# The Community as Family: Opportunities of Growth

*Exported from [Holy-Writings.com](https://www.holy-writings.com/) on 2026-06-23 — 1 clipping.*

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> Source: Bahá'í Library Online (bahai-library.com), curated by Jonah Winters. Used by permission of the curator. Original citation: Ros Gabriel, The Community as Family: Opportunities of Growth, bahai-library.com.
> ──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
> 
> The Community as Family:
> 
> Opportunities of Growth
> 
> Ros Gabriel
> published in The Family: Our Hopes and Challenges
> 
> Rosebery: Association for Bahá'í Studies Australia, 1995
> 
> Ask a child of mainstream Australia of today to draw a picture of her
> family and this is what you will get most often: Mum, Dad and the Kids, or some variation
> on the theme - the nuclear family. The same question put to a child a century ago would
> probably have elicited a more complex picture encompassing grandparents, aunts and uncles,
> cousins etc - the extended family.
> 
> The whole extended family didn't necessarily live in the same
> house but were often in the same neighbourhood and saw each other on a regular basis often
> at least weekly. Today even if a family is close-knit its members may be scattered across
> the world. We live in what Steve Biddulph calls pieces of families and there are definite
> disadvantages for everyone in them.[1]
> 
> I would like to look at the roles of the family and some of the
> parts played by the extended family.
> 
> 1. Raising children.
> 
> by providing experience with children before one marries. In my work
> with new mothers I commonly find women who have not held a baby for more than a few
> minutes, before giving birth to their own child.
> 
> by supporting parents emotionally and physically.
> 
> as a source of role models for both parents and children.
> 
> by reinforcing what the parents have been teaching in the home.
> 
> 2. Care for the aged.
> 
> by valuing their life experience.
> 
> by providing physical care when necessary.
> 
> by providing cross-generational communication and relationships.
> 
> 3. Support for the individual and facilitating growth and change.
> 
> acceptance. Change is a daunting process. I believe that we need to
> feel accepted before we are able to make lasting and effective change. At its best a
> family is a safe haven where you can be your 'true' self and know that you will
> be accepted.
> 
> a sense of belonging to and identifying with a group
> 
> support - physical and financial.
> 
> 4. Providing the stimulus for change.
> 
> a range of people with whom to interact. M. Scott Peck writes that
> there are two valid reasons to get married. One is for the care and raising of children.
> The other is for the friction.[2] Living in close proximity with others
> inevitably causes friction. In an extended family one encounters a variety of sources of
> friction. One can use this friction to polish the different facets of our nature and
> reveal the hidden gems.
> 
> Should the community step in and fill these vacant roles?
> 
> In the Ridvan Message of B.E. 151 the Universal House of Justice
> affirmed that "We live in the midst of populations which are in desperate need of the
> Message of Bahá'u'lláh". When we think of the state of the world we are
> often drawn to think of the graphically displayed need in places like Bosnia and Rwanda.
> Less dramatic but no less real, is the need in our own local arena.
> 
> In The Promise of World Peace the Universal House of Justice
> offered the Bahá'í community as a model for study. To be worthy of such study we
> need to offer something different to what is currently available to the generality of
> society. The House has admonished us to "...produce a truly Bahá'í community,
> a light and haven for the bewildered." The Guardian linked this with entry by
> troops.[3]
> 
> The generality of society lives in isolated nuclear families. As Edward
> Shorter says:
> 
> The nuclear family is a state of mind rather than a particular kind of
> structure or set of household arrangements. It has little to do with whether the
> generations live together or whether Aunt Mary stays in the spare bedroom. Nor can it be
> understood with kinship diagrams and figures on family size. What really distinguishes the
> nuclear family - mother, father, and children - from other patterns of family life in
> Western society is a special sense of solidarity that separates the domestic unit from the
> surrounding community. Its members feel that they have much more in common with one
> another than they do with anyone else on the outside - that they enjoy a privileged
> emotional climate they must protect from outside intrusion, through privacy and isolation.[4]
> 
> By developing supportive communities which are filling the roles of the
> extended family, we will be providing an attractive alternative to the divisive mind set
> of "them and us". As stated in a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi:
> "The world is not only starving for lofty principles and ideals, it is, above all,
> starving for a shining example which the Bahá'ís can and must provide."[5]
> 
> What sort of community do we need to become to be effective in this?
> 
> Bahá'u'lláh tells us we are created to bring forth an ever
> advancing civilisation. In systems theory a change in one part of a system necessitates a
> change in the whole system. So a community of individuals who are changing and growing in
> their quest to know and love God will be constantly evolving. As communities we need to
> resist inertia and be open to change and innovation. A period of rapid change will soon be
> upon us as entry by troops becomes a reality.
> 
> To be effective, our communities need to go beyond the superficial to
> develop bonds between all the believers, in fact with all humanity. As John Davidson says
> "The art of loving in the Bahá'í community is to some extent the art of
> knowing people well enough that we can sincerely show them that we appreciate what they
> are doing."[6] And in the Bahá'í writings: "Concern yourselves
> with one another. Help along one another's projects and plans. Befriend one another
> until ye become as a single body, one and all..."[7]
> 
> Above all I feel we need to be non-judgemental and accepting. The first
> step to change is to be accepted as what you are. It is from this strong base that we gain
> the courage and strength to begin to grow. If as Bahá'ís we sincerely believe that
> the Word of God has the power to spiritually transform the individual then we can in no
> way judge someone on their past performance. They may literally overnight have become a
> new creation. There is a Confucian saying: "if you have not seen a person for three days
> you must become acquainted with his character all over again when next you meet."
> 
> In such an evolving, supportive community many of the roles we have
> discussed will be filled quite naturally as a result of the change in human relationships.
> If there is not a striving to change relationships then attempts to fill the roles may be
> successful in the short term but, I feel, will ultimately fail due to lack of commitment.
> 
> How can a Community fill these roles?
> 
> Let us look at the roles of the family I highlighted earlier and
> discuss some of the practical ways a community can play a part. These ideas are but a
> starting point. What is practical and necessary will differ from community to community
> and will change over time.
> 
> 1. Raising children
> 
> We live in an age-stratified society. My children primarily play with
> children very close to their own age. I associate with women at a similar stage of life as
> I am. It is really only in the Bahá'í community that my children interact with
> adolescents or I with middle aged women. It plays a vital role in providing role models of
> how we can choose to behave at another stage of our lives. This is one of the reasons I
> feel it is very important that our community functions involve a range of age groups and
> are attractive to all.
> 
> The community is also vital in reinforcing what parents have been
> teaching their children. I don't mean just in the children's class syllabus.
> Children need to see consultation being used effectively at the Feast; unity in diversity
> must become a reality; all the virtues of humanity need to be embodied in the
> Bahá'ís around them. So much of what we strive to achieve in a Bahá'í home
> is negated by the society around us. Children need to see that others live as they do. We
> need to ensure that they mix with their Bahá'í peers as much as possible. This is
> especially important for those of us who live in small communities. To be
> "different" is not the goal of most children.
> 
> According to Bahiyyih Nakhjavani, "It is very hard to be the kind
> of parent or teacher envisaged in the Writings unless we have support and
> encouragement."[8] I feel we need to be providing parenting education before
> marriage and certainly before a couple has children. Our communities need to address the
> needs of parents and assess how to be of support. The LSA which asks what the parents in
> their community need will probably be flooded with ideas. They may take the form of
> arranging child minding so that parents can spend time together working on their
> relationship. It may be deepenings/workshops on parenting. It might be buying a copy of
> The Virtues Guide[9] for the community library.
> 
> I believe the most important support a community can provide is to
> foster an awareness of the importance of the education of children. We know that parents
> are primarily responsible for this, but not solely so according to
> Bahá'u'lláh.
> 
> "We prescribe unto all men that which will lead to the exultation
> of the Word of God amongst His servants, and likewise, to the advancement of the world of
> being and the uplift of souls. To this end, the greatest means is education of the child.
> To this must each and all hold fast....
> 
> We ask of God that He will assist each and every one to obey this
> inescapable command."[10]
> 
> 2. Care for the aged.
> 
> The dependencies around the House of Worship have always fascinated me.
> It is worth noting here that two of them are an orphanage and a home for the aged. So the
> young and the old are brought together at the spiritual centre of the community. The
> building of strong relationships between the young and the elderly will have great
> benefits for all. Shoghi Effendi encouraged such interaction. "Our Faith is just as
> much for the children as for older people, and it rejoices his heart when he sees both
> working together to bring this great Message of good to all mankind."[11]
> 
> There is often a natural affinity between the young and the old.
> 
> Very few Bahá'í communities in Australia would be ready to run a
> Nursing Home, but there is much we can do anyway. First is the realisation that effective,
> fulfilling life does not end at 65 years of age. We have Mother and Father Dunn as
> wonderful examples of what can be achieved.
> 
> For those less mobile a community can arrange for regular visitors;
> help with the heavy jobs in the garden and spring cleaning; help with doing shopping.
> 
> 3. Support for the individual
> 
> I have spoken about the strengthening in bonds between the individuals
> in the community. One of the most important factors that I see in this process is the
> Feast. The Feast can provide a great sense of belonging to a community, a sense of
> identity as a Bahá'í. The consultation section provides an avenue for
> everyone's views to be heard. This may mean that a large community needs to hold a
> number of small Feasts so the participants feel they have a chance to speak. The social
> part of the Feast is an opportunity to encourage each other and catch up on each others
> plans and projects. When LSA's meet with each individual or family in the community
> it reinforces the feeling of belonging and of being heard.
> 
> 4. Stimulus for change
> 
> One of the ways we learn about ourselves is through our interactions
> with others. In a diverse Bahá'í community we will be in contact with many
> different people. We have a range of people originally from different religious, ethnic,
> national, and family backgrounds. What a wonderful pot-pourri with which to interact.
> 
> Another avenue for growth is by taking on new challenges. Many of us
> will have found ourselves called upon to do any number of things we had never envisaged -
> serving on LSAs, committees, public speaking, writing papers for Bahá'í Studies. In
> a close community such work will not be done only by a small minority who seem to do
> everything and are stressed to the limit as a result. The human resources of the whole
> community will be used and developed. As this happens, the potential of each of us to serve
> the Faith and humanity will grow what before seemed impossible will be achieved
> individually and collectively.
> 
> How do we foster the development of such a community?
> 
> I have given you a vision of a supportive, evolving community but how
> do we go about making this vision a reality? We begin by working on our own spiritual
> development. After all, the only people we can change are ourselves. "Let each morn be
> better than its eve and each morrow richer than its yesterday."[12]
> 
> Bahá'u'lláh exhorts us. A letter written on behalf of the Guardian reassures
> us, "What every believer, new or old, should realise is that the Cause has the
> spiritual power to re-create us if we make the effort to let that power influence
> us."[13] How do we do this? We follow the basic precepts of prayer and
> reading the Writings.
> 
> Along with this work on ourselves we can be changing the way we
> interact with others. Stephen Covey writes about the importance of achieving a Private
> Victory before we turn this into a Public Victory. We need to become independent beings,
> with a sense of personal congruence and integrity, before we can move on to
> interdependence and develop rich relationships with others.[14]
> 
> Kurt Lewin developed a "Force Field Analysis" model which
> involved an equilibrium between driving forces and restraining forces in any situation.[15]
> Increasing the driving forces may bring short term change. To achieve lasting change we
> need to remove the restraining forces. The difficult part about this is that often we
> aren't even aware that they exist. I believe that consultation is the key to exposing
> these restraining forces and thus allowing us to work on them to change the whole tone of
> a situation.
> 
> By saying what we really think and feel in consultation we are making
> ourselves vulnerable and exposing the restraining forces that exist within us all. We are
> also creating an atmosphere in which it is possible to develop deeper relationships with
> others in our community. "The maturity of the gift of understanding is made manifest
> through consultation."[16] We come again to the importance of the
> institution of the Feast and the consultation that takes place there. "Every meeting
> which is organised for the purpose of unity and concord will be conducive to changing
> strangers into friends, enemies into associates, and 'Abdu'l-Bahá will be
> present in His heart and soul with that meeting."[17]
> 
> So it is possible to develop bonds between people and establish the
> "great human family" envisioned by Bahá'u'lláh.[18] With
> this in mind I would like to finish with a quote from 'Abdu'l-Bahá. "Note
> ye how easily, where unity existeth in a given family, the affairs of that family are
> conducted: what progress the members of that family make, how they are secure, their
> position is assured, they come to be envied by all. Such a family but addeth to its
> stature and its lasting honour, as day succeedeth day..."[19]
> 
> References
> 
> Biddulph, Steve. The Secret Of Happy Children. Bay Books Sydney. 1988 p. 81
> 
> Peck, M Scott. A World Waiting To Be Born. Bantam Books. 1993 p. 105
> 
> Universal House Of Justice. Ridvan Message B.E. 151.
> 
> Shorter, Edward. in - The Making and Breaking of the Australian Family. Allen and Unwin. Sydney 1977 p. 204.
> 
> The Compilation of Compilations. Bahá'í Publications Australia. # 812
> 
> Davidson, John. A Bahá'í Approach to Community. Association for Bahá'í Studies - Australia. 1993 p. 33
> 
> The Compilation of Compilations. # 185.
> 
> Nakhjavani, Bahiyyih. When We Grow Up. George Ronald. Oxford. 1980 p. 77
> 
> Popov, L. & D., & Kavelin J., The Virtues Guide: A Handbook For Parents Teaching Virtues, The Virtues Project Inc., Ganges, Canada, 1993.
> 
> The Compilation of Compilations. # 557
> 
> ibid # 882
> 
> ibid # 767
> 
> ibid # 811
> 
> Covey, Stephen R. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The Business Library Melbourne. 1993 p. 185
> 
> ibid p. 279
> 
> The Compilation of Compilations # 168
> 
> ibid # 185/1
> 
> ibid # 858
> 
> ibid # 836
> 
> METADATA
> 
> Views8361 views since posted 2011-10-22; last edit 2024-07-09 05:06 UTC;
> 
> previous at archive.org.../gabriel_community_family
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> Formatted 2011-10-22 by Jonah Winters; Proofread 2011-10-19 by Jonah Winters.
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> — *The Community as Family: Opportunities of Growth (Used by permission of the curator)*