Baha'i Marriage and Family Life

B aháí M arriage and Family Life

Selections from the Writinss of the Bahà’i Faith

Bahà’i Publishing Trust Wilmette, Illinois 60091 Originally published by the National Spiritual Assembly of the Bahd’is o f Canada, 1983

Copyright © 1983 by the National Spiritual Assembly o f the Bahd’is o f Canada All rights reserved.

Reprinted by permission in 1997 by the U.S. Baha’i Publishing Trust, Wilmette, IL 60091-2844

Printed in the United States o f America

00 99 98 97 4 3 2 1

Library o f Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Baha’i marriage and family life : selections from the writings o f the Baha’i Faith. p. cm. Originally published: Thornhill, Ont., Canada : National Spiritual Assembly of the Bahd’is o f Canada, 1983. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN 0-87743-258-9 1. Marriage— Religious aspects— Bahai Faith. 2. Bahai Faith— Doctrines. 3. Family— Religious aspects— Bahai faith. BP388.M37B34 1997 297.9’3 4 4 l— dc21 97-60 CIP Table o f Contents

Introduction.... ............................................................................................... vii

I. The Institution o f Marriage A. Law of Marriage.................................................................................. 3 B. Commitments and Responsibilities................................................... 4 C. The Marriage Ceremony.................................................................... 6 D. Marriage as the Basis of Unity............................................................ 8 E. Attitude Towards Divorce................... 10 E Sex in Marriage.................... *.............................................................. 15

II. Preparation for Marriage A. Self-Knowledge..... ............... .............................................................. 17 B. Choosing a Marriage Partner.............................................................. 18 C. Chastity ........................ 22 D. Parental C onsent................................................................................... 24 E. Engagement............. 28

III. Family Life A. Love and U nity..................................................................................... 31 B. Communication.................................................................................... 36 C. Tests and Difficulties.............................................................................39 D. Equality of Men and W om en..............................................................46 E. Education of Children......................................................................... 48 F. Relationships within the Family...........................................................54 G. D eath..................................................................................................... 63 H. Work and Finances................................................................................65 I. Hospitality.............................................................................................68 J. Relationship with Bahà’i Institutions and Community...................... 70 K. Family Life and Bahà’i Service..............................................................75 L. Prayers.................................................................................................... 79 Introduction All óf the institutions of the Bahà’i Faith were established so that love and unity would have means of expression in the life of human society. This is especially true of the institution of marriage, which BaháVlláh called a “fortress for well-being,” and which is the foundation of family life. Nothing is more delightful than to visualize ourselves as entering into a relationship which ‘Abdu 1-Bahá describes as “mutual attraction of mind and heart,” “a tie that will endure forever,” enabling us to be­ come “loving companions and comrades,” and “at one with each other for time and eternity.” The question is not: “Is this what I want?” The question is: “Have we developed the qualities of character which will make it possible to build such a relationship?” This compilation is designed to help us prepare for marriage, to assist those of us already married, and to improve our family life. It is also intended to assist Bahà’i Spiritual Assemblies in their educational and counseling responsibilities. Two compilations from the Bahà’i teachings on “Discouraging Divorce” and “Family Life,” sent to National Spiritual Assemblies by the Universal House of Justice, have been incorporated into this collec­ tion. Additional passages have been selected for their capacity to shed further light on the terms and concepts referred to in the guidance spe­ cifically related to Bahai marriage and family life. What greater joy is there than to love and to be loved, and to raise a family distinguished for its unity and harmony? What effort is too great, what discipline too strenuous for the reward of such a joy?

Warmest Bahà’i love, NATIONAL SPIRITUAL ASSEMBLY OF THE BAHÁ1S OF CANADA

vii B a h á í Marriage an d Family Life I. THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE

A , Law o f Marriage________________________________

1. “And when He desired to manifest grace and beneficence to men, and to set the world in order. He revealed observances and created laws; among them He established the law of marriage, made it as a fortress for well-being and salvation, and enjoined it upon us in that which was sent down out of the heaven of sanctity in His Most Holy Book. He saith, great is His glory; ‘Enter into wedlock, O people, that ye may bring forth one who will make mention of Me and My servants. This is My bidding unto you; hold fast to it as an assistance to yourselves.’” (Bahà’u’ilàh, U.S. 1982, p. 187)

2. “The pious deeds of the monks and priests among the followers of the Spirit— upon Him be the peace of God— are remembered in His presence. In this Day, however, let them give up the life of seclusion and direct their steps towards the open world and busy themselves with that

4 BAHÁ’1 MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE

which will profit themselves and others. We have granted them leave to enter into wedlock that they may bring forth one who will make men­ tion of God, the Lord of the seen and the unseen, the Lord of the Ex­ alted Throne.” (BaháVlláh, Tablets o f Bahâ’u'llâh, p. 24)

3. “Regarding the question of matrimony: Know thou that the command of marriage is eternal. It will never be changed nor altered. This is divine creation and there is not the slightest possibility that change or alteration affect this divine creation (marriage).” (‘Abdu 1-Bahá, Tablets o f Abdul-Baha Abbas, Vol. II, p. 474)

4. “O f course, under normal circumstances, every person should consider it his moral duty to marry. And this is what Bahďulláh has encouraged the believers to do. But marriage is by no means an obliga­ tion. In the last resort it is for the individual to decide whether he wishes to lead a family life or live in a state of celibacy.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated May 3, 1936, to an individual believer)

5. “It should, moreover, be borne in mind that although to be married is highly desirable, and BaháVlláh has strongly recommended it, it is not the central purpose of life. If a person has to wait a consider­ able period before finding a spouse, or if ultimately, he or she must remain single, it does not mean that he or she is thereby unable to fulfill his or her life’s purpose.” (Universal House o f Justice, Messages from the Universal House o f Justice, 1963-1986, 126.9)

B, Commitments and Responsibilities______________

6. “Bahà’i marriage is the commitment of the two parties one to the other, and their mutual attachment of mind and heart. Each must, however, exercise the utmost care to become thoroughly acquainted with the character of the other, that the binding covenant between them may be a tie that will endure forever. Their purpose must be this: to become THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE 5

loving companions and comrades and at one with each other for time and eternity... “The true marriage of Bahà’is is this, that husband and wife should be united both physically and spiritually, that they may ever improve the spiritual life of each other, and may enjoy everlasting unity through­ out all the worlds of God. This is Bahd’i marriage.” (‘A bdul- Bahá, Selectionsfrom the Writings o f A ‘ bdul-Bahá, 86.1-2)

7. “O ye two believers in God! The Lord, peerless is He, hath made woman and man to abide with each other in the closest compan­ ionship, and to be even as a single soul. They are two helpmates, two intimate friends, who should be concerned about the welfare of each other. “If they live thus, they will pass through this world with perfect contentment, bliss, and peace of heart, and become the object of divine grace and favor in the Kingdom of heaven. But if they do other than this they will live out their lives in great bitterness, longing at every moment for death, and will be shamefaced in the heavenly realm. “Strive, then, to abide, heart and soul with each other as two doves in the nest, for this is to be blessed in both worlds.” (Abdul-Bahá, Selectionsfrom the Writings o f A ‘ bdul-Bahá, 92.1-3)

8 . “O ye my two beloved children! The news of your union, as soon as it reached me, imparted infinite joy and gratitude. Praise be to God, those two faithful birds have sought shelter in one nest. I beseech God that He may enable them to raise an honored family, for the impor­ tance of marriage lieth in the bringing up of a richly blessed family, so that with entire gladness they may, even as candles, illuminate the world. For the enlightenment of the world dependeth upon the existence of man. If man did not exist in this world, it would have been like a tree without fruit. My hope is that you both may become even as one tree, and may, through the outpourings of the cloud of loving-kindness, ac­ quire freshness and charm, and may blossom and yield fruit, so that your line may eternally endure. “Upon ye be the Glory of the Most Glorious.” (Abdu 1-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f A ‘ bdul-Bahá, 88.1-2) 6 BAHAI MAH HI A(. I ANIH AMU Y I II I

9. . . it is cnjoinrd upon ili» I . h I k i .nul mother, as a duty, to strive with all effort to train the duughiri and the son, to nurse them from the breast oi knowledge and i<> teat them in the bosom o f sciences and arts. Should they neglect this matter, they shall be held responsible and worthy o f reproach in the present e of the stern Lord.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f Abdul-Bahd, 98.2)

10. “There is nothing in the Sacred Writings specifically on the subjects o f birth control, abortion or sterilization, but BaháVlláh did state that the primary purpose o f marriage was the procreation o f chil­ dren, and it is to this primary purpose that the beloved Guardian alludes in many o f the letters which are quoted in the compilation. This does not imply that a couple are obliged to have as many children as they can; the Guardians secretary clearly stated on his behalf, in answer to an enquiry, that it was for the husband and wife to decide how many chil­ dren they would have. A decision to have no children at all would vitiate the primary purpose o f marriage unless, o f course, there were some medical reason why such a decision would be required.” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated January 28, 1977, to an individual believer)

C. The Marriage Cerem ony

11. “It is incumbent upon both parties to recite a specifically re­ vealed verse indicating their being content with the will o f God.” {Synopsis and Codification o f the Laws and Ordinances o f the Kitáb-i-Aqdas, p. 40)

12. “The specifically revealed verse is, ‘We will all, verily, abide by the Will o f God.’” (Synopsis and Codification o f the Laws and Ordinances o f the Kitáb-i-Aqdas, p. 59)

13. “. . . Bahà’i marriages should be referred to Assemblies to officiate.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated June 23, 1950, written on his behalf to the National Spiritual Assembly o f Canada) THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE 7

14. “The ceremony itself must be very simple.” (Shoghi EfFendi, quoted in Principles o f Bahá7 Administration, p. 13)

15. “Bahd’i marriage should at present not be pressed into any kind o f a uniform mold. What is absolutely essential is what BaháVlláh stipulated in the Aqdas: the friends can add to these selected writings if they please— but the so-called ‘Marriage Tablet* (revealed by ‘Abdu’l- Bahá) is not a necessary part o f every Bahà’i marriage.” (Shoghi EfFendi, quoted in Principles o f Bahá / Administration, p. 14)

16. “In cases where there is more than one ceremony, the Bahá*í service and the other civil or religious ceremony must be performed on the same day.” (Shoghi EfFendi, From a letter dated June 20, 1940, to the National Spiritual Assembly oř Australia and New Zealand)

17. “As to the holding o f the Bahá*í and civil ceremonies on the same day, as consummation o f the marriage should not take place until both ceremonies have been held, a night should not intervene between the two ceremonies.” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated April 23, 1971, to the National Spiritual Assembly o f the United States)

18. “. . . The bride and groom, before two witnesses, must state: ‘We will all, verily, abide by the Will o f God.* These two witnesses may be chosen by the couple or by the Spiritual Assembly, but must in any case be acceptable to the Assembly.” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated August 8, 1969, to the National Spiritual Assembly o f the United States)

19. “The consummation o f marriage by a couple is, as you aptly state, an intimate and private matter outside the scrutiny o f others. While consummation normally implies a sexual relationship, the Bahá*í law requiring consummation to take place within twenty-four hours o f the 8 BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE

ceremony can be considered as fulfilled if the couple has commenced cohabitation with the intention o f setting up the family relationship.” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated July 28, 1978, to an individual believer)

2 0 . . . persons wishing to marry after they become Bahà’is must have a Bahd’i ceremony and are indeed not regarded as married unless they have met the requirements o f Bahd’i law.” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated May 22, 1967, to the National Spiritual Assembly o f the United States)

21. “. . . as the Guardian says, ‘Bahai marriage is something you perform when you are going to be united for the first time, not long after the union takes place.’ If, however, such a couple would like to have a meeting o f their friends at which Bahà’i prayers and readings are said on behalf o f their marriage now that they are Bahà’is, there is no objection to their doing so, although it must be understood that this does not constitute a Bahà’i marriage ceremony.” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated June 23, 1969, to the National Spiritual Assembly o f Peru)

D. Marriage as the Basis o f Unity___________________

22. “The Great Being saith: O ye children o f men! The funda­ mental purpose animating the Faith o f God and His Religion is to safe­ guard the interests and promote the unity o f the human race, and to foster the spirit o f love and fellowship amongst men.” (Baha ulláh, Gleanings from the Writings o f Bahâ'ullâk, p. 213)

23. “. . . Verily they are married in obedience to Thy command. Cause them to become the signs o f harmony and unity until the end o f time. Verily Thou art the Omnipotent, the Omnipresent and the Al­ mighty!” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Bahcl'l I*rayers, U.S. 1982, p. 107) THE INSTITUTIO N OF MARRIAGE 9

24. “From separation doth every kind o f hurt and harm proceed, but the union o f created things doth ever yield most laudable results. From the pairing o f even the smallest particles in the world o f being are the grace and bounty o f God made manifest; and the higher the degree, the more momentous is the union. ‘Glory be to Him W ho hath created all the pairs, o f such things as earth produceth, and out o f men them­ selves, and o f things beyond their ken.5 And above all other unions is that between human beings, especially when it cometh to pass in the love o f God. Thus is the primal oneness made to appear; thus is laid the foundation o f love in the spirit.” (‘Abdul-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá, 87.2)

25. “Marriage, among the mass o f the people, is a physical bond, and this union can only be temporary, since it is foredoomed to a physi­ cal separation at the close. “Among the people o f Bahá, however, marriage must be a union o f the body and o f the spirit as well, for here both husband and wife are aglow with the same wine, both are enamored o f the same matchless Face, both live and move through the same spirit, both are illumined by the same glory. This connection between them is a spiritual one, hence it is a bond that will abide forever. Likewise do they enjoy strong and lasting ties in the physical world as well, for if the marriage is based both on the spirit and the body, that union is a true one, hence it will endure. If, however, the bond is physical and nothing more, it is sure to be only temporary, and must inexorably end in separation. “When, therefore, the people o f Bahá undertake to marry, the union must be a true relationship, a spiritual coming together as well as a physical one, so that throughout every phase o f life, and in all the worlds o f God, their union will endure; for this real oneness is a gleam­ ing out o f the love o f God. “In the same way, when any souls grow to be true believers, they will attain a spiritual relationship with one another, and show forth a tenderness which is not o f this world. They will, all o f them, become elated from a draught o f divine love, and that union o f theirs, that con­ nection, will also abide forever. Souls, that is, who will consign their own selves to oblivion, strip from themselves the defects o f humankind, 10 BAHÁ1 MARRIAGE AN D FAMILY LIFE

and unchain themselves from human bondage, will beyond any doubt be illumined with the heavenly splendors o f oneness, and will all attain unto real union in the world that dieth not.” (Abdul-Bahá, Selectionsfrom the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá, 84.2-5)

26. “As to thy question concerning the husband and wife, the tie between them and the children given to them by God: Know thou, verily, the husband is one who hath sincerely turned unto God, is awak­ ened by the call o f the Beauty o f the All-Glorious and chanteth the verses o f Oneness in the great assemblies; the wife is a being who wisheth to be overflowing with and seeketh after the attributes o f God and His names; and the tie between them is none other than the Word o f God. Verily, it causeth the multitudes to assemble together and the remote ones to be united. Thus the husband and wife are brought into affinity, are united and harmonized, even as though they were one person. Through their mutual union, companionship and love great results are produced in the world, both material and spiritual. The spiritual result is the appearance o f divine bounties. The material result is the children who are born in the cradle o f the love o f God, who are nurtured by the breast o f the knowledge o f God, who are brought up in the bosom o f the gift o f God, and who are fostered in the lap o f the training o f God. Such children are those o f whom it was said by Christ, ‘Verily, they are the children o f the Kingdom!’” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Tablets o f Abdul-Baha Abbas, Vol. Ill, pp. 60 5 -6 0 6 )

E. A ttitu d e Towards Divorce

27. “God doth verily love union and concord, and abhorreth sepa­ ration and divorce.” (Bahá’ulláh, quoted in a compilation dated January 18, 1980, sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)

28. “Now the friends in America must live and conduct them­ selves in this way. They must strictly refrain from divorce unless some­ thing ariseth which compelled! them to separate because o f their aver- THE INSTITUTIO N OF MARRIAGE 11

sion for each other, in that case with the knowledge o f the Spiritual Assembly they may decide to separate. They must then be patient and wait one complete year. If during this year harmony is not re-established between them, then divorce may be realized. It should not happen that upon the occurrence o f a slight friction or displeasure between husband and wife, the husband would think o f union with some other woman, or God forbid, the wife also think o f another husband. This is contrary to the standard o f heavenly value and true chastity. The friends o f God must so live and conduct themselves, and evince such excellence o f char­ acter and conduct, as to make others astonished. The love between hus­ band and wife should not be purely physical, nay rather it must be spiri­ tual and heavenly. These two souls should be considered as one soul. How difficult it would be to divide a single soul! Nay, greater would be the difficulty. “In short, the foundation o f the Kingdom o f God is based upon harmony and love, oneness, relationship and union, not upon differences, especially between husband and wife. If one o f these two become the cause o f divorce, that one will unquestionably fall into great difficulties, will become the victim o f formidable calamities and experience deep remorse.” CAbdu 1-Bahá, quoted in a compilation dated January 18, 1980, sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)

29. “The situation facing you is admittedly difficult and delicate, but no less grave and indeed vital are the responsibilities which it entails and which, as a faithful and loyal believer, you should conscientiously and thoroughly assume. The Guardian, therefore, while fully alive to the special circumstances o f your case, and however profound his sym­ pathy may be for you in this challenging issue with which you are so sadly faced, cannot, in view o f the emphatic injunctions contained in the Teachings, either sanction your demand to contract a second mar­ riage while your first wife is still alive and is united with you in the sacred bonds o f matrimony, or even suggest or approve that you divorce her just in order to be permitted to marry a new one. “For the Bahà’i Teachings do not only preclude the possibility o f bigamy, but also, while permitting divorce, consider it a reprehensible 12 BAHÂ’f m a r r i a g e a n d f a m il y l if e

act, which should be resorted to only in exceptional circumstances, and when grave issues are involved, transcending such . . . considerations as physical attraction or sexual compatibility and harmony. The institu­ tion o f marriage, as established by BaháVlláh, while giving due impor­ tance to the physical aspect o f marital union considers it as subordinate to the moral and spiritual purposes and functions with which it has been invested by an all-wise and loving Providence. Only when these different values are given each their due importance, and only on the basis o f the subordination o f the physical to the moral, and the carnal to the spiritual can such excesses and laxity in marital relations as our deca­ dent age is so sadly witnessing be avoided, and family life be restored to its original purity, and fulfill the true function for which it has been instituted by God. “The Guardian will most fervently pray that, inspired and guided by such divine standard, and strengthened by Bahďu lláhs unfailing as­ sistance and confirmations, you may be able to satisfactorily adjust your relations with the persons concerned, and thus reach the one right solu­ tion for this assuredly challenging problem o f your life.” (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated May 8, 1939, written on his behalf to a believer who, having married his first wife out of compassion, now wished to be permitted to marry a woman with whom he had fallen in love, saying that his wife was agreeable to his taking this second wife.)

3 0 . “Regarding divorce, the Guardian stated that it is discouraged, deprecated and against the good pleasure o f God. The Assembly must circulate among the friends whatever has been revealed from the Pen o f ‘A bdu 1-Bahá in this connection so that all may be fully reminded. D i­ vorce is conditional upon the approval and permission o f the Spiritual Assembly. The members o f the Assembly must in such matters indepen­ dently and carefully study and investigate each case. If there should be valid grounds for divorce and it is found that reconciliation is utterly impossible, that antipathy is intense and its removal is not possible, then the Assembly may approve the divorce.” (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated July 7, 1938, to the National Spiritual Assembly o f Iran)

31. “Shoghi EfFendi wishes me to add this note in connection with your marriage; he does not feel that any believer, under any circum- THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE 13

stances whatsoever, can ever use the Cause or service to it as a reason for abandoning their marriage; divorce, as we know it, is very strongly con­ demned by BaháVlláh, and only grounds o f extreme gravity justify it.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated April 7, 1947, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

32. “Wherever there is a Bahà’i family, those concerned should by all means do all they can to preserve it, because divorce is strongly con­ demned in the Teachings, whereas harmony, unity and love are held up as the highest ideals in human relationships. This must always apply to the Bahà’is, whether they are serving in the pioneering field or not.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated November 9, 1956, written on his behalf to the National Spiritual Assembly o f Central America)

33. “He wishes me to tell you that he regrets extremely the sorrow that has come into your life, and that he agrees with all you have stated in general on the subject o f divorce. “There is no doubt about it that the believers in America, prob­ ably unconsciously influenced by the extremely lax morals prevalent and the flippant attitude towards divorce which seems to be increasingly pre­ vailing, do not take divorce seriously enough and do not seem to grasp the fact that although BaháVlláh has permitted it, He has only permit­ ted it as a last resort and strongly condemns it. “The presence o f children, as a factor in divorce, cannot be ig­ nored, for surely it places an even greater weight o f moral responsibility on the man and wife in considering such a step. Divorce under such circumstances no longer just concerns them and their desires and feel­ ings but also concerns the childrens entire future and their own attitude towards marriage.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated December 19, 1947, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

3 4 . “Divorce should be avoided most strictly by the believers, and only under rare and urgent circumstances be resorted to. Modern soci­ ety is criminally lax as to the sacred nature o f marriage, and the believers must combat this trend assiduously.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated January 5, 1948, written on his behalf to an individual believer) 14 BAHÁ1 MARRIAGE A ND FAMILY LIFE

35. “He was very sorry to hear that you are contemplating separa­ tion from your husband. As you no doubt know, Bahďu lláh considers the marriage bond very sacred; and only under very exceptional and unbearable circumstances is divorce advisable for Bahd’is. “The Guardian does not tell you that you must not divorce your husband; but he does urge you to consider prayerfully, not only because you are a believer and anxious to obey the laws o f God, but also for the sake o f the happiness o f your children, whether it is not possible for you to rise above the limitations you have felt in your marriage hitherto, and make a go o f it together. “We often feel that our happiness lies in a certain direction; and yet, if we have to pay too heavy a price for it in the end we may discover that we have not really purchased either freedom or happiness, but just some new situation o f frustration and disillusion.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated April 5, 1951, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

36. “He was very sorry to hear that you and your husband are still so unhappy together. It is always a source o f sorrow in life when married people cannot get on well together, but the Guardian feels that you and your husband, in contemplating divorce, should think o f the future o f your children and how this major step on your part will influence their lives and happiness. “If you feel the need o f advice and consultation he suggests you consult your local Assembly; your fellow Bahd’is will surely do all they can to counsel and help you, protect your interests and those o f the Cause.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated November 16, 1945, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

37. “Marriage is, in the Aqdas, set forth as a most sacred and bind­ ing tie, and the Bahd’is should realize that divorce is viewed as a last resort, to be avoided at all costs if possible and not to be lightly granted.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated October 17,1944, written on his behalf to an individual believer) TH E INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE 15

F. Sex in Marriage

3 8 . .. Enter ye into wedlock, that after you another may arise in your stead. We, verily, have forbidden you lechery, and not that which is conducive to fidelity. . (BaháVlláh, Epistle to the Son o f the Wolf p. 49)

39. “‘Enter into wedlock, O people, that ye may bring forth one who will make mention o f Me amid My servants. This is my bidding unto you; hold fast to it as an assistance to yourselves/” (BaháVlláh, Bahá VPrayers, U.S. 1982, p. 105)

4 0 . “Wherefore, wed Thou in the heaven o f Thy mercy these two birds o f the nest o f Thy love, and make them the means o f attracting perpetual grace: that from the union o f these two seas o f love a wave o f tenderness may surge and cast the pearls o f pure and goodly issue on the shore o f life.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Bahai Prayers, U.S. 1982, p. 188)

41. “BaháVlláh has urged marriage upon all people as the natural and rightful way o f life. He has also, however, placed strong emphasis on its spiritual nature, which, while in no way precluding a normal physi­ cal way o f life, is the most essential aspect o f marriage. That two people should live their lives in love and harmony is o f far greater importance than that they should be consumed with passion for each other. The one is a great rock o f strength on which to lean in time o f need; the other is a purely temporary thing which may at any time die out.” (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated January 20, 1943, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

4 2 . “The Bahà’i Faith recognizes the value o f the sex impulse, but condemns its illegitimate and improper expressions such as free love, companionate marriage and others, all o f which it considers positively harmful to man and to the society in which he lives. The proper use o f the sex instinct is the natural right o f every individual, and it is precisely for this very purpose that the institution o f marriage has been estab- 16 BAHÁ1 MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE

lished. The Bahà’is do not believe in the suppression o f the sex impulse but in its regulation and control.” (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated September 5, 1938, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

43. “The question you raise as to the place in ones life that a deep bond o f love with someone we meet other than our husband or wife can have is easily defined in view o f the teachings. Chastity implies both before and after marriage an unsullied, chaste sex life. Before marriage absolutely chaste, after marriage absolutely faithful to ones chosen com­ panion. Faithful in all sexual acts, faithful in word and in deed. “The world today is submerged, amongst other things, in an over­ exaggeration o f the importance o f physical love, and a dearth o f spiri­ tual values. In as far as possible the believers should try to realize this and rise above the level o f their fellow-men who are, typical o f all deca­ dent periods in history, placing so much over-emphasis on the purely physical side o f mating. Outside o f their normal, legitimate married life they should seek to establish bonds o f comradeship and love which are eternal and founded on the spiritual life o f man, not on his physical life. This is one o f the many fields in which it is incumbent on the Bahd’is to set the example and lead the way to a true human standard o f life, when the soul o f man is exalted and his body but the tool for his enlightened spirit. Needless to say this does not preclude the living o f a perfectly normal sex life in its legitimate channel o f marriage.” (Shoghi EfFendi, From a letter dated September 28, 1941, written on his behalF to an individual believer) IL PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE

A . Self-Knowledge_______________________________

4 4 . “O My servants! Could ye apprehend with what wonders o f My munificence and bounty I have willed to entrust your souls, ye would, o f a truth, rid yourselves o f attachment to all created things, and would gain a true knowledge o f your own selves— a knowledge which is the same as the comprehension o f Mine own Being. Ye would find your­ selves independent o f all else but Me, and would perceive, with your inner and outer eye, and as manifest as the revelation o f My effulgent Name, the seas o f My loving-kindness and bounty moving within you.” (BaháVlláh, Gleanings from the Writings o f BaháVlláh, pp. 326-327)

4 5 . “Far, far from Thy glory be what mortal man can affirm o f Thee, or attribute unto Thee, or the praise with which he can glorify Thee! Whatever duty Thou hast prescribed unto Thy servants o f extol­ ling to the utmost Thy majesty and glory is but a token o f Thy grace

18 BAHÀ’f MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE

unto them, that they may be enabled to ascend unto the station con­ ferred upon their own inmost being, the station o f the knowledge o f their own selves.” (BaháVlláh, Gleanings from the Writings o f BaháVlláh, pp. 4 -5 )

4 6 . . . man should know his own self, and recognize that which leadeth unto loftiness or lowliness, glory or abasement, wealth or pov­ erty.” (BaháVlláh, Tablets o f BaháVlláh, p. 35)

B. Choosing a Marriage Partner____________________

4 7 . “O SO N OF SPIRIT! WI created thee rich, why dost thou bring thyself down to poverty? Noble I made thee, wherewith dost thou abase thyself? O ut o f the es­ sence o f knowledge I gave thee being, why seekest thou enlightenment from anyone beside Me? Out o f the clay o f love I molded thee, how dost thou busy thyself with another? Turn thy sight unto thyself, that thou mayest find Me standing within thee, mighty, powerful and selfsubsisting.” (BaháVlláh, The Hidden Words, pp. 6 -7 )

4 8 . “Disencumber yourselves o f all attachment to this world and the vanities thereof. Beware that ye approach them not, inasmuch as they prompt you to walk after your own lusts and covetous desires, and hinder you from entering the straight and glorious Path.” (BaháVlláh, Gleanings from the Writings o f Bahďulláh, p. 276)

4 9 . “O SO N OF BEING! “Bring thyself to account each day ere thou art summoned to a reckoning; for death, unheralded, shall come upon thee and thou shalt be called to give account for thy deeds.” (BaháVlláh, p. 11) PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE 19

50. “O MY SON!” “The company o f the ungodly increaseth sorrow, whilst fellow­ ship with the righteous cleanseth the rust from off the heart. He that seeketh to commune with God, let him betake himself to the compan­ ionship o f His loved ones; and he that desireth to hearken to the word o f God, let him give ear to the words o f His chosen ones.” (BaháVlláh, The Hidden Words, p. 42)

51. “Consultation bestoweth greater awareness and transmuteth conjecture into certitude. It is a shining light which, in a dark world, leadeth the way and guideth. For everything there is and will continue to be a station o f perfection and maturity. The maturity o f the gift o f understanding is made manifest through consultation.” (BaháVlláh, quoted in Consultation: A Compilation, no. 3)

52. “Now speak forth with fairness. Do not misrepresent the mat­ ter, neither to thyself nor to the people.” (lAbdu’l-Bahá, Tablets o f Abdul-Baha Abbas, Vol. I, p. 43)

53. “As for the question regarding marriage under the Law o f God: first thou must choose one who is pleasing to thee, and then the matter is subject to the consent o f father and mother. Before thou makest thy choice, they have no right to interfere.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Selectionsfrom the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá, 83.1)

5 4 . “The love which exists between the hearts o f believers is prompted by the ideal o f the unity o f spirits. This love is attained through the knowledge o f God, so that men see the Divine Love reflected in the heart. Each sees in the other the Beauty o f God reflected in the soul, and finding this point o f similarity, they are attracted to one another in love. This love will make all men the waves o f one sea, this love will make them all the stars o f one heaven and the fruits o f one tree. This love will bring the realization o f true accord, the foundation o f real unity. “But the love which sometimes exists between friends is not (true) love, because it is subject to transmutation; this is merely fascination. As 20 BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE

the breeze blows, the slender trees yield. If the wind is in the East the tree leans to the West, and if the wind turns to the West the tree leans to the East. This kind o f love is originated by the accidental conditions o f life. This is not love, it is merely acquaintanceship; it is subject to change. “Today you will see two souls apparently in close friendship; to­ morrow all this may be changed. Yesterday they were ready to die for one another, today they shun one another’s society! This is not love; it is the yielding o f the hearts to the accidents o f life. When that which has caused this ‘love’ to exist passes, the love passes also; this is not in reality love.” (‘Abdu 1-Bahá, Paris Talks, 59.7-9)

55. “O thou son o f the Kingdom! If one possesses the love o f God, everything that he undertakes is useful, but if the undertaking is without the love o f God, then it is hurtful and the cause o f veiling one’s self from the Lord o f the Kingdom. But with the love o f God every bitterness is changed into sweetness and every gift becometh precious. For instance, a musical and melodious voice imparteth life to an at­ tracted heart but lureth toward lust those souls who are engulfed in passion and desire.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, quoted in Bahá VWorld Faith, p. 366)

56. “It is extremely difficult to teach the individual and refine his character once puberty is passed. By then, as experience hath shown, even if every effort be exerted to modify some tendency o f his, it all availeth nothing. He may, perhaps, improve somewhat today; but let a few days pass and he forgetteth, and turneth backward to his habitual condition and accustomed ways.” (‘Abdu 1-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f 'Abdiil-Bahâ, 111.7)

57. “But thou must submit to and rely upon God under all condi­ tions and He will bestow upon thee that which is conducive to thy well­ being. Verily He is the merciful and compassionate! For how many an affair was involved in difficulty and then was straightened, and how many a problem was solved by the permission o f God.” (‘Abdu 1-Bahá, Tablets o f Abdul-Baha Abbas, Vol. I, p. 10) PRÉPARATION FOR MARRIAGE 21

58. “If it be possible, gather together these two races, black and white, into one Assembly, and put such love into their hearts that they shall not only unite but even intermarry. Be sure that the result o f this will abolish differences and disputes between black and white.” (‘Abdu 1-Bahá, quoted in Bahá *i World Faith, p. 359)

59. .. we must reach a spiritual plane where God comes first and great human passions are unable to turn us away from Him. All the time we see people who either through the force o f hate or the passionate attachment they have to another person, sacrifice principle or bar them­ selves from the Path o f God . . . “We must love God, and in this state, a general love for all men becomes possible. We cannot love each human being for himself, but our feeling towards humanity should be motivated by our love for the Father who created all men.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated October 4, 1950, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

6 0. “. . . your statement to the effect that the principle o f the oneness o f mankind prevents any true Bahà’i from regarding race itself as a bar to union is in complete accord with the Teachings o f the Faith on this point. For both Bahd’u lldh and Abdu 1-Bahá never disapproved the idea o f inter-racial marriage, nor discouraged it. The Bahd’i Teach­ ings, indeed, by their very nature transcend all limitations imposed by race, and as such can and should never be identified with any particular school o f racial philosophy.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated January 27, 1935, written on his behalf to the National Spiritual Assembly o f the United States and Canada— BaháH News, no. 90, March 1935, p. 1)

61. “There is a difference between character and faith; it is often very hard to accept this fact and put up with it, but the fact remains that a person may believe in and love the Cause— even to being ready to die for it— and yet not have a good personal character, or possess traits at variance with the teachings. We should try to change, to let the Power o f God help recreate us and make us true Bahá’is in deed as well as in 22 BAHA’I MARRIAGE AN D FAMILY LIFE

belief. But sometimes the process is slow, sometimes it never happens because the individual does not try hard enough. But these things cause us suffering and are a test to us . . . ” (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated October 17, 1944, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

62. “A couple should study each others character and spend time getting to know each other before they decide to marry, and when they do marry it should be with the intention o f establishing an eternal bond.” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated November 2, 1982, to an individual believer)

C. Chastity

6 3 . “We, verily, have decreed in Our Book a goodly and bountiful reward to whosoever will turn away from wickedness and lead a chaste and godly life. He, in truth, is the Great Giver, the All-Bountiful.” (BaháVlláh, Gleanings from the Writings o f BaháVlláh, p. 117)

6 4 . “I implore Thee, O Thou Fashioner o f the nations and the King o f eternity, to guard Thy handmaidens within the tabernacle o f Thy chastity, and to cancel such o f their deeds as are unworthy o f Thy days.” (BaháVlláh, Prayers and Meditations, p. 231)

6 5 . “Purity and chastity have been, and still are, the most great ornaments for the handmaidens o f God. God is My Witness! The bright­ ness o f the light o f chastity sheddeth its illumination upon the worlds o f the spirit, and its fragrance is wafted even unto the Most Exalted Paradise. God hath verily made chastity to be a crown for the heads o f His handmaidens. Great is the blessedness o f that handmaiden that hath attained unto this great station.” (BaháVlláh, quoted in The Advent o f Divine Justice, p. 27) PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE 23

6 6 . “Say: He is not to be numbered with the people o f Bahá who followeth his mundane desires, or fixeth his heart on things o f the earth . . . if he met the fairest and most comely o f women, he would not feel his heart seduced by the least shadow o f desire for her beauty. Such an one, indeed, is the creation o f spotless chastity. Thus instructeth you the Pen o f the Ancient o f Days, as bidden by your Lord, the Almighty, the All-Bountiful.” (BaháVlláh, Gleanings from the Writings o f BaháVlláh, p. 118)

67. “As this physical frame is the throne o f the inner temple, what­ ever occurs to the former is felt by the latter. In reality that which takes delight in joy or is saddened by pain is the inner temple o f the body, not the body itself. Since this physical body is the throne whereon the inner temple is established, God hath ordained that the body be preserved to the extent possible, so that nothing that causeth repugnance may be experienced.” (The Báb, Selectionsfrom the Writings o f the Báb, p. 95)

68. “Such a chaste and holy life, with its implications o f modesty, purity, temperance, decency, and clean-mindedness, involves no less than the exercise o f moderation in all that pertains to dress, language, amusements, and all artistic and literary avocations. It demands daily vigilance in the control o f ones carnal desires and corrupt inclinations. It calls for the abandonment o f a frivolous conduct, with its excessive attachment to trivial and often misdirected pleasures. It requires total abstinence from all alcoholic drinks, from opium, and from similar habit­ forming drugs. It condemns the prostitution o f art and literature, the practices o f nudism and o f companionate marriage, infidelity in marital relationships, and all manner o f promiscuity, o f easy familiarity, and o f sexual vices. It can tolerate no compromise with the theories, the stan­ dards, the habits, and the excesses o f a decadent age. Nay rather it seeks to demonstrate, through the dynamic force o f its example, the perni­ cious character o f such theories, the falsity o f such standards, the hol­ lowness o f such claims, the perversity o f such habits, and the sacrile­ gious character o f such excesses.” (Shoghi Effendi, The Advent o f Divine Justice, p. 25) 24 BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE

6 9. “Concerning your question whether there are any legitimate forms o f expression o f the sex instinct outside o f marriage; according to the Bahà’i Teachings no sexual act can be considered lawful unless per­ formed between lawfully married persons. Outside o f marital life there can be no lawful or healthy use o f the sex impulse. The Bahd’i youth should, on the one hand, be taught the lesson o f self-control which, when exercised, undoubtedly has a salutary effect on the development o f character and o f personality in general, and on the other should be advised, nay even encouraged, to contract marriage while still young and in full possession o f their physical vigor. Economic factors, no doubt, are often a serious hindrance to early marriage but in most cases are only an excuse, and as such should not be over stressed.” (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated December 13, 1940, to an individual believer)

D. Parental Consent

70. “Verily in the Book o f Bayan (the Bábs Revelation) the matter is restricted to the consent o f both (bride and bridegroom). As we de­ sired to bring about love and friendship and the unity o f the people, therefore We made it conditional upon the consent o f the parents also, that enmity and ill-feeling might be avoided.” (Bahà’u’ilàh, quoted in Bahaulldh and the New Era, p. 182)

71. “Marriage is conditioned on the consent o f both parties and their parents, whether the woman be a maiden or not.” (Synopsis and Codification o f the Laws and Ordinances o f the Kitab-i-Aqdas, p. 39)

7 2 . “Bahďulláh has clearly stated the consent o f all living parents is required for Bahà’i marriage. This applies whether the parents are Bahà’is or non-Bahá’ís, divorced for years or not. This great law He has laid down to strengthen the social fabric, to knit closer the ties o f the home, to place a certain gratitude and respect in the hearts o f children for those who have given them life and sent their souls out on the eternal PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE 25

journey towards their Creator. We Baha is must realize that in presentday society the exact opposite process is taking place: young people care less and less for their parents’ wishes, divorce is considered a natural right, and obtained on the flimsiest and most unwarrantable and shabby pretexts. People separated from each other, especially if one o f them has had full custody o f the children, are only too willing to belittle the im­ portance o f the partner in marriage also responsible as a parent for bring­ ing those children into this world. The Bahd’is must, through rigid ad­ herence to the Bahd’i laws and teachings, combat these corrosive forces which are so rapidly destroying home life and the beauty o f family rela­ tionships, and tearing down the moral structure o f society.” (Shoglii EfFendi, from a letter dated October 25, 1947, written on his behalf to the National Spiritual Assembly o f the United States)

7 3 . “The validity o f a Bahd’i marriage is dependent upon the free and full consent o f all four parents. The freedom o f the parents in the exercise o f this right is unrestricted and unconditioned. They may refuse their consent on any ground, and they are responsible for their decision to God alone.” (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated March 19, 1938, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

74. “It is surely a very unfortunate case when the parents and chil­ dren differ on some grave issues o f life such as marriage, but the best way is not to flout each other’s opinion nor to discuss it in a charged atmosphere but rather try to settle it in an amicable way.” (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated May 29, 1929, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

75. “I notice that I have neglected to answer your question con­ cerning . . . consent to her daughter’s marriage: this must be given in order to be a Bahd’i Marriage. Baha u’lldh requires this and makes no provision about a parent changing his or her mind. So they are free to do so. Once the written consent is given and the marriage takes place, the parents have no right to interfere any more.” (Shoghi EfFendi, Messages to Canada, p. 47) 26 BAHÂ’Î MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE

76. “We gain the impression from Mr. . . . s letter that he looks upon the law requiring consent o f parents before marriage as a mere administrative regulation, and does not realize that this is a law o f great importance affecting the very foundations o f human society. Moreover, he seems not to appreciate that in the Bahà’i Faith the spiritual and ad­ ministrative aspects are complementary and that the social laws o f the Faith are as binding as the purely spiritual ones.” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated December 4, 1964, to the National Spiritual Assembly o f North East Asia)

77. “It is perfectly true that Bahà’u’ilàh’s statement that the con­ sent o f all living parents is required for marriage places a grave responsi­ bility on each parent. When the parents are Bahà’is they should, o f course act objectively in withholding or granting their approval. They cannot evade this responsibility by merely acquiescing in their child’s wish, nor should they be swayed by prejudice; but, whether they be Bahà’i or non-Bahá’í, the parents’ decision is binding, whatever the rea­ son that may have motivated it. Children must recognize and under­ stand that this act o f consenting is the duty o f a parent. They must have respect in their hearts for those who have given them life, and whose good pleasure they must at all times strive to win.” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated February 1, 1968, to the National Spiritual Assembly o f the United States)

78. “. . . consent o f parents must be obtained in all cases before marriage can take place. Obedience to the laws o f Bahà’u’ilàh will nec­ essarily impose hardships in individual cases. N o one should expect, upon becoming a Bahd’i, that his faith will not be tested, and to our finite understanding o f such matters these tests may occasionally seem unbearable. But we are aware o f the assurance which Bahà’u’ilàh Him ­ self has given the believers that they will never be called upon to meet a test greater than their capacity to endure.” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated January 29, 1970, to the National Spiritual Assembly o f the Hawaiian Islands) PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE 27

7 9 . .. Foster parents or relatives who may act in loco parentis are not required by Bahà’i law to give their consent to the marriage o f the children they raise although there is no objection to the children obtain­ ing such consent, should they wish to do so.” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated April 9, 1970, to the National Spiritual Assembly o f Italy)

80. “Bahà’is who cannot marry because o f lack o f consent o f one or more parents could consult with their Local Spiritual Assembly, to see whether it may suggest a way to change the attitude o f any o f the parents involved. The believers, when faced with such problems, should put their trust in BaháVlláh, devote more time to the service, the teach­ ing and the promotion o f His Faith, be absolutely faithful to His in­ junctions on the observance o f an unsullied, chaste life, and rely upon Him to open the way and remove the obstacle, or make known His w ill” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated September 9, 1969, to an individual believer)

81. “In considering the effect o f obedience to the laws on indi­ vidual lives, one must remember that the purpose o f this life is to pre­ pare the soul for the next. Here one must learn to control and direct one’s animal impulses, not to be a slave to them. Life in this world is a succession o f tests and achievements, o f falling short and o f making new spiritual advances. Sometimes the course may seem very hard, but one can witness, again and again, that the soul who steadfastly obeys the law o f Bahà’u’ilàh, however hard it may seem, grows spiritually, while the one who compromises with the law for the sake o f his own apparent happiness is seen to have been following a chimera: he does not attain the happiness he sought, he retards his spiritual advance and often brings new problems upon himself. “To give one very obvious example: The Bahà’i law requiring con­ sent o f parents to marriage. All too often nowadays such consent is with­ held by non-Bahá’í parents for reasons o f bigotry or racial prejudice; yet 28 BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE

we have seen again and again the profound effect on those very parents o f the firmness o f the children in the Bahà’i law, to the extent that not only is the consent ultimately given in many cases, but the character o f the parents can be affected and their relationship with their child greatly strengthened. “Thus, by upholding Bahà’i law in the face o f all difficulties we not only strengthen our own characters but influence those around us.” (Universal House of Justice, Messages from the Universal House o f Justice, 1963—1986, 126.4-6)

E. Engagement__________________________________

8 2. “Concerning the question o f marriage and the stipulated pe­ riod between the time o f the engagement and the marriage, this is the decisive text o f the Book o f God and may not be interpreted. In the past, serious difficulties and problems arose when a long period o f time elapsed between the engagement and the marriage. Now according to the Text o f the Book, when marriage between the parties is arranged, i.e. when the parties become engaged, and it is certain that they will be married, not more than ninety-five days should elapse before the mar­ riage takes place . . (‘A bdul-Bahá, quoted in a letter dated April 11, 1982, from the Universal House o f Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly o f the United States)

83. “The beginning o f the ninety-five days before the marriage is the day on which the consents have been obtained.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated April 3, 1943, to an individual believer)

8 4 . “The law requiring Baha is to be married within the ninetyfive day period following the engagement is not yet applicable in the West. However, Iranians residing in the West obey such laws as a matter o f conscience.” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated July 14, 1965, to a National Spiritual Assembly) PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE 29

85. “Concerning the observance o f details o f Bahd’i law pertain­ ing to marriage such as the duration o f the engagement period . . . by the Iranian believers now residing in the West, these laws are binding if the two parties are Iranians. However, if one party is Iranian and the other is a western believer, the Iranian believer, although it is a praise­ worthy act to inform his/her spouse o f these laws, should not bring pressure to bear for their observance.” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated July 7, 1968, to an individual believer) IIL FAMILY LIFE

A , Love and Unity________________________________

8 6. “At all times hath union and association been well-pleasing in the sight o f God, and separation and dissension abhorred. Hold fast unto that which God loveth and is His command unto you. He, verily, is the All-Knowing and the All-Seeing, and He is the All-Wise Ordainer.” (BaháVlláh, quoted in a compilation dated January 18, 1980, sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)

87. “After mans recognition o f God, and becoming steadfast in His Cause the station o f affection, o f harmony, o f concord and o f unity is superior to that o f most other goodly deeds. This is what He W ho is the Desire o f the world hath testified at every morn and eve. God grant that ye may follow that which hath been revealed in the Kitáb-i-Aqdas.” (BaháVlláh, quoted in a compilation dated January 18, 1980, sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)

32 BAHÂ’Î MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE

88. “Deal ye one with another with the utmost love and harmony, with friendliness and fellowship. He Who is the Day Star o f Truth beareth Me witness! So powerful is the light o f unity that it can illuminate the whole earth. The one true God, He W ho knoweth all things, H imself testifieth to the truth o f these words.” (Bahďulláh, Gleanings from the Writings o f BaháVlláh, p. 288)

89. “The advent o f the prophets and the revelation o f the Holy Books is intended to create love between souls and friendship between the inhabitants o f the earth. Real love is impossible unless one turn his face towards God and be attracted to His Beauty.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, quoted in Bahá / World Faith, p. 364)

9 0 . “The great and fundamental teachings o f BaháVlláh are the oneness o f God and unity o f mankind. This is the bond o f union among Bahà’is all over the world. They become united themselves, then unite others. It is impossible to unite unless united.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, The Promulgation o f Universal Peace, p. 156) *

91. “When you love a member o f your family or a compatriot, let it be with a ray o f the Infinite Love! Let it be in God, and for God! Wherever you find the attributes o f God love that person, whether he be o f your family or o f another. Shed the light o f a boundless love on every human being whom you m eet. . . ” (‘Abdul-Bahá, Paris Talks, 9.21)

92. “Compare the nations o f the world to the members o f a fam­ ily. A family is a nation in miniature. Simply enlarge the circle o f the household and you have the nation. Enlarge the circle o f nations and you have all humanity. The conditions surrounding the family surround the nation. The happenings in the family are the happenings in the life o f the nation. Would it add to the progress and advancement o f a fam­ ily if dissensions should arise among its members, fighting, pillaging each other, jealous and revengeful o f injury, seeking selfish advantage? Nay, this would be the cause o f the effacement o f progress and advance- FAMILY LIFE 33

ment. So it is in the great family o f nations, for nations are but an aggre­ gate o f families.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, The Promulgation o f Universal Peace, p. 137)

93. “It is highly important for man to raise a family. So long as he is young, because o f youthful self-complacency, he does not realize its significance, but this will be a source o f regret when he grows old___ In this glorious Cause the life o f a married couple should resemble the life o f the angels in heaven— a life full o f joy and spiritual delight, a life o f unity and concord, a friendship both mental and physical. The home should be orderly and well-organized. Their ideas and thoughts should be like the rays o f the sun o f truth and the radiance o f the brilliant stars in the heavens. Even as two birds they should warble melodies upon the branches o f the tree o f fellowship and harmony. They should always be elated with joy and gladness and be a source o f happiness to the hearts o f others. They should set an example to their fellow-men, manifest true and sincere love towards each other and educate their children in such a manner as to blazon the fame and glory o f their family.” (‘Abdul-Bahá, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982 sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)

94. “Consider the harmful effect o f discord and dissension in a family; then reflect upon the favors and blessings which descend upon that family when unity exists among its various members. What incal­ culable benefits and blessings would descend upon the great human family if unity and brotherhood were established! In this century when the beneficent results o f unity and the ill effects o f discord are so clearly apparent, the means for the attainment and accomplishment o f human fellowship have appeared in the world. His Holiness BaháVlláh has pro­ claimed and provided the way by which hostility and dissension may be removed from the human world. He has left no ground or possibility for strife and disagreement. First he has proclaimed the oneness o f man­ kind and specialized religious teachings for existing human conditions.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, quoted in Star o f the West, Vol. XVII, No. 7, p. 232) 34 BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE

9 5 . “Note ye how easily, where unity existeth in a given family, the affairs o f that family are conducted; what progress the members o f that family make, how they prosper in the world. Their concerns are in or­ der, they enjoy comfort and tranquillity, they are secure, their position is assured, they come to be envied by all. Such a family but addeth to its stature and its lasting honor, as day succeedeth day.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Selectionsfrom the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá, 221.9)

96. “If love and agreement are manifest in a single family, that family will advance, become illumined and spiritual; but if enmity and hatred exist within it, destruction and dispersion are inevitable.” (Abdul-Bahá, The Promulgation o f Universal Peace, pp. 144-145)

9 7. “I charge you all that each one o f you concentrate all the thoughts o f your heart on love and unity . . . “Thoughts o f love are constructive o f brotherhood, peace, friend­ ship, and happiness.” (Abdul-Bahá, Paris Talks, 6.7, 8)

9 8. “Know thou o f a certainty that Love is the secret o f G ods holy Dispensation, the manifestation o f the All-Merciful, the fountain o f spiritual outpourings. Love is heavens kindly light, the Holy Spirits eternal breath that vivifies the human soul. Love is the cause o f G ods revelation unto man, the vital bond inherent, according to Divine cre­ ation, in the realities o f things. Love is the one means that insures true felicity both in this world and the next. Love is the light that guideth in darkness, the living link that united God with man, that assureth the progress o f every illumined soul.” (Abdul-Bahá, quoted in TheBahá'1 World, Vol. II, p. 50)

9 9. “. . . human evolution . . . had its earliest beginnings in the birth o f family life, its subsequent development in the achievement o f tribal solidarity, leading in turn to the constitution o f the city-state, and expanding later into the institution o f independent and sovereign na­ tions.” (Shoghi Effendi, The World Order o f Baha'ulhih, p. 43) FAMILY LIFE 35

100. . . the Cause has not come to break up family ties but to strengthen them; it has not come to eliminate love but to strengthen it; it has not been created to weaken social institutions but to strengthen them.” (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated October 14, 1928, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

101. “If we Bahà’is cannot attain to cordial unity among ourselves, then we fail to realize the main purpose for which the Báb, BaháVlláh, and the Beloved Master lived and suffered. “In order to achieve this cordial unity, one o f the first essentials insisted on by BaháV lláh and ‘A bdul-Bahá is that we resist the natural tendency to let our attention dwell on the faults and failings o f others rather than on our own. Each o f us is responsible for one life only, and that is our own. Each o f us is immeasurably far from being perfect as our heavenly Father is perfect’ and the task o f perfecting our own life and character is one that requires all our attention, our will-power and energy. If we allow our attention and energy to be taken up in efforts to keep others right and remedy their faults, we are wasting precious time. We are like ploughmen each o f whom has his team to manage and his plough to direct, and in order to keep his furrow straight he must keep his eye on his goal and concentrate on his own task. If he looks to this side and that to see how Tom and Harry are getting on and to criticize their ploughing, then his own furrow will assuredly become crooked. “O n no subject are the Bahà’i teachings more emphatic than on the necessity to abstain from fault-finding and backbiting while being ever eager to discover and root out our own faults and overcome our own failings. “If we profess loyalty to BaháVlláh, to our Beloved Master and our dear Guardian, then we must show our love by obedience to these explicit teachings. Deeds not words are what they demand, and no amount o f fervor in the use o f expressions o f loyalty and adulation will compensate for failure to live in the spirit o f the teachings.” (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated May 12, 1925, written on his behalf to an individual believer) 36 BAHÂ’Î MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE

B. Communication

102. “If ye be aware o f a certain truth, if ye possess a jewel, o f which others are deprived, share it with them in a language o f utmost kindliness and good-will. If it be accepted, if it fulfill its purpose, your object is attained. If any one should refuse it, leave him unto himself, and beseech God to guide him. Beware lest ye deal unkindly with him. A kindly tongue is the lodestone o f the hearts o f men. It is the bread o f the spirit, it clotheth the words with meaning, it is the fountain o f the light o f wisdom and understanding. . (BaháVlláh, Gleanings from the Writings o f Bahaulldh, p. 289)

103. “The Great Being saith: The heaven o f divine wisdom is illu­ mined with the two luminaries o f consultation and compassion. Take ye counsel together in all matters, inasmuch as consultation is the lamp o f guidance which leadeth the way, and is the bestower o f understand- • » mg. (Baha ulláh, quoted in Consultation: A Compilation, no. 1)

104. “Say: no man can attain his true station except through his justice. N o power can exist except through unity. N o welfare and no well-being can be attained except through consultation.” (BaháVlláh, quoted in Consultation: A Compilation, no. 2)

105. “Consultation bestoweth greater awareness and transmuteth conjecture into certitude. It is a shining light which, in a dark world, leadeth the way and guideth. For everything there is and will continue to be a station o f perfection and maturity. The maturity o f the gift o f understanding is made manifest through consultation.” (BaháVlláh, quoted in Consultation: A Compilation, no. 3)

106. “In all things it is necessary to consult. This matter should be forcibly stressed by thee, so that consultation may be observed by all. The intent o f what hath been revealed from the Pen o f the Most High is that consultation may be fully carried out among the friends, inasmuch FAMILY LIFE 37

as it is and will always be a cause o f awareness and o f awakening and a source o f good and well-being.” (Baha u llá h , q u oted in Consultation: A Compilation, no. 5)

107. “Trust in God and be unmoved by either praise or false accu­ sations . . . depend entirely on God.” (‘A b d u l-B ahá, Tablets o f Abdul-Baha Abbas, Vol. I, p. 138)

108. “Settle all things, both great and small, by consultation. W ith­ out prior consultation, take no important step in your own personal affairs. Concern yourselves with one another. Help along one another’s projects and plans. Grieve over one another. Let none in the whole country go in need. Befriend one another until ye become as a single body, one and a l l . . . ” (‘A b d u l-B ah á, q u oted in Consultation: A Compilation, no. 19)

109. “The prime requisites for them that take counsel together are purity o f motive, radiance o f spirit, detachment from all else save God, attraction to His Divine Fragrances, humility and lowliness amongst His loved ones, patience and long-suffering in difficulties and servitude to His exalted Threshold. Should they be graciously aided to acquire these attributes, victory from the unseen Kingdom o f Bahá shall be vouch­ safed to them.” (‘A b d u l-B ah á, Selections from the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá, 4 3.1)

110. “The members thereof must take counsel together in such wise that no occasion for ill-feeling or discord may arise. This can be attained when every member expresseth with absolute freedom his own opinion and setteth forth his argument. Should anyone oppose, he must on no account feel hurt for not until matters are fully discussed can the right way be revealed. The shining spark o f truth cometh forth only after the clash o f differing opinions . . . ” (‘A b d u l-B ah á, Selections from the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá, 4 4 .1 )

111. “If they agree upon a subject, even though it be wrong, it is better than to disagree and be in the right, for this difference will pro- 38 BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE

duce the demolition o f the divine foundation. Though one o f the par­ ties may be in the right and they disagree that will be the cause o f a thousand wrongs, but if they agree and both parties are in the wrong, as it is in unity the truth will be revealed and the wrong made right.” (‘A b d u l- Bahá, q u oted in Baha'i World Faith, p. 411)

112, “According to the direct command o f God we are forbidden to utter slander. Remember above all the teaching o f BaháVlláh con­ cerning gossip and unseemly talk about others. Stories repeated about others are seldom good. A silent tongue is safest. Even good may be harmful if spoken at the wrong time or to the wrong person.” (‘A b d u l-Bahá, Abdul-Bahá in London, p. 131)

113. “To be silent concerning the faults o f others, to pray for them, and to help them, through kindness, to correct their faults. “To look always at the good and not at the bad. If a man has ten good qualities and one bad one, to look at the ten and forget the one; and if a man has ten bad qualities and one good one, to look at the one and forget the ten. “Never to allow ourselves to speak one unkind word about an­ other, even though that other be our enemy.” (‘A b d u l-Bahá, q u oted in Bahaulláh and the New Era, p. 94)

114. “Man must consult on all matters, whether major or minor, so that he may become cognizant o f what is good. Consultation giveth him insight into things and enableth him to delve into questions which are unknown. The light o f truth shineth from the faces o f those who engage in consultation. Such consultation causeth the living waters to flow in the meadows o f mans reality, the rays o f ancient glory to shine upon him, and the tree o f his being to be adorned with wondrous fruit. The members who are consulting, however, should behave in the ut­ most love, harmony and sincerity towards each other. The principle o f consultation is one o f the most fundamental elements o f the divine edifice. Even in their ordinary affairs the individual members o f society should consult.” (‘A b d u l-B ahá, q u oted in Consultation: A Compilation, no. 14) FAMILY LIFE 39

115. “BaháVlláh also stressed the importance o f consultation. We should not think this worthwhile method o f seeking solutions is con­ fined to the administrative institutions o f the Cause. Family consulta­ tion employing full and frank discussion, and animated by awareness o f the need for moderation and balance, can be the panacea for domestic conflict.” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated August 1, 1978, to an individual believer)

C. Tests and Difficulties

116. “O SO N OF MAN! “My calamity is My providence, outwardly it is fire and vengeance, but inwardly it is light and mercy. Hasten thereunto that thou mayest become an eternal light and an immortal spirit. This is My command unto thee, do thou observe it.” (BaháVlláh, The Hidden Words, p. 15)

117. “O BEFRIENDED STRANGER! “The candle o f thine heart is lighted by the hand o f My power, quench it not with the contrary winds o f self and passion. The healer o f all thine ills is remembrance o f me, forget it not. Make My love thy treasure and cherish it even as thy very sight and life.” (BaháVlláh, The Hidden Words, p. 33)

118. “Verily the most necessary thing is contentment under all circumstances; by this one is preserved from morbid conditions and from lassitude. Yield not to grief and sorrow; they cause the greatest misery. Jealousy consumeth the body and anger doth burn the liver; avoid these two as you would a lion.” (BaháVlláh, quoted in BaháVlláh and the New Era, p. 117)

119. “If any differences arise amongst you, behold Me standing before your face, and overlook the faults o f one another for My names 40 BAHÂ’Î m a r r i a g e a n d f a m il y l if e

sake and as a token o f your love for My manifest and resplendent Cause. We love to see you at all times consorting in amity and concord within the paradise o f My good-pleasure, and to inhale from your acts the fra­ grance o f friendliness and unity, o f loving-kindness and fellowship.” (Bahà’u’ilàh, Gleanings from the Writings o f Bahaulláh, p. 315)

120. “O thou who art firm in the Covenant! The letter thou hadst written on 2 May 1919 was received. Praise thou God that in tests thou art firm and steadfast and art holding fast to the Abhá Kingdom. Thou art not shaken by any affliction or disturbed by any calamity. N ot until man is tried doth the pure gold distinctly separate from the dross. Tor­ ment is the fire o f test wherein the pure gold shineth resplendently and the impurity is burned and blackened. At present thou art, praise be to God, firm and steadfast in tests and trials and art not shaken by them.” (‘Abdul-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f Abdul-Baháy 89.1)

121. “Rely upon God. Trust in Him. Praise Him, and call Him continually to mind. He verily turneth trouble into ease, and sorrow into solace, and toil into utter peace. He verily hath dominion over all things.” (‘Abdul-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f Abdul-Baháy 150.3)

122. “If thy daily living become difficult, soon (God) thy Lord will bestow upon thee that which will satisfy thee. Be patient in the time o f affliction and trial, endure every difficulty and hardship with a di­ lated heart, attracted spirit and eloquent tongue in remembrance o f the Merciful. Verily this is the life o f satisfaction, the spiritual existence, heavenly repose, divine benediction and the celestial table! Soon thy Lord will extenuate thy straitened circumstances even in this world.” (‘Abdul-Bahá, Tablets o f Abdtd-Baha Abbasy Vol. I, p. 98)

123. “As to thy respected husband: it is incumbent upon thee to treat him with great kindness, to consider his wishes and be conciliatory with him at all times, till he seeth that because thou hast directed thyself toward the Kingdom o f God, thy tenderness for him and thy love for FAMILY LIFE 41

God have but increased, as well as thy concern for his wishes under all conditions.” (‘Abdul-Bahá, Selectionsfrom the Writings o f 'Abdul-Bahá, 91.2)

124. “Thy wife is not in harmony with thee, but praise be to God, the Blessed Beauty is pleased with thee and is conferring upon thee the utmost bounty and blessings. But still try to be patient with thy wife, perchance she may be transformed and her heart may be illumined.” (‘Abdul-Bahá, Selectionsfrom the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá, 89.2)

125. “We should not, however, forget that an essential character­ istic o f this world is hardship and tribulation and that it is by overcom­ ing them that we achieve our moral and spiritual development. As the Master says, sorrow is like furrows, the deeper they go, the more plenti­ ful is the fruit we obtain.” (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated November 5, 1931, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

126. “We must always look ahead and seek to accomplish in the future what we may have failed to do in the past. Failures, tests, and trials, if we use them correctly, can become the means o f purifying our spirits, strengthening our characters, and enable us to rise to greater heights o f service.” (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated December 14, 1941, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

127. “We must not only be patient with others, infinitely patient!, but also with our own poor selves, remembering that even the Prophets o f God sometimes got tired and cried out in despair!” (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated April 5, 1956, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

128. “He feels that you should by all means make every effort to hold your marriage together, especially for the sake o f your children, who, like all children o f divorced parents, cannot but suffer from i on 42 BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE

flicting loyalties, for they are deprived o f the blessings o f a father and mother in one home, to look after their interests and love them jointly. “Now that you realize that your husband is ill, you should be able to reconcile yourself to the difficulties you have faced with him emo­ tionally, and not take an unforgiving attitude, however much you may suffer. “We know that Bahďulláh has very strongly frowned on divorce; and it is really incumbent upon the Bahd’is to make almost a superhu­ man effort not to allow a marriage to be dissolved.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated March 6, 1953, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

129. “When such differences o f opinion and belief occurs between husband and wife it is very unfortunate for undoubtedly it detracts from that spiritual bond which is the stronghold o f the family bond, espe­ cially in times o f difficulty. The way, however, that it could be remedied is not by acting in such wise as to alienate the other party. One o f the objects o f the Cause is actually to bring about a closer bond in the homes. In all such cases, therefore, the Master used to advise obedience to the wishes o f the other party and prayer. Pray that your husband may gradu­ ally see the light and at the same time so act as to draw him nearer rather than prejudice him. Once that harmony is secured then you will be able to serve unhampered.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated July 15, 1928, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

130. “He feels that, now that you have found the thing you were searching for inwardly, and have this added joy in your life o f our glori­ ous Faith, you should be kinder to your husband and more considerate than ever, and do everything in your power to make him feel that this has not taken you away from him, but only made your love for him, and your desire to be a good wife to him, greater. Whether he will ultimately be able to become a Bahà’i or not, is something that only time can tell; but there is no doubt where your duty lies, and that is to make him appreciate the fact that your new affiliation has not interfered in any way with his home life or his marriage, but, on the contrary, has strength­ ened both. FAMILY LIFE 43

“It is very difficult when one has found what one knows is the truth, to sit by and see a dear and close relative completely blind to it. The temptation is to try and ‘stir them up and make them see the light,’ but this is often disastrous. Silence, love and forbearance will win greater victories in such cases. However, your husband has no right to ask you to give up being a Bahà’i. That is going too far. Nobody should trespass on the sacred bond every human being has a right to have with their Creator.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated April 20, 1957, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

131. “The Guardian . . . has learned with deep concern o f your family difficulties and troubles. He wishes me to assure you o f his fer­ vent prayers on your behalf and your dear ones at home, that you may be guided and assisted from on high to compose your differences and to restore complete harmony and fellowship in your midst. W hile he would urge you to make any sacrifice in order to bring about unity in your family, he wishes you not to feel discouraged if your endeavors do not yield any immediate fruit. You should do your part with absolute faith that in doing so you are fulfilling your duty as a Bahà’i. The rest is assuredly in G ods hand. “As regards your husbands attitude towards the Cause; unfriendly though that may be you should always hope that, through conciliatory and friendly means, and with wise, tactful and patient effort you can gradually succeed in winning his sympathy for the Faith. Under no cir­ cumstances should you try to dictate and impose upon him by force your personal religious convictions. Neither should you allow his oppo­ sition to the Cause to seriously hinder your activities. . . You should act patiently, tactfully and with confidence that your efforts are being guided and reinforced by BaháVlláh.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated July 23, 1937, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

132. “He was very sorry to see you are having trouble in your home because o f the Bahà’i Faith. He feels that you should do all in your power to promote love and harmony between your husband and yourself, for your own sakes and for the sake o f your children. You should, 44 BAHÁ1 MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE

however, point out to him that every man is free to seek God for him­ self, and that, although you will never seek to influence him or even discuss the Bahà’i Faith with him, if he does not want to, he should leave you free to attend the meetings. The Guardian hopes that through patience, tact and prayer, you will gradually overcome his prejudice.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated March 16, 1946, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

133. “The Guardian wishes me specially to urge you to remain patient and confident, and above all to show your husband the utmost kindness and love, in return for all the opposition and hatred you re­ ceive from him. A conciliatory and friendly attitude in such cases is not only the duty o f every Bahd’i but is also the most effective way o f win­ ning for the Cause the sympathy and admiration o f its former foes and enemies. Love is, indeed, a most potent elixir that can transform the vilest and meanest o f people into heavenly souls. May your example serve to further confirm the truth o f this beautiful teaching o f our Faith.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated December 6, 1935, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

134. “However, as you no doubt know, Bahà’u lláh has stated that the purpose o f marriage is to promote unity, so you should bear this in mind when dealing with your non-Baha i relatives; they cannot be ex­ pected to feel the way we do on questions o f racial amity, and we must not force our views on them, but rather lovingly and wisely seek to edu­ cate them.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated August 30, 1957, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

135. “There is no limit to our offerings to the Temple. The more we give, the better it is for the Cause and for ourselves. But your case is a special one, since your husband is not a believer. If you can succeed in convincing him o f the importance o f your donations to the Cause, so much the better. But you should never oppose him on this matter and allow anything to disturb the peace and unity o f your family life.” (Shoghi Effendi from a letter dated September 21, 1933, written on his behalf to an individual believer) FAMILY LIFE 45

136. “Regarding your other question concerning the strained rela­ tionship between you and your mother-in-law and what you can do to alleviate the situation, we feel you should, with the help and consulta­ tion o f your husband, persevere in your efforts to achieve unity in the family. From your description o f the unfriendly attitude your motherin-law displays toward you it is clear that you will not have an easy task. However, the important thing is that you, as a Baha i, are aware o f Abdu 1- Bahás admonition to concentrate on an individuals good qualities and that this approach to your mother-in-law can strengthen you in your resolve to achieve unity. And furthermore, perseverance in prayer will give you the strength to continue your efforts.” (Universal House of Justice, from a letter dated September 6, 1980, to an individual believer)

137. “The House o f Justice points out that learning not to con­ cern oneself with the faults o f others seems to be one o f the most diffi­ cult lessons for people to master, and that failing in this is a fertile cause o f disputes among Bahà’is as it is among men and women in general. In ‘Star o f the West,’ Volume 8, No. 10, on page 138, there is a record o f a reply given by Abdul-Bahá in a private interview in Paris in 1913. He was asked ‘How shall I overcome seeing the faults o f others— recogniz­ ing the wrong in others?’ and He replied: ‘I will tell you. Whenever you recognize the fault o f another, think o f yourself: What are my imperfec­ tions?— and try to remove them. Do this whenever you are tried through the words or deeds o f others. Thus you will grow, become more perfect. You will overcome self, you will not even have time to think o f the faults o f others . . (Universal House of Justice, from a letter dated April 5, 1981, written on its behalf to an individual believer)

138. “In considering the problems that you and your wife are ex­ periencing, the House o f Justice points out that the unity o f your family should take priority over any other consideration . . . For example, ser­ vice to the Cause should not produce neglect o f the family. It is impor­ tant for you to arrange your time so that your family life is harmonious and your household receives the attention it requires.” (Universal House of Justice, from a letter dated August 1, 1978, to an individual believer) 46 BAHÁ1 MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE

D, Equality o f Men and Women____________________

139- “O CHILDREN OF MEN! “Know ye not why We created you all from the same dust? That no one should exalt himself over the other. Ponder at all times in your hearts how ye were created. Since We have created you all from one substance it is incumbent on you to be even as one soul, to walk with the same feet, eat with the same mouth and dwell in the same land, that from your inmost being, by your deeds and actions, the signs o f oneness and the essence o f detachment may be made manifest. Such is My counsel to you, O concourse o f light! Heed ye this counsel that ye may obtain the fruit o f holiness from the tree o f wondrous glory.” (BaháVUáh, The Hidden Words, p. 20)

140. “Humanity is like a bird with its two wings— the one is male, the other female. Unless both wings are strong and impelled by some common force, the bird cannot fly heavenwards. According to the spirit o f this age, women must advance and fulfill their mission in all depart­ ments o f life, becoming equal to men. They must be on the same level as men and enjoy equal rights. This is my earnest prayer and it is one o f the fundamental principles o f BaháVlláh.” (‘Abdul-Bahá, quoted in Bahaullúh and the New Era, p. 154)

141. “Divine justice demands that the rights o f both sexes should be equally respected since neither is superior to the other in the eyes o f Heaven. Dignity before God depends not on sex, but on purity and luminosity o f heart. Human virtues belong equally to all!” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Paris Talks, 50.10)

142. “Women have equal rights with men upon earth; in religion and society they are a very important element. As long as women are prevented from attaining their highest possibilities, so long will men be unable to achieve the greatness which might be theirs.” (Abdu 1-Bahá, Paris Talks, 40.33)

143. “In the world o f humanity we find a great difference; the female sex is treated as though inferior, and is not allowed equal rights FAMILY LIFE 47

and privileges. This condition is due not to nature, but to education. In the Divine Creation there is no such distinction. Neither sex is superior to the other in the sight o f God. Why then should one sex assert the inferiority o f the other, withholding just rights and privileges as though God had given His authority for such a course o f action? If women received the same educational advantages as those o f men, the result would demonstrate the equality o f capacity o f both for scholarship.” (Abdu 1-Bahá, Paris Talks, 50.5)

144. MHis Holiness Bahà’u lláh has greatly strengthened the cause o f women, and the rights and privileges o f women is one o f the greatest principles o f Abdu 1-Bahá. Rest ye assured! Ere long the days shall come when the men addressing the women shall say: ‘Blessed are ye! Blessed are ye! Verily ye are worthy o f every gift. Verily ye deserve to adorn your heads with the crown o f everlasting glory, because in sciences and arts, in virtues and perfections ye shall become equal to man, and as regards tenderness o f heart and the abundance o f mercy and sympathy ye are superior.’” (‘Abdu 1-Bahá, Paris Talks, 59.8)

145. “In this Revelation o f BaháVlláh, the women go neck and neck with the men. In no movement will they be left behind. Their rights with men are equal in degree. They will enter all the administra­ tive branches o f politics. They will attain in all such a degree as will be considered the very highest station o f the world o f humanity and will take part in all affairs. Rest ye assured. Do ye not look upon the present conditions; in the not far distant future the world o f women will become all-refulgent and all-glorious FOR HIS HOLINESS BAHÀ’U ’- LLÁH HATH WILLED IT SO! At the time o f elections the right to vote is the inalienable right o f women, and the entrance o f women into all human departments is an irrefutable and incontrovertible question. N o soul can retard or prevent it.” CAbdu 1-Bahá, Paris Talks, 59.5)

146. “Woman must endeavor then to attain greater perfection, to be mans equal in every respect, to make progress in all in which she has 48 BAHÁ1 MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE

been backward, so that man will be compelled to acknowledge her equal­ ity o f capacity and attainment.” (‘A b d u l-Bahá, Paris Talks, 50.11)

147. “Womans lack o f progress and proficiency has been due to her need o f equal education and opportunity. Had she been allowed this equality there is no doubt she would be the counterpart o f man in ability and capacity. The happiness o f mankind will be realized when women and men coordinate and advance equally, for each is the comple­ ment and helpmeet o f the other.” (‘A b d u l-B ah á, The Promulgation o f Universal Peace, p. 182)

E. Education o f Children

148. “It is the bounden duty o f parents to rear their children to be staunch in faith, the reason being that a child who removeth himself from the religion o f God will not act in such a way as to win the good pleasure o f his parents and his Lord. For every praiseworthy deed is born out o f the light o f religion, and lacking this supreme bestowal the child will not turn away from any evil, nor will he draw nigh unto any good.” (Balia ulláh, quoted in BaháHEducation: A Compilation, no. 12)

149. “The fear o f God hath ever been the prime factor in the edu­ cation o f His creatures. Well is it with them that have attained there­ unto!” (Baha ulláh, Epistle to the Son o f the Wolf, p. 27)

150. “Unto every father hath been enjoined the instruction o f his son and daughter in the art o f reading and writing and in all that hath been laid down in the Holy Tablet. He that putteth away that which is commanded unto him, the Trustees are then to take from him that which is required for their instruction, if he be wealthy, and if not the matter devolveth upon the House o f Justice. Verily, have We made it a shelter for the poor and needy. He that bringeth up his son or the son o f an­ other, it is as though he hath brought up a son o f Mine, upon him rest FAMILY LIFE 49

My Glory, My loving kindness, My Mercy, that have compassed the world.” (BaháVIláh, quoted in Synopsis and Codification o f the Laws and Ordinances o f the Kitáb-i-Aqdas, pp. 15-16)

151. “It is incumbent upon the children to exert themselves to the utmost in acquiring the art o f reading and writing. Writing skills that will provide for urgent needs will be enough for some; and then it is better and more fitting that they should spend their time in studying those branches o f knowledge which are o f use. “As for what the Supreme Pen hath previously set down, the reason is that in every art and skill, God loveth the highest perfection.” (BaháVIláh, quoted in Bahá VEducation: A Compilation, no. 20)

152. “The mother is the first teacher o f the child. For children, at the beginning o f life, are fresh and tender as a young twig, and can be trained in any fashion you desire. If you rear the child to be straight, he will grow straight, in perfect symmetry. It is clear that the mother is the first teacher and that it is she who establisheth the character and con­ duct o f the child.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, quoted in Bahá/ Education: A Compilation, no. 96)

153. “O ye loving mothers, know ye that in G ods sight, the best o f all ways to worship Him is to educate the children and train them in all the perfections o f humankind; and no nobler deed than this can be imagined.” (‘Abdul-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá» 114.1)

154. “The father must always endeavor to educate his son and to acquaint him with the heavenly teachings. He must give him advice and exhort him at all times, teach him praiseworthy conduct and character, enable him to receive training at school and to be instructed in such arts and sciences as are deemed useful and necessary. In brief, let him instill into his mind the virtues and perfections o f the world o f humanity. Above all he should continually call to his mind the remembrance o f 50 BAHÁ1 MARRIAGE A N D FAMILY LIFE

God so that his throbbing veins and arteries may pulsate with the love o f God. “The son, on the other hand, must show forth the utmost obedi­ ence towards his father, and should conduct himself as a humble and a lowly servant. Day and night he should seek diligently to ensure the comfort and welfare o f his loving father and to secure his good-pleasure. He must forgo his own rest and enjoyment, and constantly strive to bring gladness to the hearts o f his father and mother, that thereby he may attain the good-pleasure o f the Almighty and be graciously aided by the hosts o f the unseen.” (Abdu 1-Bahá, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982 sent by the Universal House of Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)

155. “O handmaids o f the Lord! The spiritual assemblage that ye established in that illumined city is most propitious. Ye have made great strides; ye have surpassed the others, have arisen to serve the Holy Thresh­ old, and have won heavenly bestowals. Now with all spiritual zeal must ye gather in that enlightened assemblage and recite the Holy Writings and engage in remembering the Lord. Set ye forth His arguments and proofs. Work ye for the guidance o f the women in that land, teach the young girls and the children, so that the mothers may educate their little ones from their earliest days, thoroughly train them, rear them to have a goodly character and good morals, guide them to all the virtues o f hu­ mankind, prevent the development o f any behavior that would be wor­ thy o f blame, and foster them in the embrace of Bahd’i education. Thus shall these tender infants be nurtured at the breast o f the knowledge o f God and His love. Thus shall they grow and flourish, and be taught righteousness and the dignity o f humankind, resolution and the will to strive and to endure. Thus shall they learn perseverance in all things, the will to advance, high mindedness and high resolve, chastity and purity o f life. Thus shall they be enabled to carry to a successful conclusion whatsoever they undertake. “Let the mothers consider that whatever concerneth the education o f children is o f the first importance. Let them put forth every effort in this regard, for when the bough is green and tender it will grow in what­ ever way ye train it. Therefore is it incumbent upon the mothers to rear their little ones even as a gardener tendeth his young plants. Let them FAMILY LIFE 51

strive by day and by night to establish within their children faith and certitude, the fear o f God, the love o f the Beloved o f the worlds, and all good qualities and traits. Whensoever a mother seeth that her child hath done well, let her praise and applaud him and cheer his heart; and if the slightest undesirable trait should manifest itself, let her counsel the child and punish him, and use means based on reason, even a slight verbal chastisement should this be necessary. It is not, however, permissible to strike a child, or vilify him, for the child’s character will be totally per­ verted if he be subjected to blows or verbal abuse.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Selectionsfrom the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá, 95.1-2)

156. “O handmaids o f the beauty o f Abhá! Your letter hath come, and its perusal brought great joy. Praised be God, the women believers have organized meetings where they will learn how to teach the Faith, will spread the sweet savors o f the Teachings and make plans for training the children. “This gathering must be completely spiritual. That is, the discus­ sions must be confined to marshaling clear and conclusive proofs that the Sun o f Truth hath indeed arisen. And further, those present should concern themselves with every means o f training the girl children; with teaching the various branches o f knowledge, good behavior, a proper way o f life, the cultivation o f a good character, chastity and constancy, perseverance, strength, determination, firmness o f purpose; with house­ hold management, the education o f children, and whatever especially applieth to the needs o f girls— to the end that these girls, reared in the stronghold o f all perfections, and with the protection o f a goodly char­ acter, will, when they themselves become mothers, bring up their chil­ dren from earliest infancy to have a good character and conduct them­ selves well. “Let them also study whatever will nurture the health o f the body and its physical soundness, and how to guard their children from dis­ ease. “W hen matters are thus well arranged, every child will become a peerless plant in the gardens o f the Abhá Paradise.” (‘Abdul-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá, 94.1-4) 52 BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE

157. “Ye should consider the question of goodly character as of the first importance. It is incumbent upon every father and mother to counsel their children over a long period, and guide them unto those things which lead to everlasting honor. “Encourage ye the school children, from their earliest years, to deliver speeches of high quality, so that in their leisure time they will engage in giving cogent and effective talks, expressing themselves with clarity and eloquence.” (‘A b d u l-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá, 108.1-2)

158. “Train your children from their earliest days to be infinitely tender and loving to animals. If an animal be sick, let the children try to heal it, if it be hungry, let them feed it, if thirsty, let them quench its thirst, if weary, let them see that it rests. “Most human beings are sinners, but the beasts are innocent. Surely those without sin should receive the most kindness and love— all except animals which are harmful, such as bloodthirsty wolves, such as poison­ ous snakes and similar pernicious creatures, the reason being that kind­ ness to these is an injustice to human beings and to other animals as well.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f Abdul-Bahá,, 13 8 .4 -5 )

159. “The art of music is divine and effective. It is the food of the soul and spirit. Through the power and charm of music the spirit of man is uplifted. It has wonderful sway and effect in the hearts of chil­ dren, for their hearts are pure and melodies have great influence in them. The latent talents with which the hearts of these children are endowed will find expression through the medium of music. Therefore you must exert yourselves to make them proficient; teach them to sing with excel­ lence and effect. It is incumbent upon each child to know something of music, for without knowledge of this art, the melodies of instrument and voice cannot be rightly enjoyed.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, The Promulgation o f Universal Peace, 52)

160. “I give you my advice and it is this: Train these children with divine exhortations. From their childhood instill in their hearts the love FAMILY LIFE 53

of God so they may manifest in their lives the fear of God and have confidence in the bestowals of God. Teach them to free themselves from human imperfections and to acquire the divine perfections latent in the heart of man. The life of man is useful if he attains the perfections of man. If he becomes the center of the imperfections of the world of humanity, death is better than life, and nonexistence better than exis­ tence. Therefore make ye an effort in order that these children may be rightly trained and educated and that each one of them may attain per­ fection in the world of humanity. Know ye the value of these children for they are all my children.” (‘A b du l-Bahá, The Promulgation o f Universal Peace, pp. 5 3 -5 4 )

161. “The child must not be oppressed or censured because it is undeveloped; it must be patiently trained.” (‘A b du l-Bahá, The Promulgation o f Universal Peace, pp. 180-181)

162. “With regard to the statement attributed to ‘Abdul-Bahá and which you have quoted in your letter regarding a problem child’; these statements of the Master, however true in their substance, should never be given a literal interpretation. ‘Abdul-Bahá could have never meant that a child should be left to himself, entirely free. In fact Bahà’i educa­ tion, just like any other system of education is based on the assumption that there are certain natural deficiencies in every child, no matter how gifted, which his educators, whether his parents, schoolmasters, or his spiritual guides and preceptors should endeavor to remedy. Discipline of some sort, whether physical, moral or intellectual, is indeed indis­ pensable, and no training can be said to be complete and fruitful if it disregards this element. The child when born is far from being perfect. It is not only helpless, but actually is imperfect, and even is naturally inclined towards evil. He should be trained, his natural inclinations har­ monized, adjusted and controlled, and if necessary suppressed or regu­ lated, so as to ensure his healthy physical and moral development. Bahá’í parents cannot simply adopt an attitude of nonresistance towards their children . . . ” (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated July 9, 1939, written on his behalf to an individual believer) 54 BAHÁ1 MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE

163. “As regards your plans, the Guardian fully approves indeed of your view that no matter how urgent and vital the requirements of the teaching work may be you should under no circumstance neglect the education of your children, as towards them you have an obligation no less sacred than towards the Cause. “Any plan or arrangement you may arrive at which would com­ bine your two-fold duties toward your family and the Cause, and would permit you to resume active work in the field of pioneer teaching, and also to take good care of your children so as to not jeopardize their future in the Cause would meet with the whole-hearted approval of the Guardian.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated November 16, 1939, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

164. “The question of the training and education of children in case one of the parents is a non-Bahá’í is one which solely concerns the parents themselves, who should decide about it the way they find best and most conducive to the maintenance of the unity of their family, and to the future welfare of their children. Once the child comes of age, however, he should be given full freedom to choose his religion, irre­ spective of the wishes and desires of his parents.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated December 14, 1940, written on his behalf to the National Spiritual Assembly o f India and Burma)

165. “That the first teacher of the child is the mother should not be startling, for the primary orientation of the infant is to its mother. This provision of nature in no way minimizes the role of the father in the Bahà’i family. Again, equality of status does not mean identity of function.” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated June 23, 1974, to an individual believer)

F. Relationships within the Family

166. “The parents must exert every effort to rear their offspring to be religious, for should the children not attain this greatest of adorn- FAMILY LIFE 55

merits, they will not obey their parents, which in a certain sense means that they will not obey God. Indeed, such children will show no consid­ eration to anyone, and will do exactly as they please.” (Bahà’u’ilàh, quoted in BaháHEducation: A Compilation, no. 14)

167. “We have caused thee to return to thy home as a token of Our mercy unto thy mother, inasmuch as We have found her over­ whelmed with sorrow. We have enjoined you in the Book ‘to worship no one but God and to show kindness to your parents.’ Thus hath the one true God spoken and the decree hath been fulfilled by the Almighty, the All-wise. Therefore We have caused Thee to return unto her and unto thy sister, that your mother s eyes may thereby be cheered, and she may be of the thankful. “Say, O My people! Show honor to your parents and pay homage to them. This will cause blessings to descend upon you from the clouds of the bounty of your Lord, the Exalted, the Great. “When We learned of her sadness, We directed thee to return unto her, as a token of mercy unto thee from Our presence, and as an ad­ monishment for others. “Beware lest ye commit that which would sadden the hearts of your fathers.and mothers. Follow ye the path of Truth which indeed is a straight path. Should anyone give you a choice between the opportunity to render a service to me and a service to them, choose ye to serve them, and let such service be a path leading you to Me. This is My exhortation and command unto thee. Observe therefore that which thy Lord, the Mighty, the Gracious, hath prescribed unto thee.” (Bahďulláh, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982 sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)

168. “The fruits of the tree of existence are trustworthiness, loy­ alty, truthfulness and purity. After the recognition of the oneness of the Lord, exalted be He, the most important of all duties is to have due regard for the rights of ones parents. This matter hath been mentioned in all the Books of God.” (Bahďulláh, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982 sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies) 56 BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE

169. “These blessed words were uttered by the Tongue of gran­ deur in the Land of Mystery (Adrianople), exalted and glorified is His utterance: “One of the distinguishing characteristics of this most great Dis­ pensation is that the kin of such as have recognized and embraced the truth of this Revelation and have, in the glory of His name, the Sover­ eign Lord, quaffed the choice, sealed wine from the chalice of the love of the one True God, will, upon their death, if they are outwardly non­ believers, be graciously invested with divine forgiveness and partake of the ocean of His Mercy. “This bounty, however, will be vouchsafed only to such souls as have inflicted no harm upon Him Who is the Sovereign Truth nor upon His loved ones. “Thus hath it been ordained by Him Who is the Lord of the Throne on high and the Ruler of this world and of the world to come.” (Bahà’u lláh, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982 sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)

170. “We have enjoined upon every son to serve his father. Thus have we decreed this command in the Book.” (Balià’u lláh, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982 sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)

171. “If thou wouldst show kindness and consideration to thy par­ ents so that they may feel generally pleased, this would also please Me, for parents must be highly respected and it is essential that they should feel contented, provided they deter thee not from gaining access to the Threshold of the Almighty, nor keep thee back from walking in the way of the Kingdom. Indeed it behooveth them to encourage and spur thee on in this direction.” OAbdul-Bahá, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January, 1982, sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)

172. “According to the teachings of Bahà’u lláh, the family being a human unit must be educated according to the rules of sanctity. All the virtues must be taught the family. The integrity of the family bond must FAMILY LIFE 57

be constantly considered and the rights of the individual members must not be transgressed. The rights of the son, the father, the mother, none of them must be transgressed, none of them must be arbitrary. Just as the son has certain obligations to his father, the father likewise has cer­ tain obligations to his son. The mother, the sister and other members of the household have their certain prerogatives. All these rights and pre­ rogatives must be conserved, yet the unity of the family must be sus­ tained. The injury of one shall be considered the injury of all; the com­ fort of each the comfort of all; the honor of one the honor of all.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, The Promulgation o f Universal Peace, p. 168)

173. “The youth must grow and develop and take the place of their fathers, that this abundant grace, in the posterity of each one of the loved ones of God who bore great agonies, may day by day increase, until in the end, it shall yield its fruit on earth and in Heaven.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, quoted in Baha I Education: A Compilation, no. 103)

174. “There are also certain sacred duties of children toward par­ ents, which duties are written in the Book of God, as belonging to God. The (children s) prosperity in this world and the Kingdom depends upon the good pleasure of parents, and without this they will be in manifest loss.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Tablets o f Abdul-Baha Abbas, Vol. II, pp. 2 6 2 -2 6 3 )

175. “O ye dear children! “Your father is very compassionate, clement and merciful unto you and desireth for you success, prosperity and eternal life in the King­ dom of God. Therefore, it is incumbent upon you, dear children, to seek his good pleasure, to be guided by his guidance, to be drawn by the magnet of the love of God and be brought up in the lap of the love of God; that ye may become beautiful branches in the Garden of El-Abha, verdant and watered by the abundance of the gift of God.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Tablets o f Abdid-Baha Abbas, Vol. Ill, p. 622)

176. “O dear one of Abdu 1-Bahá! Be the son of thy father and be the fruit of that tree. Be a son that hath been born of his soul and heart 58 BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE

and not only of the water and clay. A real son is such an one as hath branched from the spiritual part of a man. I ask God that thou mayest be at all times confirmed and strengthened.” (Abdul-Bahá, Tablets o f Abdul-Baha Abbas, Vol. II, p. 342)

177. “Comfort thy mother and endeavor to do what is conducive to the happiness of her heart.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Tablets o f Abdul-Baha Abbas, Vol. I, p. 74)

178. “You have asked whether a husband would be able to prevent his wife from embracing the divine light or a wife dissuade her husband from gaining entry into the Kingdom of God. In truth neither of them could prevent the other from entering into the Kingdom, unless the husband hath an excessive attachment to the wife or the wife to the husband. Indeed when either of the two worshippeth the other to the exclusion of God, then each could prevent the other from seeking ad­ mittance into His Kingdom.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982 sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)

179. “Regarding thy question about consultation of a father with his son, or a son with his father, in matters of trade and commerce, consultation is one of the fundamental elements of the foundation of the Law of God. Such consultation is assuredly acceptable, whether be­ tween father and son, or with others. There is nothing better than this. Man must consult in all things for this will lead him to the depths of each problem and enable him to find the right solution.” (‘Abdul-Bahá, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982 sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)

180. “It is one of the essential teachings of the Faith that unity should be maintained in the home. O f course this does not mean that any member of the family has a right to influence the faith of any other member; and if this is realized by all the members then it seems certain that unity would be feasible.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated July 6, 1952, written on his behalf to an individual believer) FAMILY LIFE 59

181. “In regard to the question you asked him: he feels sure that, although in some ways you may be a financial burden to your children, it is to them a privilege to look after you; you are their mother and have given them life, and through the bounty of Baha ulláh they are now attracted to His Faith. Anything they do for you is small recompense for all you have done for them.” (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated September 20, 1948, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

182. “It made him very happy to know of the recent confirmation of your . . . friend, and of her earnest desire to serve and promote the Faith. He will certainly pray on her behalf that she may, notwithstand­ ing the opposition of her parents and relatives, increasingly gain in knowl­ edge and in understanding of the Teachings, and become animated with such zeal as to arise, and bring into the Cause a large number of her former co-religionists. “Under no circumstances, however, should she allow her parents to become completely alienated from her, but it is her bounden duty to strive, through patient, continued and loving effort, to win their sympa­ thy for the Faith, and even perhaps, to bring about their confirmation » (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated July 6, 1938, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

183. “The House of Justice suggests that all statements in the Holy Writings concerning specific areas of the relationship between men and women should be considered in the light of the general principle of equality between the sexes that has been authoritatively and repeatedly enunciated in the Sacred Texts. In one of His Tablets ‘A bdul-Bahá as­ serts: ‘In this divine age the bounties of God have encompassed the world of women. Equality of men and women, except in some negli­ gible instances, has been fully and categorically announced. Distinc­ tions have been utterly removed.’ That men and women differ from one another in certain characteristics and functions is an inescapable fact of nature; the important thing is that ‘A bdul-Bahá regards such inequali­ ties as remain between the sexes as being ‘negligible/ 60 BAHA’I m a r r ia g e a n d fam ily life

“The relationship between husband and wife must be viewed in the context of the Bahd’i ideal of family life. Bahďu lláh came to bring unity to the world, and a fundamental unity is that of the family. There­ fore, one must believe that the Faith is intended to strengthen the fam­ ily, not weaken it, and one of the keys to the strengthening of unity is loving consultation. The atmosphere within a Bahd’i family as within the community as a whole should express the keynote of the Cause of Goď which, the beloved Guardian has stated, ‘is not dictatorial author­ ity but humble fellowship, not arbitrary power, but the spirit of frank and loving consultation.’ “A family, however, is a very special kind of community.’ The Research Department has not come across any statements which specifi­ cally name the father as responsible for the ‘security, progress and unity of the family’ . . . but it can be inferred from a number of the responsi­ bilities placed upon him, that the father can be regarded as the ‘head’ of the family. The members of a family all have duties and responsibilities towards one another and to the family as a whole, and these duties and responsibilities vary from member to member because of their natural relationships. The parents have the inescapable duty to educate their children— but not vice versa; the children have the duty to obey their parents— the parents do not obey the children; the mother— not the father— bears the children, nurses them in babyhood, and is thus their first educator, hence daughters have a prior right to education over sons and, as the Guardian’s secretary has written on his behalf, ‘The task of bringing up a Bahà’i child, as emphasized time and again in Bahd’i Writ­ ings, is the chief responsibility of the mother, whose unique privilege is indeed to create in her home such conditions as ‘would be most condu­ cive to both his material and spiritual welfare and advancement. The training which the child first receives through his mother constitutes the strongest foundation for his future development.’ A corollary of this responsibility of the mother is her right to be supported by her hus­ band— a husband has no explicit right to be supported by his wife. This principle of the husband’s responsibility to provide for and protect the family can be seen applied also in the law in intestacy which provides that the family’s dwelling place passes, on the father’s death, not to his widow, but to his eldest son; the son at the same time has the responsi­ bility to care for his mother. FAMILY LIFE 61

“It is in this context of mutual and complementary duties and responsibilities that one should read the Tablet in which Abdu 1-Bahá gives the following exhortation: ‘O Handmaids of the Self-Sustaining Lord! Exert your efforts so that you may obtain the honor and privilege ordained for women. Undoubtedly the greatest glory of women is servitude at His thresh­ old and submissiveness at His door; it is the possession of a vigi­ lant heart, and praise of the incomparable God; it is heartfelt love towards other handmaids and spotless chastity; it is obedience to and consideration for their husbands and the education and care of their children; and it is tranquillity, and dignity, and persever­ ance in the remembrance of the Lord, and the utmost enkindlement and attraction.’ “This exhortation to the utmost degree of spirituality and selfabnegation should not be read as a legal definition giving the husband absolute authority over his wife, for, in a letter written to an individual believer on 22 July 1943, the beloved Guardians secretary wrote on his behalf: ‘The Guardian, in his remarks . . . about parents and children, wives’ and husbands’ relations in America, meant that there is a tendency in that country for children to be too independent of the wishes of their parents and lacking in the respect due to them. Also wives, in some cases, have a tendency to exert an unjust de­ gree of domination over their husbands which, of course, is not right, any more than that the husband should unjustly dominate his wife.’ “In any group, however loving the consultation, there are never­ theless points on which, from time to time, agreement cannot be reached. In a Spiritual Assembly this dilemma is resolved by a majority vote. There can, however, be no majority where only two parties are involved, as in the case of a husband and wife. There are, therefore, times when a wife should defer to her husband, and times when a husband should defer to his wife, but neither should ever unjustly dominate the other. In short, the relationship between husband and wife should be as held forth in the prayer revealed by Abdul-Bahá which is often read at Bahà’i wed­ dings: ‘Verily they are married in obedience to Thy command. Cause them to become the signs of harmony and unity till the end of time.’ 62 BAHAI MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE

“These are all relationships within the family, but there is a much wider sphere of relationship between men and women than in the home, and this too we should consider in the context of Bahà’i society, not in that of past or present social norms. For example, although the mother is the first educator of the child, and the most formative influence in his development, the father also has the responsibility of educating his chil­ dren, and this responsibility is so weighty that Bahà’u’ilàh has stated that a father who fails to exercise it forfeits his rights of fatherhood. Similarly, although the primary responsibility for supporting the family financially is placed upon the husband, this does not by any means im­ ply that the place of women is confined to the home. On the contrary, ‘Abdu 1-Bahá has stated:

‘In this Revelation of Bahà’u’ilàh, the women go neck and neck with men. In no movement will they be left behind. Their rights with men are equal in degree. They will enter all the administra­ tive branches of politics. They will attain in all such a degree as will be considered the very highest station of the world of human­ ity and will take part in all affairs.’ {Paris Talks, [59.5])

and again:

‘So it will come to pass that when women participate fully and equally in the affairs of the world, enter confidently and capably the great arena of laws and politics, war will cease;. . . ’ {T he Promulgation o f Universal Peace, p. 135)

“In the Tablet of the World, Bahà’u’ilàh Himself has envisaged that women as well as men would be breadwinners in stating:

‘Everyone, whether man or woman, should hand over to a trusted person a portion of what he or she earneth through trade, agricul­ ture or other occupation, for the training and education of chil­ dren, to be spent for this purpose with the knowledge of the Trust­ ees of the House of Justice.’ {Tablets o f Bahď ulláh, p. 90) FAMILY LIFE 63

“A very important element in the attainment of such equality is BaháVlláhs provision that boys and girls must follow essentially the same curriculum in schools.” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated December 28, 1980, to the National Spiritual Assembly o f N ew Zealand)

G* Death

184. “O SON OF THE SUPREME! “I have made death a messenger of joy to thee. Wherefore dost thou grieve? I made the light to shed on thee its splendor. Why dost thou veil thyself therefrom?” (B ahaulláh, The H idden Words, p. 11)

185. “O thou assured soul, thou maidservant of God . . . ! Be not grieved at the death of thy respected husband. He hath, verily, attained the meeting of His Lord at the seat of Truth in the presence of the potent King. Do not suppose that thou hast lost him. The veil shall be lifted and thou shalt behold his face illumined in the Supreme Con­ course. Just as God, the Exalted, hath said, ‘Him will we surely quicken to a happy life/ Supreme importance should be attached, therefore, not to this first creation but rather to the future life.” CAbdul-Bahá, Selections from the W ritings o f ‘A bdul-B ahá, 165.4)

186. “O thou beloved maid-servant of God, although the loss of a son is indeed heart-breaking and beyond the limits of human endur­ ance, yet one who knoweth and understandeth is assured that the son hath not been lost but, rather, hath stepped from this world into an­ other, and she will find him in the divine realm. That reunion shall be for eternity, while in this world separation is inevitable and bringeth with it a burning grief. “Praise be unto God that thou hast faith, art turning thy face to­ ward the everlasting Kingdom and believest in the existence of a heav­ enly world. Therefore be thou not disconsolate, do not languish, do not sigh, neither wail nor weep; for agitation and mourning deeply affect his soul in the divine realm. 64 BAHÂ’Î MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE

“That beloved child addresseth thee from the hidden world: ‘O thou kind Mother, thank divine Providence that I have been freed from a small and gloomy cage and, like the birds of the meadows, have soared to the divine world— a world which is spacious, illumined, and ever gay and jubilant. Therefore, lament not, O Mother, and be not grieved; I am not of the lost, nor have I been obliterated and destroyed. I have shaken off the mortal form and have raised my banner in this spiritual world. Following this separation is everlasting companionship. Thou shalt find me in the heaven of the Lord, immersed in an ocean of light.’” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Selections from the W ritings o f A bdul-B ahá, 171.1-3)

187. “Question.— What is the condition of children who die be­ fore attaining the age of discretion, or before the appointed time of birth? “Answer.— These infants are under the shadow of the favor of God; and as they have not committed any sin, and are not soiled with the impurities of the world of nature, they are the centers of the mani­ festation of bounty, and the Eye of Compassion will be turned upon them.” (‘Abdul-Bahá, Some Answered Questions, pp. 2 7 8 -2 7 9 )

188. “The death of that beloved youth and his separation from you have caused the utmost sorrow and grief; for he winged his flight in the flower of his age and the bloom of his youth to the heavenly nest. But he hath been freed from this sorrow-stricken shelter and hath turned his face toward the everlasting nest of the Kingdom, and, being deliv­ ered from a dark and narrow world, hath hastened to the sanctified realm of light; therein lieth the consolation of our hearts. “The inscrutable divine wisdom underlieth such heart-rending occurrences. It is as if a kind gardener transferreth a fresh and tender shrub from a confined place to a wide open area. This transfer is not the cause of the withering, the lessening or the destruction of that shrub; nay, on the contrary, it maketh it to grow and thrive, acquire freshness and delicacy, become green and bear fruit. This hidden secret is well known to the gardener, but those souls who are unaware of this bounty suppose that the gardener, in his anger and wrath, hath uprooted the shrub. Yet to those who are aware, this concealed fact is manifest, and FAMILY LIFE 65

this predestined decree is considered a bounty. Do not feel grieved or disconsolate, therefore, at the ascension of that bird of faithfulness; nay, under all circumstances pray for that youth, supplicating for him for­ giveness and the elevation of his station. “I hope that you will attain the utmost patience, composure and resignation and I entreat and implore at the Threshold of Oneness, beg­ ging for forgiveness and pardon. My hope from the infinite bounties of God is that He may shelter this dove of the garden of faith, and cause him to abide on the branch of the Supreme Concourse, that he may sing in the best of melodies the praise and glorification of the Lord of Names and Attributes.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Selections from the W ritings o f A bdul-B ahá, 169.1-3)

189. “In the next world man will find himself freed from many of the disabilities under which he now suffers. Those who have passed on through death, have a sphere of their own. It is not removed from ours: their work of the Kingdom, is ours; but it is sanctified from what we call time and place. Time with us is measured by the sun. When there is no more sunrise and no more sunset, that kind of time does not exist for man. Those who have ascended have different attributes (conditions) from those who are still on earth, yet there is no real separation. “In prayer there is a mingling of stations, a mingling of condition. Pray for them as they pray for you.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, A bdul-B ahá in London, p. 97)

H. W ork and Finances

190. “Whatsoever deterreth you, in this Day, from loving God is nothing but the world. Flee it, that ye may be numbered with the blest. Should a man wish to adorn himself with the ornaments of the earth, to wear its apparels, or partake of the benefits it can bestow, no harm can befall him, if he alloweth nothing whatever to intervene between him and God, for God hath ordained every good thing, whether created in the heavens or in the earth, for such of His servants as truly believe in Him. Eat ye, O people, of the good things which God hath allowed 66 BAHÀ’Î MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE

you, and deprive not yourselves from His wondrous bounties. Render thanks and praise unto him, and be of them that are truly thankful.” (BaháVlláh, Gleanings from the W ritings o f B aháV lláh, p. 276)

191. “O SON OF MAN! “Should prosperity befall thee, rejoice not, and should abasement come upon thee, grieve not, for both shall pass away and be no more.” (BaháVlláh, The H idden Words, p. 16)

192. “O SON OF BEING! “If poverty overtake thee, be not sad; for in time the Lord of wealth shall visit thee. Fear not abasement, for glory shall one day rest on thee.” (Bahďulláh, The H idden Words, p. 16)

193. “O MY SERVANT! “The best of men are they that earn a livelihood by their calling and spend upon themselves and upon their kindred for the love of God, the Lord of all worlds.” (BaháVlláh, The H idden W ords,?. 51)

194. “O thou servant of the One true God! In this universal dis­ pensation mans wondrous craftsmanship is reckoned as worship of the Resplendent Beauty. Consider what a bounty and blessing it is that crafts­ manship is regarded as worship. In former times, it was believed that such skills were tantamount to ignorance, if not a misfortune, hindering man from drawing nigh unto God. Now consider how His infinite be­ stowals and abundant favors have changed hell-fire into blissful para­ dise, and a heap of dark dust into a luminous garden. “It behooveth the craftsmen of the world at each moment to offer a thousand tokens of gratitude at the Sacred Threshold, and to exert their highest endeavor and diligently pursue their professions so that their efforts may produce that which will manifest the greatest beauty and perfection before the eyes of all men.” (‘A b d u l-Bahá, Selections from the Writings o f A bdul-B ahá, 1271-2) FAMILY LIFE 67

195. “Thy letter was received. I hope that thou mayest be pro­ tected and assisted under the providence of the True one, be occupied always in mentioning the Lord and display effort to complete thy profes­ sion. Thou must endeavor greatly so that thou mayest become unique in thy profession and famous in those parts, because attaining perfection in ones profession in this merciful period is considered to be worship of God. And whilst thou art occupied with thy profession, thou canst re­ member the True One.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Selections from the W ritings o f A bdul-B ahá, 128.1)

196. “Some mens lives are solely occupied with the things of this world; their minds are so circumscribed by exterior manners and tradi­ tional interests that they are blind to any other realm of existence, to the „ spiritual significance of all things! They think and dream of earthly fame, of material progress. Sensuous delights and comfortable surroundings bound their horizon, their highest ambitions center in success of worldly conditions and circumstances! They curb not their lower propensities; they eat, drink and sleep! Like the animal, they have no thought beyond their own physical well-being. It is true that these necessities must be dispatched. Life is a load which must be carried on while we are on earth, but the cares of the lower things of life should not be allowed to monopolize all the thoughts and aspirations of a human being. The hearts ambitions should ascend to a more glorious goal, mental activity should rise to higher levels! Men should hold in their souls the vision of celestial perfection, and there prepare a dwelling-place for the inexhaust­ ible bounty of the Divine Spirit. “Let your ambition be the achievement on earth of a Heavenly civilization! I ask for you the supreme blessing, that you may be so filled with the vitality of the Heavenly Spirit that you may be the cause of life to the world.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Paris Talks, 31.9-10)

197. “If a man is successful in his business, art, or profession he is thereby enabled to increase his physical wellbeing and to give his body the amount of ease and comfort in which it delights. All around us today we see how man surrounds himself with every modern conve- 68 BAHÁ’1 MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE

nience and luxury, and denies nothing to the physical and material side of his nature. But, take heed, lest in thinking too earnestly of the things of the body you forget the things of the soul: for material advantages do not elevate the spirit of man. Perfection in worldly things is a joy to the body of a man but in no wise does it glorify his soul. “It may be that a man who has every material benefit, and who lives surrounded by all the greatest comfort modern civilization can give him, is denied the all important gift of the Holy Spirit. “It is indeed a good and praiseworthy thing to progress materially, but in so doing, let us not neglect the more important spiritual progress, and close our eyes to the Divine light shining in our midst.” (‘A bdu 1-Bahá, Paris Talks., 19.3-5)

198. “We must be like the fountain or spring that is continually emptying itself of all that it has and is continually being refilled from an invisible source. To be continually giving out for the good of our fellows undeterred by the fear of poverty and reliant on the unfailing bounty of the Source of all wealth and all good— this is the secret of right living.” (Shoghi Effendi, quoted in Bahá VFunds an d Contributions, p. 16)

199. “Even though Shoghi Effendi would urge every believer to sacrifice as much as possible for the sake of contributing towards the fund of the National Assembly, yet he would discourage the friends to incur debts for that purpose. We are asked to give what we have, not what we do not possess, especially if such an act causes suffering to others. In such matters we should use judgment and wisdom and take into our confidence other devoted Bahd’is.” (Shoghi Effendi, quoted in B a h a i Funds an d Contributions, p. 10)

L H ospitality_____________________________________

200. “Blessed is the house that hath attained unto My tender mercy, wherein My remembrance is celebrated, and which is ennobled by the presence of My loved ones, who have proclaimed My praise, cleaved fast to the cord of My grace and been honored by chanting My verses. FAMILY LIFE 69

Verily they are the exalted servants whom God hath extolled in the Qayyúmu 1-Asmá* and other scriptures. Verily He is the All-Hearing, the Answerer, He Who perceiveth all things.” (Bahďulláh, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982 sent from the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)

201. . . consort with the followers of all religions in a spirit of friendliness and fellowship . . . They that are endued with sincerity and faithfulness should associate with all the peoples and kindreds of the earth with joy and radiance, inasmuch as consorting with people hath promoted and will continue to promote unity and concord, which in turn are conducive to the maintenance of order in the world and to the regeneration of nations. Blessed are such as hold fast to the cord of kindliness and tender mercy and are free from animosity and hatred.” (BaháVlláh, Tablets o f Bahď ulláh, pp. 3 5 -3 6 )

202. “O MY FRIENDS! “Walk ye in the ways of the good pleasure of the Friend, and know that His pleasure is in the pleasure of His creatures. That is: no man should enter the house of his friend save at his friends pleasure, nor lay hands upon his treasures nor prefer his own will to his friends, and in no wise seek an advantage over him. Ponder this, ye that have insight!” (Baha ulláh, The H idden Words, p. 37)

203. “O my God! let the outpourings of Thy bounty and bless­ ings descend upon homes whose inmates have embraced Thy Faith, as a token of Thy grace and as a mark of loving-kindness from Thy pres­ ence.” (The Báb, Selections from the W ritings o f the Báb, p. 200)

204. “My home is the home of peace. My home is the home of joy and delight. My home is the home of laughter and exaltation. Whoever enters through the portals of this home, must go out with gladsome heart. This is the home of light; whoever enters here must become illu­ mined.” (‘A bdu 1-Bahá, quoted in Star o f the West, Vol. XX, N o. 2, p. 52) 70 BAHAI m a r r ia g e a n d fa m ily life

205. “Treat all thy friends and relatives, even strangers, with a spirit of utmost love and kindliness.” (‘Abdu 1-Bahá, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982 sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)

206. “Wherefore must the loved ones of God associate in affec­ tionate fellowship with stranger and friend alike, showing forth to all the utmost loving-kindness, disregarding the degree of their capacity, never asking whether they deserve to be loved. In every instance let the friends be considerate and infinitely kind.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Selections from the W ritings o f A bdul-B ahá, 8.8)

207. “I beseech God to graciously make of thy home a center for the diffusion of the light of divine guidance, for the dissemination of the Words of God and for enkindling at all times the fire of love in the hearts of His faithful servants and maidservants. Know thou of a cer­ tainty that every house wherein the anthem of praise is raised to the Realm of Glory in celebration of the Name of God is indeed a heavenly home, and one of the gardens of delight in the Paradise of God.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, quoted in a compilation on Family Life dated January 1982 sent by the Universal House o f Justice to National Spiritual Assemblies)

208. “This is in truth a Bahd’i house. Every time such a house or meeting place is founded it becomes one of the greatest aids to the gen­ eral development of the town and country to which it belongs. It en­ courages the growth of learning and science and is known for its intense spirituality and for the love it spreads among the peoples.” (‘Abdul-Bahá, Paris Talks, 24.1)

J. Relationship with Bahà'i Institutions and Community

209. “The first condition is firmness in the Covenant of God. For the power of the Covenant will protect the Cause of BaháVlláh from the doubts of the people of error. It is the fortified fortress of the Cause of God and the firm pillar of the religion of God. Today no power can FAMILY LIFE 71

conserve the oneness of the Bahà’i world save the Covenant of God; otherwise differences like unto a most great tempest will encompass the Bahd’i world. It is evident that the axis of the oneness of the world of humanity is the power of the Covenant and nothing else. . . Therefore, in the beginning one must make his steps firm in the Covenant so that the confirmations of Bahà’u lláh may encircle from all sides, the cohorts of the Supreme Concourse may become the supporters and the helpers, and the exhortations and advices of ‘Abdul-Bahá, like unto the pictures engraved on stone, may remain permanent and ineffaceable in the tab­ lets of the hearts.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Tablets o f the D ivin e Plan, 8.8)

210. “There are certain pillars which have been established as the unshakable supports of the Faith of God. The mightiest of these is learn­ ing and the use of the mind, the expansion of consciousness, and in­ sight into the realities of the universe and the hidden mysteries of Al­ mighty God. “To promote knowledge is thus an inescapable duty imposed on every one of the friends of God. It is incumbent upon that Spiritual Assembly, that assemblage of God, to exert every effort to educate the children, so that from infancy they will be trained in Bahà’i conduct and the ways of God, and will, even as young plants, thrive and flourish in the soft-flowing waters that are the counsels and admonitions of the Blessed Beauty.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Selections from the W ritings o f A bdul-B ahá, 97.1-2)

211. “And now as I look into the future, I hope to see the friends at all times, in every land, and of every shade of thought and character, voluntarily and joyously rallying round their local and in particular their national centers of activity, upholding and promoting their interests with complete unanimity and contentment, with perfect understand­ ing, genuine enthusiasm, and sustained vigor. This indeed is the one joy and yearning of my life, for it is the fountain-head from which all future blessings will flow, the broad foundation upon which the security of the Divine Edifice must ultimately rest.” (Shoghi Effendi, Bahá 'í A dm inistration, p. 67) 72 BAHÂ’Î MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE

212. “There is a time set aside at the 19 Day Feasts for the Com­ munity to express its views and make suggestions to its Assembly; the Assembly and the believers should look forward to this happy period of discussion, and neither fear it nor suppress it.” (Shoghi EiFendi, from a letter dated June 20, 1949, written on his behalf to the National Spiritual Assembly o f Germany and Austria)

213. “He was very sorry to hear that you have had so many tests in your Bahd’i life. There is no doubt that many of them are due to your own nature. In other words, if we are very sensitive, or if we are in some way brought up in a different environment from the Bahà’is amongst whom we live, we naturally see things differently and may feel them more acutely; and the other side of it is that the imperfections of our fellow-Bahà’is can be a great trial to us. “He feels that, if you close your eyes to the failings of others, and fix your love and prayers upon Bahà’u’ilàh, you will have the strength to weather this storm, and will be much better for it in the end, spiritually. Although you suffer, you will gain a maturity that will enable you to be of greater help to both your fellow-Bahd’is and your children.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated April 5, 1956, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

214. “The friends must be patient with each other and must real­ ize that the Cause is still in its infancy and its institutions are not yet functioning perfectly. The greater the patience, the loving understand­ ing and the forbearance the believers show towards each other and their shortcomings, the greater will be the progress of the whole Baha’i com­ munity at large.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated February 27, 1943, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

215. “The greatest need it seems everywhere inside the Cause is to impress upon the friends the need for love among them. There is a ten­ dency to mix up the functions of the Administration and try to apply it in individual relationships, which is abortive, because the Assembly is a nascent House of Justice and is supposed to administer, according to the FAMILY LIFE 73

Teachings, the affairs of the community. But individuals toward each other are governed by love, unity, forgiveness and a sin-covering eye. Once the friends grasp this they will get along much better, but they keep playing Spiritual Assembly to each other and expect the Assembly to behave like an individual. . . ” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated October 3, 1950, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

216. “When criticism and harsh words arise within a Bahd’i com­ munity, there is no remedy except to put the past behind one, and per­ suade all concerned to turn over a new leaf, and for the sake of God and His Faith refrain from mentioning the subjects which have led to mis­ understanding and inharmony. The more the friends argue back and forth and maintain, each side, that their point of view is the right one the worse the whole situation becomes. “When we see the condition the world is in today, we must surely forget these utterly insignificant internal disturbances, and rush, unit­ edly, to the rescue of humanity. You should urge your fellow-Bahd’is to take this point of view, and to support you in a strong effort to suppress every critical thought and every harsh word, in order to let the spirit of Baha’u’llah flow into the entire community, and unite it in His love and His service.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated February 16, 1951, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

217. “We must realize our imperfection and not permit ourselves to get too upset over the unfortunate things which occur, sometimes in Conventions, sometimes in Assemblies or on Committees, etc. Such things are essentially superficial and in time will be outgrown.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated March 17, 1943, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

218. “He feels, in regard to your family problems, that you should take these matters up with your assembly, if you desire advice; one of the duties of these assemblies is to advise and aid the friends, and it is your privilege to turn to your Assembly.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated April 10, 1947, written on his behalf to an individual believer) 74 BAHA’I MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE

219. “The divinely ordained institution of the Local Spiritual As­ sembly operates at the first levels of human society and is the basic ad­ ministrative unit of Bahà’u’Uàh’s World Order. It is concerned with indi­ viduals and families whom it must constantly encourage to unite in a distinctive Bahà’i society, vitalized and guarded by the laws, ordinances and principles of Bahà’u lláhs Revelation. It protects the Cause of God; it acts as the loving shepherd of the Bahà’i flock.” (Universal House o f Justice, in its Message to the Bahd’is o f the World, launching the Five Year Plan, Naw-Rúz, 1974)

220. “When a believer has a problem concerning which he must make a decision, he has several courses open to him. If it is a matter that affects the interests of the Faith he should consult with the appropriate Assembly or committee, but individuals have many problems which are purely personal and there is no obligation to take such problems to the institutions of the Faith: indeed, it is better if the friends will not bur­ den their Assemblies with personal problems that they can solve by them­ selves. “A Bahà’i who has a problem may wish to make his own decision upon it after prayer and after weighing all the aspects of it in his own mind; he may prefer to seek the counsel of individual friends or of pro­ fessional counselors such as his doctor or lawyer so that he can consider such advice when making his decision; or in a case where several people are involved, such as a family situation, he may want to gather together those who are affected so that they may arrive at a collective decision. There is also no objection whatever to a Bahà’i asking a group of people to consult together on a problem facing him. “It should be borne in mind that all consultation is aimed at arriv­ ing at a solution to a problem and is quite different from the sort of group baring of the soul that is popular in some circles these days and which borders on the kind of confession that is forbidden in the Faith. On the subject of confession the Guardians secretary wrote on his be­ half to an individual believer: ‘We are forbidden to confess to any per­ son, as do the Catholics to their priests, our sins and shortcomings, or to do so in public, as some religious sects do. However, if we spontane­ ously desire to acknowledge we have been wrong in something, or that we have some fault of character, and ask another persons forgiveness or FAMILY LIFE 75

pardon, we are quite free to do so. The Guardian wants to point out, however, that we are not obliged to do so. It rests entirely with the indi­ vidual.’” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated March 19, 1973, to the National Spiritual Assembly o f Canada)

221. “The friends are called upon to give their whole-hearted sup­ port and cooperation to the Local Spiritual Assembly, first by voting for the membership and then by energetically pursuing its plans and pro­ grams, by turning to it in time of trouble or difficulty, by praying for its success and taking delight in its rise to influence and honor. This great prize, this gift of God within each community must be cherished, nur­ tured, loved, assisted, obeyed and prayed for. “Such a firmly founded, busy and happy community life as is en­ visioned when Local Spiritual Assemblies are truly effective, will pro­ vide a firm home foundation from which the friends may derive courage and strength and loving support in bearing the Divine Message to their fellow-men and conforming their lives to its benevolent rule.” (Universal House o f Justice, in its Message to the Bahà’is o f the World, launching the Five Year Plan, Naw-Rúz, 1974)

K* Family Life and Bahà’i Service

222. “Praised be God, ye two have demonstrated the truth of your words by your deeds, and have won the confirmation of the Lord God. Every day at first light, ye gather the Bahai children together and teach them the communes and prayers. This is a most praiseworthy act, and bringeth joy to the childrens hearts: that they should, at every morn, turn their faces toward the Kingdom and make mention of the Lord and praise His Name, and in the sweetest of voices, chant and recite. “These children are even as young plants, and teaching them the prayers is as letting the rain pour down upon them, that they may wax tender and fresh, and the soft breezes of the love of God may blow over them, making them to tremble with joy.” (‘Abdul-Bahá, Selectionsfrom the W ritings o f ‘A bdul-Bahá* 115.2-3) 76 BAHÀ1 MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE

223. “A truly Bahà’i home is a true fortress upon which the Cause can rely while planning its campaigns. I f . . . a n d . . . love each other and would like to marry, Shoghi Effendi does not wish them to think that by doing so they are depriving themselves of the privilege of service; in fact such a union will enhance their ability to serve. There is nothing more beautiful than to have young Bahd’is marry and found truly Bahd’i homes, the type Bahd’u’lldh wishes them to be. Please give them both the Guardians loving greetings.” (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated November 6, 1932, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

224. “It is our duty and privilege to translate the love and devo­ tion we have for our beloved Cause into deeds and actions that will be conducive to the highest good of mankind.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated November 20, 1924, to an individual believer)

225. “Bahd’is should seek to be many-sided, normal and well bal­ anced, mentally and spiritually. We must not give the impression of being fanatics but at the same time we must live up to our principles.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated March 12, 1946, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

226. “Surely Shoghi Effendi would like to see you and the other friends give their whole time and energy to the Cause, for we are in great need for competent workers, but the home is an institution that Bahd’­ u’lldh has come to strengthen and not to weaken. Many unfortunate things have happened in Baha’i homes just for neglecting this point. Serve the Cause but also remember your duties towards your home. It is for you to find the balance and see that neither makes you neglect the other. We would have many more husbands in the Cause were the wives more thoughtful and moderate in their Bahai activities.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated May 14, 1929, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

227. “The Guardian has long felt that the American Bahà’is are not, in some cases, living up to the ideal of marriage set forth by Bahá’- FAMILY LIFE 77

ulláh. They are prone to being influenced by the current light and selfish attitude of the people towards the marriage bond. Consequently when he sees you are successfully living up to the Bahà’i standard, putting your best into it and preserving this sacred tie you have with your hus­ band, he is very happy indeed. He hopes you will be in a position to be an example to others. For he disapproves of the way some Bahà’is, in the name of serving the Cause, disencumber themselves of their husbands, or go and get new ones!” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated April 2 , 1950, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

228^ “The Guardian, in view of the fact that your husband does not really wish to be separated from you, but on the contrary is desirous of keeping your marriage together, feels that you, as a Bahà’i, have no right to destroy it because of your desire to serve the Faith. “Marriage is a very sacred institution. Bahà’u lláh said its purpose is to promote unity. If the friends neglect, for the sake of the Cause, this institution, they place the Faith in a poor light before the public. In these days the people of the world are so immoral, and treat the mar­ riage institution so lightly; and we, as Bahà’is, in contrast to the people of the world, are trying to create a high moral standard and reinstate the sanctity of marriage. “If your husband will allow you to do a certain amount of teach­ ing work, and occasionally travel in the interests of the Faith, all the better; but he does not think the Faith should be made the thing which destroys your family life.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated June 6, 1954, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

229. “Your sons, even though they will not be able at first to serve with you in pioneering, are certainly helping you to do so because of their devoted spirit and their complete cooperation. Life at best is so full of unexpected vicissitudes that leaving your boys at home does not, he feels, present any added risks. They are devoted to the Cause and will no doubt be inspired by your example.” (Shoghi Effendi, from a letter dated August 10, 1953, written on his behalf to an individual believer) 78 BAHÂ’Î MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE

230. “Your responsibility towards your son and your husband is very great, and the Guardian hopes your work will soon reach a point where you can return, at least for some time, to them, and give them that love and encouragement which is a womans great contribution to home life.” (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated August 5, 1949, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

231. “He has noted with feelings of genuine admiration your long­ ing to serve in the field of pioneer teaching, but is sorry to hear that your domestic circumstances do not permit you to carry out this dear wish of your heart. “While he heartily appreciates your eagerness to labor for the Faith in distant and hitherto unopened territories, he feels that, in view of your husbands opposition, and also in consideration of the need of your children for your close help and guidance, you should, for the present, endeavor instead to work in virgin localities in the vicinity of . . . or of the adjoining towns.” (Shoghi EfFendi, from a letter dated November 7, 1940, written on his behalf to an individual believer)

232. “Encourage within families, the practice of daily prayer and reading of the Holy Writings.” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated January, 1981, to the Bahà’is o f Canada)

233. “In considering the problems that you and your wife are ex­ periencing, the House of Justice points out that the unity of your family should take priority over any other consideration. BaháVlláh came to bring unity to the world, and a fundamental unity is that of the family. Therefore, we must believe that the Faith is intended to strengthen the family, not weaken it. For example, service to the Cause should not produce neglect of the family. It is important for you to arrange your time so that your family life is harmonious and your household receives the attention it requires.” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated August 1, 1978, to an individual believer) FAMILY LIFE 79

234. “Although Bahà’i services should be undertaken with a spirit of sacrifice, one cannot lose sight of the importance given in our Holy Writings to the responsibilities placed on parents in relationship to their children, as well as to the duties of children towards their parents.” (Universal House o f Justice, from a letter dated November 19, 1978, to an individual believer)

L. Prayers________________________________________ For Expectant Mothers____________________________

235. “My Lord! My Lord! I praise Thee and I thank Thee for whereby Thou hast favored Thine humble maidservant, Thy slave be­ seeching and supplicating Thee, because Thou hast verily guided her unto Thine obvious Kingdom and caused her to hear Thine exalted Call in the contingent world and to behold Thy Signs which prove the appearance of Thy victorious reign over all things. “O my Lord, I dedicate that which is in my womb unto Thee. Then cause it to be a praiseworthy child in Thy Kingdom and a fortu­ nate one by Thy favor and Thy generosity; to develop and to grow up under the charge of Thine education. Verily, Thou art the Gracious! Verily, Thou art the Lord of Great Favor!” (‘A b du l-Bahá, Bahá ’í Prayers, U.S. 1982, pp. 6 6 -6 7 )

For Infants

236. “Praised be Thou, O Lord my God! Graciously grant that this infant be fed from the breast of Thy tender mercy and loving provi­ dence and be nourished with the fruit of Thy celestial trees. Suffer him not to be committed to the care of anyone save Thee, inasmuch as Thou, Thyself, through the potency of Thy sovereign will and power, didst create and call him into being. There is none other God but Thee, the Almighty, the All-Knowing. “Lauded art Thou, O my Best Beloved, waft over him the sweet savors of Thy transcendent bounty and the fragrances of Thy holy be­ stowals. Enable him then to seek shelter beneath the shadow of Thy 80 BAHÂ’Î MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE

most exalted name, O Thou Who holdest in Thy grasp the kingdom of names and attributes. Verily Thou art potent to do what Thou wiliest, and Thou art indeed the Mighty, the Exalted, the Ever-Forgiving, the Gracious, the Generous, the Merciful.” (BaháVlláh, BaháH Prayers an d Tablets fo r the Young, p. 3)

237. “O Thou peerless Lord! Let this suckling babe be nursed from the breast of Thy loving-kindness, guard it within the cradle of Thy safety and protection and grant that it be reared in the arms of Thy tender affection.” (‘A b du l-Bahá, B a h a i Prayers an d Tablets fo r the Young, p. 6)

For Children

238. “O Thou pure God! I am a little child; grant that the breast of Thy loving-kindness be the breast that I cherish; suffer me to be nourished with the honey and the milk of Thy love; rear me in the bosom of Thy knowledge, and bestow upon me nobility and wisdom while I am still a child. “O Thou the Self-Sufficing God! Make me a confidant of the King­ dom of the Unseen. Verily, Thou art the Mighty, the Powerful.” (‘A b du l-Bahá, Bahá HPrayers a n d Tablets fo r theYoung, p. 9)

239. “O Lord! Graciously assist this child to grow and be quick­ ened in the meads of Thy tender affection. Thou art verily the Bestower, the Merciful, the Compassionate.” (‘A bdu l-Baha, B a h a i Prayers an d Tablets fo r theYoung, p. 23)

240. “O God, guide me, protect me, make of me a shining lamp and a brilliant star. Thou art the Mighty and the Powerful.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, B a h a i Prayers, U.S. 1982, p. 37) FAMILY LIFE 81

For Youth

241. “O Lord! Make this youth radiant and confer Thy bounty upon this poor creature. Bestow upon him knowledge, grant him added strength at the break of every morn and guard him within the shelter of Thy protection so that he may be freed from error, may devote himself to the service of Thy Cause, may guide the wayward, lead the hapless, free the captives and awaken the heedless, that all may be blessed with Thy remembrance and praise. Thou art the Mighty and the Powerful.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, B a h a i Prayers an d Tablets fo r the Young, p. 11)

For Parents

242. “It is seemly that the servant should, after each prayer, sup­ plicate God to bestow mercy and forgiveness upon his parents. There­ upon Gods call will be raised: ‘Thousand upon thousand of what thou hast asked for thy parents shall be thy recompense!’ Blessed is he who remembereth his parents when communing with God. There is, verily, no God but Him, the Mighty, the Well-Beloved.” (The Báb, Selections from the W ritings o f the Báb, p. 94)

243. “O Lord! In this Most Great Dispensation Thou dost accept the intercession of children in behalf of their parents. This is one of the special infinite bestowals of this Dispensation. Therefore, O Thou kind Lord, accept the request of this Thy servant at the threshold of Thy singleness and submerge his father in the ocean of Thy grace, because this son hath arisen to render Thee service and is exerting effort at all times in the pathway of Thy love. Verily, Thou art the Giver, the Forgiver and the Kind!” (‘A bdul-Bahá, BaháH Prayers, U.S. 1982, p. 65)

For Families

244. “Glory be unto Thee, O Lord my God! I beg Thee to forgive me and those who support Thy Faith. Verily, Thou art the sovereign Lord, the Forgiver, the Most Generous. O my God! Enable such ser- 82 BAHAI m a r r ia g e a n d fa m ily life

vants of Thine as are deprived of knowledge to be admitted into Thy Cause; for once they learn of Thee, they bear witness to the truth of the Day of Judgment and do not dispute the revelations of Thy bounty. Send down upon them the tokens of Thy grace, and grant them, wher­ ever they reside, a liberal share of that which Thou hast ordained for the pious among Thy servants. Thou art in truth the Supreme Ruler, the All-Bounteous, the Most Benevolent. “O my God! Let the outpourings of Thy bounty and blessings descend upon homes whose inmates have embraced Thy Faith, as a token of Thy grace and as a mark of loving-kindness from Thy pres­ ence. Verily unsurpassed art Thou in granting forgiveness. Should Thy bounty be withheld from anyone, how could he be reckoned among the followers of the Faith in Thy Day? “Bless me, O my God, and those who will believe in Thy signs on the appointed Day, and such as cherish my love in their hearts— a love which Thou dost instill into them. Verily, Thou art the Lord of righ­ teousness, the Most Exalted.” (The Báb, Selections from the W ritings o f the Báb, p. 200)

245. “I beg Thy forgiveness, O my God, and implore pardon after the manner Thou wishest Thy servants to direct themselves to Thee. I beg of Thee to wash away our sins as befitteth Thy Lordship, and to forgive me, my parents, and those who in Thy estimation have entered the abode of Thy love in a manner which is worthy of Thy transcendent sovereignty and well beseemeth the glory of Thy celestial power. “O my God! Thou hast inspired my soul to offer its supplication to Thee, and but for Thee, I would not call upon Thee. Lauded and glorified art Thou; I yield Thee praise inasmuch as Thou didst reveal Thyself unto me, and I beg Thee to forgive me, since I have fallen short in my duty to know Thee and have failed to walk in the path of Thy love.” (The Báb, Selectionsfrom the W ritings o f the Báb, p. 210)

For Marriage

246. “He is the Bestower, the Bounteous! “Praise be to God, the Ancient, the Ever-Abiding, the Changeless, FAMILY LIFE 83

the Eternal! He Who hath testified in His Own Being that verily He is the One, the Single, the Untrammeled, the Exalted. We bear witness that verily there is no God but Him, acknowledging His oneness, con­ fessing His singleness. He hath ever dwelt in unapproachable heights, in the summits of His loftiness, sanctified from the mention of aught save Himself, free from the description of aught but Him. “And when He desired to manifest grace and beneficence to men, and to set the world in order, He revealed observances and created laws; among them He established the law of marriage, made it as a fortress for well-being and salvation, and enjoined it upon us in that which was sent down out of the heaven of sanctity in His Most Holy Book. He saith, great fc His glory: ‘Enter into wedlock, O people, that ye may bring forth one who will make mention of Me amid My servants. This is My bidding unto you; hold fast to it as an assistance to yourselves.’” (BaháVlláh, B ahâ’i Prayers, U.S. 1982, pp. 104-105)

247. “Glory be unto Thee, O my God! Verily, this Thy servant and this Thy maidservant have gathered under the shadow of Thy mercy and they are united through Thy favor and generosity. O Lord! Assist them in this Thy world and Thy kingdom and destine for them every good through Thy bounty and grace. O Lord! Confirm them in Thy servitude and assist them in Thy service. Suffer them to become the signs of Thy Name in Thy world and protect them through Thy be­ stowals which are inexhaustible in this world and the world to come. O Lord! They are supplicating the kingdom of Thy mercifulness and in­ voking the realm of Thy singleness. Verily, they are married in obedi­ ence to Thy command. Cause them to become the signs of harmony and unity until the end of time. Verily, Thou art the Omnipotent, the Omnipresent and the Almighty!” CAbdu 1-Bahá, B ah ai Prayers, U.S. 1982, p. 107)

248. “O my Lord, O my Lord! These two bright moons are wed­ ded in Thy love, conjoined in servitude to Thy Holy Threshold, united in ministering to Thy Cause. Make Thou this marriage to be as thread­ ing lights of Thine abounding grace, O my Lord, the All-Merciful, and luminous rays of Thy bestowals, O Thou the Beneficent, the Ever-Giv­ ing, that there may branch out from this great tree boughs that will grow 84 BAHA’I MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE

green and flourishing through the gifts that rain down from Thy clouds of grace. “Verily, Thou art the Generous. Verily, Thou art the Almighty. Verily, Thou art the Compassionate, the All-Merciful.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Bahá / Prayers, U.S. 1982, pp. 107-108)

249. “He is God! “O peerless Lord! In Thine almighty wisdom Thou hast enjoined marriage upon the peoples, that the generations of men may succeed one another in this contingent world, and that ever, so long as the world shall last, they may busy themselves at the Threshold of Thy oneness with servitude and worship, with salutation, adoration and praise. ‘I have not created spirits and men, but that they should worship me.’ Wherefore, wed Thou in the heaven of Thy mercy these two birds of the nest of Thy love, and make them the means of attracting perpetual grace; that from the union of these two seas of love a wave of tenderness may surge and cast the pearls of pure and goodly issue on the shore of life. ‘He hath let loose the two seas, that they meet each other: Between them is a barrier which they overpass not. Which then of the bounties of your Lord will ye deny? From each He bringeth up greater and lesser pearls.’ “O Thou kind Lord! Make Thou this marriage to bring forth coral and pearls. Thou art verily the All-Powerful, the Most Great, the Ever- Forgiving.” (‘A bdul-Bahá, Bahâ 'i Prayers, U .S. 1982, pp. 105-106)

250. “O God, my God! This Thy handmaid is calling upon Thee, trusting in Thee, turning her face unto Thee, imploring Thee to shed Thy heavenly bounties upon her, and to disclose unto her Thy spiritual mysteries, and to cast upon her the lights of Thy Godhead. “O my Lord! Make the eyes of my husband to see. Rejoice Thou his heart with the light of the knowledge of Thee, draw Thou his mind unto Thy luminous beauty, cheer Thou his spirit by revealing unto him Thy manifest splendors. “O my Lord! Lift Thou the veil from before his sight. Rain down Thy plenteous bounties upon him, intoxicate him with the wine of love FAMILY LIFE 85

for Thee, make him one of Thy angels whose feet walk upon this earth even as their souls are soaring through the high heavens. Cause him to become a brilliant lamp, shining out with the light of Thy wisdom in the midst of Thy people. “Verily Thou art the Precious, the Ever-Bestowing, the Open of Hand.” (‘Abdul-Bahá, Selections from the W ritings o f 'Abdul-Bahá, 9 0 .1 -4 )