# Marriage: the Eternal Principle

*Exported from [Holy-Writings.com](https://www.holy-writings.com/) on 2026-06-20 — 1 clipping.*

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> Source: Bahá'í Library Online (bahai-library.com), curated by Jonah Winters. Used by permission of the curator. Original citation: Ruth Eyford, Marriage: the Eternal Principle, bahai-library.com.
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> 
> Marriage: the Eternal Principle
> 
> Ruth Eyford
> Helgi Eyford
> 
> published in Bahá'í Studies Notebook3:1-2, pp. 35-48
> 
> Ottawa: Association for Bahá'í Studies North America, 1983
> 
> Marriage, 'Abdu'l-Bahá tells us, is an everlasting and unchanging
> principle of social living.1 This paper will be concerned with the role marriage
> plays in man's ultimate purpose, which is to know and to worship God. It will also begin an
> exploration into the guidance found in the Bahá'í writings as to the practical
> implications of marriage. A brief look at modern secular answers to marital problems will then
> be examined to determine how much they are in accord with a Bahá'í procedure
> for marriage conciliation and to what extent secular therapists' techniques may be relevant to
> Bahá'í marriage.
> 
> Marriage and the Nature of Man
> 
> Marriage is necessary in any attempt to realize the purpose of man for at least
> three reasons: 1) marriage joins together two separate entities and thus demonstrates the
> creative, unifying principle of the universe, called God or the Absolute Beauty; 2) marriage, by
> joining two people of the same purpose, provides a greater depth of resources and thereby a
> greater ability to realize that purpose--a life in active contemplation of the Absolute Beauty or
> God; and 3) marriage establishes a creative and healthy environment whereby mankind can
> propagate and ensure its immortality and spiritual evolution.
> 
> 1) Marriage demonstrates the principle of unity by joining two separate
> individual entities. The two people become more than forces acting in sympathy, they merge into
> a common force acting toward a single goal: that of life in contemplation of Absolute Beauty, life
> dedicated to the knowledge and worship of God.
> 
> Marriage is at the very heart of man's social identity. It establishes the basis
> for the other forms of social cohesiveness from the basic family unity, to the community, to the
> nation state, to the world community. It is this demonstration of the principle of unity by
> marriage that establishes the foundation for greater social endeavours as 'Abdu'l-Bahá
> states:
> 
> _________
> 
> * RUTH Eyford, R.N., has had post graduate training in psychiatric nursing as well as
> training in group therapy. She currently works as a counsellor in alcohol and drug abuse, and
> family life education.
> 
> * HELGI Eyford, B.A., received his honours degree in political science from the
> University of Alberta at Edmonton. He is currently a candidate for a master's degree in
> international development from that university.
> 
> -36-
> 
> From the pairing of even the smallest particles in the world of being are the grace
> and bounty of God made manifest; and the higher the degree, the more momentous is the union ...
> and above all other unions is that between human beings, .... Thus is the primal oneness made to
> appear.2
> 
> The primal oneness, the realization of God's kingdom on earth (the unification of mankind), is
> dependent upon the bonding together of individuals in a common social order. The basic (and
> strongest) bond within a viable social organization would have to be that bond between men and
> women, the two most different and complementary aspects of man.
> 
> A most interesting aspect of this principle of oneness in the universe is that of
> the male/female principle which recurs throughout mythology. The mythologies of the great
> civilizations all have symbolic representations of the uniting of the male and female aspects of
> man, i.e. androgynous man. This unification of man and woman is, further, the occasion for
> extraordinary powers and supernatural insights. Androgynous man is bestowed with powers
> which transcend the limits imposed by the human form. The recurrent idea is that man's
> potential is fulfilled when his basic duality is overcome.
> 
> The Great Original of the Chinese chronicles, the holy woman T'ai Yuan, is the
> embodiment of both the masculine Yang and the female Yin.3 Eros and
> Hermaphrodite in Greek mythology are also both androgynous.4 And Tiresias, the
> blind seer, encountered in the Oedipus and other myths, is both male and female and has the
> ability to foresee the future. The Hindu god Shiva appears "united in a single body with Shakti,
> his spouse he the right side, she the left side--in the manifestation known as Ardhanarisha,
> "The Half-Woman Lord."5
> 
> The biblical story of Adam and Eve portrays this reality of opposites in the
> physical world. The first man was androgynous and "removal of the feminine form into another
> form symbolized the beginning of the fall from perfection into duality."6 Since this
> original duality, man has struggled in the world of multiplicity, aspiring toward an
> understanding or realization of oneness to transcend the finite reality of paired opposites and
> approach the infinity of Absolute Knowledge.
> 
> The Bahá'í expression of this concept is explained by Taherzadeh:
> 
> All created things, whether tangible or intangible, come into being as a result of the
> intercourse between two elements which assume the functions of male and female. This pattern
> is followed throughout the whole of creation....7
> 
> Marriage is a practical demonstration of this principle and is also the ideal situation through
> which man can overcome his limiting particularity and thereby approach a knowledge of and
> service to God. Seen in this light, then, marriage is of essential importance to man's attainment
> of Absolute Knowledge (the knowledge of God).
> 
> 2) Marriage, by joining two people of the same purpose, provides a greater
> depth of resources and thereby a greater ability to realize that purpose a life in active
> contemplation of the Absolute Beauty or God. Once the two entities are so intimately united in the
> pursuit of this ideal of unity, the individual powers and talents of each are synergistically
> combined to produce a power of perception that far
> 
> -37-
> 
> exceeds the mere addition of the separately identified beings. Receiving mutual assistance and
> complementary support, the married couple is now more capable than any other collection of
> individuals can ever hope to be. While this is partly due to the synergistic nature of human
> cognition, it is also due to another more mysterious factor.
> 
> Living according to the Creative Principle of the universe, man is party to and
> the beneficiary of the positive and creative workings in the universe, even "though (he) may, at
> first, remain unaware of its effect, yet the virtue of the grace vouchsafed unto him must needs
> sooner or later exercise its influence upon his soul."8 Man, a creative or enthalpic
> force (as opposed to an entropic or chaotic force), can receive assistance from the other
> creative forces and entities because of their common nature and sympathetic agreement There is
> an intrinsic accord between creative entities upon which man can rely as he pursues life in
> contemplation of the Absolute Beauty. Intrinsic agreement between entropic forces is, on the
> other hand, impossible since such an accord is contrary to their particularizing tendencies. So
> when individuals demonstrate the Creative Principle of pairs by marrying, they are liable to
> incur the often mysterious, unforeseen, but not random or coincidental, benefits of sympathetic
> agreement with other creative forces.
> 
> One characteristic of this principle is the experience of joy--the joy that is
> imparted through participating in the ideal of love, marriage, which defines man's purpose. It is
> joy that heightens all man's abilities, "In times of joy our strength is more vital, our intellect
> keener, and our understanding less clouded."9 And while joy is encountered outside
> marriage, it is within this institution that joy--spiritual and lasting joy--is most accessible
> to mortal men.
> 
> Joy is one measure of a successful marriage. If a marriage is successful in
> enabling the partners to understand further the Absolute Beauty, the most basic desire in man-
> -asting and uplifting joy--will be the effect on the partners. Further, the effects of the
> attainment of this joy are not limited to the two participants; joy has a positive and creative
> effect on the social environment as a whole.
> 
> Perhaps more important, is the effect of this joyous environment on the
> progeny of the marriage. It is only in this environment of joy that man can effectively propagate
> both his spiritual and physical being.
> 
> 3) The third function of marriage is the promotion of immortality. Plato
> states:
> 
> The object which they (men) have in view is birth in beauty, whether in body or
> soul...this is procreation which must be in beauty and not deformity; and this procreation is the
> union of man and woman, and is a divine thing; for conception and generation are an immortal
> principle in the mortal creature.10
> 
> That is, while marriage is at one time the dramatization of man's love of Beauty or love of God, it
> is also the only way for him to procreate himself spiritually. It is within marriage that the
> requisite beauty can be demonstrated and the joy established to ensure spiritual procreation.
> 
> Implicit in this statement is the belief that procreation outside marriage
> ensures only man's physical immortality and does not guarantee
> 
> -38-
> 
> spiritual continuance. For without a healthy family environment, the child learns an
> appreciation of creativity and unity (otherwise demonstrated by the mother and father) only by
> chance observation in other social groupings which are necessarily more superficial than
> marriage.
> 
> The family ensures an environment where otherwise neglected emotional and
> spiritual faculties can be exercised. Without objects for and reflectors of love, the emotional
> growth of the child will be hindered, even perverted. More importantly, without a concrete
> demonstration of the principle of pairs (evidence of the primal oneness of the Absolute Beauty)
> the child is not guaranteed to inherit the evolving spiritual awareness of civilized man.
> 
> Marriage serves a crucial function in translating or channeling the
> characteristics and potentials of mankind into the concrete terms of the individual. Marriage is
> the concrete link between the particular individual and the reality of social existence which
> defines his identity and to which he owes his mental, spiritual and emotional abilities.
> 
> In the Bahá'í Faith marriage is seen as an institution. Marriage
> is: a formal social organization which is essential for the advancement of civilization. Marriage
> is prescribed for the same reasons as suggested in the Plato's Symposium: It allows the
> new race of men to develop in an atmosphere infused with the inspiration of God; it allows
> spiritual procreation.
> 
> In The Seven Valleys11 Bahá'u'lláh
> describes the role of the individual in the spiritual continuum that is civilization. The father is
> the summation of man's achievements that have preceded him from eternity to his instant (his
> particular existence). The son is the point or instant which begins a reality which endures to
> eternity. So any individual, being both a father and a son, sees his purpose in transferring or
> translating the spiritual progress which has gone before him to those who will follow him. This
> is the individual's responsibility to the advancement of civilization; he is the link between the
> past and the future, the accomplished and the potential. It is the individual's duty to provide the
> physical material for that linkage and to ensure his link is conducive to the advancement of
> civilization.
> 
> Marriage, then, is the practical result of man's spiritual thirst for unity or
> love of God--a love that is the cohesive force of the universe.12 Marriage
> dramatizes the principle of unity, the prerequisite to attaining knowledge of the Absolute Beauty
> or God. Marriage enables men to go beyond the limits of their particular individuality and
> experience the realization of the principle of oneness. Marriage also enables the creation of the
> environment that facilitates both the spiritual and physical procreation of man.
> 
> The Practice of Marriage
> 
> To view marriage as a vehicle for immortality, as an institution of such great
> potential and occasion for joy would also be to view divorce as unthinkable. If marriage is a
> means to overcome man's mortal bounds, it would seem paradoxical that it could be forsaken,
> because of temporary mortal incongruencies. This is in essence what can be gleaned from the
> Bahá'í writings about divorce.
> 
> In newly released documents discussed in a letter from the Universal
> 
> -39-
> 
> House of Justice, the Bahá'í position on divorce is clearly stated:
> 
> Divorce should be avoided most strictly by the believers, and only in rare and
> urgent circumstances be resorted to. Modern society is criminally lax as to the sacred nature of
> marriage and the believers (Bahá'ís) must combat this trend
> assiduously...13
> 
> The Bahá'í Teachings...consider (divorce) a reprehensible act which should be
> resorted to only in exceptional circumstances and when grave issues are involved, transcending
> such.. considerations as physical attraction and sexual compatibility and
> harmony....14
> 
> As Bahá'u'lláh was so very much against divorce (even though He permitted it)
> and considered marriage a most sacred responsibility, believers should do everything in their
> power to preserve the marriage they have contracted, and to make of them exemplary unions,
> governed by the noblest motives....15
> 
> The Bahá'ís must, through rigid adherence to the Bahá'í laws and
> teachings, combat these corrosive forces which are so rapidly destroying home life and the
> beauty of family relationships, and tearing down the moral structure of
> society....16
> 
> Marriage in contemporary society often fails to fulfill fundamental goals and purposes and its
> very validity is now being questioned. The current trend toward legal support of common law
> marriage means that social legitimacy is no longer restricted to married couples but is extended
> to encompass any two roommates. It is not our purpose to show that this is the case or even to
> discuss the social ramifications of the degradation of marriage. What is now intended is an
> examination of the solutions to troubled marriages put forward by secular social scientists.
> Some predominant therapies will be examined both for practical instruction and, more
> important, for insights into the underlying societal concepts or assumptions about marriage.
> 
> The social scientist is necessarily restricted by the modern notion of
> empiricism. To be empirical, one must rely upon observable and measurable evidence, and this
> reliance denies the empirical approach the scope to deal with the intangible and mystical
> dimensions of reality. With such a limitation in mind the social scientist can serve to enlighten
> us about the observable and tangible aspects of a relationship between individuals or groups of
> individuals. The social scientist can study, rearrange and manipulate for optimal efficiency, the
> interpersonal relationship through therapies which concentrate on communication or emotional
> honesty or sexual fulfillment. These aspects of interpersonal relationships and, indeed, the
> interpersonal relationship as a whole, are but the physical and mortal manifestations of
> marriage. Such therapies can help a troubled marriage but only temporarily and in a temporal
> way, for they, by definition, deal with the aspects of man's mortal essence which are transitory
> and mutable.
> 
> The best that can be expected with communication or emotional
> 
> -40-
> 
> awareness therapy is the improvement of a necessarily imperfect and transitory medium.
> Speech, for example, can never fully encompass the complexities of a thought or a feeling; it can
> do so only imperfectly and incompletely and with the hope that the received words will catalyze
> or somehow inspire the original idea in the listener's mind. Speech, and likewise marriage,
> work because of an innate, a priori sympathy or commonality between the partners or actors.
> This commonality is human nature, it is the human spirit, undefinable and intangible yet real
> and vital. It is this common spiritual identity of all men which provides the common ground
> upon which marriage, like speech, is able to work or even to exist.
> 
> Marriage therapy, to be of real or permanent value, must go beyond the
> imperfection of the physical relationship and instead develop a focus on a more permanent and
> perfectible basis--the spiritual realities of the marriage relationship. How this is done is
> logically simple but difficult in practice. Further elaboration of this principle will follow an
> examination of the therapies of the social scientist.
> 
> If marriage is so very important and if divorce is to be avoided, how then do
> people cope with the real problems encountered in the pursuit of the ideal of marriage?
> Although prescribed solutions to marriage problems are almost as numerous and varied as the
> social scientists who propose them, today's schools of therapy have a common theoretical basis.
> The basis of most modern marriage counseling lies in the improvement of communication
> between partners, that is, improvement in understanding the motives, needs and wants in a
> marriage situation. D.D. Jackson, Jay Haley and Virginia Satir are three leading
> marriage/family therapists who will be considered representative of the modern state of
> marriage counseling; and comments and criticisms of one will often apply to the others.
> 
> Jackson has set the trend, approaching marriage counseling from what might be
> called a holistic point of view. He looks at the problems of a marriage as originating from the
> structure of the family unit and the operation of what he terms family
> homeostasis.17 The family unit is seen as an information feedback cycle which
> reacts to changes in its members in a way that maintains itself at its accustomed level of
> functioning. In this sense one cannot accurately analyze or treat a patient outside of or separate
> from his family because the problem is probably derived and maintained in his family
> interactions. Furthermore, to treat an individual alone would evoke the homeostatic mechanism
> which would either negatively compensate for any improvement in the patient or destroy the
> balance and hence the existence of his family and marriage.
> 
> For Jackson, the family unit is all important because it determines the
> character and behaviour of the individuals. Marriage therapy, he advocates, should include the
> entire family, for to treat a marriage without consideration of the children is to deal with only
> half the character of the marriage partners. Jackson approaches a psychological problem, both
> of an individual and a couple, as "psychosis of association"18 and attempts to treat
> the problem by strengthening or clearing the communications between family members. The
> object is to allow the real person to emerge from an imperfect habitual interaction. But this
> assumes that the real persons, once revealed, will be naturally compatible. This is not
> necessarily an incorrect assumption, but Jackson's concentration on communication alone
> means that there is no way to ensure that there is this natural compatibility, nor can Jackson
> treat
> 
> -41-
> 
> or deal with this more basic interaction, the interaction of souls. Without the focus on the basic
> spiritual compatibility of a couple, marriage becomes a confusing myriad of interacting motives
> since the consideration is then simply physical and self-centered, transient and ephemeral.
> 
> Jackson has placed himself in a position of being overwhelmed by the
> complexity of the issue. It is in an excited pioneering tone that Jackson, somewhat reminiscent
> of Bacon in The New Organon, defines the task of modern family/marriage therapists as
> that of gathering data from observation and experimentation so as eventually to develop a method
> or system out of the apparent madness of interpersonal relationships in the family unit. Jackson
> confronts the question boldly and with integrity, but he has created this confusion himself by
> omitting the spiritual perspective which allows a higher order to be superimposed upon the
> affairs of men.
> 
> Haley emphasizes the social context of marriage, viewing the marriage as an
> "interacting system" of interpersonal reflexes.19 Haley's position is an elaboration
> of Jackson's concept of family homeostasis. Haley hints at the longer range social purpose of
> marriage but then concludes that each marital situation is unique.20 While this
> uniqueness may be true of the physical particulars of any marriage, it cannot be true of their
> essential spiritual nature. Marriages are common in that they involve an important principle of
> human nature, unity. To study marriage is to study human nature, and to look at marriage
> without an agreed upon or consistent concept of human nature is to look at marriage
> meaninglessly and randomly, without any real prospect for gaining knowledge about marriage.
> 
> Haley's conclusion that each marriage is unique can be seen as a logical
> necessity of the inductive approach which he, as a "scientist," employs. Haley seems to have
> adopted a positivist approach to analyzing marriage, that is, to view marriage as an entity which
> is the sum of its parts. If marriage were defined solely by its composite elements, the marriage
> partners, it would indeed have to be unique in each instance. This, though, is to make marriage a
> mortal and temporary thing which must cease to be significant upon the demise of the two
> composite parts. Marriage could hardly then be the institution that it is in the
> Bahá'í dispensation, because it would be individual, specific and temporary.
> 
> Marriage can be described as synergistic in that it is more than the sum of its
> constituent members. Marriage has characteristics and an existence unto itself. It is physically
> realized by way of the two participant individuals who, in abiding by the principles of
> marriage, partake of the bounties of marriage, and who certainly do not determine the essence
> and principles of marriage by their physical characteristics. It is, rather, that physical
> characteristics are determined, and enhanced, by marriage. And this is the reality behind the
> institutionalization of marriage--marriage is a manifestation of man's true essence because it,
> like other institutions, is a vehicle whereby men can coordinate themselves to achieve their
> physical potential and spiritual purpose.
> 
> Satir, like Jackson and Haley, takes an approach to marriage therapy which
> would immediately and superficially endear her to a Bahá'í. Her main point is
> that problems within marriage must be solved by therapy directed towards the family as a
> whole rather than the individuals therein, thus recognizing the importance of the social
> relationship and
> 
> -42-
> 
> social environment of marriage. Implicit in Satir's (as well as Jackson's) philosophy is an
> acknowledgment of man's common spiritual identity. For every individual, the real wants and
> needs, as opposed to what he perceives as his wants and interests are ultimately the same for all
> individuals as they are all part of a common causality, that is, created by God. Difference of
> opinion and conflicts of interest between individuals result, not from a difference in nature, but
> from an inability to make known or to communicate adequately this information about interests.
> If the language of human intercourse could be perfected, the individual would realize the
> commonality of his real interests with others. For example, one can only imperfectly make
> known to another one's emotional attitude. Unless by chance the recipient of the emotional
> expression interprets it correctly, there is a potential; for misunderstanding which can be very
> difficult to correct. The ideal would be to perfect the information cycle or, failing a perfection of
> language, the goal would be to involve a number of "feedback loops" or responses which could
> verify and confirm the accurate communication of the message. This is what Satir is attempting
> in her therapy.
> 
> With this end in mind, Satir's therapy has, for example, involved the use of
> group games where the members of a family or families can involve themselves in mock
> situations that are close enough to reality that significant learning can occur. Yet these games
> are at the same time abstract enough that the sublimated responses of participants can be
> observed and not repressed by everyday, routinized behaviours. The idea is to create a situation
> where the usual entropic tendencies in the information cycle are reduced by an awareness of
> what kind of behaviour is having a deleterious effect on the information cycle involved in the
> relationship.
> 
> Satir's primary three games are called: the simulated family, the family system
> game and the communications game.21 While these games are well conceived and
> useful on one level, it is not necessary to delve too far into the particulars of the games to
> perceive their common weakness. The games all involve and concentrate on the individual's
> responses to others. The communication game centres on the development of understanding
> between family members. The simulation family game involves becoming acquainted with other
> members' roles. The systems game, initially the most promising, ends up measuring success by
> the amount of honest self-expression. These games, and Satir's theory, in general, concentrate
> on the individual to individual relationship for data while ignoring the individual's identification
> with the group, in this case the family and the institution of marriage. The identification with a
> common identity, i.e. the family or marriage, is the common ground which unifies two entities
> that may otherwise (without a common predicament) have many differences and no reason to
> remain unified.
> 
> It is important that communication and understanding between individuals be
> facilitated and, in this respect, such therapies as Satir's have value. But it is the identification
> of the individual with the institution of marriage that subordinates all the individual's
> physically based relationships into a position where harmony is possible. That is, if the
> individual remains aware of the purpose of marriage and its potential, not only for himself but
> for all mankind present and future, and recognizes what participation in marriage signifies (the
> principle of unity, the principle of pairs), then any problem incurred in the physical realm
> will be more easily solved, giving way to the
> 
> -43-
> 
> overriding deeper harmony of souls.
> 
> This concept of identifying with the institution means that the marriage
> relationship is a triangular or trilateral one, one which can only partially be analyzed or
> described by studying the participants themselves. The third factor in the relationship is God
> and the character of the institution of marriage which exists separate from the participating
> individuals. Two people joining together in marriage are synergistically endowed with insight
> and capacity--this synergistic endowment being bestowed by the character of the institution of
> marriage and the sympathetic agreement with other ordered and constructive things.
> 
> Conceiving of and practicing marriage with a view to its transcendent reality
> allows the individuals in a marriage relationship to deal with problems which would otherwise
> be insurmountable. In other words, the problems incurred in the particular and finite world
> will themselves be particular and finite. A problem of communication or any other physical
> disharmony will persist only as long as man perceives himself as a physical reality. It is in
> light of the spiritual harmony between men, as demonstrated by the social institution, that the
> harmony of particulars between individuals can occur. And it is this universal condition of
> marriage which Jackson, Haley and Satir have not identified. Consequently they see marriage as
> a temporary thing whose purpose is to provide happiness for the individual.
> 
> All of the therapists mentioned have stated, either explicitly or implicitly, that
> marriage in itself is not permanent. This is in contrast to what 'Abdu'l-Bahá states:
> "know that the command of marriage is eternal. It will never be changed or
> altered."22 The difference is due to the importance placed on the physical and
> impermanent aspects of marriage by secular therapists. Communication skills, intellectual
> prowess, sexual passion and emotional fervour are all ephemeral things; and to base a marriage
> on them would result in a temporary relationship. 'Abdu'l-Bahá places marriage in the
> realm of the eternal, because the principle upon which Bahá'í marriage is based,
> i.e. spiritual unity, is a principle that transcends the physical world. In fact the spiritual
> oneness striven for in a Bahá'í marriage often involves concepts that are
> contradictory and paradoxical to the physical world; the androgynous man and Absolute Beauty,
> for example, are absurd from a solely physical perspective. It is impossible, therefore, to
> achieve the unity dictated by the Absolute Beauty by searching for physical similarities (that
> is, emotional, intellectual and sexual similarities) among men--men and snowflakes share the
> distinction of each being unique. Any unity between men must be approached by first identifying
> the common spiritual reality and then, working back, to put the myriad of physical variables
> into a complementary order.
> 
> The physical reality of man is not meaningful in itself but must be seen as a tool
> in a greater pursuit, a pursuit that goes beyond the limits of the tangible universe. Corporeal
> existence must be ultimately inferior to that aspect of man which can perceive order and unities
> in disparate things. This is not to say, however, that man is to be ascetic. Without the use and
> substance of the physical body, man would be without that all-important tool with which he can
> create and experience order and continuity. Man would be unable to prove the existence of that
> which he strives toward (God) or even to develop any appreciation of this Absolute Beauty if he
> were without the experimental feedback system of an experiential, and hence finite, entity.
> 
> -44-
> 
> Plato defines this principle in the Symposium when he describes Socrates.
> Socrates represents for Plato the ideal human struggling is life in contemplation of Beauty.
> Socrates is utterly indifferent to pleasure, hardship and danger.
> 
> We are not to suppose that he is not tempted, but that sets aside a seducer's charm
> as being of less value than the moral and intellectual beauty after which he is striving and in
> this he shows himself the noblest kind of lover, has passed beyond the law of physical beauty
> though he still aware of its attractions.23
> 
> This is the ideal of love where love is ultimately spiritual It also takes into
> account man's physical reality. This is stressed repeatedly in the Bahá'í
> writings: the physical desires of man are not be suppressed or denied, nor, are they to be
> allowed to interfere with man's spiritual progress.
> 
> The practical remedy for a troubled marriage proposed by the
> Bahá'í Faith may appear radical to the modern practitioners of marriage
> counseling but is obvious from Socrates' viewpoint. Bahá'ís are advised to do
> exactly what Socrates did to overcome his problems pertaining the physical aspect of man. When
> problems arise in a marriage, the couple is to look toward their common aspiration, the noble
> life contemplation of the Absolute Beauty, and in doing so to realize the common mortal reality.
> And it is from this similarity, the sameness view of the ideal and their ultimate harmony of
> purpose, that the couple can work back and repair any of the temporal differences that have
> arisen due to the finiteness of their physical perceptions and abilities.
> 
> The love which exists between the hearts of believers prompted by the ideal of the
> unity of spirits. This love attained through the knowledge of God, so that men see the Divine love
> reflected in the heart.24
> 
> Further the command is to:
> 
> Love the creatures for the sake of God not themselves. You will never become angry
> or impatient if you love them for the sake of God. Humanity is not perfect. There a imperfections
> in every human being and you will always become unhappy if you look toward people
> themselves.25
> 
> Awareness that all people have a common station in relation to God Facilitates
> first the deepest spiritual bonding and second, the harmonization of the physical realities of the
> couple which will resume in effective and honest communication, complementary intellectual
> endeavours and a balanced and productive sexual relationship. Such result is beyond the ken of
> the social scientist who would call the relationship impossibly idealistic. It is beyond him only
> because he attacking the problems from the wrong perspective -- trying to arrange the infinity
> of finite particulars of a relationship into a harmonium coexistence instead of starting from the
> point of harmony and unity.
> 
> The laws of Bahá'í marriage serve to enable this physical
> harmony the everyday physical world. Foremost and basic to the rest of the laws
> 
> -45-
> 
> or guidelines, is consultation. The Bahá'í version of consultation involves a
> process which best resolves the aberrations of the particular self or ego. Consultation can be
> described as a forging of a balance between man's varying abilities of intellect, emotion and
> intuition by instilling an awareness of the all important search for truth or knowledge of the
> absolute. Realizing the limitations of these three faculties towards this goal, a consulter is
> encouraged to abandon any attachment he might have to a particular idea, since it is of the self
> and hence limited. The abandoning of attachment is an acknowledgment of the individual's
> incompleteness or imperfection. It is a more complete and perfectible expression of ideal man
> that is created when individuals lend their individual strengths to a common cause or pursuit,
> because their collective nature is more universal.
> 
> Consultation is the all-pervasive law governing Bahá'í social
> relationships. As a tool for overcoming the barriers contracted with human temporality,
> Bahá'í consultation in effect does what the marriage counsellors attempt and
> partially succeed in doing. Consultation encompasses Satir's therapy, for example, and more,
> because it involves the acknowledgment of the group entity of man, or, in other words, the
> commonness of all men as beings created by and subordinate to a Creative Principle or God.
> 
> The use of consultation in a Bahá'í marriage is evident in the
> year of waiting in Bahá'í divorce proceedings. The year of waiting is required so
> that any barriers to consultation that may have developed can be discovered and put into
> perspective. It is a time of "cooling off" where perhaps strong emotions or intellectual pride is
> given a chance to resume its subordinate role and once again harmonize with the overriding
> essential unity of spiritual purpose.
> 
> During this time the partners are urged to consult with the Local Spiritual
> Assembly in attempting reconciliation. These consultations serve further to objectify the
> problem in light of the greater purpose of social unity. In general, all efforts to reconcile the
> estranged partners involve the concept of consultation--the means by which the temporal
> aspects of the marriage can be put back into place and realigned to sympathize with that more
> basic and essential unity of spiritual aspirations.
> 
> It is a subtle point that the administrative procedures of marriage counselling
> in the Bahá'í Faith are not ends in themselves. Like other Bahá'í
> institutions, the administrative proceedings of marriage (including all aspects of the procedure:
> consent of parents, Local Spiritual Assembly approval as well as counselling procedures) are
> only the means that allow a realization of the ideal of marriage. Marriage is an end in itself,
> existing apart from the administrative procedures which serve to facilitate the physical
> viability of marriage. The administrative procedure would ideally instill an awareness or
> appreciation of the station and purpose of marriage as described and implied in the
> Bahá'í writings.
> 
> This then is the Bahá'í approach to a troubled marriage: to
> recognize the common reality of all men and their common aspiration towards the noble life and
> to see how that ideal, God, is reflected in each aspirant so that the easily discernible differences
> become unimportant, even invisible.
> 
> The trouble modern society has with marriage is due to the general lack of
> awareness of the spiritual and metaphysical possibilities of
> 
> -46-
> 
> marriage. The idea of participating in a unifying principle of oneness--a principle of pairs--
> or even the idea that there is more than mere physical propagation in marriage seems
> incomprehensible to a society which relics primarily upon countable, measurable information
> to interpret the universe. This approach is doomed to wallow in a confused infinity of
> particulars and to attack the problem from the wrong perspective. Concentrating solely on the
> particular and mortal aspects of human existence furthers the process of particularization and
> duality, and man is denied the comprehensive outlook required to perceive the basic unity in
> existence.
> 
> Marriage is a means whereby mankind can gain the inspiration to fashion a life
> in contemplation of Absolute Beauty. Marriage partakes of that Beauty, the oneness of the
> universe, by demonstrating the principle of pairs and by enabling the mortal creature to
> become immortal through spiritual and physical propagation. Marriage, then, is an immortal
> principle in a society of mortals.
> 
> -47-
> 
> References
> 
> 1. See 'Abdu'l-Bahá, Tablets of 'Abdu'l-Bahá 'Abbas, vol. II (New York:
> Bahá'í Publishing Committee, 1930-1940), p. 474.
> 
> 2. 'Abdu'l-Bahá, Selections from the Writings of 'Abdu'l-Bahá (Chatham:
> W. J. MacKay, 1978), p. 119.
> 
> 3. Joseph Campbell, The Hero With a Thousand Faces (Princeton: Princeton University
> Press, 1968), p. 152.
> 
> 4. Ibid., p. 153.
> 
> 5. Ibid., p. 154.
> 
> 6. Ibid., p. 153.
> 
> 7. A. Taherzadeh, The Revelation of Bahá'u'lláh, vol. I (Oxford: George
> Ronald, 1974), p. 3.
> 
> 8. Bahá'u'lláh, the Bab and 'Abdu'l-Bahá, Bahá'í
> Prayers (Wilmette: Bahá'í Publishing Trust, 1970), p. 3.
> 
> 9. 'Abdu'l-Bahá, The Reality of Man (Wilmette: Bahá'í Publishing
> Trust, 1972), p. 15.
> 
> 10. Plato, Symposium in Hofstadter and Kuhns, eds., Philosophies of Art and Beauty
> (New York: Random House, 1964), p. 72.
> 
> 11. Bahá'u'lláh, The Seven Valleys and The Four Valleys (Wilmette:
> Bahá'í Publishing Trust, 1975), pp. 25-29.
> 
> 12. "Love is the most great Law that ruleth this mighty and heavenly cycle, the unique power
> that bindeth together the divers elements of this material world, the supreme magnetic force
> that directs the movements of the spheres in the celestial realms." Abdu'l-Bahá, in
> "Excerpts from Bahá'í Sacred Writings," p. 50, quoted from A Fortress for
> Well-being, p. 13.
> 
> 13. From a letter written on behalf of the Guardian in a letter from the Universal House of
> Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of the Bahá'ís of Canada. January 5,
> 1948, to an individual Bahá'í.
> 
> 14. Ibid., May 8, 1939.
> 
> 15. Ibid., October 19, 1947.
> 
> 16. Ibid., October 25, 1947.
> 
> 17. Jay Haley and Lyn Hoffman, Techniques in Family Therapy (New York: Basic Books,
> 1967), pp. 1-2.
> 
> -48-
> 
> 18. Ibid., p. 5.
> 
> 19. Jay Haley, Problem-Solving Therapy: New Strategies for
> Effective Family Therapy (San Francisco: Jossey Bass, 1977), pp. 152-54.
> 
> 20. Ibid., p. 154.
> 
> 21. Virginia Satir, Conjoint Family Therapy (Palo Alto, California: Science and
> Behavior Books, 1967), p. 2.
> 
> 22. 'Abdu'l-Bahá, Tablets of 'Abdu'l-Bahá' Abbas, vol. I, p. 474.
> 
> 23. Walter Hamilton, Introduction to Symposium, p. 28.
> 
> 24. 'Abdu'l-Bahá, quoted from Divine Art of Living, ed. M.H. Paine, (Wilmette:
> Bahá'í Publishing Trust, 1970), p. 98.
> 
> 25. Ibid., p. 115.
> 
> METADATA
> 
> Views16766 views since posted 1997; last edit 2022-01-23 22:36 UTC;
> 
> previous at archive.org.../eyford_marriage_eternal_principle;
> URLs changed in 2010, see archive.org.../bahai-library.org
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