# Study Guide for Baha'i Marriage and Family Life *Exported from [Holy-Writings.com](https://www.holy-writings.com/) on 2026-06-18 — 1 clipping.* --- > Source: Bahá'í Library Online (bahai-library.com), curated by Jonah Winters. Used by permission of the curator. Original citation: unknown, Study Guide for Baha'i Marriage and Family Life, bahai-library.com. > ────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── > > Baha'i > Marriage > and > Family Life > Selections > from theWritings > oft lie > Baha’i Faith > > Prepared by the > National Spiritual Assembly of the > Bahd’is o f Canada > Prepared by: > The National Spiritual Assembly > of the Bahà’is of Canada > > Copyright© 1986 by the > National Spiritual Assembly > of the Bahà’is of Canada > > ISBN 0-88867-060-5 > > Printed in Canada > The following study guide is a companion to the compilation Bahďí Marriage and > Family Life. It suggests one possible approach to our examination of the teachings > related to Bahà’i marriage. > > The National Spiritual Assembly invites believers not only to use this material as it is > presented, but also to revise and adapt it to suit the needs and circumstances of the > group studying the material. > > Because study materials are continually being revised, please forward to the National > Centre any observations, suggested changes or recommendations. > Table of Contents > > Introduction........................................................................1 > > Guidance for Group Study..............................................2 > > Section I The Institution of Marriage > > A Law of Marriage................................................. 4 > > B Commitments and Responsibilities...................6 > > C The Marriage Ceremony.....................................9 > > D Marriage as the Basis for Unity........................11 > > E Attitude Towards Divorce.................................. 14 > > F Sex in Marriage.................................................... 16 > > Section II Preparation for Marriage > > A Self-knowledge....................................................18 > > B Choosing a Marriage Partner............................ 23 > > C-D -E Chastity, Parental Consent, Engagement......... 27 > > Section III Family Life > > A Love and Unity.................................................. 30 > > B Communication.....................................................32 > > C Tests and Difficulties.......................................... 33 > > D Equality of Men and Women..............................34 > > E Education of Children......................................... 35 > > F Relationships within the Family.......................... 36 > > G Death....................................................................... 37 > > H Work and Finance................................................. 38 > I Hospitality....................................................... 39 > > J Relationship with Bahá'1 Institutions > andCommunity...............................................40 > > K Family Life and Bahà’i Service....................41 > > Case Studies........................................................................................... 42 > > Summary of Quotations....................................................................... 48 > > Appendix I: Extracts from letters of the Guardian and > the Universal House of Justice onbirth control...............................55 > > Appendix II: Extract from a letter of the Universal > House of Justice on the relationships of husbands and wives...... 57 > INTRODUCTION > > The general goal of this Study Guide as stated in the introduction of the compilation Baha’i > Marriage and Family Life is to help individuals > > understand the Bahà’i Writings related to marriage > prepare for marriage > who are already married > improve family life > and to assist Bahà’i Local Spiritual Assemblies in their educational and counselling > responsibilities. > > A study of this compilation is intended to increase the knowledge and understanding of the > individual and will do this by helping to > > a) focus on developing personal spiritual qualities in order to fulfill one’s own > contribution to marriage > > b) focus on those qualities to be considered when choosing a marriage partner > > c) know the legal requirements of Bahà’i marriage > > d) better understand the role of marriage as the foundation for a new social order > > e) know those qualities of Bahà’i marriage which create unity between the husband and > wife, among children and extended family. > > GUIDANCE FOR STUDY > > This Study Guide can be used both by individuals and groups in various ways. Some > suggestions are: > > a) Individual study - Set aside a regular period of time each week to study a section. > Use a notebook to jot down thoughts and at the end of each lesson include a > summary of what you have learned and how this is useful to you in your own life. > Think also about sharing it with others. > > b) Group study - Set regular study times with clear time limits, and ask for a > commitment to all the sessions. For groups (e.g. institutes, seminars, summer school > courses) of 20 or more participants, divide into groups of 5 to 8 and choose group > leaders to guide the sessions. > > Motivation to use this study guide: > > Why should people use this guide in addition to reading through the compilation? It is easier > for most people to delve deeply into the Writings when a search is being made in answer to a > specific question. This study guide leads one through the compilation in this manner. > > Additional Guidelines: > > It is important for the group to discuss the following in order to create anticipation for what > is to be learned: > > a) How much time should be spent on this deepening? It will vary according to the > learners’ interest and the time available to the participants and instructor, but at > the outset, clearly outline the general time frame (i.e. week-end, one evening every > three weeks, and specifics such as Monday nights from 7 - 1 0 p.m.) > > b) How is the material to be studied? Divide the material into sections? Assign one > group discussion leader for each segment? Assign the same section to all groups? > > What are the duties of the leader? > > 1. Thoroughly prepare by studying material (compilation and study guide) in detail. > > 2. Decide, in consultation with the participants, what specific knowledge should be > attained by the participants. Individuals and couples can be encouraged to set their > own learning goals. > > 3. Explore how this goal will be achieved. In responding to the Creative Word, people > need the framework that will draw out a holistic and appropriate response, unique > to their own marriages and life situations. One of the most effective ways to > accomplish this can be done by simply reading questions and quotations, then > answering the questions before turning to the "possible answers" page. Another > option is to put each question on a card and have participants choose their own > questions. It is suggested that participants record their answers individually before > > discussion begins, in order to encourage individual expression of opinion. The > questions naturally stimulate discussion, and other methods such as role playing or > demonstrations can be used when applicable. > > 4. Materials required: > > Compilation: Bahďí Marriage and Family Life > Study Guide on Bahá’1 Marriage and Family Life > Notebook and pen > > 5. It is important for the discussion leaders and/or co-ordinators to meet together > beforehand to go over content, timing and procedure, as well as to allow time to > debrief after each session. The discussion leader/coordinator is to be a facilitator, > not a director, of the learning process, exhibiting flexibility as the study session > progresses. Success will depend upon the extent to which the conditions of Bahà’i > consultation are present. > > 6. Frequently, either before or at the end of each lesson, review the major points > discussed. > > 7. Evaluate each session in terms of the objectives. > > 8. For your convenience, a check list has been placed at the top of each section of > the study guide. > > 9. Case studies have been included in some sections to help the participants apply the > principles they have been studying. They can be used as a role play or as a basis > for discussion. > > SECTION I: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE > > CHECKLIST > > □ SET GOALS FOR LEARNING > □ READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME > □ CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS > □ SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS > □ EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED > > A: Law of Marriage > > Read the section entitled "Law of Marriage" and answer the following questions: > > 1. Is marriage a command that is binding on every individual? Explain. > > 2. If, as Shoghi Effendi states, marriage is not the central purpose of life, what is? > > 3. There are benefits that always come from obedience to the laws of God. BaháVlláh > enjoins us to marry as a means to establish order in the world and as an assistance > to ourselves. > > Based on the Writings and on your own knowledge and experience, > > a) How does marriage benefit society? > > b) How does marriage benefit the individual? > > 4. Celibacy requirements for monks, priests, and nuns imply the notion that God can > best be served by people who are not married. How is that different from > Bahà’u’ilàh’s teachings? > > 5. Many people today believe that "living together" is far better for society and the > individual than getting married and planning to stay married. How would you > convince them that marriage is necessary for the well-being of mankind? > > Case Study > > See p. 42 (I-A) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application > of the Writings in this section. > « > > SECTION I: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE > > A: Law of Marriage > Possible Answers > > 1. No. Although it is every person’s "moral duty to marry", it is "by no means an > obligation". > > 2. The following quotations from BaháVlláh serve to illustrate the central purpose of > life. (Of course, there are many more quotations which are also appropriate.) > > "...Thou hast created me to know Thee and to worship Thee...." > Noonday prayer > > "The purpose of God in creating man hath been, and will ever be, to enable him > to know His Creator and to attain His Presence." > Gleanings from the Writings o f Bahà’u’llàh, p. 70 > > "Whatever duty Thou has prescribed unto Thy servants of extolling to the utmost > Thy Majesty and Thy glory is but a token of Thy grace unto them, that they > may be enabled to ascend unto the station conferred upon their own inmost > being, the station of the knowledge of their own selves." > Gleanings, pp. 4-5 > > 3. Possible answers might include > > Benefits to SOCIETY > > marriage provides for continuation of the human race > since the family is the basic unit of society, marriage helps create order in > society > marriage provides a secure place for the nurturing and training of children > if we follow the command to "bring forth one who will remember God", we will > be assisting in the creation of a society which is attuned to its Creator. > > Benefits to the INDIVIDUAL > > marriage is, ideally, a source of love, encouragement and support > marriage can act as a catalyst for the improvement of one’s spiritual life > it can provide the opportunity for one to become and have a loving companion > and friend. > > 4. Bahà’u’ilàh’s exhortation to the priests and monks to marry and "bring forth one who > will make mention of God" implies that the rearing of children who will know and > love God is a greater service to God and humanity than being secluded from the > world. > > SECTION I: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE > > CHECKLIST > > □ SET GOALS FOR LEARNING > □ READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME > □ CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS > □ SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS > □ EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED > > B: Commitments and Responsibilities > > Read the section entitled "Commitments and Responsibilities" and answer the following > questions: > > 1. According to the passages in this section, Bahá’1 marriage could be defined as > follows: > > a) a commitment of two people, one to the other > > b) > > c) > > (List at least two more.) > > 2. What is the purpose of Bahà’i marriage? See passages 6, 8, 10. > > 3. ‘Abdu’l-Bahà states that "Baha’i marriage is the commitment of two parties one to > the other...." Define commitment. Why is that an important element in a marriage? > > 4. ‘Abdu’l-Bahá describes the relationship husband and wife should have with one > another: "They are two helpmates, two intimate friends who should be concerned > about the welfare of each other...." He promises that the rewards of this > relationship are "contentment, bliss and peace of heart...." > > a) Describe how you feel when someone helps you. > > b) What are some ways that a helping relationship between husband and wife could > be developed? > > 5. Read passage #10. > > Study the following definitions: > > Procreate - - t o produce children > Vitiate — to make ineffective or worthless > > a) Who set forth the primary purpose of marriage? > > b) Are there any limitations to the use of birth control? > > c) Since it is permissible to limit the number of children in a marriage, how would > a husband and wife go about deciding how many children to have, and what > would be some of their considerations? > > Case Study > > See p. 42 (I-B) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application of > the Writings in this section. > > - > > SECTION I: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE > > B: Commitments and Responsibilities > Possible Answers > > 1. A definition of Baha’i marriage could include: > > - a commitment of two people > - mutual attachment of mind and heart > - union - both physical and spiritual > - an eternal union of spirits. > > 2. The purpose of Bahà’i marriage is two-fold. The first purpose is "to become loving > companions and comrades and at one with each other for time and eternity...." The > second is "the procreation of children...." > > 3. Commitment: An act of entrusting. An agreement or pledge to do something in the > future. Commitment ensures security. > > 4. Some of the ways of developing a helping relationship might include > > - consultation > - negotiation > - concentrating on the correction of one’s own faults > - attempting to be selfless and generous > - considering the other’s needs as priority. > > 5. BaháVlláh stated the primary purpose of marriage as the procreation of children. > > Birth control should not be used to produce a childless marriage. > > Discussion. > > Answers can also be found in the following sources: Extracts from the Letters of the > Guardian and the Universal House of Justice on Birth Control and Related Subjects (see > Appendix I, pp. 55-56) and Lights o f Guidance, quotations 695-704, pp. 260-264. > > SECTION I: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE > > CHECKLIST > > □ SET GOALS FOR LEARNING > □ READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME > □ CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS > □ SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS > □ EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED > > C: The Marriage Ceremony > > Read the section entitled "The Marriage Ceremony" and answer the following questions: > > 1. In order for a Bahà’i marriage to be valid, what conditions must be met? > > 2. Bahà’i marriage vows require each party to promise to "abide by the Will of God." > How does this statement help spouses to set priorities? > > 3. Scott and Elaine Parker became Bahà’is three months after their marriage. They > would love to have a Bahà’i marriage ceremony. Please advise them. > > 4. Except for the phrase "We will all verily abide by the Will of God", Bahà’i marriage > ceremonies are not all alike. Why? What guidelines should be kept in mind when > planning a Bahà’i ceremony? > > C: The Marriage Ceremony > Possible Answers > > 1. To be valid, these conditions must be met: > > a) The Local Spiritual Assembly must officiate and appoint two witnesses. See > passages 13, 18 > > b) If there are two ceremonies, both must take place within 24 hours of one > another. See passages 16, 17 > > c) Consummation should take place within 24 hours of marriage or cohabitation > should begin with the intention of setting up a family relationship. See #19 > > d) The legal requirements of the state/province must be met. > > 2. One possible result of this vow is that it encourages spouses to go to the Writings > to discover their responsibilities. It also encourages them to continue living a Bahà’i > life. > > 3. See #21. > > 4. Beyond the obligation of the vows, BaháVlláh has given freedom to arrange the > marriage ceremony in a way that is meaningful and pleasing to the couple being > married. There is no uniform mold and marriages often reflect the culture(s) of the > individuals involved. However, Shoghi Effendi states that the "ceremony itself must > be simple." > > t > > SECTION I: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE > > CHECKLIST > > □ SET GOALS FOR LEARNING > □ READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME > □ CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS > □ SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS > □ EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED > > D: Marriage as the Basis for Unity > > Read the section entitled "Marriage as the Basis for Unity" and answer the following > questions: > > 1. Read passage #22. According to BaháVlláh, what is the main purpose of religion? > How does marriage reflect this purpose? > > 2. There are two processes occurring at all times in life: the process of disintegration > or breakdown and separation, and the process of union. > > a) In terms of the development of one’s spiritual self, how can disintegration be > seen in a positive light? > > b) What comes from the union of created things? > > 3. According to ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, marriage of Bahà’is should be the union of > > a) > > b) > > If it is, what does He say the results will be? > > 4. In passage #25, ‘Abdu’l-Bahá says that "when any souls grow to be true believers > they will attain a spiritual relationship with one another...and that union of theirs, > that connection, will also abide forever." > > a) Why do you think He chose the word "grow"? > > b) If we are all in the process of growing to be true believers, how would that > affect the way we relate to and treat one another (including our spouses)? > > c) What is His definition of a "true believer"? Explain it in your own words. > > 5. In passage #26, ‘Abdu’l-Bahá states that the tie between husband and wife is the > "Word of God". > > a) What does He say are the results of this tie? > > b) What are some ways that the Word of God could be used "to cause them to > become the signs of harmony and unity until the end of time"? In other words, > how can the Word of God be used to promote unity between husband and wife? > > Case Study > > See p. 44 (III-A) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application > of the Writings in this section. > > SECTION I: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE > > D: Marriage as the Basis for Unity > Possible Answers > > 1. The fundamental purpose of religion as defined by BaháVlláh is to "safeguard the > interests and promote the unity of the human race, and to foster the spirit of love > and fellowship amongst men." > > The institution of marriage reflects this purpose in that it safeguards the > perpetuation of the human race, provides a secure environment for the rearing of > children, establishes the basic unit of harmony in society, and when entered through > the love of God, causes a "wave of tenderness to be cast on the shore of life." > > 2. a) When disintegration involves the dissolution of personality traits that hamper > spiritual growth and the sense of harmony with those around you, then it is > positive in as much as it serves to free one from the material self. > > b) From the union of created things comes: > - Divine bounties > - life itself > - eternal life > - tenderness > > 3. A) body > B) soul > If the union is spiritual as well as physical, then it will last forever. #25 > > 4. a) The word "grow" is a process word, implying that time is involved in change. > He may have chosen it to reassure us that God has patience with us. > > b) Perhaps we should have patience with ourselves and with others as we strive to > attain human perfections. > > c) ‘Abdu’l Bahá states: > "...Souls, that is, who will > 1. consign their own selves to oblivion > 2. strip from themselves the defects of human kind > 3. unchain themselves from human bondage..." > > 5. A) The results of this tie: > "multitudes to assemble," "remote ones to be united," "the appearance of divine > bounties," and "children who are born in the cradle of the love of God..." > > b) - Daily prayers of husband and wife together > - Obedience to the laws > - Praying for one another > - Deepening together > - Bahà’i service > > SECTION I: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE > > CHECKLIST > > □ SET GOALS FOR LEARNING > □ READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME > □ CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS > □ SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS > □ EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED > > E: Attitude Towards Divorce > > Read the section entitled "Divorce" and answer the following questions: > > 1. Read passages 28, 29, 34, 35 > > a) What are the conditions mentioned under which divorce can be considered? > > b) Define "aversion". > > 2. In passages 28, 29, and 31, conditions are mentioned which should not be used as > conditions for divorce. What are they? > > 3. What and why is the year of patience? > > 4. What is the attitude of the Faith toward divorce? Use quotations to back up your > answer. > > 5. A decision to divorce is one not to be taken lightly. Many factors must be > considered, including the effects of the divorce. In view of the Writings on divorce, > what are some of the factors that should be considered? > > 6. Study passages 28, 30, 32, 36. What are the responsibilities of the Local Assembly > toward troubled marriages and divorce? > > 7. For discussion: > > What do you think are some of the factors contributing to the high rate of divorce > among North American Bahà’is? > > Based on the Writings, what are some possible remedies for each factor? > > Case Study > > See p. 42 (I-E) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application of > the Writings in this section. > > SECTION I: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE > > E: Attitude Towards Divorce > Possible answers > > 1. Divorce can be considered under the following circumstances: > > a. - "aversion" (‘Abdu’l Bahá) > - "in exceptional circumstances, and when grave issues are involved" > (Shoghi Effendi) > - "only under rare and urgent circumstances" (Shoghi Effendi) > - "only under exceptional and unbearable circumstances" (Shoghi Effendi) > > b. - aversion = extreme dislike or disinclination: repugnance. > > 2. The following conditions should not be used as grounds for divorce: > > - slight friction or displeasure #28 > - no physical attraction #28 > - sexual disharmony and incompatibility #29 > - love for another person besides one’s spouse #29 > - service to the Cause hindered by one’s spouse #31 > > 3. The year of patience is a one-year period granted to an estranged couple during > which husband and wife are physically separated and have separate living quarters. > Its purpose is to give the couple time to work on re-establishing harmony. > > 4. Shoghi Effendi used the following words to describe the attitude of the Faith toward > divorce: > > - "reprehensible act" #29 > - "discouraged, deprecated, and against the good pleasure of God" #30 > - "strongly condemns it" #33 > - "should be avoided most strictly" #34 > - "a last resort, to be avoided at all costs if possible and not to be lightly > granted" #37 > > 5. Some factors to weigh in considering divorce are > > a) the impact of divorce on children #s 33, 35, 36 > b) consequences of the divorce on the life of each partner #28, and #35 (2nd part) > c) impact of the divorce on the community (Kingdom of God) #28 > > 6. Responsibilities of the Local Spiritual Assembly: > > a) circulate Writings about divorce #30 > b) monitor the year of patience #28 > c) investigate each case to decide if there are grounds for divorce #30 > d) serve as counsel and help #36 > e) try to preserve the family #32 > f) give final approval (or disapproval) of the divorce #30 > > SECTION I: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE > > CHECKLIST > > □ SET GOALS FOR LEARNING > □ READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME > □ CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS > □ SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS > □ EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED > > F: Sex in Marriage > > Read the section entitled "Sex in Marriage" and answer the following questions: > > 1. What is the Baha’i law regarding sex? > > 2. What is the meaning of the word "chastity" as Shoghi Effendi uses it in passage > #43? > > 3. Read passage #42. What is the Bahà’i attitude toward sex? > > 4. Bahâ’u’llâh states, "We, verily, have forbidden you lechery, and not that which is > conducive to fidelity...." > > a) Study the following definitions: > > 1. lechery—excessive sexual activity > 2. conducive-tending to cause, promote or help bring about > 3. fidelity-faithfulness (to spouse) > > b) Fidelity and chastity in marriage seem to imply the same behavior—sexual > activity only inside marriage. What attitudes, actions and environments promote > fidelity? > > 5. According to the passages in this section on sex, what is the role of sex in > marriage? > > 6. Read passages 25 and 43, second paragraph. > > a) What is the Bahà’i viewpoint on relationships between men and women who are > not married to one another? > > b) How are they expected to conduct themselves? > > c) How is this attitude different from > > i) orthodox religions where men and women are separated? > > ii) the permissive sexual values of today’s society? > > SECTION t THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE > > F: Sex in Marriage > Possible Answers > > 1. The Bahà’i law on sex is that marriage is the only lawful place for sexual relations. > Sex outside of marriage is forbidden. > > 2. Shoghi Effendi uses chastity to mean abstinence from unlawful sex as well as purity > of behavior and thought. It implies that we are responsible for our thoughts (which > influence our behavior), our behavior itself, and the implications of our behavior, i.e. > the appearances and intentions implicit in our actions. It also implies that we have > the capacity to exercise control over these processes. > > 3. The Bahà’i attitude towards sex is that it is a very natural and positive human > behavior not to be suppressed, but engaged in only within the context of marriage. > > 4. Discussion. > > 5. The role of sex in marriage is > > - for procreation #39 > - for the spread of tenderness #40 > - subordinate to the spiritual purpose of marriage #41 > - for enjoyment—the natural right of every individual in marriage #42 > > 6. a) We are encouraged to establish relationships based on the bonds of spiritual > comradeship and love, but which are not, except in the case of marriage, > translated into sexual behavior. ‘Abdu’l-Bahá promises that when spiritual > relationships are established, they, too, last forever. > > b) Relationships between men and women should reflect the teachings of the Faith > regarding the dignity and nobility of man and the equality of men and woman, as > well as the law of chastity. Perhaps men and women friends should consider the > appearance of their behavior. > > c) i) In orthodox religions, the controls governing the relations between men and > women are imposed from without and physically structured into daily life. > BaháVlláh, on the other hand, has allowed men and women the freedom to > know one another and expected them to have inner control to know that > which "leads to loftiness or abasement." > > ii) North American society allows and even expects friendships to be translated > into sexual terms. On the other hand, having sexual relations does not > necessarily imply friendship. BaháVlláh puts sex back into its proper place, > marriage, and reminds us that true friendship is based on the union of spirit, > not bodies. > > SECTION II: PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE > > CHECKLIST > > □ SET GOALS FOR LEARNING > □ READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME > □ CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS > □ SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS > □ EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED > > A: Self-knowledge > > Read the section entitled "Self-knowledge" and passages 44-52 of "Choosing a Marriage > Partner". Then answer the following questions. > > 1. Define: > > a) apprehend (#44) > b) munificence (#44) > c) extol (#45) > > 2. Read #44. > > a) According to BaháVlláh, what will happen when one begins to understand what > God has entrusted to his/her own soul? > > b) What does BaháVlláh mean by the phrase "all created things"? > > c) According to BaháVlláh, if we have some knowledge of this ideal inner self, > where the "seas of loving-kindness and bounty" move, that can help us to > become detached from (freed from the influence of) all created things. How does > "knowing" facilitate the process of letting go? > > 3. BaháVlláh states, "Upon the reality of man, however. He hath focused the radiance > of all of His names and attributes, and made it a mirror of His own Self." Gleanings, > p. 65. > > Make a list of at least 10 attributes of God, using the following chart: > > a) Choose one or two attributes you would like to work on. > > b) Identify some of the obstacles that prevent you from manifesting that quality as > much as you would like to. > > c) How can those obstacles be changed or removed? > > 4. Self-knowledge involves several elements. One is knowing about the divine qualities, > representing the potential ideal self, another is understanding one’s own strengths > and weaknesses, and a third is recognizing what leads to loftiness or to baseness. > > a) How can one learn about one’s strengths and weaknessess? > > b) How can one recognize what would lead to one’s honour or abasement? > > c) How will I know when I’m ready for marriage? > > 5. How would the understanding that the true self is a reflection of God affect the > following: > > a) Your self-concept > > b) Your way of communicating > > c) Your relationship with others > > d) Choices in such things as entertainment, clothing, friends, etc.? > SECTION II: PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE > > A: Self-knowledge > Possible Answers > > 1. Definitions: Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary > > a) apprehend--to grasp with understanding: recognize the meaning of > > b) munificence--lavishness; generosity > > c) extol--to praise highly; glorify > > 2. a) If you could apprehend the potential entrusted to your soul, you would: > > i) become detached from all created things > > ii) "gain a knowledge of your own true selves" > > iii) become independent of all save God > > iv) perceive the attributes of "loving-kindness and bounty moving within you." > > b) In Tablets o f Bahà'u’ilàh, p. 110, BaháVlláh writes "Know thou moreover that all > else besides Him have been created through the potency of a word from His > presence...." From this passage, we can infer that everything but God is a > "created thing". > > In another sense, man, in his reflection of the name of God, the Creator, also > has the power to create. Man creates not only material objects but also > deceptions, fears and illusions, as well as harmony, unity and love, etc. > > c) Knowledge of the inner self aids detachment in many ways. For example, this > knowledge gives us a goal. We know that we are striving towards it. This > knowledge of our potential inspires a sense of awe about the self and makes us > eager to let go, however painfully, of the attachments that hamper our progress. > > Another way that knowledge of the true self aids detachment is by giving us a > standard by which to assess our behaviour and to measure progress. > > 3. Example: > > Attributes to be Obstacles How I will overcome > Acquired the obstacles > > Generosity - not enough money - give gifts and one’s time to others > - selfishness - look for ways to cut down on > spending > - pray for the Fund > - let go of material things a little at a > time and savour the good feeling > > 4. a) Ways to learn about oneself: > > - read the Writings and look for the names and attributes of God > - "Bring thyself to account each day..." looking at both positive and negative > deeds > - consult with others about your concerns and your potential > - acquire knowledge of psychology > - seek counselling with a skilled professional > - pray and meditate > - "Treasure the companionship of the righteous". Look for role models that > manifest qualities of God, and study their lives. > - "Turn thy sight unto thyself, that thou mayest find Me standing within thee." > - analyze the effects of your behaviour on others > - evaluate the consequences of your decisions > > b) The better you know yourself, the easier it is to recognize actions/decisions that > lead to happiness and honour rather than to baseness or shame. Also, the more > self-knowledge, the easier it is to remain unaffected by the influence of another, > so that character evaluation can be done on a more objective basis. > > For a more comprehensive answer, see Chapter 4 of A Fortress for Well-Being. > > c) Answers to this question will vary according to experience. Here are some of the > questions a person might ask of him/herself in determining readiness for > marriage: > > - Am I willing to sacrifice some individuality and independence for the unity > of the marriage? > - Am I willing to share responsibility for the relationship and daily living > chores? > - Am I willing to put the sanctity of the marriage above all other > considerations, except God? > - How do I handle responsibility? > - Do I see a task through? > - Do I accept responsibility for my decisions? > - Am I tolerant of another’s faults and do I concern myself primarily with > correcting my own? > > 5. Effects of Knowledge > > a) self-concept > - can’t think of oneself as being worthless > - gives dignity, sense of ability > - makes one lovable both to others as well as to oneself > > b) way of communicating > - communicate in ways that recognize and preserve the dignity of each human, > i.e. not using derogatory names or racial/cultural slurs > - being kind and courteous > > c) relationships > - treat others with respect > - love others for "the Beauty of God reflected in the soul" > - would not abuse others > - would not encourage others to do things that compromise the qualities of the > soul (lying, backbiting, etc.) > > d) choices > - avoid friends who cause one to disobey laws or abase self > - choose clothing that reflects the dignity and beauty of the self > - choose activities that elevate and avoid those that abase the self > > SECTION II: PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE > > CHECKLIST > > □ SET GOALS FOR LEARNING > □ READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME > □ CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS > □ SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS > □ EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED > > B: Choosing a Marriage Partner > > Read the section entitled "Choosing a Marriage Partner", quotation #6, "Commitments and > Responsibilities", and if available. Chapter 4 of A Fortress for Well-Being and pp. 65-70 of > Bahďí Studies Notebook: The Divine Institution o f Marriage (March 1983). > > 1. In #48, BaháVlláh again exhorts us to detach ourselves from the world and gives us > reasons why. In Epistle to the Son o f the Wolf, He explains further: "By the world is > meant that which turneth you aside from Him Who is the Dawning-Place of > Revelation, and inclineth you unto that which is unprofitable unto you." > Epistle to the Son o f the Wolf, p. 54 > > a) What role does detachment from the world play in choosing a marriage partner? > > b) How does detachment relate to quotation #52? > > 2. BaháVlláh has allowed individuals to choose whom they will marry, subject to > parental consent. Read #6. > > a) Why is it important for each partner to know about the other’s character? > > b) In the process of becoming acquainted with the intended spouse’s character, what > does one need to know about him/her? > > c) How does one learn about the other’s inner qualities/character? Evaluate western > dating customs as a means for exploring another’s character. > > d) In choosing a person to marry, how important is it for both people to be of the > same religion? Does being of the same Faith ensure the success of the marriage? > Why or why not? > > 3. Read passages 3, 53 and the following excerpt from Bahďí World Faith (p. 373): > "...when the people of Bahá desire to enter the sacred union of marriage, eternal > connection and ideal relationship, spiritual and physical association of thoughts and > conceptions of life must exist between them...." > > Based on these quotations and your own experience, what conditions should exist in > a relationship before marriage takes place? > > 4. What implications does #56 have for choosing a marriage partner? > > 5. How can consultation be used as a tool in choosing a spouse? > > 6. Read #54. Briefly explain, in your own words, what true love is. Compare it to the > popular idea of romantic love. Is love a prerequisite to a successful marriage? Is true > love enough in marriage? > > Case Study > > See p. 43 (II-B) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application of > the Writings in this section. > > SECTION II: PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE > > B: Choosing a Marriage Partner > Possible Answers > > 1. a) Part of knowing oneself is being able to recognize which people and > circumstances lead you closer to God, and which things lead you to things > "unprofitable unto you". Evaluating another person’s character and its effect on > your self requires a certain objectivity. It is difficult to be objective if there is > already a strong emotional or physical attachment to or dependence on the other > person. The same is true if there is an overwhelming desire to be married. See > #59 and Chapter 4 of A Fortress for Well-Being. > > b) In making decisions from a "detached" viewpoint, honesty in assessing oneself is > vital to future happiness. > > 2. a) Trust is the foundation of a relationship, and trust is based on knowledge. If > knowledge of the other’s character is only superficial, one is bound to learn > things about the other that can erode the foundation of trust and jeopardize the > unity of the marriage. ‘Abdu’l-Bahá exhorts Bahà’is contemplating marriage to > become informed of the character of each other so that "the binding covenant > between them may be a tie that will endure forever." #6 > > b) It is helpful to be familiar with these things about one’s intended: > > - attitude towards self > - commitment to serve and obey God > - honesty and trustworthiness > - standards of cleanliness and hygiene (personal and in the home) > - responsibility > - attitudes about money, time > - attitude about work and spouse’s work > - response to stress, anger > - attitude towards children, their training and discipline > - relationships with family and friends > - sense of humour > - prejudices > - emotional stability > - creative interests > - sports and recreative interests > > c) Ways of learning about these qualities of character include working together on > Bahà’i or other projects, evaluating his/her job record, observing how he/she > relates to family and friends, noticing how he/she behaves around children, and > examining attitudes about money, etc. > > d) It is extremely helpful to have one’s spouse be of the same faith since it > provides a common base of values and mutual goals/directions for further growth > involving children, personal development and marital cooperation. In addition, if > both partners have a mutual point of attraction (God) then by growing closer to > > Him, they will grow closer to each other. This serves as a powerful force for > the unity of the marriage. See #25. > > However, being of the same faith does not ensure the unity of the marriage. > Shoghi Effendi points out that faith and character are not synonymous. > ‘Abdu’l-Bahà tells us that a stronger prerequisite for a successful marriage is > having a thorough knowledge of the other’s character. Furthermore, the success > of a marriage is based on numerous other factors including the maturity of both > partners, similarity of life conceptions, degree of commitment, etc. > > 3. The relationship before marriage involves four types of attraction between the > partners: emotional, mental, physical and spiritual. A relationship based on all four > types of attraction has a greater probability for success than one based on fewer. > > 4. These quotations lead to the conclusion that the hope for making desirable changes > in a partner after marriage are slim, regardless of whether or not he/she is a Bahà’i. > > 5. Consultation with close friends or a Local Spiritual Assembly can accomplish many > things. It can inform others of one’s desire to find a mate. It can clarify issues > within an existing relationship. It can provide an objective view of the suitability of > a prospective partner. It can solicit advice about securing consent from reluctant > parents, etc. > > 6. TRUE LOVE ROMANTIC LOVE > > - attained through the knowledge of God- based on physical attraction > - characterized by continuing growth fluctuates with changing perceptions > or waning physical attraction > - accepting of another’s limitations based on "fate" > - result of a process of knowing relatively short in duration > - demands discipline, hard work, the individuals think only of the self in > overcoming of self relation to the partner, often > exclusive of others > - is a conscious decision just "happens" - seems accidental > > One can confer that true love—this attraction of one heart to another through the love > of God—is a requisite to a successful Baha’i marriage. However, this alone is not enough > for a stable marriage. There must also be integrity of character and a mutual attraction > of mind and body. See #6 and #25. > > SECTION II: PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE > > CHECKLIST > > □ SET GOALS FOR LEARNING > □ READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME > □ CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS > □ SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS > □ EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED > > C: Chastity - D: Parental Consent - E: Engagement > > Read the sections entitled "Chastity" (II-C), "Parental Consent" (II-D), and "Engagement" (II-E) > and answer the following questions. > > 1. a) Define these words from #67: > > i) temperance > ii) avocation > iii) vigilance > iv) trivial > V) pernicious > > b) Discuss the meaning of chastity and what it means in terms of behaviour (#68). > > 2. What are some reasons for the sexual aspect of the law of chastity? How does > keeping sex out of a courting relationship help detachment? (Refer to Messages > from the Universal House o f Justice 1968-73, pp. 107-109.) > > 3. Shoghi Effendi has said we are living in a "decadent age". > > a) How can one, especially a single person, live in such a time without being > compromised by its corrupting influence? > > b) What are the rewards of living a "chaste and holy life"? > > 4. Why is parental consent a prerequisite for marriage? > > 5. What should parents consider when asked to give consent? > > 6. What should a couple do when consent is not given? > > 7. What effects can obedience to the Bahà’î law on parental consent have on oneself > and others, particularly in the face of tests? > > Case Studies > > See p. 43 (II-C and D) for situations designed to assist in the understanding and > application of the Writings in this section. > > SECTION II: PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE > > C: Chastity - D: Parental Consent - E: Engagement > Possible Answers > > 1. a) Definitions: (from Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary) > > i) temperance: > 1) moderation in action, thought, or feeling: restraint > 2) abstinence from the use of intoxicating drink. > > ii) avocation: a hobby > > iii) vigilance: alert watchfulness > > iv) trivial: > 1) commonplace, ordinary > 2) of little worth or importance > > v) pernicious: highly injurious or destructive > > b) On one level chastity refers specifically to abstinence from unlawful sex. On > another broader level, chastity goes far beyond the sexual act itself to > encompass purity of thought and deed in all forms of behaviour. > > 2. There are numerous reasons for avoiding sex outside marriage and many of them are > related to protection: > > - Chastity provides protection from sexually transmitted diseases. > - It protects the unity and sanctity of marriage by fostering security, trust and > the avoidance of comparisons. > - Sexual relations have, of course, the potential to create children. Chastity > protects those potential children from a complicated life. > - Sexual relations complicate and can seriously undermine a courting relationship. > - Practicing chastity in a relationship can protect one partner from emotional > manipulation by the other. > - Evaluating character is much easier when one is free from the emotional > involvement implied when sex is involved in the courting relationship. > - Chastity frees us to have spiritually-grounded friendships that are not clouded > by the emotional web of sexual pursuit. > > 3. a) Lifestyles promoted by today’s society lack a sense of the true nature of man > and are made very attractive to our material nature. It takes knowledge of the > true self, great effort, and daily vigilance to avoid being drawn into a lifestyle > based on false standards. Aids to living a chaste life include > > - Being moderate in language, dress and behaviour > - Abstinence from drugs and alcohol > - Avoiding places and people that could lead to compromising one’s values > - Cultivating friends who have spiritual values and philosophies > - Becoming involved in Bahà’i community life > > - Volunteering in a community service organization > - Studying the Writings, meditating, and bringing oneself to account each day > - Praying for God’s guidance > - Always seeking to replace something of negative influence with something of > positive influence. > > b) Living a "chaste and holy life" can be difficult, but it is not without its rewards, > both tangible and intangible: > > - It offers protection from disease > - Such a lifestyle brings honour to the Cause > - The bonds of friendship and love are strengthened for time and eternity > - Such a life strengthens the family unit which is the foundation of society > itself > - Exercising self-control has a beneficial effect on character development > - See passages 62, 64, and 68 for assurances of other rewards > > 4. According to Shoghi Effendi, BaháVlláh laid down the consent law to "strengthen > the social fabric, to knit closer the ties of the home, to place a certain gratitude > and respect in the hearts of children for those who have given them life...." (#72) > > 5. Parents need to consider such things as > > The serious nature of giving consent > The character of the proposed mate > Whether or not spiritual, mental and physical attraction exist between their > son/daughter and the prospective mate > Each person’s emotional and spiritual maturity and readiness to assume > responsibility > > 6. See #79. > > 7. See #80. > > SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE > > CHECKLIST > > □ SET GOALS FOR LEARNING > □ READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME > □ CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS > □ SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS > □ EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED > > A: Love and Unity > > 1. What is the station of unity? > > 2. What is the prerequisite for real love? > > 3. What is the relationship between members of a family and nations? > > 4. How does ‘Abdu’l-Bahá describe the ideal life of a married couple? What are the > positive results of such a union? What are the negative results when such a union > does not exist? > > 5. How would you describe the current North American ideal of love? How does your > description compare with that of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá? > > 6. What is one of the first essentials to achieve unity? Why do you think the word > "cordial" is used? > > Case Study > > See p. 44 (III-A) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application > of the Writings in this section. > > SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE > > A: Love and Unity > Possible Answers > > 1. After recognition of God and steadfastness, unity, along with affection and harmony, > occupies a position superior to that of most other qualities. In fact, it possesses > great power, and is the "main purpose for which the Báb, BaháVUáh, and the Master > suffered". > > 2. Before we can experience real love, we must be attracted to God and turn to Him. > Then we are able to love, as ‘Abdu’l-Bahá suggests, "in God, and for God". > > 3. Since nations evolved from the family, a family might be described as a "nation in > miniature"; what happens in the nation is a reflection of what is occurring in the > family. In the same way, the blessings that a united family experiences will be > experienced by a united humanity. > > 4. In an ideal marriage, joy and spiritual delight, unity and concord, mental and > physical friendship, and order and organization should be present. The couple should > be a source of happiness and an example for others, and should educate their > children in such a way that their characters bring fame and glory to the family. > > Some positive effects of such a union are progress and prosperity, comfort and > tranquillity, security, illumination and spirituality. When a union suffers from > disunity, some negative effects are destruction and dispersion, unhappiness, > preoccupation and distraction from our main purpose. > > 5. Some elements of the current North American idea of love might be possession, > physical attraction to the exclusion of other considerations, self-validation ("if > someone loves me, I can’t be all bad"), and the expectation that the other person > will make one happy. > > ‘Abdu’l-Bahá says that we must love wherever we find the attributes of God, which > means that love is not limited to one person or just a few. Love is the "vital bond > inherent...in the realities of things". It is a light that guides, the source of true > happiness ("felicity") in both worlds and assures progress of souls that are illumined > and unites God with man. While in some elements, such as the idea of happiness, > the two concepts of love may be similar, the scope of ‘Abdu’l-Bahà’s description is > much wider. > > 6. One of the first essentials for the achievement of unity is that we resist the natural > temptation to concern ourselves with the shortcomings of others instead of our own. > Perhaps the word "cordial", which means warm and friendly, is used to suggest that > our unity must be based on love, and not convenience or expedience. > > SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE > > CHECKLIST > > □ SET GOALS FOR LEARNING > □ READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME > □ CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS > □ SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS > □ EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED > > B: Communication > > 1. How are a kindly tongue, compassion, and understanding related to consultation? > > 2. What are the prime requisites for consultation? > > 3. How do you think a wrong decision that is unanimously agreed upon can lead to the > truth? > > 4. Is consultation to be used only for major matters? Is it only for the Institutions? > > B: Communication > Possible Answers > > 1. We are told that a kindly tongue is the "lodestone of the hearts of men", which > "clotheth the words with meaning" and is the "fountain of the light of wisdom and > understanding...." Compassion goes hand in hand with consultation in the illumination > of the "heaven of divine wisdom". Understanding is described as a gift which is > made manifest through consultation. > > 2. See #109. > > 3. See #111. > > 4. "Man must consult on all matters, whether major or minor, so that he may become > cognizant of what is good." Consultation is not limited to Institutions only; families > and individuals are encouraged to consult "even in their ordinary affairs". > > Case Study > > See p. 44 (III-B) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application > of the Writings in this section. > > SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE > > CHECKLIST > > □ SET GOALS FOR LEARNING > □ READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME > □ CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS > □ SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS > □ EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED > > C: Tests and Difficulties > > 1. How can calamity be "inwardly...light and mercy"? > > 2. What advice are we given for dealing with tests? > > 3. How must we respond to non-Bahá’í families whose attitudes toward the Faith create > tests? Is it absolutely necessary to behave in this way? > > C: Tests and Difficulties > Possible Answers > > 1. Tests and difficulties, or calamities, lead to moral and spiritual development and > strengthen character, even though we may experience physical and emotional pain in the > process. > > 2. We are told to feel contentment and to avoid being overcome by grief, sorrow, jealousy > or anger. Instead we must be patient, enduring, praise God, rely on Him, and think of > Him continually. > > 3. We must treat them with great kindness, always consider their wishes, and pray for > them. We are told that it is our duty to be conciliatory and friendly, and that this is > the most effective means of gaining sympathy and admiration for the Faith. > > Case Study > > See pp. 44-45 (III-C) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and > application of the Writings in this section. > > SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE > > CHECKLIST > > □ SET GOALS FOR LEARNING > □ READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME > □ CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS > □ SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS > □ EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED > > D: Equality of Men and Women > > 1. Why is it important for women to attain their rightful place in society? > > 2. In what ways are women themselves responsible for attaining their rightful place? > > D: Equality of Men and Women > Possible Answers > > 1. Women must attain their rightful place in society so that mankind can "obtain the fruit > of holiness", "fly heavenwards", "achieve greatness", and realize happiness. > > 2. Women must strive to close the gap between their development and that of men, so that > there will remain no doubt of their capacity. > > Case Study > > See p. 45 (III-D) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application > of the Writings in this section. > > SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE > > CHECKLIST > > □ SET GOALS FOR LEARNING > □ READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME > □ CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS > □ SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS > □ EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED > > E: Education of Children > > 1. What is the "bounden duty" of all parents? Why? > > 2. What are the responsibilities of the mother? > > 3. Much emphasis is placed on the role of the mother. Do fathers have responsibilities? > What are they? > > 4. What responsibilities do sons have? Would daughters’ responsibilities be the same? > Different? > > 5. What place do music and the care of animals hold in the education of children? > > E: Education of Children > Possible Answers > > 1. It is the duty of parents to raise their children to be strong in the Faith. A child with > no relationship with God will not act in an acceptable manner; he/she will not know how > to reject evil or how consciously to choose good. The Bahà’i view assumes that natural > deficiencies exist in every child, and these must be remedied through spiritual or moral > education, and loving, careful discipline. > > 2. The mother establishes the character and conduct of the child. She achieves this > through education and training, giving first importance to whatever concerns the child’s > education. > > 3. The father’s responsibilities are similar to those of the mother, with the additional duty > of providing for the academic training of the children. > > 4. Sons must be obedient and humble and sacrifice their own desires for the comfort and > welfare of their parents. A daughter’s responsibilities would probably be similar. > > 5. Caring for animals teaches children to be tender, loving and kind. Music influences their > hearts and helps them express their latent talents. > > Case Study > > See p. 45 (III-E) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application > of the Writings in this section. > > SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE > > CHECKLIST > > □ SET GOALS FOR LEARNING > □ READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME > □ CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS > □ SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS > □ EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED > > F: Relationships within the Family > > 1. What is the relationship between obedience and religion? > > 2. What are the responsibilites of children toward their parents? > > 3. How do the rights of men and women compare to their functions? Give some examples. > > 4. How is the family "a very special kind of community"? > > F: Relationships within the Family > Possible Answers > > 1. Religious training leads to obedience based on the love and fear of God, to selfknowledge and understanding rather than response to parental threats. > > 2. Some of the responsibilities of children toward their parents are to show kindness, to > honour and pay homage to them, to regard their rights, to serve them and to comfort > them. > > 3. Men and women have equal rights, but their functions are different. For example, both > men and women have the right to an education and a career, but a man’s function is > such that he becomes responsible for the financial support of the family, while the > woman is responsible for the initial education of the children. > > 4. Although a family could be described as a "small" community, the special relationships > between husband and wife, parents and children, and brother and sister make the > dynamics a bit different. Each has certain rights and obligations toward the others. In > consultation between husband and wife, for instance, when there is a difference of > opinion, one party must always defer to the other in order to come to a decision; there > can be no majority vote. (See also Appendix II, p. 57 for an extract from a letter on > this subject written by the Universal House of Justice.) > > Case Study > > See pp. 45-46 (III-F) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and the > application of the Writings in this section. > > SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE > > CHECKLIST > > □ SET GOALS FOR LEARNING > □ READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME > □ CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS > □ SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS > □ EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED > > G: Death > > 1. Many people view death at a young age as a punishment from God. What is the Bahà’i > view? > > 2. What happens to the soul of a child who dies before the age of 15? > > G: Death > Possible Answers > > 1. The Bahá’1 view is that man’s soul is freed to thrive and flourish after death. Although > we may feel a great loss when a loved one dies, our reunion in the next world is > eternal, and we escape the suffering and disabilities of this life. > > 2. A child who dies before the age of 15 is protected by God’s bounty and compassion. > > Case Study > > See p. 46 (III-G) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application > of the Writings in this section. > > SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE > > CHECKLIST > > □ SET GOALS FOR LEARNING > □ READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME > □ CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS > □ SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS > □ EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED > > H: Work and Finance > > 1. What conditions must we keep in mind as we enjoy the "ornaments of the earth"? > > 2. What is the "secret of right living"? > > 3. Although we are urged to contribute to the Fund to the point of sacrifice, a line is > drawn at unreasonable efforts to do so. Give examples of what might be considered > "unreasonable efforts". > > H: Work and Finance > Possible Answers > > 1. We must not allow material wealth to interfere with our relationship with God. Our > goals must remain high and we must maintain the image of "celestial perfection". > > 2. The "secret of right living" is unlimited generosity to others without fear of suffering > want ourselves. We must also rely on God’s bounty for our own well-being. > > 3. Some examples might be taking out a loan which would be difficult to repay; depriving > family members of necessities; not repaying previously incurred debts; making unilateral > decisions without consultation with those affected. > > Case Study > > See p. 46 (III-H) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application > of the Writings in this section. > > SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE > > CHECKLIST > > □ SET GOALS FOR LEARNING > □ READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME > □ CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS > □ SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS > □ EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED > > I: Hospitality > > 1. What are some benefits of associating with all people? > > 2. What must our attitude be toward friends and strangers? > > 3. What role can the Bahà’i home play in the progress of mankind? > > 4. Do guests in the home have responsibilities toward their hosts? > > I: Hospitality > Possible Answers > > 1. Associating with others leads to unity and concord, which in turn promote order and > regeneration in the world. > > 2. We must exhibit the following qualities toward friend and stranger: love and kindliness, > affectionate fellowship, and consideration. > > 3. A Bahà’i home can be the source of illumination for the Baha’i community and can assist > in the development of the town and country. Such a home can also promote learning > and science and can spread love. > > 4. Guests should enter another’s home only by invitation and should not abuse hospitality by > disregarding the rights of their host(s). > > Case Study > > See p. 46 (III-I) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application of > the Writings in this section. > > SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE > > CHECKLIST > > □ SET GOALS FOR LEARNING > □ READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME > □ CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS > □ SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS > □ EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED > > J: Relationship with Bahà’i Institutions and Community > > 1. Why is firmness in the Covenant crucial to the protection of the Cause? > > 2. What is the mightiest of the "unshakeable supports of the Faith of God"? How is the > Spiritual Assembly affected? > > 3. In what ways do we often confuse the function of the Administration with the > obligations of the individual believer? > > 4. What are some of the options available to believers with personal problems? > > J: Relationship with Bahà’i Institutions and Community > Possible Answers > > 1. Firmness in the Covenant will prevent disunity. We will also receive confirmations from > BaháVlláh and support from the Supreme Concourse, and ‘Abdu’l-Bahà’s advice will > remain with us. > > 2. Learning and the use of the mind, expansion of consciousness, and insight into the > realities of the universe and the hidden mysteries of Almighty God. As the "Trustees of > the Merciful", the Local Spiritual Assembly must make every effort to educate the > children from infancy. > > 3. All of us are called upon to love our fellow-man, but the Spiritual Assembly has the > added responsibility of administering justice. We have a tendency as individuals to judge > others and sometimes attempt to punish them, while we often expect the Assembly to > turn the other cheek. > > 4. Believers with personal problems may approach the Assembly or appropriate committee if > the problems concern the Faith; make their own decisions after prayer and consideration; > seek advice from friends or professional counsellors, or consult with individuals involved > in the matter. We should be careful, however, not to burden the Assembly with problems > we can solve ourselves or to bare our souls in unnecessary confessions. > > Case Study > > See p. 46 (III-J) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application of > the Writings in this section. > > SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE > > CHECKLIST > > □ SET GOALS FOR LEARNING > □ READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME > □ CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS > □ SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS > □ EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED > > K: Family Life and Bahà’i Service > > 1. Which is more important: family life or service to the Cause? > > 2. In what ways can the creation of a Bahà’i home be a form of service? > > 3. What are some examples of instances where service to the Cause has a negative effect? > > Case Study > > See p. 47 (III-K) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application of the > Writings in this section. > > K: Family Life and Bahà’i Service > Possible Answers > > 1. Since BaháVlláh came to strengthen the family, it is important that we not neglect the > home in favour of Bahá’1 activities. We must try to find the balance. > > 2. Marriage enhances our ability to serve. We raise children who are steadfast in the > Cause, and the home provides a stable element around which to plan activities in a > community. > > 3. Some examples might be neglecting non-Bahá’í family because we prefer to be with > Bahl’is; neglecting our immediate family; taking advantage of facilities at the work-place > » to do Bahà’i work without the employer’s or supervisor’s permission; doing Bahà’i-related > work on company time. > > CASE STUDIES - SECTION I > > THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE > > The following case studies have been prepared for several of the lessons to assist > you in exploring these issues: > > I A. The Law of Marriage > > Joan has the choice of pioneering to Haiti or marrying Howard, a Bahà’i > whom she met recently at a conference. Although she likes Howard well > enough, she has really been looking forward to pioneering and is > reluctant to marry at this time. > > Howard has been pressuring her with quotations from the Writings > regarding the duty of marriage. Joan has come to your Assembly for > guidance. What do you advise? > > I B. Commitments and Responsibilities > > Harriet and James, two Bahà’is in their early twenties, are contemplating > marriage. Since both had difficult childhoods, they have decided not to > have children. They have been studying the Writings regarding marriage > lately, and are beginning to feel uneasy about their decision. They have > come to your Assembly for clarification and advice. > > I D. Marriage as the Basis for Unity > > See case study for III A (Love and Unity). > > I E. Attitude Toward Divorce > > Ed and Eleanor have been married for 23 years. Their youngest child, a > daughter, has just married and moved to another city. They are both > working and find their jobs satisfying. They own their own home and > are financially stable. They now discover that they have lost touch with > one another and have little in common. > > Eleanor has become attracted to a young man in the community who is a > fairly new Bahà’i. He seems to admire her a great deal for her > knowledge of the Faith. Lately she has been spending quite a bit of time > helping him deepen in the Writings. > > Ed is uneasy about the situation. Although he has not discussed it with > Eleanor, he feels that she is making a fool of herself. One evening when > Eleanor begins to openly make comparisons between Ed and the young > man, Ed reveals his feelings. Eleanor tells him that she is thinking of > ending the marriage, since it no longer seems to have meaning. How > does your Assembly advise them when they come to you? > > CASE STUDIES - SECTION II > > PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE > > II B. Choosing a Partner > > Gloria is a very devoted and active Bahà’i. She has been chairman of > the college club and has taught children’s classes for the last several > years. She is mature for her age (22), and feels ready to find someone > with whom she is compatible and can share her life. > > Two men are interested in marrying her. Don is not a Bahà’i, but he has > a fine character. He is intelligent, well-educated, and hard-working. He > has a good job with excellent prospects. Gloria’s parents adore Don. He > is their ideal of a young man - good looking, well mannered, and he > drives a new car. It appears to them that he can offer their daughter a > comfortable life, and their values and ethnic backgrounds are similar to > those of Don’s parents. > > Gloria’s other friend is Carl. He is a very enthusiastic and deepened > Bahá’1. He is also a musician and his original songs about the Faith > make Gloria’s spirit soar. She and Carl can talk forever about the > Writings. He rides a ten-speed bike and is not as handsome or wellgroomed as Don. In fact, because of his lack of money and problems > with drugs and alcohol in his pre-Bahá’í days, Gloria’s parents are not > wild about him, although they do agree that he has a pure heart. They > doubt that he will be able to provide for their daughter financially, but > they have promised to give their consent regardless of which man she > decides to marry. > > Now Gloria has come to your Assembly for some guidance. How do you > advise her? > > II C. Chastity > > Hal and Jeanine, both Bahà’is, are engaged to be married next month. > Hal has been trying to convince Jeanine that since they’re getting > married soon anyway, it’s alright to sleep together before the ceremony. > What arguments can Jeanine use to convince him otherwise? > > II D. Parental Consent > > Louis has just asked Meredith to marry him. Meredith’s father has > agreed to the marriage but her mother is hesitant about giving the > written consent required. She feels that Louis lacks the emotional and > financial stability necessary. Meredith is angry with her mother, upset > with her "materialistic attitude" and "inability to see Louis’ good > qualities". > > Louis and Meredith are both sincere Bahà’is, but this situation is a > difficult test for them. They have come to your Assembly for guidance. > > CASE STUDIES - SECTION III > > FAMILY LIFE > > III A. Love and Unity > > Marvin and Helene, an older couple, are having problems at home. > Marvin retired recently and Helene, not used to having him at home all > day, feels he is underfoot. Marvin, on the other hand, is restless and > bored, and has begun criticizing the way Helene goes about her daily > household activities. > > Helene has been grouchy and uncooperative at the last few Assembly > meetings, and members of their community have noticed that they don’t > talk to each other much at Feast. Should the Assembly approach them? > Why or why not? If so, how does your Assembly advise them? > > Ill B. Communication > > Ernie and Bill, brothers, have always been very close. Each has > sometimes made decisions affecting the other without his prior knowledge > and it has never caused any problems. They both work at outside jobs, > but also have their own part-time business. For the past two years > they’ve had a joint savings account. > > Ernie was out of town last week so Bill went to the Feast alone. During > the consultation an appeal was made by the Assembly for increased > contributions to the National Fund. Bill has forgotten to tell Ernie about > this and is thinking of withdrawing the money from their savings account > in order to make a contribution. Ernie, on the other hand, is considering > using that money to expand their own business so that they can quit > their jobs and have more flexibility in serving the Faith. > > They are both anxious to go about their plans right away, and each has > made an appointment to discuss them without the other’s knowledge. > What would your Assembly say to them? > > Ill C. Tests and Difficulties > > Sally was married for twelve years before she began investigating the > Faith. After going to firesides for one year, she decided to enroll. She > hoped that her husband would also become a Bahá’1, or at least show > interest in the Faith. So far, Hans has done neither. > > Hans comes from a traditional European background and is skeptical of > religion in general. Sally enjoys going to firesides and Feasts and wants > to take their two children to children’s classes. Hans, however, feels > threatened by her interest and activities in the Faith. He constantly > > makes cutting remarks about religion, even in front of the children. As > a result, Sally feels discouraged, depressed, and angry. > > Sometimes Sally wonders about divorcing Hans. He is a good provider, a > dedicated father, and he acts nicely when other people are around. But > when alone, he puts Sally’s ideas down, never really listens to or consults > with her, and just wants to dominate. She is so tired of living with him, > she wonders if she even loves him anymore. He seems like an obstacle > between her and the Faith. > > Sally has come to your Assembly for advice. What do you suggest? > > Ill D. Equality of Men and Women > > Now that John and Viviane’s children have left home, Viviane would like > to go back to school and start a new career. John feels that he makes > more than enough money to support them comfortably and doesn’t > understand why she can’t just stay home and take care of him and the > house. He is reluctant to pay her school fees, but to be fair, he has > agreed to consult with the Assembly before making his final decision. > What advice does your Assembly offer them? > > Ill E. Education of Children > > Your community is holding its Feast and the topic of consultation is a > child education program for the community. Someone has suggested a > "family night" each week, with each Bahá’1 home having a deepening and > other activities related to the Faith. Since the few children in the > community are of such varying ages and the nearest children’s classes are > quite distant, the idea seems a good one. > > Several members of the community feel that a special program is not > necessary. After all, they leave Bahà’i books around the house for the > children to pick up and read and always bring the children to Feast and > Holy Day activities if they don’t have something else to do. In fact, all > the adults in the community are so active that the children are sure to > pick up knowledge of the Faith in the process. What is your response? > > Ill F. Relationships Within the Family > > Trudy is an only child whose parents were in their forties when she was > born. She and her husband have been Bahà’is for some time. Although > not Bahà’is themselves, Trudy’s parents have always been proud of their > daughter and are friendly toward the Faith. They are especially attached > to their two young grandchildren. > > Trudy and her husband Robert have been investigating pioneer posts with > the intention of leaving within the next year. Trudy’s parents, now > advanced in years, have expressed the fear that they will never see their > > grandchildren again if the family leaves. Trudy and Robert both love her > parents, and feel they need to gain some perspective of the issues since > pioneering is equally important to them. When they come to your > Assembly, how do you advise them? > > Ill G. Death > > Margaret has just had a miscarriage. She is feeling bitter and depressed, > and feels that she was somehow at fault. She has come to your Assembly > for help. How do you comfort her? > > Ill H. Work and Finance > > Alan has always loved working with his hands, and is the most promising > student in his automotive repair class at school. He and his parents have > recently become Bahà’is and are especially attracted by the high level of > education among their Bahà’i friends. > > Alan’s parents, though proud of their son’s mechanical abilities, are > beginning to pressure him about going to college instead of trade school. > He knows he could do reasonably well in academic subjects, but he > experiences great happiness and pride in solving difficult repair > problems. He and his parents have come to your Assembly for advice. > > Ill I. Hospitality > > The Arnolds and Hugh Johnston are not as friendly as they used to be. > Hugh was invited to their home several times, and then began dropping in > unannounced. He has used their telephone for personal calls without > asking permission and has routinely gone into the refrigerator and helped > himself to food. > > When Jan Arnold pointed out that these actions showed a lack of > courtesy and respect for their rights, Hugh became angry with her and > accused them of behaving in an un-Bahá’i manner by not offering true > hospitality. Now Hugh has come to your Assembly to complain about the > situation. What is your advice? > > Ill J. Relationship with Bahá’1 Institutions and Community > > A new Assembly is about to form in your community’s extension teaching > goal. This Assembly is anxious to get off to a good start and has asked > a representative from your Assembly to give a deepening in the > community before holding its election. Specific concerns are the > relationship between the Assembly and the community, including the > responsibilities of both toward one another, and the new community > would also like to have a similar discussion about the Assembly and the > family. Your Assembly has asked you to handle the assignment. What > comments do you prepare? > > Ill K. Family Life and Bahá’1 Service > > Marian and Bill have been married for ten years and have two young > children, seven and eight. Since the children have been in school, > Marian has become very involved in Bahà'i activities and is frequently > away from home giving firesides and classes. She is also secretary of the > Local Spiritual Assembly and a member of the Teaching Committee. > > Bill, a good-natured man, has been very supportive and has also taken > over a good many of her home responsibilities — cooking, cleaning, and > taking care of the children. Lately, however, his attitude has been > changing. He feels that Marian’s involvement outside the home has gone > too far. One night after he has put the children to bed and Marian has > finally returned from a committee meeting, he confronts her with his > frustrations and tells her that she must limit her activities. Marian > counters that her services to the Faith are too important. > > Now they have come to your Assembly for help. What do you tell them? > > The following appendix has been added to assist those > using this compilation to find references more readily. > > SUMMARY OF QUOTATIONS > > I. The Institution of Marriage > > A. Law of Marriage > > 1. The law of marriage > 2. Lives of seclusion no longer approved > 3. The command of marriage is eternal > 4. A moral duty but not obligation > 5. Highly desirable but not central purpose of life > > B. Commitments and Responsibilities > > 6. Baha’i marriage - definition and purpose > 7. To be as a single soul > 8. Marriage to raise up families > 9. Duty of fathers and mothers to train children > 10. Primary purpose, procreation of children > > C. The Marriage Ceremony > > 11. Recitation of a revealed verse > 12. "We will all, verily, abide by the Will of God." > 13. Assemblies to officiate > 14. Ceremony to be simple > 15. No set form > 16. Bahà’i service and other service must occur on same day > 17. A night should not intervene between ceremonies > 18. Choosing of two witnesses > 19. Consummation of marriage > 20. Bahà’i ceremony required for every Bahà’i > 21. The Bahà’i ceremony and those who are already married > > D. Marriage as the Basis for Unity > > 22. Promoting the unity of the human race > 23. Prayer for a Bahà’i couple > 24. Pairing of created things yields most laudable results > 25. Union must be spiritual > 26. Spiritual and materials results of marriage > > E. Attitude to Divorce > > 27. God loves concord, abhors separation > 28. Strict avoidance of divorce; aversion only cause; year of patience; husband > and wife considered as one soul; great difficulties for one who causes > divorce > 29. Cannot divorce in order to marry another; bigamy forbidden; subordination of > the physical to moral > 30. Divorce against God’s pleasure; Assembly’s responsibilities > 31. Service to Cause no reason for divorce > 32. Use every means to preserve family; divorce strongly condemned > 33. Bahà’is influenced by society’s lax morals and flippant attitude toward > divorce, divorce last resort; effect on children > 34. Bahà’is to combat lax trend > 35. Bahà’is to exert greatest efforts to preserve marriage > 36. Consider effect on children’s happiness and future; turn to Assembly > 37. Divorce last resort; avoid at all costs > > F. Sex in Marriage > > 38. Marry to procreate; forbid lechery > 39. Command to beget one who will remember God > 40. Union to yield pure and goodly pearls > 41. Love and harmony more important than passion > 42. Regulation not suppression of sex instinct > 43. Chastity before and after marriage > > II Preparation for Marriage > > A. Self-knowledge > > 44. Bounties of self-knowledge > 45. Glorifying God enables man to attain self-knowledge > 46. Knowing what leads to loftiness or baseness > > B. Choosing a Marriage Partner > > 44. "I created thee rich..." > 48. Detachment from world and its vanities > 49. "Bring thyself to account each day" > 50. Seek company of righteous, avoid ungodly > 51. Use of consultation > 52. Be honest with self and others > 53. Choose partner first, then acquire consent of parents > 54. Difference between real love and mere fascination > 55. The love of God helps distinguish between true love and lust > > 56. Character of person set by puberty, difficult to alter > 57. Reliance on God solves problems > 58. Black and white marriage encouraged > 59. Principle overrides passionate emotions > 60. Race no bar to marriage > 61. Difference between character and faith; character transformation often slow > and painful > 62. Become informed of each other’s character; intention eternal bond > > C. Chastity > > 63. A chaste and holy life rewarded > 64. "...guard Thy handmaidens within the tabernacle of Thy chastity..." > 65. Purity and chastity > 66. Warning against mundane desires and seduction by beauty > 67. Physical frame is throne of inner temple > 68. Requirements for a chaste and holy life > 69. Value of sex impulse acknowledged; properly used only in marriage > > D. Parental Consent > > 70. Consent of partners and parents builds family unity > 71. Marriage law applicable regardless of age or marital status > 72. Reasons for parental consent > 73. Parental consent essential; parents responsible to God alone > 74. Settle parent/child differences amicably > 75. No interference once written consent given > 76. Marriage law no mere administrative regulation > 77. Obligation of parents to act objectively; consent duty of parent; decision > binding > 78. Marriage law may be test of faith > 79. Consent of foster parents not required > 80. Advice to believers whose parents withhold consent > 81. Effects of obeying the marriage law on individuals, on parents’ character, on > parent-child relationship > > E. Engagement > > 82. Explanation of engagement law > 83. Engagement begins when consents given > 84. Engagement law not applied in West > 85. Engagement > > Ill Family Life > > A. Love and Unity > > 86. Union and association pleasing to God, separation and dissension abhorred > 87. Concord, harmony, affection chief among good deeds > 88. The power of the light of unity > 89. Manifestations create love and friendship > 90. Bahà’is must become united first, then unite others > 91. Real love between people is based on the love of God > 92. A family is a nation in miniature > 93. Characteristics of a true Bahà’i marriage > 94. Benefits of unity to the world > 95. Effects of a united family on its members > 96. A united and disunited family compared > 97. Loving thoughts constructive > 98. Definition of love > 99. Human evolution began with family life > 100. Cause strengthens family life, love, social institutions > 101. Reasons for avoiding fault finding, back-biting, criticism. > > B. Communication > > 102. "A kindly tongue is the lodestone of the hearts of men"; offering information > without expectations > 103. Consult in all matters > 104. Justice, unity and consultation > 105. Consultation results in understanding > 106. Consultation brings awareness and well-being > 107. Trust in God > 108. Mutual helpfulness and concern for one another > 109. Prime requisites for consultation > 110. Freedom of expression necessary, clash of opinions reveals truth > 111. Unity more important than being right > 112. Slander, gossip, unseemly talk forbidden > 113. Attitude towards faults of others > 114. Spiritual benefits of consultation > 115. Family consultation, a cure for domestic conflict > > C. Tests and Difficulties > > 116. Training value of calamity > 117. Healer of all ills is God > 118. Harmful effects of grief, sorrow, jealousy, anger > 119. Overlook others’ faults for God’s sake > 120. Tests refine man’s character > 121. Trust in God turns sorrow into solace > 122. God recompenses those who endure hardship with joyful hearts > 123. Wife’s kindness to husband means of winning his respect for Faith > > 124. Husband’s patience with wife means of her transformation > 125. Overcoming hardship achieves moral and spiritual development > 126. Failures and tests can purify spirit, develop character, increase service > 127. Patience with self and others > 128. Importance of forgiveness in marriage > 129. Consideration for non-Bahá’í spouse, benefit of prayer > 130. Silence, love, forbearance win victories > 131. Wisdom, tact, patience help deal with non-Bahá’í spouse > 132. Respect each other’s freedom of conscience > 133. Transforming power of love and kindness > 134. Loving attitude to non-Bahá’í relatives promotes unity > 135. Contributing funds to the Cause if spouse is not a Bahà’i > 136. Unfriendly mother-in-law > 137. ‘Abdu’l-Bahà’s counsel about dealing with others’ faults > 138. Unity of family always has priority > > D. Equality of Men and Women > > 139. Why we are all created from the same dust > 140. Equal development of the two wings of humanity > 141. Divine Justice demands equal respect for rights of both sexes > 142. Man’s station dependent upon women’s advancement > 143. Condition of women due to education, not nature > 144. Future attitude of men toward women > 145. The place of women in this Revelation > 146. Woman must strive > 147. Women’s condition due to need of education and opportunity > 148. Education of women more important than men > > E. Education of Children > > 149. Essential to raise children staunch in faith > 150. Fear of God the prime factor > 151. Father responsible for education of children; or, if unable. House of Justice > 152. Importance of literacy, striving to excel > 153. Mother the first teacher > 154. Act of worship for mother to educate her children > 155. Father/son responsibilities to each other > 156. Objectives of children’s education; women’s role; use of praise and > reasonable punishment; physical or verbal abuse forbidden > 157. Goals for the training of girls > 158. Character development and verbal expression vital > 159. Kindness to animals > 160. Value of music > 161. Love and fear of God; training in human perfections > 162. Oppression or censuring of children prohibited > 163. Discipline indispensible in regulating and harmonizing natural inclination > 164. Two-fold duties to family and Cause > 165. Parents must decide together on education of their child even if one is not > a Bahá’1; child free to choose when of age > > 166. Father’s and mother’s status in family equal, but functions differ > > F. Relationships Within the Family > > 167. Obedience of children acquired through religious training > 168. Children to honour parents; service to them preferred above service to Cause > 169. Rights of parents > 170. God’s bounty to relatives of believers after death > 171. Son to serve father > 172. Parents to be respected, but not to hold children back spiritually > 173. Recognition of the rights of all family members > 174. Transmitting spiritual qualities from one generation to another > 175. Duties of children to parents sacred > 176. Children’s attitude to father > 177. Children to be spiritual as well as physical offspring > 178. Children to make mother happy > 179. Results of excessive attachment of husband and wife to one another rather > than God > 180. Right of each family member to own faith > 181. Father/son consultation in business matters > 182. Privilege of children to look after mother > 183. Embracing Faith must not alienate parents > 184. Detailed explanation of relationships, functions and duties of family members > > G. Death > > 185. Death a messenger of joy > 186. Loved husband not lost by death > 187. Loss of a son; ‘Abdu’l-Bahà’s words of a departed son to his mother > 188. Infants after death receive God’s special favour > 189. Death brings liberation and further nurturing in next world > 190. Next world not removed from ours; work of the Kingdom is the same as ours > > H. Work and Finance > > 191. Worldly things to be enjoyed, provided God always comes first > 192. Prosperity and abasement both pass away > 193. Attitude to poverty > 194. Love of God provides right motive for work and spending > 195. Craftsmanship is worship; craftsman must exert highest efforts > 196. Attaining perfection in profession is worship > 197. Earthly pursuits necessary but subordinate to spiritual aspirations > 198. Material advantages good but spiritual progress is better > 199. Giving is the secret of right living > 200. Wisdom in giving; sacrifice not to lead to debt or suffering of others > > I. Hospitality > > 201. Remembrance of God blesses house > > 201. Association with followers of all religions promotes unity and brings progress > 202. Obligations of a guest > 203. Bahà’i homes blessed > 204. Ideas for Bahà'i home > 205. Showing forth utmost love and kindliness to all > 206. Unconditional acceptance and affection > 207. Home is to be a centre for diffusion of divine guidance > 208. A Bahà’i house aids its community > > J. Relationship with Baha’i Institutions and Community > > 210. Firmness in Covenant of God the first condition > 211. Training of the mind and expansion of consciousness essential; promotion of > knowledge duty of all; the Spiritual Assembly responsible to educate children > 212. Support of institutions source of all future blessings > 213. Consultation between believers and Assembly at 19 Day Feasts > 214. Difficulties with other community members > 215. Patience and understanding necessary for maturing of Bahà’i community > 216. Individual relationships based on love and mercy; friends should not play > "Spiritual Assembly" to each other > 217. Forget internal disagreements and rush to aid of humanity > 218. Unfortunate events in community affairs must be overlooked > 219. Turn to Assembly for advice in family problems > 220. Assembly is loving shepherd of the Bahà’i flock > 221. Courses open to a believer with problems > 222. The individualv relationship with the Assembly and contribution to its > progress > > K. Devotion and Service > > 223. Effect on children of intoning verses of God > 224. Bahà’i union enhances capacity to serve > 225. Devotion to Cause to be translated into noble deeds for mankind > 226. Necessity of balance in our lives > 227. Balance between service inside and outside the home > 228. Serving Cause no reason to leave spouse > 229. Desire to serve no reason to destroy family life > 230. Cooperation of family to enable parent to pioneer > 231. Love and encouragement woman’s greatest contribution to home life; > obligation not to neglect this > 232. Believer not to pioneer against spouse’s wishes > 233. Family prayers and readings encouraged > 234. Unity of family takes priority over everything > 235. Duties between parents and children take precedence over other service > > APPENDIX I > > As to your question about whether it is permissible for a married Bahà’i couple not to > have children, a letter written to an individual believer on behalf of the beloved Guardian > states: > > "Regarding your question of whether Bahà’is should consider it their duty to have > children: as BaháVlláh has stated that the fundamental purpose of marriage is to bring > other souls into this world, to serve God and love Him, the Guardian does not believe > that you should be unwilling to undertake this responsibility and privilege, even if it > should, temporarily at least, interfere with the tempo of your Bahà’i activities." > > However, there is nothing in the Writings to indicate or imply that Bahà’i marriage is > open only to those who are physically able to have children. The bearing of children is but > one of the purposes of marriage, albeit a fundamental one. > > The question was raised about bringing forth a "defective" child. In a letter to an > individual concerning a serious hereditary disease which afflicted the male members of the > family, and which was feared latent in any child the couple might bear, the House of Justice > states that there is nothing in the Teachings about the use of contraceptive methods in order > to prevent the transmission through inheritance of undesirable family traits and tendencies. > These are, therefore, matters which the Universal House of Justice will have to consider in > the future, but which it does not wish to legislate on presently. Therefore the decision in > each case is left to the individual believers involved. The House of Justice states that there > may be circumstances which would justify not having children, and that those called upon to > make decisions in this regard must rely on the best medical advice available (preferably more > than one expert should be consulted) and their own consciences. They should also take into > account the availability, reliability and reversibility of methods of contraception. > > (From letter dated 13 August 1980 from the Universal > House of Justice to an individual believer) > > In a letter written to an individual believer on 3 February 1932, the beloved Guardian’s > secretary wrote on his behalf: > > "You enquired whether we have anything in the teachings concerning birth control > and the sex element in marriage. Shoghi Effendi says that there is scarcely anything on > that subject in the writings of BaháVlláh and the Master except a constant emphasis on > mutual fidelity. Both BaháVlláh and the Báb emphasize the need for children in > marriage. The latter, for example, states that to beget children is the highest physical > fruit of man’s existence. But neither say whether the number of children should be > limited or not. Or if it is to be limited what is the proper method to be used." > > BaháVlláh stated that the primary purpose of marriage was the procreation of children, > and the beloved Guardian alludes to this in many of the letters that were written on his > behalf on this subject. This does not imply that a couple are obliged to have as many > children as they can; the Guardian’s secretary clearly stated on his behalf, in answer to an > enquiry, that it was for the husband and wife to decide how many children they would have. > A decision to have no children at all would vitiate the primary purpose of marriage and would > > be contrary to the spirit of the law of Bahâ’u’llâh, unless, of course, there were some medical > reason why such a decision would be required. > > Concerning the general matter of family planning, the spacing of children and the > methods available for such birth control, there is nothing in the Sacred Writings beyond what > BaháVlláh has revealed regarding the nature, purpose and character of marriage. However, > with reference to the use of intrauterine devices, the House of Justice understands that there > is a difference of professional opinion as to how intrauterine devices work, i.e. whether they > prevent conception or whether they prevent the fertilized ovum from attaching to the wall of > the uterus. According to our teachings, individual life begins at conception. In using such > devices, therefore, Bahà’is will have to be guided by the best professional advice available and > their own consciences. > > Abortion merely to prevent the birth of an unwanted child is strictly forbidden in the > Cause. There may, however, be instances in which an abortion would be justified by medical > reasons, and legislation on this matter has been left to the Universal House of Justice. At the > present time, however, the House of Justice does not intend to legislate on this very delicate > issue, and therefore it is left to the consciences of those concerned who must carefully weigh > the medical advice in the light of the general guidance given in the teachings. > > A surgical operation to induce permanent sterility is prohibited unless there is some > specific medical reason which would make it advisable, in which case, again, this is a matter > left to the judgement and consciences of those involved in light of the principles given in the > teachings, and taking into consideration, when arriving at a decision, the availability, > reliability and reversibility of all contraceptive methods. > > (From a letter dated 16 March 1983 from the Universal > House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of > Ireland) > > APPENDIX II > > In the letter of 28 December 1980, the family is likened to a special kind of community > and the term "head" used in such a context, does not confer superiority upon the husband, no > does it give him special rights to undermine the rights of the other members of his family. > ‘AbduT-Bahá says: > > "The integrity of the family bond must be constantly considered and the rights of > the individual members must not be transgressed. The rights of the son, the father, the > mother, none of them must be transgressed, none of them must be arbitrary." > > Indeed, to use the human temple as the example, if the husband is the head, the wife > can well be regarded as the heart of the family. When the husband and the wife work > cooperatively and complementarily, the well-being, health and proper functioning of the unit > can be ensured. > > ...You have asked...for specific rules of conduct to govern the relationships of husbands > and wives. This the House of Justice does not wish to do, and it feels that there is already > adequate guidance included in the compilation on this subject. For example the principle tha > the rights of each and all in the family unit must be upheld, and the advice that loving > consultation should be the keynote, that all matters should be settled in harmony and love, > and that there are times when the husband and the wife should defer to the wishes of the > other. Exactly under what circumstances such deference should take place, is a matter for > each couple to determine. If, God forbid, they fail to agree, and their disagreement leads to > estrangement, they should seek counsel from those they trust and in whose sincerity and > sound judgement they have confidence, in order to preserve and strengthen their ties as a > united family. > (From a letter dated 16 May 1982 from the Universal > House of Justice to an individual believer) > > — *Study Guide for Baha'i Marriage and Family Life (Used by permission of the curator)*