# The Three Ages of Man: Are They Integrated?

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> Source: Bahá'í Library Online (bahai-library.com), curated by Jonah Winters. Used by permission of the curator. Original citation: Viva Rodwell, The Three Ages of Man: Are They Integrated?, bahai-library.com.
> ──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
> 
> The Three Ages of Man:
> 
> Are They Integrated?
> 
> Viva Rodwell
> published in 75 Years of the Bahá'í Faith in Australasia
> 
> Rosebery: Association for Bahá'í Studies Australia, 1996
> 
> Firstly, we need to define the three ages of man. For the purposes of
> this presentation, I consider the first age is that of the child and the youth. These are
> the years of suckling, cherishing, training and formally educating. They are the formative
> years where the child benefits from the love, nurturing and sacrifices of the parents and
> the basic foundation of his or her life is formed.
> 
> Through recorded history, these are the years where the traditional
> values, laws, customs, and morality of the "tribe" are learnt. In most
> societies, when the elders felt these values were properly understood, initiation into
> adulthood took place. As an adult, the individual became responsible for upholding the
> laws and traditions, ensuring the continuation of the tribal customs.
> 
> The second age we could call the age of the active adult. This was the
> longest span of years, and the work, protection and development of the tribe fell mainly
> on the people in that age group.
> 
> The third age was that of the older persons. Because of their age and
> experience, they were regarded as sources of wisdom. They had stored in their memories the
> history of the past, of laws, customs and morality, and so the tribe looked to them for
> leadership and knowledge. Arguably, in most cases, the elderly were valued, played an
> important role in the life of the tribe, and felt secure and loved. The circle was
> complete, in that the loving care they gave to the tribe during their lives, was now being
> given to them in their latter days. It was an integrated life.
> 
> History reveals great civilizations in the past arose from a religious
> or moral inspiration, then blossomed, plateaued and ultimately disintegrated.
> 
> Dorothy Buckland-Fuller in Ann Deveson's fascinating book Coming
> of Age, says 'I think that if each one of us does not put our little stone to the
> monument that we want to call civilization, there will be no civilization'.[1] (Dorothy Buckland-Fuller has
> had a lifetime involvement with ethnic communities, and has served on the Ethnic Affairs
> Commission, she is also a member of the NSW Consumer Forum for the Aged).
> 
> That was how tribal and family life evolved - seemingly until today.
> Advance in medical knowledge has expanded the number of years regarded as man's allotted
> span. So today, I see the three ages roughly taking up about eighty years - child and
> youth about twenty, adulthood approximately forty and old age twenty years.
> 
> Our school education today has extended its curriculum and the young
> are exposed to a wide variety of subjects. Sports, art, music and other cultural
> activities are made available, and an affluent society encourages youths' participation.
> This is today's equivalent of tribal education, except that two interrelated subjects for
> the most part are missing. They are religion and the social mores that the religion or
> philosophy created, which, in turn supported the coherence of the tribe.
> 
> On the whole, today's youth do not appear to enjoy that strong support.
> In other words, the cohesiveness of the tribal or family way of life is being ousted in
> favour of 'indivdualism' per se. Youth is being constantly exposed to the many
> vicissitudes of living in the late twentieth century.
> 
> To a large extent adult economic greed uses youth as a lucrative source
> for exploitation. The striving to look young, whilst seeking the external pleasures of
> youth, has become the main aim of many people's lives. So large number of young people
> have been brought up to see themselves in a distorted way - as unimportant, and lacking in
> significance for society as a whole.
> 
> With all the wonderful advantages today that youth have available, one
> would expect that youth presenting for initiation into the adult world would be happily
> expectant. But many are not. Many young people today appear confused and certainly not
> happy. Australia has the highest rate of youth suicide in the world. Why?
> 
> In the second age in today's world, we find men and women from roughly
> 20 to 60 years of age, working extremely hard. This work supports a large proportion of
> youth, and to some extent, the aged. The stress of responsibility on this group is great.
> We hear that to find a new job after age 40, is difficult, for we are programmed to think
> youthfully. While 20-40 years is acceptable, after 40 - well, you are 'getting on'.
> Valuable experience is not always taken into consideration.
> 
> We hear of men and women with 'burn out' at fifty-five and sixty to
> sixty-five is the normal age of retirement. However, I do not propose to discuss the
> question of the age of retirement, beyond noting that maybe our economic system today
> requires that the aged 'move out' to make room for the younger person. Such an idea
> appears economically feasible.
> 
> Betty Friedan says in "The Fountain of Age" 'The old and the
> young need each other. We're opposed to the segregation of older people out of society.
> Older people have so much to give to society, it's wrong to sell them places, just to
> play, to keep them out of the way'.[2]
> 
> And Dorothy Buckland-Fuller notes that: 'There should be an older
> person and a younger person on every job; one job could be quite well shared between two,
> sometimes three people'.[3]
> 
> But that also becomes an economic problem and not for consideration in
> this paper.
> 
> Many of these retired older people form the backbone of necessary
> voluntary charitable work. Such charitable organisations are built into the fabric of
> existence in today's world. However, it is interesting to note that once one has retired
> from a paid job, there is a diminution of respect for such new work. Of course, this is
> not exclusive to older people. Mothers or home-carers have complained for years at the
> non-recognition of the value of their unpaid labour.
> 
> Does that mean money is the standard by which we evaluate life? I do know that without voluntary work, many institutions would have to close.
> 
> Betty Friedan states 'Just as darkness is sometimes defined as the
> absence of light, so age is defined as the absence of youth. Age is assessed not by what
> it is, but by what it is not'.[4]
> 
> Anne Deveson in the foreword in the magazine Your Retirement comments
> on this statement by saying 'Age should not always be measured against youth, as if youth
> was the norm and age some kind of social disease'.[5]
> 
> The nuclear family is a comparative newcomer in the social structure.
> Everything to do with living today, in the western world certainly, is predicted on the
> nuclear family concept. Our dwelling places are separate units or houses, designed for two
> young adults and temporary provision for two children. Some children want freedom to
> express their 'individualism' by moving out from parental care from age 10 years onwards -
> some living on the streets. Why?
> 
> Governments plan dwellings, roads, amenities, etc. based on the needs
> of a nuclear family. We are really people 'living in little boxes'. These little boxes are
> inhabited by stages one and two. Stage three, the aged group live somewhere else. They
> live in smaller little boxes or, when too frail, in nursing homes. And it appears this
> system is spreading. Recently, a friend was congratulating a Beijing resident on the
> extended family care practised by Chinese people in relation to their aged. She was told
> that was still so in the main, but, that in say twenty years, they too, will probably have
> nursing homes for the aged.
> 
> But we in the western world now fare very well compared with other
> countries. Elizabeth Obadina, a freelance writer and journalist living in Lagos writes,
> 'Elderly people without a family or savings or too frail to work, often face a life on the
> streets. In Lagos, a city of six million people, there are two old people's homes. They
> provide just 37 places to strictly destitute elderly. Nationally, there are 13 homes
> serving Nigeria's population of 95 million'.[6]
> 
> Nursing homes are no longer as accessible as they were. There is a very
> real thrust now to keep the old in their own homes. It is less of a drain on the economy.
> But this means more community assistance is needed and family carers are often forced into
> actual '24 hours a day, seven days a week' servitude to the sick aged.
> 
> But as a realist, it is hard to see the possibility of changing this
> concept of the nuclear family in the near future. Where does this leave the third stage
> older people? We accept them as baby minders and as voluntary unpaid workers. But what
> happens when their physical powers begin to slow down and they no longer are able to cope
> with these tasks or with any social activities? If they are 70 plus, they may still have
> another ten to twenty years to live.
> 
> I think it is time we examined this latter part of the ageing stage.
> Much is written about, and much is done regarding the physical mechanics of staying alive,
> but not so much regarding the 'feeling' process. To really know what it feels like to be
> old, you have to be old.
> 
> When anything goes wrong with a person whether old or young, we still
> think in terms of the old system. We still, in spite of our own individualism and
> over-complex bureaucratic society, say, when all else fails 'call the family'. It is
> useful for society to have a category to which it can pass the responsibility. This
> happens in the case of old people.
> 
> Yet, one thing all old people fear the most, is being a burden to their
> children. The fact that once the children were babies and, at the time were a
> burden lovingly accepted, is not remembered by old people. They usually only want good and
> pleasurable things for their children and grandchildren.
> 
> Health problems and often, the accompanying pain are unpredictable and
> have to be coped with when the time comes. But there are other things which could be
> changed prior to this, and to everyone's advantage.
> 
> As their physical powers decrease, their usefulness to society lessens.
> Their outside interests become too enervating and it is now that they really desperately
> need to feel they still have a place in family life. They need to feel of some small use
> in the world and they need to love and assurance.
> 
> I mentioned in the beginning that religion is missing from many
> children's education. Yet our western civilization, through Judaism and Christianity, was
> built on religious values, one of which was 'Honour your father and mother'. All other
> world religions have similar values.
> 
> For those of religious bent the religious scriptures have not changed.
> Today's newest and fast growing world religion - the Bahá'í Faith - upholds the love and
> respect due to parents. It also includes in its administrative system roles for both
> adults and the older generation. Elections for example are conducted by secret ballot and
> there is no material gain. All are eligible for election to administration bodies. Those
> elected are there to serve their community and humanity in general, for that year.
> Whenever the religions include the old, there is integration in that sphere.
> 
> But in the secular world, computers, books and all the new technology
> now store some - only some - of the knowledge formerly retained in the memories of the old
> men and women. So respect for the aged has diminished.
> 
> These days in the upbringing of children, much emphasis is placed on
> not just giving loving care as was done by the past generations, but now verbalisation of
> the love is necessary as well. You frequently hear the words 'Mummy and daddy love you so
> much'. Such affirmations, along with hugging and touching, are universally accepted as
> being important for the well being and development of the child. May I suggest that old
> people too would benefit immeasurably from having loving words and occasional hugs from
> loving adult children and grandchildren.
> 
> The emotional desert in which most older people languish is not
> necessary. I think it comes from ignorance imposed by a frenetically busy world, but some
> of the blame for the lack of support lies with some of the old people themselves.
> 
> They often endure this loneliness and say nothing; ask nothing. They
> make excuses for their adult children by recognising the extreme busyness of today's
> world. The following points expand on this theme.
> 
> Firstly, the fact that the adult children do not understand their
> parent's needs may in part be because they are not 'old' themselves and don't truly
> understand.
> 
> Secondly, a potent factor is fear. Old people feel inferior in
> education to their children and of course, they are in a comparatively powerless position.
> They are afraid if they speak out they may risk losing the loving things that do come
> their way. Better to stay silent than risk losing all.
> 
> Thirdly, one fear that older people have was expressed by Noreen Hewett
> in 'Coming of Age'. 'A lot of older people, me included, wouldn't like to have a heart
> attack and be left lying around for a week or so.'[7] This is a real problem and needs to be discussed.
> 
> Fourthly, for some older people pride leads to a reluctance to admit to
> the world that one's children are not supremely loving to their parents.
> 
> Fifthly, there is an inbuilt loyalty to protect their adult children
> and grandchildren by covering up their failure to give support.
> 
> Sixth and lastly, traditionally it has not been acceptable that one
> steps outside the family to discuss such things. These things are endured as part of
> growing old. I think the same attitudes in the past used to be held regarding domestic
> violence and incest. Now such subjects are openly discussed. Why not discuss the emotional
> needs of the elderly?
> 
> Should you be thinking why am I not fearful of expressing these facts,
> I can say it is because I have already spoken of them and because I trust my children's
> integrity. They would accord me the right to express my views. Everyone has rights these
> days, so why not the 'oldies' emotional rights? Also, I know many of the things I speak of
> they recognise and practise already.
> 
> Quite a number of years ago, when I was thanking my adult child and
> spouse for including me in some family activity, it was said, 'Well, we realise we will be
> old one day and if we don't practise family involvement now, how can we expect our
> children to give such involvement to us in our old age.'
> 
> What can be done? Firstly, families should consult and discuss with
> their adult children, maybe with grandchildren too, their needs and their problems. There
> will be new knowledge exposed of which the younger people are unaware. Physical needs have
> to be sorted out.
> 
> The emotional needs are not so easy to define. I have already mentioned
> the need for verbal expressions of love and for hugs. Phone calls, visits, tapes, letters
> are all ways of saying 'we still care'. Including the grandparents in family activities is
> comparatively easy if it takes in the family routine, e.g. 'We are taking the children for
> a tennis lesson, would you like to come and watch?' It is not a big deal but it is
> enriching for all three age groups.
> 
> I come finally to an old idea in a new guise, which really encapsulates
> all the suggestions. It is 'extended-family-thinking'. I am suggesting we consider and
> practise deliberate "Extended Family Thinking". An explanation follows.
> 
> With extended family thinking built in to each present day nuclear
> family right from the early days of childhood, the emotional needs of the aged would be
> woven into the fabric of everyday life. It is not a difficult concept. It is not a change
> of direction of one's love and care. It is simply a deliberate extension of family
> thinking. It can be done.
> 
> To have a unified family approach there is a need for family
> consultation at the beginning. It needs to be done now, possibly before you even have an
> aged person in your family. But you will be preparing for what will happen. Your parents,
> grandparents and you, yourself will get old.
> 
> In discussing extended family thinking we appear to be referring solely
> to blood relationships, but close family friends and distant but loved relatives can and
> do play important roles in the extended family concept.
> 
> If we do commence "Extended Family Thinking", then the
> problems relating to the respect, value and love of the older generation will be greatly
> diminished.
> 
> Whether we have practising religious beliefs or not, the emotional
> welfare as well as the physical welfare of older people is essential if we are to
> re-create a truly integrated life span for humanity.
> 
> So, may I again ask you to consider, and practise "Extended Family
> Thinking" and then we will have the integration of the three ages of man.
> 
> Bibliography
> 
> Buckland-Fuller, Dorothy, interviewed in Anne Deveson, Coming of Age,
> Scribe Publications, Newham, Australia, 1994.
> 
> Deveson, Anne, Your Retirement, National Publishing Group,
> Sydney, 1995.
> 
> Friedan, Betty, The Fountain of Age, Vintage, London, 1994.
> 
> Hewett, Noreen in Anne Deveson, Coming of Age, Scribe,
> Australia, 1994.
> 
> Obadina, Elizabeth, 'Bosom of the Family', in The New
> Internationalist, No. 264, New Internationalist Publications, Sydney, Feb. 1995.
> 
> Notes
> 
> 1. Dorothy Buckland-Fuller, in Anne Deveson, Coming of Age, Scribe
> Publications, Newham Australia, 1994, p.120.
> 
> 2. Betty Friedan, The Fountain of Age, Vintage, London, 1994, p.166.
> 
> 3. Dorothy Buckland-Fuller, op. cit., p.122.
> 
> 4. Betty Friedan, op. cit., p.68.
> 
> 5. Anne Deveson, in magazine Your Retirement, National Publishing Group, Sydney, 1995, p.4.
> 
> 6. Elizabeth Obadina, 'Bosom of the Family', in The New Internationalist No. 264, New Internationalist Publications Australia, Feb. 1995, p.16.
> 
> 7. Noreen Hewett, in Anne Deveson, Coming of Age, Scribe Publications,
> Newham, Australia, 1994, p.256.
> 
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> — *The Three Ages of Man: Are They Integrated? (Used by permission of the curator)*