> ance, yet one who knoweth and understandeth is assured that the son
> hath not been lost but, rather, hath stepped from this world into an­
> other, and she will find him in the divine realm. That reunion shall be
> for eternity, while in this world separation is inevitable and bringeth
> with it a burning grief.
> “Praise be unto God that thou hast faith, art turning thy face to­
> ward the everlasting Kingdom and believest in the existence of a heav­
> enly world. Therefore be thou not disconsolate, do not languish, do not
> sigh, neither wail nor weep; for agitation and mourning deeply affect his
> soul in the divine realm.
> 64    BAHÂ’Î MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE
> 
> “That beloved child addresseth thee from the hidden world: ‘O
> thou kind Mother, thank divine Providence that I have been freed from
> a small and gloomy cage and, like the birds of the meadows, have soared
> to the divine world— a world which is spacious, illumined, and ever gay
> and jubilant. Therefore, lament not, O Mother, and be not grieved; I
> am not of the lost, nor have I been obliterated and destroyed. I have
> shaken off the mortal form and have raised my banner in this spiritual
> world. Following this separation is everlasting companionship. Thou
> shalt find me in the heaven of the Lord, immersed in an ocean of light.’”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Selections from the W ritings o f A bdul-B ahá, 171.1-3)
> 
> 187. “Question.— What is the condition of children who die be­
> fore attaining the age of discretion, or before the appointed time of birth?
> “Answer.— These infants are under the shadow of the favor of
> God; and as they have not committed any sin, and are not soiled with
> the impurities of the world of nature, they are the centers of the mani­
> festation of bounty, and the Eye of Compassion will be turned upon
> them.”
> (‘Abdul-Bahá, Some Answered Questions, pp. 2 7 8 -2 7 9 )
> 
> 188. “The death of that beloved youth and his separation from
> you have caused the utmost sorrow and grief; for he winged his flight in
> the flower of his age and the bloom of his youth to the heavenly nest.
> But he hath been freed from this sorrow-stricken shelter and hath turned
> his face toward the everlasting nest of the Kingdom, and, being deliv­
> ered from a dark and narrow world, hath hastened to the sanctified realm
> of light; therein lieth the consolation of our hearts.
> “The inscrutable divine wisdom underlieth such heart-rending
> occurrences. It is as if a kind gardener transferreth a fresh and tender
> shrub from a confined place to a wide open area. This transfer is not the
> cause of the withering, the lessening or the destruction of that shrub;
> nay, on the contrary, it maketh it to grow and thrive, acquire freshness
> and delicacy, become green and bear fruit. This hidden secret is well
> known to the gardener, but those souls who are unaware of this bounty
> suppose that the gardener, in his anger and wrath, hath uprooted the
> shrub. Yet to those who are aware, this concealed fact is manifest, and
> FAMILY LIFE             65
> 
> this predestined decree is considered a bounty. Do not feel grieved or
> disconsolate, therefore, at the ascension of that bird of faithfulness; nay,
> under all circumstances pray for that youth, supplicating for him for­
> giveness and the elevation of his station.
> “I hope that you will attain the utmost patience, composure and
> resignation and I entreat and implore at the Threshold of Oneness, beg­
> ging for forgiveness and pardon. My hope from the infinite bounties of
> God is that He may shelter this dove of the garden of faith, and cause
> him to abide on the branch of the Supreme Concourse, that he may sing
> in the best of melodies the praise and glorification of the Lord of Names
> and Attributes.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Selections from the W ritings o f A bdul-B ahá, 169.1-3)
> 
> 189.         “In the next world man will find himself freed from many of
> the disabilities under which he now suffers. Those who have passed on
> through death, have a sphere of their own. It is not removed from ours:
> their work of the Kingdom, is ours; but it is sanctified from what we call
> time and place. Time with us is measured by the sun. When there is no
> more sunrise and no more sunset, that kind of time does not exist for
> man. Those who have ascended have different attributes (conditions)
> from those who are still on earth, yet there is no real separation.
> “In prayer there is a mingling of stations, a mingling of condition.
> Pray for them as they pray for you.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, A bdul-B ahá in London, p. 97)
> 
> H. W ork and Finances
> 
> 190.         “Whatsoever deterreth you, in this Day, from loving God is
> nothing but the world. Flee it, that ye may be numbered with the blest.
> Should a man wish to adorn himself with the ornaments of the earth, to
> wear its apparels, or partake of the benefits it can bestow, no harm can
> befall him, if he alloweth nothing whatever to intervene between him
> and God, for God hath ordained every good thing, whether created in
> the heavens or in the earth, for such of His servants as truly believe in
> Him. Eat ye, O people, of the good things which God hath allowed
> 66    BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE
> 
> you, and deprive not yourselves from His wondrous bounties. Render
> thanks and praise unto him, and be of them that are truly thankful.”
> (BaháVlláh, Gleanings from the W ritings o f B aháV lláh, p. 276)
> 
> 191. “O SON OF MAN!
> “Should prosperity befall thee, rejoice not, and should abasement
> come upon thee, grieve not, for both shall pass away and be no more.”
> (BaháVlláh, The H idden Words, p. 16)
> 
> 192. “O SON OF BEING!
> “If poverty overtake thee, be not sad; for in time the Lord of wealth
> shall visit thee. Fear not abasement, for glory shall one day rest on thee.”
> (Bahďulláh, The H idden Words, p. 16)
> 
> 193. “O MY SERVANT!
> “The best of men are they that earn a livelihood by their calling
> and spend upon themselves and upon their kindred for the love of God,
> the Lord of all worlds.”
> (BaháVlláh, The H idden W ords,?. 51)
> 
> 194.         “O thou servant of the One true God! In this universal dis­
> pensation mans wondrous craftsmanship is reckoned as worship of the
> Resplendent Beauty. Consider what a bounty and blessing it is that crafts­
> manship is regarded as worship. In former times, it was believed that
> such skills were tantamount to ignorance, if not a misfortune, hindering
> man from drawing nigh unto God. Now consider how His infinite be­
> stowals and abundant favors have changed hell-fire into blissful para­
> dise, and a heap of dark dust into a luminous garden.
> “It behooveth the craftsmen of the world at each moment to offer
> a thousand tokens of gratitude at the Sacred Threshold, and to exert
> their highest endeavor and diligently pursue their professions so that
> their efforts may produce that which will manifest the greatest beauty
> and perfection before the eyes of all men.”
> (‘A b d u l-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f A bdul-B ahá, 1271-2)
> FAMILY LIFE             67
> 
> 195.        “Thy letter was received. I hope that thou mayest be pro­
> tected and assisted under the providence of the True one, be occupied
> always in mentioning the Lord and display effort to complete thy profes­
> sion. Thou must endeavor greatly so that thou mayest become unique in
> thy profession and famous in those parts, because attaining perfection
> in ones profession in this merciful period is considered to be worship of
> God. And whilst thou art occupied with thy profession, thou canst re­
> member the True One.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Selections from the W ritings o f A bdul-B ahá, 128.1)
> 
> 196.          “Some mens lives are solely occupied with the things of this
> world; their minds are so circumscribed by exterior manners and tradi­
> tional interests that they are blind to any other realm of existence, to the
> „ spiritual significance of all things! They think and dream of earthly fame,
> of material progress. Sensuous delights and comfortable surroundings
> bound their horizon, their highest ambitions center in success of worldly
> conditions and circumstances! They curb not their lower propensities;
> they eat, drink and sleep! Like the animal, they have no thought beyond
> their own physical well-being. It is true that these necessities must be
> dispatched. Life is a load which must be carried on while we are on
> earth, but the cares of the lower things of life should not be allowed to
> monopolize all the thoughts and aspirations of a human being. The
> hearts ambitions should ascend to a more glorious goal, mental activity
> should rise to higher levels! Men should hold in their souls the vision of
> celestial perfection, and there prepare a dwelling-place for the inexhaust­
> ible bounty of the Divine Spirit.
> “Let your ambition be the achievement on earth of a Heavenly
> civilization! I ask for you the supreme blessing, that you may be so filled
> with the vitality of the Heavenly Spirit that you may be the cause of life
> to the world.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Paris Talks, 31.9-10)
> 
> 197.       “If a man is successful in his business, art, or profession he is
> thereby enabled to increase his physical wellbeing and to give his body
> the amount of ease and comfort in which it delights. All around us
> today we see how man surrounds himself with every modern conve-
> 68    BAHÁ’1 MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE
> 
> nience and luxury, and denies nothing to the physical and material side
> of his nature. But, take heed, lest in thinking too earnestly of the things
> of the body you forget the things of the soul: for material advantages do
> not elevate the spirit of man. Perfection in worldly things is a joy to the
> body of a man but in no wise does it glorify his soul.
> “It may be that a man who has every material benefit, and who
> lives surrounded by all the greatest comfort modern civilization can give
> him, is denied the all important gift of the Holy Spirit.
> “It is indeed a good and praiseworthy thing to progress materially,
> but in so doing, let us not neglect the more important spiritual progress,
> and close our eyes to the Divine light shining in our midst.”
> (‘A bdu 1-Bahá, Paris Talks., 19.3-5)
> 
> 198. “We must be like the fountain or spring that is continually
> emptying itself of all that it has and is continually being refilled from an
> invisible source. To be continually giving out for the good of our fellows
> undeterred by the fear of poverty and reliant on the unfailing bounty of
> the Source of all wealth and all good— this is the secret of right living.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, quoted in Bahá VFunds an d Contributions, p. 16)
> 
> 199. “Even though Shoghi Effendi would urge every believer to
> sacrifice as much as possible for the sake of contributing towards the
> fund of the National Assembly, yet he would discourage the friends to
> incur debts for that purpose. We are asked to give what we have, not
> what we do not possess, especially if such an act causes suffering to
> others. In such matters we should use judgment and wisdom and take
> into our confidence other devoted Bahd’is.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, quoted in B a h a i Funds an d Contributions, p. 10)
> 
> L H ospitality_____________________________________
> 
> 200.       “Blessed is the house that hath attained unto My tender mercy,
> wherein My remembrance is celebrated, and which is ennobled by the
> presence of My loved ones, who have proclaimed My praise, cleaved
> fast to the cord of My grace and been honored by chanting My verses.
> FAMILY LIFE              69
> 
> Verily they are the exalted servants whom God hath extolled in the
> Qayyúmu 1-Asmá* and other scriptures. Verily He is the All-Hearing,
> the Answerer, He Who perceiveth all things.”
> (Bahďulláh, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982
> sent from the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)
> 
> 201. . . consort with the followers of all religions in a spirit of
> friendliness and fellowship . . . They that are endued with sincerity and
> faithfulness should associate with all the peoples and kindreds of the
> earth with joy and radiance, inasmuch as consorting with people hath
> promoted and will continue to promote unity and concord, which in
> turn are conducive to the maintenance of order in the world and to the
> regeneration of nations. Blessed are such as hold fast to the cord of
> kindliness and tender mercy and are free from animosity and hatred.”
> (BaháVlláh, Tablets o f Bahď ulláh, pp. 3 5 -3 6 )
> 
> 202. “O MY FRIENDS!
> “Walk ye in the ways of the good pleasure of the Friend, and know
> that His pleasure is in the pleasure of His creatures. That is: no man
> should enter the house of his friend save at his friends pleasure, nor lay
> hands upon his treasures nor prefer his own will to his friends, and in
> no wise seek an advantage over him. Ponder this, ye that have insight!”
> (Baha ulláh, The H idden Words, p. 37)
> 
> 203. “O my God! let the outpourings of Thy bounty and bless­
> ings descend upon homes whose inmates have embraced Thy Faith, as a
> token of Thy grace and as a mark of loving-kindness from Thy pres­
> ence.”
> (The Báb, Selections from the W ritings o f the Báb, p. 200)
> 
> 204. “My home is the home of peace. My home is the home of joy
> and delight. My home is the home of laughter and exaltation. Whoever
> enters through the portals of this home, must go out with gladsome
> heart. This is the home of light; whoever enters here must become illu­
> mined.”
> (‘A bdu 1-Bahá, quoted in Star o f the West, Vol. XX, N o. 2, p. 52)
> 70    BAHAI m a r r ia g e a n d fa m ily life
> 
> 205. “Treat all thy friends and relatives, even strangers, with a
> spirit of utmost love and kindliness.”
> (‘Abdu 1-Bahá, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982
> sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)
> 
> 206. “Wherefore must the loved ones of God associate in affec­
> tionate fellowship with stranger and friend alike, showing forth to all
> the utmost loving-kindness, disregarding the degree of their capacity,
> never asking whether they deserve to be loved. In every instance let the
> friends be considerate and infinitely kind.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Selections from the W ritings o f A bdul-B ahá, 8.8)
> 
> 207. “I beseech God to graciously make of thy home a center for
> the diffusion of the light of divine guidance, for the dissemination of
> the Words of God and for enkindling at all times the fire of love in the
> hearts of His faithful servants and maidservants. Know thou of a cer­
> tainty that every house wherein the anthem of praise is raised to the
> Realm of Glory in celebration of the Name of God is indeed a heavenly
> home, and one of the gardens of delight in the Paradise of God.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982
> sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)
> 
> 208.         “This is in truth a Bahd’i house. Every time such a house or
> meeting place is founded it becomes one of the greatest aids to the gen­
> eral development of the town and country to which it belongs. It en­
> courages the growth of learning and science and is known for its intense
> spirituality and for the love it spreads among the peoples.”
> (‘Abdul-Bahá, Paris Talks, 24.1)
> 
> J. Relationship with Bahà'i Institutions and Community
> 
> 209.        “The first condition is firmness in the Covenant of God. For
> the power of the Covenant will protect the Cause of BaháVlláh from
> the doubts of the people of error. It is the fortified fortress of the Cause
> of God and the firm pillar of the religion of God. Today no power can
> FAMILY LIFE              71
> 
> conserve the oneness of the Bahà’i world save the Covenant of God;
> otherwise differences like unto a most great tempest will encompass the
> Bahd’i world. It is evident that the axis of the oneness of the world of
> humanity is the power of the Covenant and nothing else. . . Therefore,
> in the beginning one must make his steps firm in the Covenant so that
> the confirmations of Bahà’u lláh may encircle from all sides, the cohorts
> of the Supreme Concourse may become the supporters and the helpers,
> and the exhortations and advices of ‘Abdul-Bahá, like unto the pictures
> engraved on stone, may remain permanent and ineffaceable in the tab­
> lets of the hearts.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Tablets o f the D ivin e Plan, 8.8)
> 
> 210.        “There are certain pillars which have been established as the
> unshakable supports of the Faith of God. The mightiest of these is learn­
> ing and the use of the mind, the expansion of consciousness, and in­
> sight into the realities of the universe and the hidden mysteries of Al­
> mighty God.
> “To promote knowledge is thus an inescapable duty imposed on
> every one of the friends of God. It is incumbent upon that Spiritual
> Assembly, that assemblage of God, to exert every effort to educate the
> children, so that from infancy they will be trained in Bahà’i conduct
> and the ways of God, and will, even as young plants, thrive and flourish
> in the soft-flowing waters that are the counsels and admonitions of the
> Blessed Beauty.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Selections from the W ritings o f A bdul-B ahá, 97.1-2)
> 
> 211.        “And now as I look into the future, I hope to see the friends at
> all times, in every land, and of every shade of thought and character,
> voluntarily and joyously rallying round their local and in particular their
> national centers of activity, upholding and promoting their interests
> with complete unanimity and contentment, with perfect understand­
> ing, genuine enthusiasm, and sustained vigor. This indeed is the one joy
> and yearning of my life, for it is the fountain-head from which all future
> blessings will flow, the broad foundation upon which the security of the
> Divine Edifice must ultimately rest.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, Bahá 'í A dm inistration, p. 67)
> 72    BAHÂ’Î MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE
> 
> 212. “There is a time set aside at the 19 Day Feasts for the Com­
> munity to express its views and make suggestions to its Assembly; the
> Assembly and the believers should look forward to this happy period of
> discussion, and neither fear it nor suppress it.”
> (Shoghi EiFendi, from a letter dated June 20, 1949, written on his behalf
> to the National Spiritual Assembly o f Germany and Austria)
> 
> 213. “He was very sorry to hear that you have had so many tests in
> your Bahd’i life. There is no doubt that many of them are due to your
> own nature. In other words, if we are very sensitive, or if we are in some
> way brought up in a different environment from the Bahà’is amongst
> whom we live, we naturally see things differently and may feel them
> more acutely; and the other side of it is that the imperfections of our
> fellow-Bahà’is can be a great trial to us.
> “He feels that, if you close your eyes to the failings of others, and
> fix your love and prayers upon Bahà’u’ilàh, you will have the strength to
> weather this storm, and will be much better for it in the end, spiritually.
> Although you suffer, you will gain a maturity that will enable you to be
> of greater help to both your fellow-Bahd’is and your children.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated April 5, 1956,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 214. “The friends must be patient with each other and must real­
> ize that the Cause is still in its infancy and its institutions are not yet
> functioning perfectly. The greater the patience, the loving understand­
> ing and the forbearance the believers show towards each other and their
> shortcomings, the greater will be the progress of the whole Baha’i com­
> munity at large.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated February 27, 1943,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 215. “The greatest need it seems everywhere inside the Cause is to
> impress upon the friends the need for love among them. There is a ten­
> dency to mix up the functions of the Administration and try to apply it
> in individual relationships, which is abortive, because the Assembly is a
> nascent House of Justice and is supposed to administer, according to the
> FAMILY LIFE            73
> 
> Teachings, the affairs of the community. But individuals toward each
> other are governed by love, unity, forgiveness and a sin-covering eye.
> Once the friends grasp this they will get along much better, but they
> keep playing Spiritual Assembly to each other and expect the Assembly
> to behave like an individual. . . ”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated October 3, 1950,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 216. “When criticism and harsh words arise within a Bahd’i com­
> munity, there is no remedy except to put the past behind one, and per­
> suade all concerned to turn over a new leaf, and for the sake of God and
> His Faith refrain from mentioning the subjects which have led to mis­
> understanding and inharmony. The more the friends argue back and
> forth and maintain, each side, that their point of view is the right one
> the worse the whole situation becomes.
> “When we see the condition the world is in today, we must surely
> forget these utterly insignificant internal disturbances, and rush, unit­
> edly, to the rescue of humanity. You should urge your fellow-Bahd’is to
> take this point of view, and to support you in a strong effort to suppress
> every critical thought and every harsh word, in order to let the spirit of
> Baha’u’llah flow into the entire community, and unite it in His love and
> His service.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated February 16, 1951,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 217. “We must realize our imperfection and not permit ourselves
> to get too upset over the unfortunate things which occur, sometimes in
> Conventions, sometimes in Assemblies or on Committees, etc. Such
> things are essentially superficial and in time will be outgrown.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated March 17, 1943,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 218. “He feels, in regard to your family problems, that you should
> take these matters up with your assembly, if you desire advice; one of
> the duties of these assemblies is to advise and aid the friends, and it is
> your privilege to turn to your Assembly.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated April 10, 1947,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 74    BAHA’I MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE
> 
> 219. “The divinely ordained institution of the Local Spiritual As­
> sembly operates at the first levels of human society and is the basic ad­
> ministrative unit of Bahà’u’Uàh’s World Order. It is concerned with indi­
> viduals and families whom it must constantly encourage to unite in a
> distinctive Bahà’i society, vitalized and guarded by the laws, ordinances
> and principles of Bahà’u lláhs Revelation. It protects the Cause of God;
> it acts as the loving shepherd of the Bahà’i flock.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, in its Message to the Bahd’is o f the World,
> launching the Five Year Plan, Naw-Rúz, 1974)
> 
> 220. “When a believer has a problem concerning which he must
> make a decision, he has several courses open to him. If it is a matter that
> affects the interests of the Faith he should consult with the appropriate
> Assembly or committee, but individuals have many problems which are
> purely personal and there is no obligation to take such problems to the
> institutions of the Faith: indeed, it is better if the friends will not bur­
> den their Assemblies with personal problems that they can solve by them­
> selves.
> “A Bahà’i who has a problem may wish to make his own decision
> upon it after prayer and after weighing all the aspects of it in his own
> mind; he may prefer to seek the counsel of individual friends or of pro­
> fessional counselors such as his doctor or lawyer so that he can consider
> such advice when making his decision; or in a case where several people
> are involved, such as a family situation, he may want to gather together
> those who are affected so that they may arrive at a collective decision.
> There is also no objection whatever to a Bahà’i asking a group of people
> to consult together on a problem facing him.
> “It should be borne in mind that all consultation is aimed at arriv­
> ing at a solution to a problem and is quite different from the sort of
> group baring of the soul that is popular in some circles these days and
> which borders on the kind of confession that is forbidden in the Faith.
> On the subject of confession the Guardians secretary wrote on his be­
> half to an individual believer: ‘We are forbidden to confess to any per­
> son, as do the Catholics to their priests, our sins and shortcomings, or to
> do so in public, as some religious sects do. However, if we spontane­
> ously desire to acknowledge we have been wrong in something, or that
> we have some fault of character, and ask another persons forgiveness or
> FAMILY LIFE             75
> 
> pardon, we are quite free to do so. The Guardian wants to point out,
> however, that we are not obliged to do so. It rests entirely with the indi­
> vidual.’”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated March 19, 1973,
> to the National Spiritual Assembly o f Canada)
> 
> 221.          “The friends are called upon to give their whole-hearted sup­
> port and cooperation to the Local Spiritual Assembly, first by voting for
> the membership and then by energetically pursuing its plans and pro­
> grams, by turning to it in time of trouble or difficulty, by praying for its
> success and taking delight in its rise to influence and honor. This great
> prize, this gift of God within each community must be cherished, nur­
> tured, loved, assisted, obeyed and prayed for.
> “Such a firmly founded, busy and happy community life as is en­
> visioned when Local Spiritual Assemblies are truly effective, will pro­
> vide a firm home foundation from which the friends may derive courage
> and strength and loving support in bearing the Divine Message to their
> fellow-men and conforming their lives to its benevolent rule.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, in its Message to the Bahà’is o f the World,
> launching the Five Year Plan, Naw-Rúz, 1974)
> 
> K* Family Life and Bahà’i Service
> 
> 222.           “Praised be God, ye two have demonstrated the truth of your
> words by your deeds, and have won the confirmation of the Lord God.
> Every day at first light, ye gather the Bahai children together and teach
> them the communes and prayers. This is a most praiseworthy act, and
> bringeth joy to the childrens hearts: that they should, at every morn,
> turn their faces toward the Kingdom and make mention of the Lord
> and praise His Name, and in the sweetest of voices, chant and recite.
> “These children are even as young plants, and teaching them the
> prayers is as letting the rain pour down upon them, that they may wax
> tender and fresh, and the soft breezes of the love of God may blow over
> them, making them to tremble with joy.”
> (‘Abdul-Bahá, Selectionsfrom the W ritings o f ‘A bdul-Bahá* 115.2-3)
> 76      BAHÀ1 MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE
> 
> 223. “A truly Bahà’i home is a true fortress upon which the Cause
> can rely while planning its campaigns. I f . . . a n d . . . love each other and
> would like to marry, Shoghi Effendi does not wish them to think that by
> doing so they are depriving themselves of the privilege of service; in fact
> such a union will enhance their ability to serve. There is nothing more
> beautiful than to have young Bahd’is marry and found truly Bahd’i homes,
> the type Bahd’u’lldh wishes them to be. Please give them both the
> Guardians loving greetings.”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated November 6, 1932,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 224. “It is our duty and privilege to translate the love and devo­
> tion we have for our beloved Cause into deeds and actions that will be
> conducive to the highest good of mankind.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated November 20, 1924, to an individual believer)
> 
> 225. “Bahd’is should seek to be many-sided, normal and well bal­
> anced, mentally and spiritually. We must not give the impression of
> being fanatics but at the same time we must live up to our principles.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated March 12, 1946,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 226. “Surely Shoghi Effendi would like to see you and the other
> friends give their whole time and energy to the Cause, for we are in great
> need for competent workers, but the home is an institution that Bahd’­
> u’lldh has come to strengthen and not to weaken. Many unfortunate
> things have happened in Baha’i homes just for neglecting this point.
> Serve the Cause but also remember your duties towards your home. It is
> for you to find the balance and see that neither makes you neglect the
> other. We would have many more husbands in the Cause were the wives
> more thoughtful and moderate in their Bahai activities.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated May 14, 1929,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 227. “The Guardian has long felt that the American Bahà’is are
> not, in some cases, living up to the ideal of marriage set forth by Bahá’-
> FAMILY LIFE            77
> 
> ulláh. They are prone to being influenced by the current light and selfish
> attitude of the people towards the marriage bond. Consequently when
> he sees you are successfully living up to the Bahà’i standard, putting
> your best into it and preserving this sacred tie you have with your hus­
> band, he is very happy indeed. He hopes you will be in a position to be
> an example to others. For he disapproves of the way some Bahà’is, in the
> name of serving the Cause, disencumber themselves of their husbands,
> or go and get new ones!”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated April 2 , 1950,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 228^ “The Guardian, in view of the fact that your husband does
> not really wish to be separated from you, but on the contrary is desirous
> of keeping your marriage together, feels that you, as a Bahà’i, have no
> right to destroy it because of your desire to serve the Faith.
> “Marriage is a very sacred institution. Bahà’u lláh said its purpose
> is to promote unity. If the friends neglect, for the sake of the Cause, this
> institution, they place the Faith in a poor light before the public. In
> these days the people of the world are so immoral, and treat the mar­
> riage institution so lightly; and we, as Bahà’is, in contrast to the people
> of the world, are trying to create a high moral standard and reinstate the
> sanctity of marriage.
> “If your husband will allow you to do a certain amount of teach­
> ing work, and occasionally travel in the interests of the Faith, all the
> better; but he does not think the Faith should be made the thing which
> destroys your family life.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated June 6, 1954,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 229.        “Your sons, even though they will not be able at first to serve
> with you in pioneering, are certainly helping you to do so because of
> their devoted spirit and their complete cooperation. Life at best is so full
> of unexpected vicissitudes that leaving your boys at home does not, he
> feels, present any added risks. They are devoted to the Cause and will no
> doubt be inspired by your example.”
> (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated August 10, 1953,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 78    BAHÂ’Î MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE
> 
> 230. “Your responsibility towards your son and your husband is
> very great, and the Guardian hopes your work will soon reach a point
> where you can return, at least for some time, to them, and give them
> that love and encouragement which is a womans great contribution to
> home life.”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated August 5, 1949,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 231. “He has noted with feelings of genuine admiration your long­
> ing to serve in the field of pioneer teaching, but is sorry to hear that your
> domestic circumstances do not permit you to carry out this dear wish of
> your heart.
> “While he heartily appreciates your eagerness to labor for the Faith
> in distant and hitherto unopened territories, he feels that, in view of
> your husbands opposition, and also in consideration of the need of
> your children for your close help and guidance, you should, for the
> present, endeavor instead to work in virgin localities in the vicinity of
> . . . or of the adjoining towns.”
> (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated November 7, 1940,
> written on his behalf to an individual believer)
> 
> 232. “Encourage within families, the practice of daily prayer and
> reading of the Holy Writings.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated
> January, 1981, to the Bahà’is o f Canada)
> 
> 233. “In considering the problems that you and your wife are ex­
> periencing, the House of Justice points out that the unity of your family
> should take priority over any other consideration. BaháVlláh came to
> bring unity to the world, and a fundamental unity is that of the family.
> Therefore, we must believe that the Faith is intended to strengthen the
> family, not weaken it. For example, service to the Cause should not
> produce neglect of the family. It is important for you to arrange your
> time so that your family life is harmonious and your household receives
> the attention it requires.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated
> August 1, 1978, to an individual believer)
> FAMILY LIFE               79
> 
> 234. “Although Bahà’i services should be undertaken with a spirit
> of sacrifice, one cannot lose sight of the importance given in our Holy
> Writings to the responsibilities placed on parents in relationship to their
> children, as well as to the duties of children towards their parents.”
> (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated
> November 19, 1978, to an individual believer)
> 
> L. Prayers________________________________________
> For Expectant Mothers____________________________
> 
> 235. “My Lord! My Lord! I praise Thee and I thank Thee for
> whereby Thou hast favored Thine humble maidservant, Thy slave be­
> seeching and supplicating Thee, because Thou hast verily guided her
> unto Thine obvious Kingdom and caused her to hear Thine exalted
> Call in the contingent world and to behold Thy Signs which prove the
> appearance of Thy victorious reign over all things.
> “O my Lord, I dedicate that which is in my womb unto Thee.
> Then cause it to be a praiseworthy child in Thy Kingdom and a fortu­
> nate one by Thy favor and Thy generosity; to develop and to grow up
> under the charge of Thine education. Verily, Thou art the Gracious!
> Verily, Thou art the Lord of Great Favor!”
> (‘A b du l-Bahá, Bahá ’í Prayers, U.S. 1982, pp. 6 6 -6 7 )
> 
> For Infants
> 
> 236.        “Praised be Thou, O Lord my God! Graciously grant that
> this infant be fed from the breast of Thy tender mercy and loving provi­
> dence and be nourished with the fruit of Thy celestial trees. Suffer him
> not to be committed to the care of anyone save Thee, inasmuch as Thou,
> Thyself, through the potency of Thy sovereign will and power, didst
> create and call him into being. There is none other God but Thee, the
> Almighty, the All-Knowing.
> “Lauded art Thou, O my Best Beloved, waft over him the sweet
> savors of Thy transcendent bounty and the fragrances of Thy holy be­
> stowals. Enable him then to seek shelter beneath the shadow of Thy
> 80    BAHÂ’Î MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE
> 
> most exalted name, O Thou Who holdest in Thy grasp the kingdom of
> names and attributes. Verily Thou art potent to do what Thou wiliest,
> and Thou art indeed the Mighty, the Exalted, the Ever-Forgiving, the
> Gracious, the Generous, the Merciful.”
> (BaháVlláh, BaháH Prayers an d Tablets fo r the Young, p. 3)
> 
> 237.          “O Thou peerless Lord! Let this suckling babe be nursed
> from the breast of Thy loving-kindness, guard it within the cradle of
> Thy safety and protection and grant that it be reared in the arms of Thy
> tender affection.”
> (‘A b du l-Bahá, B a h a i Prayers an d Tablets fo r the Young, p. 6)
> 
> For Children
> 
> 238.          “O Thou pure God! I am a little child; grant that the breast
> of Thy loving-kindness be the breast that I cherish; suffer me to be
> nourished with the honey and the milk of Thy love; rear me in the
> bosom of Thy knowledge, and bestow upon me nobility and wisdom
> while I am still a child.
> “O Thou the Self-Sufficing God! Make me a confidant of the King­
> dom of the Unseen. Verily, Thou art the Mighty, the Powerful.”
> (‘A b du l-Bahá, Bahá HPrayers a n d Tablets fo r theYoung, p. 9)
> 
> 239.         “O Lord! Graciously assist this child to grow and be quick­
> ened in the meads of Thy tender affection. Thou art verily the Bestower,
> the Merciful, the Compassionate.”
> (‘A bdu l-Baha, B a h a i Prayers an d Tablets fo r theYoung, p. 23)
> 
> 240.           “O God, guide me, protect me, make of me a shining lamp
> and a brilliant star. Thou art the Mighty and the Powerful.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, B a h a i Prayers, U.S. 1982, p. 37)
> FAMILY LIFE               81
> 
> For Youth
> 
> 241.        “O Lord! Make this youth radiant and confer Thy bounty
> upon this poor creature. Bestow upon him knowledge, grant him added
> strength at the break of every morn and guard him within the shelter of
> Thy protection so that he may be freed from error, may devote himself
> to the service of Thy Cause, may guide the wayward, lead the hapless,
> free the captives and awaken the heedless, that all may be blessed with
> Thy remembrance and praise. Thou art the Mighty and the Powerful.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, B a h a i Prayers an d Tablets fo r the Young, p. 11)
> 
> For Parents
> 
> 242. “It is seemly that the servant should, after each prayer, sup­
> plicate God to bestow mercy and forgiveness upon his parents. There­
> upon Gods call will be raised: ‘Thousand upon thousand of what thou
> hast asked for thy parents shall be thy recompense!’ Blessed is he who
> remembereth his parents when communing with God. There is, verily,
> no God but Him, the Mighty, the Well-Beloved.”
> (The Báb, Selections from the W ritings o f the Báb, p. 94)
> 
> 243. “O Lord! In this Most Great Dispensation Thou dost accept
> the intercession of children in behalf of their parents. This is one of the
> special infinite bestowals of this Dispensation. Therefore, O Thou kind
> Lord, accept the request of this Thy servant at the threshold of Thy
> singleness and submerge his father in the ocean of Thy grace, because
> this son hath arisen to render Thee service and is exerting effort at all
> times in the pathway of Thy love. Verily, Thou art the Giver, the Forgiver and the Kind!”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, BaháH Prayers, U.S. 1982, p. 65)
> 
> For Families
> 
> 244.        “Glory be unto Thee, O Lord my God! I beg Thee to forgive
> me and those who support Thy Faith. Verily, Thou art the sovereign
> Lord, the Forgiver, the Most Generous. O my God! Enable such ser-
> 82    BAHAI m a r r ia g e a n d fa m ily life
> 
> vants of Thine as are deprived of knowledge to be admitted into Thy
> Cause; for once they learn of Thee, they bear witness to the truth of the
> Day of Judgment and do not dispute the revelations of Thy bounty.
> Send down upon them the tokens of Thy grace, and grant them, wher­
> ever they reside, a liberal share of that which Thou hast ordained for the
> pious among Thy servants. Thou art in truth the Supreme Ruler, the
> All-Bounteous, the Most Benevolent.
> “O my God! Let the outpourings of Thy bounty and blessings
> descend upon homes whose inmates have embraced Thy Faith, as a
> token of Thy grace and as a mark of loving-kindness from Thy pres­
> ence. Verily unsurpassed art Thou in granting forgiveness. Should Thy
> bounty be withheld from anyone, how could he be reckoned among the
> followers of the Faith in Thy Day?
> “Bless me, O my God, and those who will believe in Thy signs on
> the appointed Day, and such as cherish my love in their hearts— a love
> which Thou dost instill into them. Verily, Thou art the Lord of righ­
> teousness, the Most Exalted.”
> (The Báb, Selections from the W ritings o f the Báb, p. 200)
> 
> 245.        “I beg Thy forgiveness, O my God, and implore pardon after
> the manner Thou wishest Thy servants to direct themselves to Thee. I
> beg of Thee to wash away our sins as befitteth Thy Lordship, and to
> forgive me, my parents, and those who in Thy estimation have entered
> the abode of Thy love in a manner which is worthy of Thy transcendent
> sovereignty and well beseemeth the glory of Thy celestial power.
> “O my God! Thou hast inspired my soul to offer its supplication
> to Thee, and but for Thee, I would not call upon Thee. Lauded and
> glorified art Thou; I yield Thee praise inasmuch as Thou didst reveal
> Thyself unto me, and I beg Thee to forgive me, since I have fallen short
> in my duty to know Thee and have failed to walk in the path of Thy
> love.”
> (The Báb, Selectionsfrom the W ritings o f the Báb, p. 210)
> 
> For Marriage
> 
> 246. “He is the Bestower, the Bounteous!
> “Praise be to God, the Ancient, the Ever-Abiding, the Changeless,
> FAMILY LIFE            83
> 
> the Eternal! He Who hath testified in His Own Being that verily He is
> the One, the Single, the Untrammeled, the Exalted. We bear witness
> that verily there is no God but Him, acknowledging His oneness, con­
> fessing His singleness. He hath ever dwelt in unapproachable heights, in
> the summits of His loftiness, sanctified from the mention of aught save
> Himself, free from the description of aught but Him.
> “And when He desired to manifest grace and beneficence to men,
> and to set the world in order, He revealed observances and created laws;
> among them He established the law of marriage, made it as a fortress for
> well-being and salvation, and enjoined it upon us in that which was sent
> down out of the heaven of sanctity in His Most Holy Book. He saith,
> great fc His glory: ‘Enter into wedlock, O people, that ye may bring
> forth one who will make mention of Me amid My servants. This is My
> bidding unto you; hold fast to it as an assistance to yourselves.’”
> (BaháVlláh, B ahâ’i Prayers, U.S. 1982, pp. 104-105)
> 
> 247. “Glory be unto Thee, O my God! Verily, this Thy servant
> and this Thy maidservant have gathered under the shadow of Thy mercy
> and they are united through Thy favor and generosity. O Lord! Assist
> them in this Thy world and Thy kingdom and destine for them every
> good through Thy bounty and grace. O Lord! Confirm them in Thy
> servitude and assist them in Thy service. Suffer them to become the
> signs of Thy Name in Thy world and protect them through Thy be­
> stowals which are inexhaustible in this world and the world to come. O
> Lord! They are supplicating the kingdom of Thy mercifulness and in­
> voking the realm of Thy singleness. Verily, they are married in obedi­
> ence to Thy command. Cause them to become the signs of harmony
> and unity until the end of time. Verily, Thou art the Omnipotent, the
> Omnipresent and the Almighty!”
> CAbdu 1-Bahá, B ah ai Prayers, U.S. 1982, p. 107)
> 
> 248. “O my Lord, O my Lord! These two bright moons are wed­
> ded in Thy love, conjoined in servitude to Thy Holy Threshold, united
> in ministering to Thy Cause. Make Thou this marriage to be as thread­
> ing lights of Thine abounding grace, O my Lord, the All-Merciful, and
> luminous rays of Thy bestowals, O Thou the Beneficent, the Ever-Giv­
> ing, that there may branch out from this great tree boughs that will grow
> 84    BAHA’I MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE
> 
> green and flourishing through the gifts that rain down from Thy clouds
> of grace.
> “Verily, Thou art the Generous. Verily, Thou art the Almighty.
> Verily, Thou art the Compassionate, the All-Merciful.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Bahá / Prayers, U.S. 1982, pp. 107-108)
> 
> 249. “He is God!
> “O peerless Lord! In Thine almighty wisdom Thou hast enjoined
> marriage upon the peoples, that the generations of men may succeed
> one another in this contingent world, and that ever, so long as the world
> shall last, they may busy themselves at the Threshold of Thy oneness
> with servitude and worship, with salutation, adoration and praise. ‘I
> have not created spirits and men, but that they should worship me.’
> Wherefore, wed Thou in the heaven of Thy mercy these two birds of
> the nest of Thy love, and make them the means of attracting perpetual
> grace; that from the union of these two seas of love a wave of tenderness
> may surge and cast the pearls of pure and goodly issue on the shore of
> life. ‘He hath let loose the two seas, that they meet each other: Between
> them is a barrier which they overpass not. Which then of the bounties
> of your Lord will ye deny? From each He bringeth up greater and lesser
> pearls.’
> “O Thou kind Lord! Make Thou this marriage to bring forth coral
> and pearls. Thou art verily the All-Powerful, the Most Great, the Ever-
> Forgiving.”
> (‘A bdul-Bahá, Bahâ 'i Prayers, U .S. 1982, pp. 105-106)
> 
> 250. “O God, my God! This Thy handmaid is calling upon Thee,
> trusting in Thee, turning her face unto Thee, imploring Thee to shed
> Thy heavenly bounties upon her, and to disclose unto her Thy spiritual
> mysteries, and to cast upon her the lights of Thy Godhead.
> “O my Lord! Make the eyes of my husband to see. Rejoice Thou
> his heart with the light of the knowledge of Thee, draw Thou his mind
> unto Thy luminous beauty, cheer Thou his spirit by revealing unto him
> Thy manifest splendors.
> “O my Lord! Lift Thou the veil from before his sight. Rain down
> Thy plenteous bounties upon him, intoxicate him with the wine of love
> FAMILY LIFE              85
> 
> for Thee, make him one of Thy angels whose feet walk upon this earth
> even as their souls are soaring through the high heavens. Cause him to
> become a brilliant lamp, shining out with the light of Thy wisdom in
> the midst of Thy people.
> “Verily Thou art the Precious, the Ever-Bestowing, the Open of
> Hand.”
> (‘Abdul-Bahá, Selections from the W ritings o f 'Abdul-Bahá, 9 0 .1 -4 )
>
> — *Baha'i Marriage and Family Life (Used by permission of the curator)*