Study Guide for Baha'i Marriage and Family Life
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Source: Bahá'í Library Online (bahai-library.com), curated by Jonah Winters. Used by permission of the curator. Original citation: unknown, Study Guide for Baha'i Marriage and Family Life, bahai-library.com.
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Baha'i
Marriage
and
Family Life
Selections
from theWritings
oft lie
Baha’i Faith

Prepared by the
National Spiritual Assembly of the
Bahd’is o f Canada
Prepared by:
The National Spiritual Assembly
of the Bahà’is of Canada

Copyright© 1986 by the
National Spiritual Assembly
of the Bahà’is of Canada

ISBN 0-88867-060-5

Printed in Canada
The following study guide is a companion to the compilation Bahďí Marriage and
Family Life. It suggests one possible approach to our examination of the teachings
related to Bahà’i marriage.

The National Spiritual Assembly invites believers not only to use this material as it is
presented, but also to revise and adapt it to suit the needs and circumstances of the
group studying the material.

Because study materials are continually being revised, please forward to the National
Centre any observations, suggested changes or recommendations.
Table of Contents

Introduction........................................................................1

Guidance for Group Study..............................................2

Section I     The Institution of Marriage

A           Law of Marriage................................................. 4

B           Commitments and Responsibilities...................6

C           The Marriage Ceremony.....................................9

D           Marriage as the Basis for Unity........................11

E           Attitude Towards Divorce.................................. 14

F           Sex in Marriage.................................................... 16

Section II    Preparation for Marriage

A            Self-knowledge....................................................18

B            Choosing a Marriage Partner............................ 23

C-D -E Chastity, Parental Consent, Engagement......... 27

Section III   Family Life

A           Love and Unity.................................................. 30

B          Communication.....................................................32

C          Tests and Difficulties.......................................... 33

D          Equality of Men and Women..............................34

E          Education of Children......................................... 35

F          Relationships within the Family.......................... 36

G          Death....................................................................... 37

H          Work and Finance................................................. 38
I           Hospitality....................................................... 39

J           Relationship with Bahá'1 Institutions
andCommunity...............................................40

K           Family Life and Bahà’i Service....................41

Case Studies........................................................................................... 42

Summary of Quotations....................................................................... 48

Appendix I: Extracts from letters of the Guardian and
the Universal House of Justice onbirth control...............................55

Appendix II: Extract from a letter of the Universal
House of Justice on the relationships of husbands and wives...... 57
INTRODUCTION

The general goal of this Study Guide as stated in the introduction of the compilation Baha’i
Marriage and Family Life is to help individuals

understand the Bahà’i Writings related to marriage
prepare for marriage
who are already married
improve family life
and to assist Bahà’i Local Spiritual Assemblies in their educational and counselling
responsibilities.

A study of this compilation is intended to increase the knowledge and understanding of the
individual and will do this by helping to

a)   focus on developing personal spiritual qualities in order to fulfill one’s own
contribution to marriage

b)   focus on those qualities to be considered when choosing a marriage partner

c)   know the legal requirements of Bahà’i marriage

d)   better understand the role of marriage as the foundation for a new social order

e)   know those qualities of Bahà’i marriage which create unity between the husband and
wife, among children and extended family.

GUIDANCE FOR STUDY

This Study Guide can be used both by individuals and groups in various ways. Some
suggestions are:

a)    Individual study - Set aside a regular period of time each week to study a section.
Use a notebook to jot down thoughts and at the end of each lesson include a
summary of what you have learned and how this is useful to you in your own life.
Think also about sharing it with others.

b)    Group study - Set regular study times with clear time limits, and ask for a
commitment to all the sessions. For groups (e.g. institutes, seminars, summer school
courses) of 20 or more participants, divide into groups of 5 to 8 and choose group
leaders to guide the sessions.

Motivation to use this study guide:

Why should people use this guide in addition to reading through the compilation? It is easier
for most people to delve deeply into the Writings when a search is being made in answer to a
specific question. This study guide leads one through the compilation in this manner.

Additional Guidelines:

It is important for the group to discuss the following in order to create anticipation for what
is to be learned:

a)   How much time should be spent on this deepening? It will vary according to the
learners’ interest and the time available to the participants and instructor, but at
the outset, clearly outline the general time frame (i.e. week-end, one evening every
three weeks, and specifics such as Monday nights from 7 - 1 0 p.m.)

b)   How is the material to be studied? Divide the material into sections? Assign one
group discussion leader for each segment? Assign the same section to all groups?

What are the duties of the leader?

1.   Thoroughly prepare by studying material (compilation and study guide) in detail.

2.   Decide, in consultation with the participants, what specific knowledge should be
attained by the participants. Individuals and couples can be encouraged to set their
own learning goals.

3.   Explore how this goal will be achieved. In responding to the Creative Word, people
need the framework that will draw out a holistic and appropriate response, unique
to their own marriages and life situations. One of the most effective ways to
accomplish this can be done by simply reading questions and quotations, then
answering the questions before turning to the "possible answers" page. Another
option is to put each question on a card and have participants choose their own
questions. It is suggested that participants record their answers individually before

discussion begins, in order to encourage individual expression of opinion. The
questions naturally stimulate discussion, and other methods such as role playing or
demonstrations can be used when applicable.

4.   Materials required:

Compilation: Bahďí Marriage and Family Life
Study Guide on Bahá’1 Marriage and Family Life
Notebook and pen

5.   It is important for the discussion leaders and/or co-ordinators to meet together
beforehand to go over content, timing and procedure, as well as to allow time to
debrief after each session. The discussion leader/coordinator is to be a facilitator,
not a director, of the learning process, exhibiting flexibility as the study session
progresses. Success will depend upon the extent to which the conditions of Bahà’i
consultation are present.

6.   Frequently, either before or at the end of each lesson, review the major points
discussed.

7.   Evaluate each session in terms of the objectives.

8.   For your convenience, a check list has been placed at the top of each section of
the study guide.

9.   Case studies have been included in some sections to help the participants apply the
principles they have been studying. They can be used as a role play or as a basis
for discussion.

SECTION I: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE

CHECKLIST

□    SET GOALS FOR LEARNING
□    READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME
□    CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS
□    SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS
□    EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED

A:   Law of Marriage

Read the section entitled "Law of Marriage" and answer the following questions:

1.   Is marriage a command that is binding on every individual? Explain.

2.   If, as Shoghi Effendi states, marriage is not the central purpose of life, what is?

3.   There are benefits that always come from obedience to the laws of God. BaháVlláh
enjoins us to marry as a means to establish order in the world and as an assistance
to ourselves.

Based on the Writings and on your own knowledge and experience,

a)   How does marriage benefit society?

b) How does marriage benefit the individual?

4.   Celibacy requirements for monks, priests, and nuns imply the notion that God can
best be served by people who are not married. How is that different from
Bahà’u’ilàh’s teachings?

5.   Many people today believe that "living together" is far better for society and the
individual than getting married and planning to stay married. How would you
convince them that marriage is necessary for the well-being of mankind?

Case Study

See p. 42 (I-A) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application
of the Writings in this section.
«

SECTION I: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE

A:   Law of Marriage
Possible Answers

1.   No. Although it is every person’s "moral duty to marry", it is "by no means an
obligation".

2.   The following quotations from BaháVlláh serve to illustrate the central purpose of
life. (Of course, there are many more quotations which are also appropriate.)

"...Thou hast created me to know Thee and to worship Thee...."
Noonday prayer

"The purpose of God in creating man hath been, and will ever be, to enable him
to know His Creator and to attain His Presence."
Gleanings from the Writings o f Bahà’u’llàh, p. 70

"Whatever duty Thou has prescribed unto Thy servants of extolling to the utmost
Thy Majesty and Thy glory is but a token of Thy grace unto them, that they
may be enabled to ascend unto the station conferred upon their own inmost
being, the station of the knowledge of their own selves."
Gleanings, pp. 4-5

3.   Possible answers might include

Benefits to SOCIETY

marriage provides for continuation of the human race
since the family is the basic unit of society, marriage helps create order in
society
marriage provides a secure place for the nurturing and training of children
if we follow the command to "bring forth one who will remember God", we will
be assisting in the creation of a society which is attuned to its Creator.

Benefits to the INDIVIDUAL

marriage is, ideally, a source of love, encouragement and support
marriage can act as a catalyst for the improvement of one’s spiritual life
it can provide the opportunity for one to become and have a loving companion
and friend.

4.   Bahà’u’ilàh’s exhortation to the priests and monks to marry and "bring forth one who
will make mention of God" implies that the rearing of children who will know and
love God is a greater service to God and humanity than being secluded from the
world.

SECTION I: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE

CHECKLIST

□    SET GOALS FOR LEARNING
□    READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME
□    CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS
□    SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS
□    EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED

B:   Commitments and Responsibilities

Read the section entitled "Commitments and Responsibilities" and answer the following
questions:

1.   According to the passages in this section, Bahá’1 marriage could be defined as
follows:

a)   a commitment of two people, one to the other

b)

c)

(List at least two more.)

2.   What is the purpose of Bahà’i marriage? See passages 6, 8, 10.

3.   ‘Abdu’l-Bahà states that "Baha’i marriage is the commitment of two parties one to
the other...." Define commitment. Why is that an important element in a marriage?

4.   ‘Abdu’l-Bahá describes the relationship husband and wife should have with one
another: "They are two helpmates, two intimate friends who should be concerned
about the welfare of each other...." He promises that the rewards of this
relationship are "contentment, bliss and peace of heart...."

a)   Describe how you feel when someone helps you.

b) What are some ways that a helping relationship between husband and wife could
be developed?

5.   Read passage #10.

Study the following definitions:

Procreate - - t o produce children
Vitiate — to make ineffective or worthless

a) Who set forth the primary purpose of marriage?

b) Are there any limitations to the use of birth control?

c)   Since it is permissible to limit the number of children in a marriage, how would
a husband and wife go about deciding how many children to have, and what
would be some of their considerations?

Case Study

See p. 42 (I-B) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application of
the Writings in this section.

-

SECTION I: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE

B:   Commitments and Responsibilities
Possible Answers

1.   A definition of Baha’i marriage could include:

- a commitment of two people
- mutual attachment of mind and heart
- union - both physical and spiritual
- an eternal union of spirits.

2.   The purpose of Bahà’i marriage is two-fold. The first purpose is "to become loving
companions and comrades and at one with each other for time and eternity...." The
second is "the procreation of children...."

3.   Commitment: An act of entrusting. An agreement or pledge to do something in the
future. Commitment ensures security.

4.   Some of the ways of developing a helping relationship might include

- consultation
- negotiation
- concentrating on the correction of one’s own faults
- attempting to be selfless and generous
- considering the other’s needs as priority.

5.   BaháVlláh stated the primary purpose of marriage as the procreation of children.

Birth control should not be used to produce a childless marriage.

Discussion.

Answers can also be found in the following sources: Extracts from the Letters of the
Guardian and the Universal House of Justice on Birth Control and Related Subjects (see
Appendix I, pp. 55-56) and Lights o f Guidance, quotations 695-704, pp. 260-264.

SECTION I: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE

CHECKLIST

□    SET GOALS FOR LEARNING
□    READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME
□    CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS
□    SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS
□    EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED

C:   The Marriage Ceremony

Read the section entitled "The Marriage Ceremony" and answer the following questions:

1.    In order for a Bahà’i marriage to be valid, what conditions must be met?

2.    Bahà’i marriage vows require each party to promise to "abide by the Will of God."
How does this statement help spouses to set priorities?

3.    Scott and Elaine Parker became Bahà’is three months after their marriage. They
would love to have a Bahà’i marriage ceremony. Please advise them.

4.    Except for the phrase "We will all verily abide by the Will of God", Bahà’i marriage
ceremonies are not all alike. Why? What guidelines should be kept in mind when
planning a Bahà’i ceremony?

C:   The Marriage Ceremony
Possible Answers

1.   To be valid, these conditions must be met:

a)   The Local Spiritual Assembly must officiate and appoint two witnesses. See
passages 13, 18

b) If there are two ceremonies, both must take place within 24 hours of one
another. See passages 16, 17

c)   Consummation should take place within 24 hours of marriage or cohabitation
should begin with the intention of setting up a family relationship. See #19

d) The legal requirements of the state/province must be met.

2.   One possible result of this vow is that it encourages spouses to go to the Writings
to discover their responsibilities. It also encourages them to continue living a Bahà’i
life.

3.   See #21.

4.   Beyond the obligation of the vows, BaháVlláh has given freedom to arrange the
marriage ceremony in a way that is meaningful and pleasing to the couple being
married. There is no uniform mold and marriages often reflect the culture(s) of the
individuals involved. However, Shoghi Effendi states that the "ceremony itself must
be simple."

t

SECTION I: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE

CHECKLIST

□    SET GOALS FOR LEARNING
□    READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME
□    CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS
□    SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS
□    EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED

D:   Marriage as the Basis for Unity

Read the section entitled "Marriage as the Basis for Unity" and answer the following
questions:

1.   Read passage #22. According to BaháVlláh, what is the main purpose of religion?
How does marriage reflect this purpose?

2.   There are two processes occurring at all times in life: the process of disintegration
or breakdown and separation, and the process of union.

a)   In terms of the development of one’s spiritual self, how can disintegration be
seen in a positive light?

b) What comes from the union of created things?

3.   According to ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, marriage of Bahà’is should be the union of

a)

b)

If it is, what does He say the results will be?

4.   In passage #25, ‘Abdu’l-Bahá says that "when any souls grow to be true believers
they will attain a spiritual relationship with one another...and that union of theirs,
that connection, will also abide forever."

a)   Why do you think He chose the word "grow"?

b) If we are all in the process of growing to be true believers, how would that
affect the way we relate to and treat one another (including our spouses)?

c)   What is His definition of a "true believer"? Explain it in your own words.

5.   In passage #26, ‘Abdu’l-Bahá states that the tie between husband and wife is the
"Word of God".

a)   What does He say are the results of this tie?

b) What are some ways that the Word of God could be used "to cause them to
become the signs of harmony and unity until the end of time"? In other words,
how can the Word of God be used to promote unity between husband and wife?

Case Study

See p. 44 (III-A) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application
of the Writings in this section.

SECTION I: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE

D:   Marriage as the Basis for Unity
Possible Answers

1.   The fundamental purpose of religion as defined by BaháVlláh is to "safeguard the
interests and promote the unity of the human race, and to foster the spirit of love
and fellowship amongst men."

The institution of marriage reflects this purpose in that it safeguards the
perpetuation of the human race, provides a secure environment for the rearing of
children, establishes the basic unit of harmony in society, and when entered through
the love of God, causes a "wave of tenderness to be cast on the shore of life."

2.   a)   When disintegration involves the dissolution of personality traits that hamper
spiritual growth and the sense of harmony with those around you, then it is
positive in as much as it serves to free one from the material self.

b) From the union of created things comes:
- Divine bounties
- life itself
- eternal life
- tenderness

3.   A) body
B) soul
If the union is spiritual as well as physical, then it will last forever. #25

4.   a) The word "grow" is a process word, implying that time is involved in change.
He may have chosen it to reassure us that God has patience with us.

b) Perhaps we should have patience with ourselves and with others as we strive to
attain human perfections.

c) ‘Abdu’l Bahá states:
"...Souls, that is, who will
1.      consign their own selves to oblivion
2.      strip from themselves the defects of human kind
3.      unchain themselves from human bondage..."

5.   A) The results of this tie:
"multitudes to assemble," "remote ones to be united," "the appearance of divine
bounties," and "children who are born in the cradle of the love of God..."

b) - Daily prayers of husband and wife together
- Obedience to the laws
- Praying for one another
- Deepening together
- Bahà’i service

SECTION I: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE

CHECKLIST

□   SET GOALS FOR LEARNING
□   READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME
□   CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS
□   SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS
□   EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED

E:   Attitude Towards Divorce

Read the section entitled "Divorce" and answer the following questions:

1.   Read passages 28, 29, 34, 35

a) What are the conditions mentioned under which divorce can be considered?

b) Define "aversion".

2.   In passages 28, 29, and 31, conditions are mentioned which should not be used as
conditions for divorce. What are they?

3.   What and why is the year of patience?

4.   What is the attitude of the Faith toward divorce? Use quotations to back up your
answer.

5.   A decision to divorce is one not to be taken lightly. Many factors must be
considered, including the effects of the divorce. In view of the Writings on divorce,
what are some of the factors that should be considered?

6.   Study passages 28, 30, 32, 36. What are the responsibilities of the Local Assembly
toward troubled marriages and divorce?

7.   For discussion:

What do you think are some of the factors contributing to the high rate of divorce
among North American Bahà’is?

Based on the Writings, what are some possible remedies for each factor?

Case Study

See p. 42 (I-E) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application of
the Writings in this section.

SECTION I: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE

E:   Attitude Towards Divorce
Possible answers

1.   Divorce can be considered under the following circumstances:

a.   - "aversion" (‘Abdu’l Bahá)
- "in exceptional circumstances, and when grave issues are involved"
(Shoghi Effendi)
- "only under rare and urgent circumstances" (Shoghi Effendi)
- "only under exceptional and unbearable circumstances" (Shoghi Effendi)

b.   - aversion = extreme dislike or disinclination: repugnance.

2.   The following conditions should not be used as grounds for divorce:

- slight friction or displeasure #28
- no physical attraction #28
- sexual disharmony and incompatibility #29
- love for another person besides one’s spouse #29
- service to the Cause hindered by one’s spouse #31

3.   The year of patience is a one-year period granted to an estranged couple during
which husband and wife are physically separated and have separate living quarters.
Its purpose is to give the couple time to work on re-establishing harmony.

4.   Shoghi Effendi used the following words to describe the attitude of the Faith toward
divorce:

- "reprehensible act" #29
- "discouraged, deprecated, and against the good pleasure of God" #30
- "strongly condemns it" #33
- "should be avoided most strictly" #34
- "a last resort, to be avoided at all costs if possible and not to be lightly
granted" #37

5.   Some factors to weigh in considering divorce are

a) the impact of divorce on children #s 33, 35, 36
b) consequences of the divorce on the life of each partner #28, and #35 (2nd part)
c) impact of the divorce on the community (Kingdom of God) #28

6.    Responsibilities of the Local Spiritual Assembly:

a)   circulate Writings about divorce #30
b)   monitor the year of patience #28
c)   investigate each case to decide if there are grounds for divorce #30
d)   serve as counsel and help #36
e)   try to preserve the family #32
f)   give final approval (or disapproval) of the divorce #30

SECTION I: THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE

CHECKLIST

□    SET GOALS FOR LEARNING
□    READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME
□    CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS
□    SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS
□    EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED

F:   Sex in Marriage

Read the section entitled "Sex in Marriage" and answer the following questions:

1.   What is the Baha’i law regarding sex?

2.   What is the meaning of the word "chastity" as Shoghi Effendi uses it in passage
#43?

3.   Read passage #42. What is the Bahà’i attitude toward sex?

4.   Bahâ’u’llâh states, "We, verily, have forbidden you lechery, and not that which is
conducive to fidelity...."

a)   Study the following definitions:

1.   lechery—excessive sexual activity
2.   conducive-tending to cause, promote or help bring about
3.   fidelity-faithfulness (to spouse)

b) Fidelity and chastity in marriage seem to imply the same behavior—sexual
activity only inside marriage. What attitudes, actions and environments promote
fidelity?

5.   According to the passages in this section on sex, what is the role of sex in
marriage?

6.   Read passages 25 and 43, second paragraph.

a)   What is the Bahà’i viewpoint on relationships between men and women who are
not married to one another?

b) How are they expected to conduct themselves?

c)   How is this attitude different from

i)   orthodox religions where men and women are separated?

ii) the permissive sexual values of today’s society?

SECTION t     THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE

F:   Sex in Marriage
Possible Answers

1. The Bahà’i law on sex is that marriage is the only lawful place for sexual relations.
Sex outside of marriage is forbidden.

2.   Shoghi Effendi uses chastity to mean abstinence from unlawful sex as well as purity
of behavior and thought. It implies that we are responsible for our thoughts (which
influence our behavior), our behavior itself, and the implications of our behavior, i.e.
the appearances and intentions implicit in our actions. It also implies that we have
the capacity to exercise control over these processes.

3.   The Bahà’i attitude towards sex is that it is a very natural and positive human
behavior not to be suppressed, but engaged in only within the context of marriage.

4.   Discussion.

5.   The role of sex in marriage is

- for procreation #39
- for the spread of tenderness #40
- subordinate to the spiritual purpose of marriage #41
- for enjoyment—the natural right of every individual in marriage #42

6.   a) We are encouraged to establish relationships based on the bonds of spiritual
comradeship and love, but which are not, except in the case of marriage,
translated into sexual behavior. ‘Abdu’l-Bahá promises that when spiritual
relationships are established, they, too, last forever.

b) Relationships between men and women should reflect the teachings of the Faith
regarding the dignity and nobility of man and the equality of men and woman, as
well as the law of chastity. Perhaps men and women friends should consider the
appearance of their behavior.

c) i)   In orthodox religions, the controls governing the relations between men and
women are imposed from without and physically structured into daily life.
BaháVlláh, on the other hand, has allowed men and women the freedom to
know one another and expected them to have inner control to know that
which "leads to loftiness or abasement."

ii) North American society allows and even expects friendships to be translated
into sexual terms. On the other hand, having sexual relations does not
necessarily imply friendship. BaháVlláh puts sex back into its proper place,
marriage, and reminds us that true friendship is based on the union of spirit,
not bodies.

SECTION II: PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE

CHECKLIST

□    SET GOALS FOR LEARNING
□    READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME
□    CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS
□    SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS
□    EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED

A:   Self-knowledge

Read the section entitled "Self-knowledge" and passages 44-52 of "Choosing a Marriage
Partner". Then answer the following questions.

1.    Define:

a) apprehend (#44)
b) munificence (#44)
c) extol (#45)

2.    Read #44.

a)   According to BaháVlláh, what will happen when one begins to understand what
God has entrusted to his/her own soul?

b) What does BaháVlláh mean by the phrase "all created things"?

c)   According to BaháVlláh, if we have some knowledge of this ideal inner self,
where the "seas of loving-kindness and bounty" move, that can help us to
become detached from (freed from the influence of) all created things. How does
"knowing" facilitate the process of letting go?

3.    BaháVlláh states, "Upon the reality of man, however. He hath focused the radiance
of all of His names and attributes, and made it a mirror of His own Self." Gleanings,
p. 65.

Make a list of at least 10 attributes of God, using the following chart:

a) Choose one or two attributes you would like to work on.

b) Identify some of the obstacles that prevent you from manifesting that quality as
much as you would like to.

c)   How can those obstacles be changed or removed?

4.   Self-knowledge involves several elements. One is knowing about the divine qualities,
representing the potential ideal self, another is understanding one’s own strengths
and weaknesses, and a third is recognizing what leads to loftiness or to baseness.

a) How can one learn about one’s strengths and weaknessess?

b) How can one recognize what would lead to one’s honour or abasement?

c)   How will I know when I’m ready for marriage?

5.   How would the understanding that the true self is a reflection of God affect the
following:

a)   Your self-concept

b) Your way of communicating

c) Your relationship with others

d) Choices in such things as entertainment, clothing, friends, etc.?
SECTION II: PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE

A:   Self-knowledge
Possible Answers

1.    Definitions: Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary

a) apprehend--to grasp with understanding: recognize the meaning of

b) munificence--lavishness; generosity

c) extol--to praise highly; glorify

2.    a)   If you could apprehend the potential entrusted to your soul, you would:

i)   become detached from all created things

ii) "gain a knowledge of your own true selves"

iii) become independent of all save God

iv) perceive the attributes of "loving-kindness and bounty moving within you."

b) In Tablets o f Bahà'u’ilàh, p. 110, BaháVlláh writes "Know thou moreover that all
else besides Him have been created through the potency of a word from His
presence...." From this passage, we can infer that everything but God is a
"created thing".

In another sense, man, in his reflection of the name of God, the Creator, also
has the power to create. Man creates not only material objects but also
deceptions, fears and illusions, as well as harmony, unity and love, etc.

c)   Knowledge of the inner self aids detachment in many ways. For example, this
knowledge gives us a goal. We know that we are striving towards it. This
knowledge of our potential inspires a sense of awe about the self and makes us
eager to let go, however painfully, of the attachments that hamper our progress.

Another way that knowledge of the true self aids detachment is by giving us a
standard by which to assess our behaviour and to measure progress.

3.   Example:

Attributes to be                Obstacles                  How I will overcome
Acquired                                                   the obstacles

Generosity                  - not enough money      - give gifts and one’s time to others
- selfishness           - look for ways to cut down on
spending
- pray for the Fund
- let go of material things a little at a
time and savour the good feeling

4.   a)   Ways to learn about oneself:

- read the Writings and look for the names and attributes of God
- "Bring thyself to account each day..." looking at both positive and negative
deeds
- consult with others about your concerns and your potential
- acquire knowledge of psychology
- seek counselling with a skilled professional
- pray and meditate
- "Treasure the companionship of the righteous". Look for role models that
manifest qualities of God, and study their lives.
- "Turn thy sight unto thyself, that thou mayest find Me standing within thee."
- analyze the effects of your behaviour on others
- evaluate the consequences of your decisions

b) The better you know yourself, the easier it is to recognize actions/decisions that
lead to happiness and honour rather than to baseness or shame. Also, the more
self-knowledge, the easier it is to remain unaffected by the influence of another,
so that character evaluation can be done on a more objective basis.

For a more comprehensive answer, see Chapter 4 of A Fortress for Well-Being.

c)   Answers to this question will vary according to experience. Here are some of the
questions a person might ask of him/herself in determining readiness for
marriage:

- Am I willing to sacrifice some individuality and independence for the unity
of the marriage?
- Am I willing to share responsibility for the relationship and daily living
chores?
- Am I willing to put the sanctity of the marriage above all other
considerations, except God?
- How do I handle responsibility?
- Do I see a task through?
- Do I accept responsibility for my decisions?
- Am I tolerant of another’s faults and do I concern myself primarily with
correcting my own?

5.   Effects of Knowledge

a) self-concept
- can’t think of oneself as being worthless
- gives dignity, sense of ability
- makes one lovable both to others as well as to oneself

b) way of communicating
- communicate in ways that recognize and preserve the dignity of each human,
i.e. not using derogatory names or racial/cultural slurs
- being kind and courteous

c)   relationships
- treat others with respect
- love others for "the Beauty of God reflected in the soul"
- would not abuse others
- would not encourage others to do things that compromise the qualities of the
soul (lying, backbiting, etc.)

d) choices
- avoid friends who cause one to disobey laws or abase self
- choose clothing that reflects the dignity and beauty of the self
- choose activities that elevate and avoid those that abase the self

SECTION II: PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE

CHECKLIST

□    SET GOALS FOR LEARNING
□    READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME
□    CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS
□    SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS
□    EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED

B:   Choosing a Marriage Partner

Read the section entitled "Choosing a Marriage Partner", quotation #6, "Commitments and
Responsibilities", and if available. Chapter 4 of A Fortress for Well-Being and pp. 65-70 of
Bahďí Studies Notebook: The Divine Institution o f Marriage (March 1983).

1.   In #48, BaháVlláh again exhorts us to detach ourselves from the world and gives us
reasons why. In Epistle to the Son o f the Wolf, He explains further: "By the world is
meant that which turneth you aside from Him Who is the Dawning-Place of
Revelation, and inclineth you unto that which is unprofitable unto you."
Epistle to the Son o f the Wolf, p. 54

a)   What role does detachment from the world play in choosing a marriage partner?

b) How does detachment relate to quotation #52?

2.   BaháVlláh has allowed individuals to choose whom they will marry, subject to
parental consent. Read #6.

a) Why is it important for each partner to know about the other’s character?

b) In the process of becoming acquainted with the intended spouse’s character, what
does one need to know about him/her?

c) How does one learn about the other’s inner qualities/character? Evaluate western
dating customs as a means for exploring another’s character.

d) In choosing a person to marry, how important is it for both people to be of the
same religion? Does being of the same Faith ensure the success of the marriage?
Why or why not?

3.   Read passages 3, 53 and the following excerpt from Bahďí World Faith (p. 373):
"...when the people of Bahá desire to enter the sacred union of marriage, eternal
connection and ideal relationship, spiritual and physical association of thoughts and
conceptions of life must exist between them...."

Based on these quotations and your own experience, what conditions should exist in
a relationship before marriage takes place?

4.   What implications does #56 have for choosing a marriage partner?

5.   How can consultation be used as a tool in choosing a spouse?

6.   Read #54. Briefly explain, in your own words, what true love is. Compare it to the
popular idea of romantic love. Is love a prerequisite to a successful marriage? Is true
love enough in marriage?

Case Study

See p. 43 (II-B) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application of
the Writings in this section.

SECTION II: PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE

B:   Choosing a Marriage Partner
Possible Answers

1.   a)   Part of knowing oneself is being able to recognize which people and
circumstances lead you closer to God, and which things lead you to things
"unprofitable unto you". Evaluating another person’s character and its effect on
your self requires a certain objectivity. It is difficult to be objective if there is
already a strong emotional or physical attachment to or dependence on the other
person. The same is true if there is an overwhelming desire to be married. See
#59 and Chapter 4 of A Fortress for Well-Being.

b) In making decisions from a "detached" viewpoint, honesty in assessing oneself is
vital to future happiness.

2.   a) Trust is the foundation of a relationship, and trust is based on knowledge. If
knowledge of the other’s character is only superficial, one is bound to learn
things about the other that can erode the foundation of trust and jeopardize the
unity of the marriage. ‘Abdu’l-Bahá exhorts Bahà’is contemplating marriage to
become informed of the character of each other so that "the binding covenant
between them may be a tie that will endure forever." #6

b) It is helpful to be familiar with these things about one’s intended:

- attitude towards self
- commitment to serve and obey God
- honesty and trustworthiness
- standards of cleanliness and hygiene (personal and in the home)
- responsibility
- attitudes about money, time
- attitude about work and spouse’s work
- response to stress, anger
- attitude towards children, their training and discipline
- relationships with family and friends
- sense of humour
- prejudices
- emotional stability
- creative interests
- sports and recreative interests

c) Ways of learning about these qualities of character include working together on
Bahà’i or other projects, evaluating his/her job record, observing how he/she
relates to family and friends, noticing how he/she behaves around children, and
examining attitudes about money, etc.

d) It is extremely helpful to have one’s spouse be of the same faith since it
provides a common base of values and mutual goals/directions for further growth
involving children, personal development and marital cooperation. In addition, if
both partners have a mutual point of attraction (God) then by growing closer to

Him, they will grow closer to each other. This serves as a powerful force for
the unity of the marriage. See #25.

However, being of the same faith does not ensure the unity of the marriage.
Shoghi Effendi points out that faith and character are not synonymous.
‘Abdu’l-Bahà tells us that a stronger prerequisite for a successful marriage is
having a thorough knowledge of the other’s character. Furthermore, the success
of a marriage is based on numerous other factors including the maturity of both
partners, similarity of life conceptions, degree of commitment, etc.

3.   The relationship before marriage involves four types of attraction between the
partners: emotional, mental, physical and spiritual. A relationship based on all four
types of attraction has a greater probability for success than one based on fewer.

4.   These quotations lead to the conclusion that the hope for making desirable changes
in a partner after marriage are slim, regardless of whether or not he/she is a Bahà’i.

5.   Consultation with close friends or a Local Spiritual Assembly can accomplish many
things. It can inform others of one’s desire to find a mate. It can clarify issues
within an existing relationship. It can provide an objective view of the suitability of
a prospective partner. It can solicit advice about securing consent from reluctant
parents, etc.

6.   TRUE LOVE                                     ROMANTIC LOVE

- attained through the knowledge of God- based on physical attraction
- characterized by continuing growth     fluctuates with changing perceptions
or waning physical attraction
- accepting of another’s limitations     based on "fate"
- result of a process of knowing         relatively short in duration
- demands discipline, hard work, the     individuals think only of the self in
overcoming of self                     relation to the partner, often
exclusive of others
- is a conscious decision                just "happens" - seems accidental

One can confer that true love—this attraction of one heart to another through the love
of God—is a requisite to a successful Baha’i marriage. However, this alone is not enough
for a stable marriage. There must also be integrity of character and a mutual attraction
of mind and body. See #6 and #25.

SECTION II: PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE

CHECKLIST

□   SET GOALS FOR LEARNING
□   READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME
□   CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS
□   SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS
□   EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED

C: Chastity - D: Parental Consent - E: Engagement

Read the sections entitled "Chastity" (II-C), "Parental Consent" (II-D), and "Engagement" (II-E)
and answer the following questions.

1.   a) Define these words from #67:

i)     temperance
ii)    avocation
iii)   vigilance
iv)    trivial
V)     pernicious

b) Discuss the meaning of chastity and what it means in terms of behaviour (#68).

2.   What are some reasons for the sexual aspect of the law of chastity? How does
keeping sex out of a courting relationship help detachment? (Refer to Messages
from the Universal House o f Justice 1968-73, pp. 107-109.)

3.   Shoghi Effendi has said we are living in a "decadent age".

a) How can one, especially a single person, live in such a time without being
compromised by its corrupting influence?

b) What are the rewards of living a "chaste and holy life"?

4.   Why is parental consent a prerequisite for marriage?

5.   What should parents consider when asked to give consent?

6.   What should a couple do when consent is not given?

7.   What effects can obedience to the Bahà’î law on parental consent have on oneself
and others, particularly in the face of tests?

Case Studies

See p. 43 (II-C and D) for situations designed to assist in the understanding and
application of the Writings in this section.

SECTION II: PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE

C:   Chastity - D: Parental Consent - E: Engagement
Possible Answers

1.    a)   Definitions: (from Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary)

i)    temperance:
1) moderation in action, thought, or feeling: restraint
2) abstinence from the use of intoxicating drink.

ii)   avocation: a hobby

iii) vigilance: alert watchfulness

iv)   trivial:
1) commonplace, ordinary
2) of little worth or importance

v)    pernicious: highly injurious or destructive

b) On one level chastity refers specifically to abstinence from unlawful sex. On
another broader level, chastity goes far beyond the sexual act itself to
encompass purity of thought and deed in all forms of behaviour.

2.    There are numerous reasons for avoiding sex outside marriage and many of them are
related to protection:

- Chastity provides protection from sexually transmitted diseases.
- It protects the unity and sanctity of marriage by fostering security, trust and
the avoidance of comparisons.
- Sexual relations have, of course, the potential to create children. Chastity
protects those potential children from a complicated life.
- Sexual relations complicate and can seriously undermine a courting relationship.
- Practicing chastity in a relationship can protect one partner from emotional
manipulation by the other.
- Evaluating character is much easier when one is free from the emotional
involvement implied when sex is involved in the courting relationship.
- Chastity frees us to have spiritually-grounded friendships that are not clouded
by the emotional web of sexual pursuit.

3.   a) Lifestyles promoted by today’s society lack a sense of the true nature of man
and are made very attractive to our material nature. It takes knowledge of the
true self, great effort, and daily vigilance to avoid being drawn into a lifestyle
based on false standards. Aids to living a chaste life include

- Being moderate in language, dress and behaviour
- Abstinence from drugs and alcohol
- Avoiding places and people that could lead to compromising one’s values
- Cultivating friends who have spiritual values and philosophies
- Becoming involved in Bahà’i community life

- Volunteering in a community service organization
- Studying the Writings, meditating, and bringing oneself to account each day
- Praying for God’s guidance
- Always seeking to replace something of negative influence with something of
positive influence.

b) Living a "chaste and holy life" can be difficult, but it is not without its rewards,
both tangible and intangible:

- It offers protection from disease
- Such a lifestyle brings honour to the Cause
- The bonds of friendship and love are strengthened for time and eternity
- Such a life strengthens the family unit which is the foundation of society
itself
- Exercising self-control has a beneficial effect on character development
- See passages 62, 64, and 68 for assurances of other rewards

4.   According to Shoghi Effendi, BaháVlláh laid down the consent law to "strengthen
the social fabric, to knit closer the ties of the home, to place a certain gratitude
and respect in the hearts of children for those who have given them life...." (#72)

5.   Parents need to consider such things as

The serious nature of giving consent
The character of the proposed mate
Whether or not spiritual, mental and physical attraction exist between their
son/daughter and the prospective mate
Each person’s emotional and spiritual maturity and readiness to assume
responsibility

6.   See #79.

7.   See #80.

SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE

CHECKLIST

□   SET GOALS FOR LEARNING
□   READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME
□   CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS
□   SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS
□   EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED

A:   Love and Unity

1.   What is the station of unity?

2.   What is the prerequisite for real love?

3.   What is the relationship between members of a family and nations?

4.   How does ‘Abdu’l-Bahá describe the ideal life of a married couple? What are the
positive results of such a union? What are the negative results when such a union
does not exist?

5.   How would you describe the current North American ideal of love? How does your
description compare with that of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá?

6.   What is one of the first essentials to achieve unity? Why do you think the word
"cordial" is used?

Case Study

See p. 44 (III-A) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application
of the Writings in this section.

SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE

A:   Love and Unity
Possible Answers

1.   After recognition of God and steadfastness, unity, along with affection and harmony,
occupies a position superior to that of most other qualities. In fact, it possesses
great power, and is the "main purpose for which the Báb, BaháVUáh, and the Master
suffered".

2.   Before we can experience real love, we must be attracted to God and turn to Him.
Then we are able to love, as ‘Abdu’l-Bahá suggests, "in God, and for God".

3.   Since nations evolved from the family, a family might be described as a "nation in
miniature"; what happens in the nation is a reflection of what is occurring in the
family. In the same way, the blessings that a united family experiences will be
experienced by a united humanity.

4.   In an ideal marriage, joy and spiritual delight, unity and concord, mental and
physical friendship, and order and organization should be present. The couple should
be a source of happiness and an example for others, and should educate their
children in such a way that their characters bring fame and glory to the family.

Some positive effects of such a union are progress and prosperity, comfort and
tranquillity, security, illumination and spirituality. When a union suffers from
disunity, some negative effects are destruction and dispersion, unhappiness,
preoccupation and distraction from our main purpose.

5.   Some elements of the current North American idea of love might be possession,
physical attraction to the exclusion of other considerations, self-validation ("if
someone loves me, I can’t be all bad"), and the expectation that the other person
will make one happy.

‘Abdu’l-Bahá says that we must love wherever we find the attributes of God, which
means that love is not limited to one person or just a few. Love is the "vital bond
inherent...in the realities of things". It is a light that guides, the source of true
happiness ("felicity") in both worlds and assures progress of souls that are illumined
and unites God with man. While in some elements, such as the idea of happiness,
the two concepts of love may be similar, the scope of ‘Abdu’l-Bahà’s description is
much wider.

6.   One of the first essentials for the achievement of unity is that we resist the natural
temptation to concern ourselves with the shortcomings of others instead of our own.
Perhaps the word "cordial", which means warm and friendly, is used to suggest that
our unity must be based on love, and not convenience or expedience.

SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE

CHECKLIST

□   SET GOALS FOR LEARNING
□   READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME
□   CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS
□   SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS
□   EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED

B:   Communication

1.   How are a kindly tongue, compassion, and understanding related to consultation?

2.   What are the prime requisites for consultation?

3.   How do you think a wrong decision that is unanimously agreed upon can lead to the
truth?

4.   Is consultation to be used only for major matters? Is it only for the Institutions?

B:   Communication
Possible Answers

1.   We are told that a kindly tongue is the "lodestone of the hearts of men", which
"clotheth the words with meaning" and is the "fountain of the light of wisdom and
understanding...." Compassion goes hand in hand with consultation in the illumination
of the "heaven of divine wisdom". Understanding is described as a gift which is
made manifest through consultation.

2.   See #109.

3.   See #111.

4.   "Man must consult on all matters, whether major or minor, so that he may become
cognizant of what is good." Consultation is not limited to Institutions only; families
and individuals are encouraged to consult "even in their ordinary affairs".

Case Study

See p. 44 (III-B) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application
of the Writings in this section.

SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE

CHECKLIST

□   SET GOALS FOR LEARNING
□   READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME
□   CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS
□   SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS
□   EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED

C:   Tests and Difficulties

1.   How can calamity be "inwardly...light and mercy"?

2.   What advice are we given for dealing with tests?

3.   How must we respond to non-Bahá’í families whose attitudes toward the Faith create
tests? Is it absolutely necessary to behave in this way?

C: Tests and Difficulties
Possible Answers

1.   Tests and difficulties, or calamities, lead to moral and spiritual development and
strengthen character, even though we may experience physical and emotional pain in the
process.

2.    We are told to feel contentment and to avoid being overcome by grief, sorrow, jealousy
or anger. Instead we must be patient, enduring, praise God, rely on Him, and think of
Him continually.

3.    We must treat them with great kindness, always consider their wishes, and pray for
them. We are told that it is our duty to be conciliatory and friendly, and that this is
the most effective means of gaining sympathy and admiration for the Faith.

Case Study

See pp. 44-45 (III-C) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and
application of the Writings in this section.

SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE

CHECKLIST

□   SET GOALS FOR LEARNING
□   READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME
□   CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS
□   SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS
□   EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED

D:   Equality of Men and Women

1.   Why is it important for women to attain their rightful place in society?

2.   In what ways are women themselves responsible for attaining their rightful place?

D:   Equality of Men and Women
Possible Answers

1.   Women must attain their rightful place in society so that mankind can "obtain the fruit
of holiness", "fly heavenwards", "achieve greatness", and realize happiness.

2.   Women must strive to close the gap between their development and that of men, so that
there will remain no doubt of their capacity.

Case Study

See p. 45 (III-D) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application
of the Writings in this section.

SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE

CHECKLIST

□   SET GOALS FOR LEARNING
□   READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME
□   CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS
□   SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS
□   EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED

E:    Education of Children

1.    What is the "bounden duty" of all parents? Why?

2.    What are the responsibilities of the mother?

3.    Much emphasis is placed on the role of the mother. Do fathers have responsibilities?
What are they?

4.    What responsibilities do sons have? Would daughters’ responsibilities be the same?
Different?

5.    What place do music and the care of animals hold in the education of children?

E:    Education of Children
Possible Answers

1.    It is the duty of parents to raise their children to be strong in the Faith. A child with
no relationship with God will not act in an acceptable manner; he/she will not know how
to reject evil or how consciously to choose good. The Bahà’i view assumes that natural
deficiencies exist in every child, and these must be remedied through spiritual or moral
education, and loving, careful discipline.

2.    The mother establishes the character and conduct of the child. She achieves this
through education and training, giving first importance to whatever concerns the child’s
education.

3.    The father’s responsibilities are similar to those of the mother, with the additional duty
of providing for the academic training of the children.

4.    Sons must be obedient and humble and sacrifice their own desires for the comfort and
welfare of their parents. A daughter’s responsibilities would probably be similar.

5.   Caring for animals teaches children to be tender, loving and kind. Music influences their
hearts and helps them express their latent talents.

Case Study

See p. 45 (III-E) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application
of the Writings in this section.

SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE

CHECKLIST

□   SET GOALS FOR LEARNING
□   READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME
□   CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS
□   SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS
□   EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED

F:   Relationships within the Family

1.   What is the relationship between obedience and religion?

2.   What are the responsibilites of children toward their parents?

3.   How do the rights of men and women compare to their functions? Give some examples.

4.   How is the family "a very special kind of community"?

F:   Relationships within the Family
Possible Answers

1.   Religious training leads to obedience based on the love and fear of God, to selfknowledge and understanding rather than response to parental threats.

2.   Some of the responsibilities of children toward their parents are to show kindness, to
honour and pay homage to them, to regard their rights, to serve them and to comfort
them.

3.   Men and women have equal rights, but their functions are different. For example, both
men and women have the right to an education and a career, but a man’s function is
such that he becomes responsible for the financial support of the family, while the
woman is responsible for the initial education of the children.

4.   Although a family could be described as a "small" community, the special relationships
between husband and wife, parents and children, and brother and sister make the
dynamics a bit different. Each has certain rights and obligations toward the others. In
consultation between husband and wife, for instance, when there is a difference of
opinion, one party must always defer to the other in order to come to a decision; there
can be no majority vote. (See also Appendix II, p. 57 for an extract from a letter on
this subject written by the Universal House of Justice.)

Case Study

See pp. 45-46 (III-F) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and the
application of the Writings in this section.

SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE

CHECKLIST

□   SET GOALS FOR LEARNING
□   READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME
□   CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS
□   SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS
□   EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED

G: Death

1.   Many people view death at a young age as a punishment from God. What is the Bahà’i
view?

2.   What happens to the soul of a child who dies before the age of 15?

G:   Death
Possible Answers

1.   The Bahá’1 view is that man’s soul is freed to thrive and flourish after death. Although
we may feel a great loss when a loved one dies, our reunion in the next world is
eternal, and we escape the suffering and disabilities of this life.

2.   A child who dies before the age of 15 is protected by God’s bounty and compassion.

Case Study

See p. 46 (III-G) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application
of the Writings in this section.

SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE

CHECKLIST

□   SET GOALS FOR LEARNING
□   READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME
□   CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS
□   SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS
□   EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED

H: Work and Finance

1.   What conditions must we keep in mind as we enjoy the "ornaments of the earth"?

2.   What is the "secret of right living"?

3.   Although we are urged to contribute to the Fund to the point of sacrifice, a line is
drawn at unreasonable efforts to do so. Give examples of what might be considered
"unreasonable efforts".

H:   Work and Finance
Possible Answers

1.   We must not allow material wealth to interfere with our relationship with God. Our
goals must remain high and we must maintain the image of "celestial perfection".

2.   The "secret of right living" is unlimited generosity to others without fear of suffering
want ourselves. We must also rely on God’s bounty for our own well-being.

3.   Some examples might be taking out a loan which would be difficult to repay; depriving
family members of necessities; not repaying previously incurred debts; making unilateral
decisions without consultation with those affected.

Case Study

See p. 46 (III-H) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application
of the Writings in this section.

SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE

CHECKLIST

□   SET GOALS FOR LEARNING
□   READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME
□   CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS
□   SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS
□   EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED

I: Hospitality

1.   What are some benefits of associating with all people?

2.   What must our attitude be toward friends and strangers?

3.   What role can the Bahà’i home play in the progress of mankind?

4.   Do guests in the home have responsibilities toward their hosts?

I:   Hospitality
Possible Answers

1.   Associating with others leads to unity and concord, which in turn promote order and
regeneration in the world.

2.   We must exhibit the following qualities toward friend and stranger: love and kindliness,
affectionate fellowship, and consideration.

3.   A Bahà’i home can be the source of illumination for the Baha’i community and can assist
in the development of the town and country. Such a home can also promote learning
and science and can spread love.

4.   Guests should enter another’s home only by invitation and should not abuse hospitality by
disregarding the rights of their host(s).

Case Study

See p. 46 (III-I) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application of
the Writings in this section.

SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE

CHECKLIST

□   SET GOALS FOR LEARNING
□   READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME
□   CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS
□   SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS
□   EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED

J: Relationship with Bahà’i Institutions and Community

1.   Why is firmness in the Covenant crucial to the protection of the Cause?

2.   What is the mightiest of the "unshakeable supports of the Faith of God"? How is the
Spiritual Assembly affected?

3.   In what ways do we often confuse the function of the Administration with the
obligations of the individual believer?

4.   What are some of the options available to believers with personal problems?

J:   Relationship with Bahà’i Institutions and Community
Possible Answers

1.    Firmness in the Covenant will prevent disunity. We will also receive confirmations from
BaháVlláh and support from the Supreme Concourse, and ‘Abdu’l-Bahà’s advice will
remain with us.

2.    Learning and the use of the mind, expansion of consciousness, and insight into the
realities of the universe and the hidden mysteries of Almighty God. As the "Trustees of
the Merciful", the Local Spiritual Assembly must make every effort to educate the
children from infancy.

3.    All of us are called upon to love our fellow-man, but the Spiritual Assembly has the
added responsibility of administering justice. We have a tendency as individuals to judge
others and sometimes attempt to punish them, while we often expect the Assembly to
turn the other cheek.

4.    Believers with personal problems may approach the Assembly or appropriate committee if
the problems concern the Faith; make their own decisions after prayer and consideration;
seek advice from friends or professional counsellors, or consult with individuals involved
in the matter. We should be careful, however, not to burden the Assembly with problems
we can solve ourselves or to bare our souls in unnecessary confessions.

Case Study

See p. 46 (III-J) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application of
the Writings in this section.

SECTION III: FAMILY LIFE

CHECKLIST

□   SET GOALS FOR LEARNING
□   READ WRITINGS AHEAD OF TIME
□   CONSULT ON THE WRITINGS
□   SUMMARIZE MAJOR POINTS
□   EVALUATE WHAT WAS LEARNED

K: Family Life and Bahà’i Service

1.   Which is more important: family life or service to the Cause?

2.   In what ways can the creation of a Bahà’i home be a form of service?

3.   What are some examples of instances where service to the Cause has a negative effect?

Case Study

See p. 47 (III-K) for a situation designed to assist in the understanding and application of the
Writings in this section.

K: Family Life and Bahà’i Service
Possible Answers

1.   Since BaháVlláh came to strengthen the family, it is important that we not neglect the
home in favour of Bahá’1 activities. We must try to find the balance.

2.   Marriage enhances our ability to serve. We raise children who are steadfast in the
Cause, and the home provides a stable element around which to plan activities in a
community.

3.   Some examples might be neglecting non-Bahá’í family because we prefer to be with
Bahl’is; neglecting our immediate family; taking advantage of facilities at the work-place
»        to do Bahà’i work without the employer’s or supervisor’s permission; doing Bahà’i-related
work on company time.

CASE STUDIES - SECTION I

THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE

The following case studies have been prepared for several of the lessons to assist
you in exploring these issues:

I    A. The Law of Marriage

Joan has the choice of pioneering to Haiti or marrying Howard, a Bahà’i
whom she met recently at a conference. Although she likes Howard well
enough, she has really been looking forward to pioneering and is
reluctant to marry at this time.

Howard has been pressuring her with quotations from the Writings
regarding the duty of marriage. Joan has come to your Assembly for
guidance. What do you advise?

I    B. Commitments and Responsibilities

Harriet and James, two Bahà’is in their early twenties, are contemplating
marriage. Since both had difficult childhoods, they have decided not to
have children. They have been studying the Writings regarding marriage
lately, and are beginning to feel uneasy about their decision. They have
come to your Assembly for clarification and advice.

I    D. Marriage as the Basis for Unity

See case study for III A (Love and Unity).

I    E. Attitude Toward Divorce

Ed and Eleanor have been married for 23 years. Their youngest child, a
daughter, has just married and moved to another city. They are both
working and find their jobs satisfying. They own their own home and
are financially stable. They now discover that they have lost touch with
one another and have little in common.

Eleanor has become attracted to a young man in the community who is a
fairly new Bahà’i. He seems to admire her a great deal for her
knowledge of the Faith. Lately she has been spending quite a bit of time
helping him deepen in the Writings.

Ed is uneasy about the situation. Although he has not discussed it with
Eleanor, he feels that she is making a fool of herself. One evening when
Eleanor begins to openly make comparisons between Ed and the young
man, Ed reveals his feelings. Eleanor tells him that she is thinking of
ending the marriage, since it no longer seems to have meaning. How
does your Assembly advise them when they come to you?

CASE STUDIES - SECTION II

PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE

II    B. Choosing a Partner

Gloria is a very devoted and active Bahà’i. She has been chairman of
the college club and has taught children’s classes for the last several
years. She is mature for her age (22), and feels ready to find someone
with whom she is compatible and can share her life.

Two men are interested in marrying her. Don is not a Bahà’i, but he has
a fine character. He is intelligent, well-educated, and hard-working. He
has a good job with excellent prospects. Gloria’s parents adore Don. He
is their ideal of a young man - good looking, well mannered, and he
drives a new car. It appears to them that he can offer their daughter a
comfortable life, and their values and ethnic backgrounds are similar to
those of Don’s parents.

Gloria’s other friend is Carl. He is a very enthusiastic and deepened
Bahá’1. He is also a musician and his original songs about the Faith
make Gloria’s spirit soar. She and Carl can talk forever about the
Writings. He rides a ten-speed bike and is not as handsome or wellgroomed as Don. In fact, because of his lack of money and problems
with drugs and alcohol in his pre-Bahá’í days, Gloria’s parents are not
wild about him, although they do agree that he has a pure heart. They
doubt that he will be able to provide for their daughter financially, but
they have promised to give their consent regardless of which man she
decides to marry.

Now Gloria has come to your Assembly for some guidance. How do you
advise her?

II    C. Chastity

Hal and Jeanine, both Bahà’is, are engaged to be married next month.
Hal has been trying to convince Jeanine that since they’re getting
married soon anyway, it’s alright to sleep together before the ceremony.
What arguments can Jeanine use to convince him otherwise?

II   D. Parental Consent

Louis has just asked Meredith to marry him. Meredith’s father has
agreed to the marriage but her mother is hesitant about giving the
written consent required. She feels that Louis lacks the emotional and
financial stability necessary. Meredith is angry with her mother, upset
with her "materialistic attitude" and "inability to see Louis’ good
qualities".

Louis and Meredith are both sincere Bahà’is, but this situation is a
difficult test for them. They have come to your Assembly for guidance.

CASE STUDIES - SECTION III

FAMILY LIFE

III    A. Love and Unity

Marvin and Helene, an older couple, are having problems at home.
Marvin retired recently and Helene, not used to having him at home all
day, feels he is underfoot. Marvin, on the other hand, is restless and
bored, and has begun criticizing the way Helene goes about her daily
household activities.

Helene has been grouchy and uncooperative at the last few Assembly
meetings, and members of their community have noticed that they don’t
talk to each other much at Feast. Should the Assembly approach them?
Why or why not? If so, how does your Assembly advise them?

Ill    B. Communication

Ernie and Bill, brothers, have always been very close. Each has
sometimes made decisions affecting the other without his prior knowledge
and it has never caused any problems. They both work at outside jobs,
but also have their own part-time business. For the past two years
they’ve had a joint savings account.

Ernie was out of town last week so Bill went to the Feast alone. During
the consultation an appeal was made by the Assembly for increased
contributions to the National Fund. Bill has forgotten to tell Ernie about
this and is thinking of withdrawing the money from their savings account
in order to make a contribution. Ernie, on the other hand, is considering
using that money to expand their own business so that they can quit
their jobs and have more flexibility in serving the Faith.

They are both anxious to go about their plans right away, and each has
made an appointment to discuss them without the other’s knowledge.
What would your Assembly say to them?

Ill   C. Tests and Difficulties

Sally was married for twelve years before she began investigating the
Faith. After going to firesides for one year, she decided to enroll. She
hoped that her husband would also become a Bahá’1, or at least show
interest in the Faith. So far, Hans has done neither.

Hans comes from a traditional European background and is skeptical of
religion in general. Sally enjoys going to firesides and Feasts and wants
to take their two children to children’s classes. Hans, however, feels
threatened by her interest and activities in the Faith. He constantly

makes cutting remarks about religion, even in front of the children. As
a result, Sally feels discouraged, depressed, and angry.

Sometimes Sally wonders about divorcing Hans. He is a good provider, a
dedicated father, and he acts nicely when other people are around. But
when alone, he puts Sally’s ideas down, never really listens to or consults
with her, and just wants to dominate. She is so tired of living with him,
she wonders if she even loves him anymore. He seems like an obstacle
between her and the Faith.

Sally has come to your Assembly for advice. What do you suggest?

Ill   D. Equality of Men and Women

Now that John and Viviane’s children have left home, Viviane would like
to go back to school and start a new career. John feels that he makes
more than enough money to support them comfortably and doesn’t
understand why she can’t just stay home and take care of him and the
house. He is reluctant to pay her school fees, but to be fair, he has
agreed to consult with the Assembly before making his final decision.
What advice does your Assembly offer them?

Ill   E. Education of Children

Your community is holding its Feast and the topic of consultation is a
child education program for the community. Someone has suggested a
"family night" each week, with each Bahá’1 home having a deepening and
other activities related to the Faith. Since the few children in the
community are of such varying ages and the nearest children’s classes are
quite distant, the idea seems a good one.

Several members of the community feel that a special program is not
necessary. After all, they leave Bahà’i books around the house for the
children to pick up and read and always bring the children to Feast and
Holy Day activities if they don’t have something else to do. In fact, all
the adults in the community are so active that the children are sure to
pick up knowledge of the Faith in the process. What is your response?

Ill   F. Relationships Within the Family

Trudy is an only child whose parents were in their forties when she was
born. She and her husband have been Bahà’is for some time. Although
not Bahà’is themselves, Trudy’s parents have always been proud of their
daughter and are friendly toward the Faith. They are especially attached
to their two young grandchildren.

Trudy and her husband Robert have been investigating pioneer posts with
the intention of leaving within the next year. Trudy’s parents, now
advanced in years, have expressed the fear that they will never see their

grandchildren again if the family leaves. Trudy and Robert both love her
parents, and feel they need to gain some perspective of the issues since
pioneering is equally important to them. When they come to your
Assembly, how do you advise them?

Ill   G. Death

Margaret has just had a miscarriage. She is feeling bitter and depressed,
and feels that she was somehow at fault. She has come to your Assembly
for help. How do you comfort her?

Ill   H. Work and Finance

Alan has always loved working with his hands, and is the most promising
student in his automotive repair class at school. He and his parents have
recently become Bahà’is and are especially attracted by the high level of
education among their Bahà’i friends.

Alan’s parents, though proud of their son’s mechanical abilities, are
beginning to pressure him about going to college instead of trade school.
He knows he could do reasonably well in academic subjects, but he
experiences great happiness and pride in solving difficult repair
problems. He and his parents have come to your Assembly for advice.

Ill   I. Hospitality

The Arnolds and Hugh Johnston are not as friendly as they used to be.
Hugh was invited to their home several times, and then began dropping in
unannounced. He has used their telephone for personal calls without
asking permission and has routinely gone into the refrigerator and helped
himself to food.

When Jan Arnold pointed out that these actions showed a lack of
courtesy and respect for their rights, Hugh became angry with her and
accused them of behaving in an un-Bahá’i manner by not offering true
hospitality. Now Hugh has come to your Assembly to complain about the
situation. What is your advice?

Ill   J. Relationship with Bahá’1 Institutions and Community

A new Assembly is about to form in your community’s extension teaching
goal. This Assembly is anxious to get off to a good start and has asked
a representative from your Assembly to give a deepening in the
community before holding its election. Specific concerns are the
relationship between the Assembly and the community, including the
responsibilities of both toward one another, and the new community
would also like to have a similar discussion about the Assembly and the
family. Your Assembly has asked you to handle the assignment. What
comments do you prepare?

Ill   K. Family Life and Bahá’1 Service

Marian and Bill have been married for ten years and have two young
children, seven and eight. Since the children have been in school,
Marian has become very involved in Bahà'i activities and is frequently
away from home giving firesides and classes. She is also secretary of the
Local Spiritual Assembly and a member of the Teaching Committee.

Bill, a good-natured man, has been very supportive and has also taken
over a good many of her home responsibilities — cooking, cleaning, and
taking care of the children. Lately, however, his attitude has been
changing. He feels that Marian’s involvement outside the home has gone
too far. One night after he has put the children to bed and Marian has
finally returned from a committee meeting, he confronts her with his
frustrations and tells her that she must limit her activities. Marian
counters that her services to the Faith are too important.

Now they have come to your Assembly for help. What do you tell them?

The following appendix has been added to assist those
using this compilation to find references more readily.

SUMMARY OF QUOTATIONS

I.      The Institution of Marriage

A.      Law of Marriage

1. The law of marriage
2. Lives of seclusion no longer approved
3. The command of marriage is eternal
4. A moral duty but not obligation
5. Highly desirable but not central purpose of life

B.      Commitments and Responsibilities

6. Baha’i marriage - definition and purpose
7. To be as a single soul
8. Marriage to raise up families
9. Duty of fathers and mothers to train children
10. Primary purpose, procreation of children

C.       The Marriage Ceremony

11. Recitation of a revealed verse
12. "We will all, verily, abide by the Will of God."
13. Assemblies to officiate
14. Ceremony to be simple
15. No set form
16. Bahà’i service and other service must occur on same day
17. A night should not intervene between ceremonies
18. Choosing of two witnesses
19. Consummation of marriage
20. Bahà’i ceremony required for every Bahà’i
21. The Bahà’i ceremony and those who are already married

D.       Marriage as the Basis for Unity

22. Promoting the unity of the human race
23. Prayer for a Bahà’i couple
24. Pairing of created things yields most laudable results
25. Union must be spiritual
26. Spiritual and materials results of marriage

E.    Attitude to Divorce

27. God loves concord, abhors separation
28. Strict avoidance of divorce; aversion only cause; year of patience; husband
and wife considered as one soul; great difficulties for one who causes
divorce
29. Cannot divorce in order to marry another; bigamy forbidden; subordination of
the physical to moral
30. Divorce against God’s pleasure; Assembly’s responsibilities
31. Service to Cause no reason for divorce
32. Use every means to preserve family; divorce strongly condemned
33. Bahà’is influenced by society’s lax morals and flippant attitude toward
divorce, divorce last resort; effect on children
34. Bahà’is to combat lax trend
35. Bahà’is to exert greatest efforts to preserve marriage
36. Consider effect on children’s happiness and future; turn to Assembly
37. Divorce last resort; avoid at all costs

F.    Sex in Marriage

38. Marry to procreate; forbid lechery
39. Command to beget one who will remember God
40. Union to yield pure and goodly pearls
41. Love and harmony more important than passion
42. Regulation not suppression of sex instinct
43. Chastity before and after marriage

II    Preparation for Marriage

A. Self-knowledge

44. Bounties of self-knowledge
45. Glorifying God enables man to attain self-knowledge
46. Knowing what leads to loftiness or baseness

B.   Choosing a Marriage Partner

44. "I created thee rich..."
48. Detachment from world and its vanities
49. "Bring thyself to account each day"
50. Seek company of righteous, avoid ungodly
51. Use of consultation
52. Be honest with self and others
53. Choose partner first, then acquire consent of parents
54. Difference between real love and mere fascination
55. The love of God helps distinguish between true love and lust

56. Character of person set by puberty, difficult to alter
57. Reliance on God solves problems
58. Black and white marriage encouraged
59. Principle overrides passionate emotions
60. Race no bar to marriage
61. Difference between character and faith; character transformation often slow
and painful
62. Become informed of each other’s character; intention eternal bond

C.   Chastity

63. A chaste and holy life rewarded
64. "...guard Thy handmaidens within the tabernacle of Thy chastity..."
65. Purity and chastity
66. Warning against mundane desires and seduction by beauty
67. Physical frame is throne of inner temple
68. Requirements for a chaste and holy life
69. Value of sex impulse acknowledged; properly used only in marriage

D. Parental Consent

70. Consent of partners and parents builds family unity
71. Marriage law applicable regardless of age or marital status
72. Reasons for parental consent
73. Parental consent essential; parents responsible to God alone
74. Settle parent/child differences amicably
75. No interference once written consent given
76. Marriage law no mere administrative regulation
77. Obligation of parents to act objectively; consent duty of parent; decision
binding
78. Marriage law may be test of faith
79. Consent of foster parents not required
80. Advice to believers whose parents withhold consent
81. Effects of obeying the marriage law on individuals, on parents’ character, on
parent-child relationship

E.   Engagement

82. Explanation of engagement law
83. Engagement begins when consents given
84. Engagement law not applied in West
85. Engagement

Ill Family Life

A.    Love and Unity

86. Union and association pleasing to God, separation and dissension abhorred
87. Concord, harmony, affection chief among good deeds
88. The power of the light of unity
89. Manifestations create love and friendship
90. Bahà’is must become united first, then unite others
91. Real love between people is based on the love of God
92. A family is a nation in miniature
93. Characteristics of a true Bahà’i marriage
94. Benefits of unity to the world
95. Effects of a united family on its members
96. A united and disunited family compared
97. Loving thoughts constructive
98. Definition of love
99. Human evolution began with family life
100. Cause strengthens family life, love, social institutions
101. Reasons for avoiding fault finding, back-biting, criticism.

B.    Communication

102. "A kindly tongue is the lodestone of the hearts of men"; offering information
without expectations
103. Consult in all matters
104. Justice, unity and consultation
105. Consultation results in understanding
106. Consultation brings awareness and well-being
107. Trust in God
108. Mutual helpfulness and concern for one another
109. Prime requisites for consultation
110. Freedom of expression necessary, clash of opinions reveals truth
111. Unity more important than being right
112. Slander, gossip, unseemly talk forbidden
113. Attitude towards faults of others
114. Spiritual benefits of consultation
115. Family consultation, a cure for domestic conflict

C.   Tests and Difficulties

116. Training value of calamity
117. Healer of all ills is God
118. Harmful effects of grief, sorrow, jealousy, anger
119. Overlook others’ faults for God’s sake
120. Tests refine man’s character
121. Trust in God turns sorrow into solace
122. God recompenses those who endure hardship with joyful hearts
123. Wife’s kindness to husband means of winning his respect for Faith

124. Husband’s patience with wife means of her transformation
125. Overcoming hardship achieves moral and spiritual development
126. Failures and tests can purify spirit, develop character, increase service
127. Patience with self and others
128. Importance of forgiveness in marriage
129. Consideration for non-Bahá’í spouse, benefit of prayer
130. Silence, love, forbearance win victories
131. Wisdom, tact, patience help deal with non-Bahá’í spouse
132. Respect each other’s freedom of conscience
133. Transforming power of love and kindness
134. Loving attitude to non-Bahá’í relatives promotes unity
135. Contributing funds to the Cause if spouse is not a Bahà’i
136. Unfriendly mother-in-law
137. ‘Abdu’l-Bahà’s counsel about dealing with others’ faults
138. Unity of family always has priority

D.   Equality of Men and Women

139. Why we are all created from the same dust
140. Equal development of the two wings of humanity
141. Divine Justice demands equal respect for rights of both sexes
142. Man’s station dependent upon women’s advancement
143. Condition of women due to education, not nature
144. Future attitude of men toward women
145. The place of women in this Revelation
146. Woman must strive
147. Women’s condition due to need of education and opportunity
148. Education of women more important than men

E.   Education of Children

149. Essential to raise children staunch in faith
150. Fear of God the prime factor
151. Father responsible for education of children; or, if unable. House of Justice
152. Importance of literacy, striving to excel
153. Mother the first teacher
154. Act of worship for mother to educate her children
155. Father/son responsibilities to each other
156. Objectives of children’s education; women’s role; use of praise and
reasonable punishment; physical or verbal abuse forbidden
157. Goals for the training of girls
158. Character development and verbal expression vital
159. Kindness to animals
160. Value of music
161. Love and fear of God; training in human perfections
162. Oppression or censuring of children prohibited
163. Discipline indispensible in regulating and harmonizing natural inclination
164. Two-fold duties to family and Cause
165. Parents must decide together on education of their child even if one is not
a Bahá’1; child free to choose when of age

166. Father’s and mother’s status in family equal, but functions differ

F. Relationships Within the Family

167. Obedience of children acquired through religious training
168. Children to honour parents; service to them preferred above service to Cause
169. Rights of parents
170. God’s bounty to relatives of believers after death
171. Son to serve father
172. Parents to be respected, but not to hold children back spiritually
173. Recognition of the rights of all family members
174. Transmitting spiritual qualities from one generation to another
175. Duties of children to parents sacred
176. Children’s attitude to father
177. Children to be spiritual as well as physical offspring
178. Children to make mother happy
179. Results of excessive attachment of husband and wife to one another rather
than God
180. Right of each family member to own faith
181. Father/son consultation in business matters
182. Privilege of children to look after mother
183. Embracing Faith must not alienate parents
184. Detailed explanation of relationships, functions and duties of family members

G.    Death

185. Death a messenger of joy
186. Loved husband not lost by death
187. Loss of a son; ‘Abdu’l-Bahà’s words of a departed son to his mother
188. Infants after death receive God’s special favour
189. Death brings liberation and further nurturing in next world
190. Next world not removed from ours; work of the Kingdom is the same as ours

H.   Work and Finance

191. Worldly things to be enjoyed, provided God always comes first
192. Prosperity and abasement both pass away
193. Attitude to poverty
194. Love of God provides right motive for work and spending
195. Craftsmanship is worship; craftsman must exert highest efforts
196. Attaining perfection in profession is worship
197. Earthly pursuits necessary but subordinate to spiritual aspirations
198. Material advantages good but spiritual progress is better
199. Giving is the secret of right living
200. Wisdom in giving; sacrifice not to lead to debt or suffering of others

I. Hospitality

201. Remembrance of God blesses house

201. Association with followers of all religions promotes unity and brings progress
202. Obligations of a guest
203. Bahà’i homes blessed
204. Ideas for Bahà'i home
205. Showing forth utmost love and kindliness to all
206. Unconditional acceptance and affection
207. Home is to be a centre for diffusion of divine guidance
208. A Bahà’i house aids its community

J.    Relationship with Baha’i Institutions and Community

210. Firmness in Covenant of God the first condition
211. Training of the mind and expansion of consciousness essential; promotion of
knowledge duty of all; the Spiritual Assembly responsible to educate children
212. Support of institutions source of all future blessings
213. Consultation between believers and Assembly at 19 Day Feasts
214. Difficulties with other community members
215. Patience and understanding necessary for maturing of Bahà’i community
216. Individual relationships based on love and mercy; friends should not play
"Spiritual Assembly" to each other
217. Forget internal disagreements and rush to aid of humanity
218. Unfortunate events in community affairs must be overlooked
219. Turn to Assembly for advice in family problems
220. Assembly is loving shepherd of the Bahà’i flock
221. Courses open to a believer with problems
222. The individualv relationship with the Assembly and contribution to its
progress

K.    Devotion and Service

223. Effect on children of intoning verses of God
224. Bahà’i union enhances capacity to serve
225. Devotion to Cause to be translated into noble deeds for mankind
226. Necessity of balance in our lives
227. Balance between service inside and outside the home
228. Serving Cause no reason to leave spouse
229. Desire to serve no reason to destroy family life
230. Cooperation of family to enable parent to pioneer
231. Love and encouragement woman’s greatest contribution to home life;
obligation not to neglect this
232. Believer not to pioneer against spouse’s wishes
233. Family prayers and readings encouraged
234. Unity of family takes priority over everything
235. Duties between parents and children take precedence over other service

APPENDIX I

As to your question about whether it is permissible for a married Bahà’i couple not to
have children, a letter written to an individual believer on behalf of the beloved Guardian
states:

"Regarding your question of whether Bahà’is should consider it their duty to have
children: as BaháVlláh has stated that the fundamental purpose of marriage is to bring
other souls into this world, to serve God and love Him, the Guardian does not believe
that you should be unwilling to undertake this responsibility and privilege, even if it
should, temporarily at least, interfere with the tempo of your Bahà’i activities."

However, there is nothing in the Writings to indicate or imply that Bahà’i marriage is
open only to those who are physically able to have children. The bearing of children is but
one of the purposes of marriage, albeit a fundamental one.

The question was raised about bringing forth a "defective" child. In a letter to an
individual concerning a serious hereditary disease which afflicted the male members of the
family, and which was feared latent in any child the couple might bear, the House of Justice
states that there is nothing in the Teachings about the use of contraceptive methods in order
to prevent the transmission through inheritance of undesirable family traits and tendencies.
These are, therefore, matters which the Universal House of Justice will have to consider in
the future, but which it does not wish to legislate on presently. Therefore the decision in
each case is left to the individual believers involved. The House of Justice states that there
may be circumstances which would justify not having children, and that those called upon to
make decisions in this regard must rely on the best medical advice available (preferably more
than one expert should be consulted) and their own consciences. They should also take into
account the availability, reliability and reversibility of methods of contraception.

(From letter dated 13 August 1980 from the Universal
House of Justice to an individual believer)

In a letter written to an individual believer on 3 February 1932, the beloved Guardian’s
secretary wrote on his behalf:

"You enquired whether we have anything in the teachings concerning birth control
and the sex element in marriage. Shoghi Effendi says that there is scarcely anything on
that subject in the writings of BaháVlláh and the Master except a constant emphasis on
mutual fidelity. Both BaháVlláh and the Báb emphasize the need for children in
marriage. The latter, for example, states that to beget children is the highest physical
fruit of man’s existence. But neither say whether the number of children should be
limited or not. Or if it is to be limited what is the proper method to be used."

BaháVlláh stated that the primary purpose of marriage was the procreation of children,
and the beloved Guardian alludes to this in many of the letters that were written on his
behalf on this subject. This does not imply that a couple are obliged to have as many
children as they can; the Guardian’s secretary clearly stated on his behalf, in answer to an
enquiry, that it was for the husband and wife to decide how many children they would have.
A decision to have no children at all would vitiate the primary purpose of marriage and would

be contrary to the spirit of the law of Bahâ’u’llâh, unless, of course, there were some medical
reason why such a decision would be required.

Concerning the general matter of family planning, the spacing of children and the
methods available for such birth control, there is nothing in the Sacred Writings beyond what
BaháVlláh has revealed regarding the nature, purpose and character of marriage. However,
with reference to the use of intrauterine devices, the House of Justice understands that there
is a difference of professional opinion as to how intrauterine devices work, i.e. whether they
prevent conception or whether they prevent the fertilized ovum from attaching to the wall of
the uterus. According to our teachings, individual life begins at conception. In using such
devices, therefore, Bahà’is will have to be guided by the best professional advice available and
their own consciences.

Abortion merely to prevent the birth of an unwanted child is strictly forbidden in the
Cause. There may, however, be instances in which an abortion would be justified by medical
reasons, and legislation on this matter has been left to the Universal House of Justice. At the
present time, however, the House of Justice does not intend to legislate on this very delicate
issue, and therefore it is left to the consciences of those concerned who must carefully weigh
the medical advice in the light of the general guidance given in the teachings.

A surgical operation to induce permanent sterility is prohibited unless there is some
specific medical reason which would make it advisable, in which case, again, this is a matter
left to the judgement and consciences of those involved in light of the principles given in the
teachings, and taking into consideration, when arriving at a decision, the availability,
reliability and reversibility of all contraceptive methods.

(From a letter dated 16 March 1983 from the Universal
House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of
Ireland)

APPENDIX II

In the letter of 28 December 1980, the family is likened to a special kind of community
and the term "head" used in such a context, does not confer superiority upon the husband, no
does it give him special rights to undermine the rights of the other members of his family.
‘AbduT-Bahá says:

"The integrity of the family bond must be constantly considered and the rights of
the individual members must not be transgressed. The rights of the son, the father, the
mother, none of them must be transgressed, none of them must be arbitrary."

Indeed, to use the human temple as the example, if the husband is the head, the wife
can well be regarded as the heart of the family. When the husband and the wife work
cooperatively and complementarily, the well-being, health and proper functioning of the unit
can be ensured.

...You have asked...for specific rules of conduct to govern the relationships of husbands
and wives. This the House of Justice does not wish to do, and it feels that there is already
adequate guidance included in the compilation on this subject. For example the principle tha
the rights of each and all in the family unit must be upheld, and the advice that loving
consultation should be the keynote, that all matters should be settled in harmony and love,
and that there are times when the husband and the wife should defer to the wishes of the
other. Exactly under what circumstances such deference should take place, is a matter for
each couple to determine. If, God forbid, they fail to agree, and their disagreement leads to
estrangement, they should seek counsel from those they trust and in whose sincerity and
sound judgement they have confidence, in order to preserve and strengthen their ties as a
united family.
(From a letter dated 16 May 1982 from the Universal
House of Justice to an individual believer)
-- Study Guide for Baha'i Marriage and Family Life (Used by permission of the curator)